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Memories of Maddy Walsh
Today is Thursday Feb 25, Maddy left sometime Monday morning. I am crying as I write this, have been since I got the awful news. I only remember crying one time before in my life, that was when my father died. My grief is beyond anything I have ever felt. She was only six, in good health, saw a vet frequently, stayed inside, and wanted it that way. This can not be real. Maddy is a sweet, loving, gentle, good friend. Never harmed anybody, or anything. I am filled with anger. It is not possible, this horror that has happened. No reason, no explaination. My Dad now has a great friend. I hope Dad, Maddy, and PC are hanging out. I hope Little Jack is there too, and Scardy cat. I miss everybody. I love you Maddy.
Dear Maddy, It is late thursday night. I love you maddy. I know you need a good brushing. The best part of my day is seeing you and Abby in the morning. I do not know how I can come back to that house without you in it. This is some kind of great cosmic mistake, I am not accepting it. In four days my life has been irrevocably altered in a horrible way, that will never get better. I will try to find you, anyway I can. This is not possible, you can not be gone. I Hope Shamus will find you, she took care of me when I was a Kid, Jack the Dog will help too, he lived with me up on the Mountain top in the DMZ, in Korea. He is brave and strong, a good fighter, he will love and protect you. Do not be scared Maddy, I still feel you in my mind, and always will. I am pretty sick myself, so maybe I will get to brush you soon. Since you left, I do not feel like doing much of anything, it is really difficult for me to talk. Things I was interested in, before monday, I do not care about now. I get very little sleep now, as soon as I awake. I wish I had found you, I wish I could have held you, and brushed you. I am pretty sure if I had not been down here in Florida I could have saved you, somehow, someway, I failed you Maddy, I was not there. I love you Maddy, I will find you soon. do not be scared, I am close.
Dear Maddy, I wake up after dreaming about you. I love you Maddy, I am worried about you not getting brushed. I should have been there. Dont be scared. I love you Maddy.
It is friday night Maddy and I am missing you. I can not watch my shows on tv, because you were always sleeping on my bed while I watched them. I love you maddy.
Goodnight Maddy, I am going to dream with you, See you in the morning, I love you Maddy.
Hello beautiful girl. Im loving you maddy. Do not eat too much. I keep thinking about the first time I saw you and Abby, in a cardboard box on the kitchen table. Abby looked at me and meowed. You never said much Maddy. We brought you guys to Dr. Norelli to get checked out, and he said that you had been taken from your mother too soon, and that shots would have to wait. How did you guys know how to use the litter box? That always amazed me. Everything about all you Cats amazed me. Thank you for sharing your life with me, and being my friend, it was an honor. Every cat I see is my friend. I love you Maddy, I wish I could wake up from this nightmare, but I dont think it will ever get better. Not for me. I am ready to explode. Poochie is Dad's dog from when he was a kid, Freckles also, they will be your friends and help guard you. They are Brooklyn dogs, and are strong and brave. I did not deserve you Maddy, I love you.
Dear Maddy, I have been thinking about you all day. I did my taxes on-line today, you are usually snoozing on the bed behind me as I do that. When I come home from Florida, the best part of getting back to Shirley, is having you and Abby come up to say hi, as I come in the house. I remember always being amazed that you knew Ed was home when his truck pulled in. How did you know it was him Madd? I do not know how I can come back to that house without you being there. It is a crappy house, but it had two true friends, unconditionally happy to see me. Your good life was sure more meaningful than the mess I have made. I love you Maddy. I miss the way you danced as you walked and tried to trip me, as I stumbled to the bathroom at night. I miss saying goodnight, I will see you in the morning. Most of all I will miss seeing you every morning of my life. See you in the morning Maddy.
