Lola Debra "Keke" Spearman|
May 27th, 2007 - February 14th, 2018
Lola, we loved you before we even met you. In 2006 I learned that after years of begging and pleading, I was finally getting a beagle puppy of my very own, like I had always wanted ever since I saw the first "Peanuts" movie. You came into this world on a beautiful spring day, May 27th 2007 in Florida, and you were brought home that July and I cried when I first saw you, you were so cute and small. The next 10 years we'd grow up together, you saw me grow from a young girl to a young woman and we have so many memories together I could write a novel about them.
My sweet girl, you were in a lot of pain towards the end and me and your mama knew it, we just didn't want to admit it. We cherished every day we had with you and we'll cherish those special times even more now. You left us on Valentine's Day, a day which is supposed to be full of love and happiness is now forever going to be a day of tears and grief, it doesn't feel real that you aren't here anymore. The house is too quiet (yes, even with your baby brother Arthur) and reminders of you are taking over the apartment. Me and your mama don't really know where to go from here, all we can do is lay in bed and cry, hoping for it to be a dream and that's you'll be waiting for us on the couch watching TV with your favorite chew bone hanging out of your mouth. You were very special to us, your mama called you her second daughter because you were her baby, she called you "her girl" for a reason. I don't think I've ever seen anyone love a dog as much as she loved you.
It will be a hard adjustment for Arthur, you're all he knows. He loved you more than anyone, more than any of us, and I imagine he'll be a little lost for awhile just like your mom and I will be. I was looking forward to Spring because you're a spring baby, you loved the warm weather and loved all the holidays, especially Easter because you were so spoiled that you got a basket of your own filled with toys and gifts but now it'll be a slow season, missing you every time the sun shines and every time the rain falls. I know you're probably happy up there with Mister and Lucy, it's been so long since you've seen Lucy, I'm sure she's missed you. Mister is probably sitting pretty with his mama since she's up there in Heaven too but your mama is still down here on Earth, so please watch over her.
You'll easily make friends up there because of how sweet you are, and how gentle your nature is. You were truly one of a kind. I don't know what to do from here but I promise I will update you every chance I can get. I'll never forget you.
Mama, Alex, and Arthur
Hey Keke, it's Alex. Our first night without you was a tough one, your mom and I slept in the same bed together so we wouldn't be alone and we laughed talking about memories of you and funny things you did. The memories brought us some temporary relief but we soon began to cry again because we miss you so much and we'd do anything to bring you back. Your mom and I have decided to have you cremated because we want to be able to keep you close and take you wherever we go, we already have a place for you right next to your favorite kitty--I do hope you've found him up there by now, but if not, keep looking! We can't wait to have you home, it'll bring us some peace. We're going to Disney World soon and your mama said she wanted to get you some gifts, I suggested we get you a Mickey ears hat and have them stitch your name onto the back of it, pink of course, your favorite color, and have it put with your urn. She and I always joked every time we went to Disney how if you were a real little girl, which you practically were, you'd have one of those hats. Keke, we're really lonely without you and the house is too quiet, your brother keeps wandering around and going into all your favorite rooms hoping you'll be there and it breaks my heart when we see that it's empty now. I have to return to work in a few days and I'm already dreading it because I'm going to want to talk about you and I don't know how to do it without crying, please give me the strength. I'll update you soon, love you.
Mom and Alex
Hi sweet girl, it's been 2 days since you left us and it seems like the pain is only getting worse. You know how your mom never cries, right? She's been crying nonstop since you've been gone saying how much she wishes she could just kiss you and hold you one last time. I know you would've stayed if you could Keke but your body was just tired and it gave out, it's nothing that you could've controlled. Mom keeps asking me if you knew how much she loved you and I say, "Of course she did" because anybody with eyes could see how much your mama loved you, she said her heart is broken and that she just wants the pain to go away but you were so special that I don't think the pain will ever go away for good. We both hate waking up, we hate coming home, we hate everything now that we used to enjoy because you're no longer here with us. You were such a light in our lives that every day seems dark, now. We love and miss you so much.
Mom and Alex
Hi Keke, it's late and I'm sorry I didn't write to you earlier today but I had to return to work and I just got home a few hours ago. Your mom got a huge crate of flowers that she put your name on to put on the porch and she told me she cried when she was picking them out and then cried later on at the grocery store when she walked by your favorite treats, knowing you can't have them anymore. The pain hasn't gotten any easier, I had a huge lump in my throat the entire day and I just want to scream and break down because life isn't fair and I miss you so much. Mom and Arthur got me from work today, do you remember a few years ago when mom would go get me from work and you always had to ride in the car with her? You didn't care what time it was, as soon as my shift was over and mom was grabbing her keys, you were at the front door ready to go--Arthur didn't enjoy it as much as you did, he was pretty fussy so I don't think mom will try that again. I know I've been saying this a lot, but, we're really lonely without you and the house just isn't the same anymore, we want to move away because living in the place you died in is just too painful. I'm still sleeping in the same bed with mom at night because I cry when I try to sleep on my own. I'd do anything in this world to have you back, you were so special to us and this is so hard. I hope you're happy, at least. Goodnight and sweet dreams, my angel.
