MacBean was me. I am MacBean.|
But he more than any other creature I have ever known, gave everything. All his love, all his enthusiasm and all his joy. He slept under my chin, from the first days he came home. Everybody loved him but he was my baby and when he would see me, the burst of energy to run into my arms was pure joy.
I hope I gave him all that I had to offer. He had my heart and soul. I am so grateful to God for putting such a blessed creature in my life. He turned my life, boring days, sad days, happy days, ALL days into joyous occasions. You'd have thought it was Christmas every time I walked in. He lived to the fullest and all those whose lives he touched, adored him. MacBean had lung cancer, diagnosed in 2013 and operated upon in February 2013. That wasn't what killed him. His kidneys did not do well with the chemo and they ultimately failed him.
Two weeks before he left us he was running and playing in the woods in Maine. He'd never seen anything like it and his joy and curiosity were such fun to watch. He would sit with me as I work, at my computer. Now work is just work. Nighttime...is a long reminder that he is not there, under my chin, licking my hand and reminding me that I am not alone and that we are both resting up for another day of play. I want my baby to be free of pain and I want him to know that no matter where, no matter what, I love him. I am with him and he is with me. Forever.
It will be one year since I lost him, Saturday and now my other dog, Nessie is sick. I am beside myself with grief for her and for the baby I lost. I keep wishing that I'd "see" MacBean on the day and time when he left me a year ago, but now I have to be away on that day. I hurt as badly today as I did the day he left. He was so deeply enmeshed in my soul and I miss him so much.
I wrote the above, the year after MacBean's death. His birthday is coming up, again, January 13. He would have been 13 years old and next August will be 3 years since he left me. I miss him, if anything more than I did when I first created his memorial. I hope that he knows how much I love and miss him.