I love you Maddy. You left one week ago, today Monday. This has been the longest, worst week of my life. I feel worse everyday. I did not see you for 28 days, and you are gone. I dream about you every night, I wake thinking about you. You are my best friend, I did not deserve you. I wish it had been me, not you. I will love you forever. Everything feels empty, I am used up. My back really hurts today, and my feet feel numb. Whenever I felt this pain, you always seemed to know something was wrong, and you would lie on the edge of the bed close to me, I always felt less pain when I would pet you. It feels like it has been a lifetime since I last saw you. When I left for Florida I kissed you on the head, and told you I love you. If Ed or I had been there I know this would not have happened. I was not there for you, and nothing will change that. I love you Maddy. If I come back there, this will be the first time I will return from a trip and you will not be there to greet me. This can not be possible. I hate that house. We all should have moved to FL when we were going to. I love you Maddy. I feel more alone than I ever have, my heart feels like a block of ice. I constantly think about the really special connection we had, I remember sitting in the green chair in my room in Florida, and thinking about you, and suddenly I felt I was looking at the house in Shirley, thru your eyes, I could feel your deep purring, felt you were smiling, and allowing me in. I was, and am, delighted, and astounded by this experience. This happened maybe three times, and if it was not real, it sure fooled me. Maybe all of you special, magical beings, have this connection. I am grateful for you making me part of it. I will always love you Maddy. I was not there, when it counted, I did not deserve you. I failed you.. Today is 2 Feb,
I am crying again maddy, I have never felt such grief. I love you Maddy.
I love you Maddy, I am worried about you. This will never stop. I will visit your place here everyday, until I see you again. I do not think i am ever going to stop crying Mad. I miss you.
I love you Maddy, I will love and miss you forever. I got a new tattoo today, It says Maddy Walsh in beautiful script, and has a great tattoo of a fierce, brave, warrior cat under your name. You will love it Maddy. My world is small and slow without you. I am thinking of going to Petsmart, and looking at the cats the rescue society has there, I would like some old cat nobody wants,. What do you think, not to take your place, nothing could take your place. I like cats a lot more than I like people, generally. I need a cat friend. It is a lot better world when a cat chooses to share their life with you. This only happens to very lucky people.
Dear Maddy I love you. Two weeks ago today, we did not know how lucky we had been until you were gone. The fabric of our happy small world has ben torn and ripped apart. Everyday without you seems forever. I am lost.
Dear Maddy, I returned back to MA last Friday. Our house seems so sad, so empty, so strangely quiet without you here. I love you Maddy, I miss you more each day. The days seem empty and last forever. I feel like i do not belong anywhere now. I think Abby really misses you. We all love and miss you so much it is beyond reason. I cry every day Maddie, I wake up and cry, and go to bed crying. I should have been home. I love you Maddy, I will find you.
Dear maddy, it is hard to type while crying. I love you Maddy. Everyday is like the first day, I am back in Fl, where I got the terrible news, it is not the same now you are gone, nothing is. I feel like I do not belong, or fit anywhere. The weekend before I came down here, Abby and I were alone in the house, and everytime I saw the one bowl and water dish I cryed. I sure wish I somehow could trade, and give my life for more years for you. That is my wish, and I wish it every day. Evil has prevailed, somehow. I have always thought there is more evil than good, but I always thought good was stronger, and would prevail. I know better now. I miss you and worry about you, that is now my life. I worry a lot about Chief the dog also, and he is suffering greatly. Sometimes I visit this site, and just lose it when I see your picture. Sometimes I write on the visitors page. Ed drew a great picture of you, on pink paper, I put it in your box, with some other stuff important to me and grandpa. Usually when I think of you, I think of grandpa too. I let you both down. I love you Maddy.
It is now the middle of april Maddy, as soon as the song starts on your site ,I start to cry. I love you Maddy, I miss you more every day, I think of you all the time. Ed is getting his teeth all fixed up, you remember how worried I was about that.So that is is good thing, and I know you are smiling and happy for him. Ed says Wildy the cat stares at my window every morning, I think he is looking for you. I think Abby is very lonely without you, I do not know how to fix that, without making it worse. Life is empty without you Maddy, I think it will always be that way for me. I love you Maddy girl, forever and a day. So many good friends gone in such a short time, so unfair so sad, with each passing the world is a much colder and more lonely place. All good friends and gentle, magic companions. Knowing them all, has changed me for the better. They all deserved life more than I, yet I am still here. I would trade me, for any of you guys. I love you Maddy, I love you all. Be careful, be safe, do not be scared. I love you across time and space.
Dear Maddy, I miss you more everyday. Abby is very different withou you, so am I. I hope I see you soon. Dad's birthday is 31 Aug. I hope you live with him now. Do not be scared, I love you.