Mom and Alex
Hey Lola, it's early in the morning here and it's officially been one week since I saw you for the last time before you went to Heaven. The pain has started to get more bearable with me at least, but I know your mom is still having a terrible time with it. She cries while she puts on her makeup before work, she cries during work and before bed every night and tonight she and I cried together when we came across old photos of you I took a few years ago, you were always so beautiful and photogenic. I'm sorry I haven't written to you in a few days but to be honest, it's really hard to come on here sometimes; so many people have signed your guestbook and written lovely things but I can't read even one without breaking down because I can't accept the fact that you're no longer living when you were supposed to live a longer life. We've been having all sorts of neighbors coming to the house offering their condolences and your mom talks about you like you're still with us, she probably always will. I've added some more photos of you from a few Summers ago, one of them was from when I got my little Polaroid camera and I kept following you around the house snapping photos of you, remember that? It hurts so bad to look back on old photos of you at the beach, the lake, playing because I'd honestly give everything in the world to go back and do it again, run through the yard with you one last time, rub your belly again, put you in the car and drive around with the windows rolled down so you could stick your head out and see the world passing by. I miss you terribly. I miss you waking me up every weekend with your loud barking early in the morning because you were awake and anxious to start your day, it was way too quiet this past Saturday and it always will be from now on. I told mom you're watching over her and looking out for her, but can you watch over me, too? And your little brother? He's been extra clingy since you left. We all miss you beyond words and we hope you're doing alright up there, please be safe and have fun. Goodnight sweet girl
Mom and Alex
Mom and Alex
I can't sleep, Lola. It's been almost 3 weeks since you left and it isn't getting any easier. We got your ashes back along with lovely cards and flowers from your vet which we added to your garden, I hope you're enjoying them. Mom has already gotten out your easter basket, remember the one from last year? She had your initial put on it, one for you and Arthur and she's already started filling it with toys because she insists that you still have a basket this year. It breaks my heart to see it though knowing you'll never get a chance to play with those toys and go through your basket like you did every Easter, it'll be a very lonely holiday this year for us. I miss you so much, I don't have words for it...I hate this life without you, it's too lonely and too quiet, I don't like it! I hate that you're gone and I'm angry that you didn't get to live as long as you deserved to live, I just want to scream and punch something until I feel no more pain but I don't think my pain will ever completely go away. You were one of a kind and I can't not miss you and think of you. I just want you to come home.
Mom and Alex
Mom and Alex
Happy Easter, Keke. Our first one without you in 10 years and it was a lonely one. We still put your basket out and cooked dinner, but that's about all we did today...Easter isn't the same without you and it never will be again. We miss you so much, the pain still hasn't gone away. Hope you had a good day and I'll talk to you later
Mom and Alex
It's been 2 months, Keke. Miss you so much and you're very loved, your mom and I still think of you and talk about you every single day, you're always on our minds. Mom is still adding flowers to your garden every weekend and we've had so many people stop by and compliment it, even take pictures because of how full and beautiful it has become. It rained today, pretty hard, and your mom and I sat outside on the patio in your garden and just talked about you and how much you hated the rain. We love you!
Mom and Alex
Happy Birthday, Keke! You would've been 11 years old today and your mom and I still think of you every single day, you're always in our thoughts. I'm sorry I didn't write to you on the 14th, it's just been really busy for me lately and I've barely had any time to myself. I wanted to tell you that we adopted a new puppy this past weekend; she's from the same breeder as you and Arthur and she's 7 months old, born on Halloween. Your mama, Arthur and I have been so lonely without you, we knew we needed to give another dog a loving home and so miss Shelby came into our lives. Breeder said that because of her small size, he couldn't find her a home so we drove 3 hours to and from to get her. She's so very sweet and gives kisses just like you, she cuddles a lot and has already stolen our hearts. Please don't think she'll ever replace you though because she can't and she won't, but I feel like your kind and gentle spirit led us to getting her and taking her into a home she deserved. It's the first time your mama has been happy in quite a long time and I know you'd be happy. I promise to write you soon, we love you!
Mom, Alex, Arthur, and Shelby
Four months ago today, sweet girl, we think of you every single day. The 1 year anniversary of Mister's passing was a few days ago, we miss him very much as well. Who knew that not even 1 year later you would be gone, too? Shelby is quite a handful. Mom says she reminds her of you when you were a puppy and how Arthur was with you when he first came home--he's a big brother now, can you believe it? I made your mom cry the other day because I was telling her that you made it possible for Shelby to come home with us, you made sure she got a good home with people to love and care for her, give her a big home and warm bed instead of the little kennel crate she was used to. You saved Shelby's life and sent her to us, so thank you forever. We love you so much and we hope you're enjoying the nice warm weather we've been getting lately, I can just picture you now sunbathing on the porch with mom. How we miss those days. Talk to you soon!
Mom and Alex