Dear Maddy, I love you, forever. I am back in Fl for a while. it is horrible down here now, because what kept me going down here, doing all the miserable junk I have to do while I am down here, was knowing you and Abby would be there to greet me when I got home. That was the only good part of the trip. I think about you and my Dad all the time, both of you deserve to be here so much more than I do. You and Dad are a great pair. Tell Dad what I am thinking, I will see you guys soon, I hope.Dear Maddy Happy Birthday, it is Christmas Day 2010, I love you forever Maddy, I miss you forever. My life really sucks without you in it. I hope to brush you soon, and rub heads. Abby is sad, and different without you. Everything is different without you. I failed you, I love you. Be strong and brave, do not eat too much. Be careful. A big squirrel somehow got into the bathroom, and i found another big one under the house. I am different without you, no more false hope in me now about anything. I love you Maddy.
Today is 1JAN 2011 Maddy. I love you Maddy, I think about you everyday, and the more I have thought about everything ,the more convinced I am that you could have been saved if one of us had been around. I know there had to have been signs that were ignored. I hope to be with you soon, me and you and Dad. I love you pretty girl.
A year ago. It seems like forever, it never gets any better, I love you forever, I will find you on the other side. I never stop thinking about you Maddy, I cry everyday. Be careful, I love you.
I have been down here so long I feel like I am fading away and will soon disappear. I love you Maddy, I think about you every day. I wonder what you would think about Abbie's new housemate, Chief Walsh, I think he must be a swell guy, and I love him, even though we have never met. I guess you already know about all that. I miss you and Abby everyday all day. I miss Chief too. I miss living next to Jack, and all my friends that live in, and have lived in his house. I think about Little Jack everyday, I really miss him. I miss Yashi a lot also. I miss you Mad, see you soon, on the other side.
I have been down here a long time now Mad, I have thought about you every , many times a day. I never miss you less, I miss you more each and everyday. I cry everytime I come to this page. I look at your picture and think of you many, many, many times each day. I am still angry, and always will be, I will make somebody answer for this, on this side or the other. I love you forever Maddy, thru time and space, and life and death. I will find you in whatever is next. I will brush you again, many times,do not eat too much Maddy, do not be scared, I promise I will come.
Dear Maddy, I love you forever, I miss you more everyday and I think about you everyday. Chief the dog is doing really good, he knows the sound of ED's truck, just like you did. he keeps Ed company and even seems to get along with Abby, you know how hard that is to do. I still can not believe you are not there at the house when I fly home, that was always the best part of my trip, seeing you again. I still think I see you moving around sometime, I will miss seeing her very much. When you see her show her around, she was a truly great dog. I love you Maddy, I still can not believe you are gone. Be careful, do not eat too much. I love you Mad.
Dear Maddy, another year gone by somehow. Chief has being living in our house almost a year, and is much better than before but still has some difficult times, he really had a terrible life before Ed rescued him, . But he loves Ed and Ed loves him, and we all try to make everyday a great one for him. he is a brave heart, and a really good guy. Chief and Abby get along pretty good, but you know Abby she is a tough old gal now. i think she really misses you, and always has. i know I do . i think about you everyday, and i always will. i love you forever Maddy, and i know i will see you soon. be careful, don't eat too much, can't wait to brush you again. Love , Dad.
Seems like yesterday, but on Friday morning you have been waiting at the Bridge for three full years. I still cry every time I think of you Mad, and I think of you every day. Never gets any easier, never gets better. This has been such a sad year. I close my eyes and I see me sitting in the green chair watching the Office, and you snoozing on the bed next to me. I love you Mad, if it is there I will see you on the other side. I will find you, I love you, Dad.
Dear Maddy I still think about you everyday. Miss you more and more as time goes by. that house always feels empty without you. Chief died about a year ago and I miss him too. Jack has lost a lot and he is sad. Gonna be a crowd at the bridge when we arrive. I really look forward to seeing you and Lil Jack, I miss him a lot too. Gonna be brushing you all day that first day. Hope Dave found you and you remembered him. Love you forever Mad and if there is another side I will find you. Sad and loving you forever, DAD I am coming.
I lit a big white candle for you at midnight, just like I do every year. Hope you don't mind but this year the candle is for you and your brother Chief. I love you both and miss you both more and more and more. Hope you guys sleep together, you are family so you keep an eye out for each other. Love DAD.
Dear Maddy I think about you everyday, many times. Sad, sad year, again. Yashi crossed the Bridge, Teddy is my only one left over at Jacks. Viva too, she was such a good, good friend. This is a bad place here, no answers for me only dilemmas and my hope is to see you before the end of this, another miserable year. Big Jack is hanging in, he really is all that is left for me. Talked to Robby for a good while and he is good, 100% that guy. Be back a lot this month, have a hard time writing or doing anything these days. Missing you. Love Dad
I saw Ryan today and he told me Danzig had gone to the Bridge with you guys. Very sad. Think about you and Yashi everyday, every single day. I miss Violet a lot too, she was so sad and sweet. I miss everybody a lot Ferel, and Scaredy and everybody whose name I did not know. Never seems like Christmas without you, Christmas sucked this year anyway, worst ever. Teddy is the last man standing at Big Jacks, I miss Jack and Robbie a lot too those are two 100% guys and not many of them around these days. well Florida would be too hot for you I think maybe not, if I drive back I will get two blind Cats in St Paul's. I have always wanted to do that. I am running out of time, I am on the downside of the curve of course but if I ever get my house, everybody will get to hang in the yard and lay in the warm sun. I want the big old Dogs people don't want, but I like them the best. so I love you Maddy real Irish Love 100% everyday forever and a day until that Mad old dad
Hi Mad missing you everyday as I always have, Jack wrote and said Teddy is there with you now, kinda wish he had never told me. but.... Everyone in gone except Abby, and she is about 13-14. wow. I miss living next to Jack, and all my friends outback. Love you Madd dad.
Well Mad everybody is gone now. I just lit a big white candle for you as i always do on this sad day. Teddy is gone now too, Abby is the last one left out of everybody that lived at our house and Jack's. Hard to believe, all my best friends are gone. I still think about you, and all of them everyday. First thing I always did when I pulled in was to go see Yashi, even before I went in the house, then I would go in and see you and Abby, I am getting too old to take in anybody new, because they could get left stranded in a short time. Always thinking about you, Dad, David, Yashi, Webster, and all the Shirley bunch, everybody is old now. I am sure Dad brushes you, three brushes full every day. You be careful Mad see ya soon. Love Dad.
Another lonely year gone by Mad, very terrible year for me, many unpleasant surprises. Still miss and think about you everyday, as always. Saw Jack, all his friends are gone and in the back, I miss them all but I could tell he would rather I don't linger around. Tried to come back but not a good idea. If i make it back to Fl I will be lucky, not much hope these days Mad, everybody that could or would help is gone or worse. Love you forever and day, Abby is going strong, and sleeps by my pillow every night, wish you . Love dad
A year goes by so quickly now and I still think of you everyday. still can picture you and Abby in a box on the kitchen table as little baby kittens, still grateful to Steph for bringing you. you be careful, never scared love
I think about you everyday always have and I always will. You know all our neighbors you remember are gone, I miss them all, I still go by and sit near Yashi and Teddy when I am there, not often. Most sadly to me all those big trees I loved so much are long gone, and Jack is moving I guess. Best part of coming home for me was seeing all of you. In my mind it still is only a few seconds ago I bent over by the steps, we bonked heads and I said be carefy Maddy I love you, I miss you. Mad.
It has been a terrible year, worst I remember, ever. america has been shown to be a really bad country, I guess it has been a place gone wrong for a long, long time. even our little area of tranquility on ayer road there in shirley has changed totally, a large stretch of our part of ayer road , of the six great Families that lived on either side of us only one remains, I can not even look over there if I drive by, all the Big Trees and tranquility are long gone, Jack is gone and I always worried he would go and all my Friends out back would have no one to tend the site and visit. I never really have had a place to call home in my head, but when I have thought of one I usually envision being at Jacks on many mornings thought of Jack's House with the Trees and the Garden in full ripeness and how I sat in the great kitchen with Teddy on the couch, I see David standing near his new truck in Jacks Driveway and how good it always smelled from the Garden, I see the table with the produce on it and the cigar box for money. Missing you forever and a day Mad.

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