You had my heart the first time that I saw you. You were so very tiny. Little did I know you were deathly ill. You were in the hospital on Christmas day, 1996. Since I had only had you less than a day, the vets asked if I wanted them to perform all procedures necessary to save you. With tears rolling down my cheeks..there was never a question. Well, baby girl, they said you would be sickly and never be more than 50 pounds..that your ears would never stand up, and that you would only live to be 6 or 7. You fooled them all. Not only did your ears stand up, you weighed.(finally) 69 pounds, and you lived to be 14. They just didn't know how big your heart was..how much capacity of love you had for me, and I you.|
You see, you also saved my life, Lieb. When I cried rivers of tears over my marriage: when I cried incessantly when my Mother died...your fur dried my tears. You listened attentively to my every word and offered consolation. You always let me wrap my arms around your neck and kiss your nose and kiss the space between your eye and your ear millions of times, it seemed, a day. You were my constant companion. You were the reason that I got up every morning for a such a long time. We've walked miles and miles together, literally and figuratively, on this journey together.
I love you with everything that is within me. I told you that I loved you every day of our life, together. Please stay with me as much as you can, now...I don't know if I could make it, if I thought that you weren't still by my side.
You are my heart, my home, my life, my partner, my best friend, and my soul mate.
December 7, 2010
Oh...Liebchen...My heart is breaking. I miss you so very much. I haven't been able to function very well since your passing. I don't leave my bedroom very much, because your bed is there next to mine with your babies on top..and I feel closer to you there, somehow. I lie down on your bed and bury my face in the covers. How is it possible that a body can produce this many tears? When will this intense pain subside? I just want you back. The house is not a home, anymore. It means nothing to me, because you are no longer in it.
Oh, Baby Girl, I do wish I could tell you that I am better, but I am not.
December 12, 2010
Yessterday, Sug, I walked with a woman named Jarnee. She helps Shepherds who have been abandoned and left alone or in shelters. She gives them sanctuary, and she then rehablilitates them so that eventually they can be adopted out to loving homes. She let me walk one of her Shepherds whose name was Wufus. Of course, he was not as beautiful as you, Baby girl, but walking him, gave me respite from my dark and deep despondency.
December 19, 2010
Sug, it is so very lonely here without you. When I come in from being away, I look over to where you used be and call out your name, like I always did for so many years. I can just see you so vividly. I am moving to Charlotte, Lieb, because you're no longer here with me. There is nothing and no one to keep me here any longer. John gave me a beautiful picture of you...a memorial plaque... with the first words that I wrote to you on Rainbows Bridge. I just cried when I first saw it.
Lieb, Aunt Alix might be going through some very trying times in the near future, so will you stay close to her..keep her warm when she feels cold and lonely, give her comfort when she is scared, and let your fur dry her tears when she crys....just all of the things that you always did for me? I know that you will. She loves and misses you too, Sug.
December 26, 2010
Baby girl, it snowed yesterday, but you know that, don't you? The minute it started, I could just see you looking out at it. I was in bed watching it come down and really start to accumulate. When you were here, I would slide the balcony door open upstairs, when I was still under the covers, and let you go out, so that you could put your nose in it, and yes.. to eat as much as you could. We loved it when it was coming down, didn't we? Oh Lieb, I couldn't go out in it...I just couldn't, because you weren't there to share it with me. Remember when we used to walk through the woods, and you would get underneath the hemlocks and firs, and I would shake the branches, so that the snow would come falling down on top of you? You thought that it was the best thing in the world. You loved to catch the snowballs that I would throw, and of course, you would have to eat them. Maybe one day I will go walking through the falling snow again, but not anytime soon, because it is just too painful for me.
I hope that you loved the beautiful urn, Lieb. The girls at the vet's office told me that they got chills up and down their arms when they saw it, because the German Shepherd lying on top looked so much like you. I cried when I saw it. Even though I know that those remains are no longer you, and that you happily shed your tired and painful body, it still gives me some sort of solace. Oh, Lieb, when will I stop hurting; when will I stop crying: when will I stop missing; when will my heart stop breaking; When...when...when...when?
December 22, 2011
Lieb, even though I talk to you every day, and even though I say prayers for you in my morning and evening prayers, I have not been writing to you at Rainbows Bridge. You know why, don't you? Every time I venture onto your residency page, I break down and cry....and I know that is what I will do, so I have been remiss. You seem to be closer to me, and if it were possible for me to be closer to you...No, that is impossible, isn't it?
Please, Lieb, don't be too concerned about me. I know that my grief continues on, and I know that I cry a lot ...at least every other day....I just miss you so very much...You took my heart with you, when you transitioned on. I can't seem to find a lot of peace without you. Every time that I see a German Shepherd, I have to go over and say hello...all the while...wanting him or her to be you so very badly...wanting to turn back the hands of time...wanting my life to be just you and I, again.
Thank you for visiting me a few weeks ago. You knew that I needed you so very much. I felt you on the bed, and then I heard you panting, and when I didn't know if it were really you....you barked! It happened, while I was dreaming...but I know it was a visitation. Please come back, again.
I carry your wooden box with the German Shepherd statue lying on top with me, when I go on long trips ....but then, you know that. Even though it contains your ashes, I know that it is not you..only your discarded clothes, but it makes me feel better, anyway.
Thank you for watching over Alix. She loves you so. I know that she sees you out of the corner of her eyes. Keep watching over her, Lieb....you and Kristian, and Mama and Papa. She needs you, now. Stay with me as much as you can, and let me know when you are there. I need all the signs that you can give me.
I love you, Baby Girl. Kisses...
October 4, 2012
Lieb, I just read the last thing that I wrote to you on this page, and I have to admit, that I still feel exactly the same. That was almost a year ago...I still cry almost every day. I can't seem to move on...but what does that mean? I feel you with me every day...I talk to you every day. Lieb, you know that I didn't think that I could ever have another dog in my life after you. It has almost been two years, since you left me creating that huge hole in my heart. It will never be wholly filled, again...I know that, but now, Sug, I really need to have another companion...one to love and care for. I know that you will help the puppy learn and grow. O.K., I have asked you to pick out a Goldendoodle puppy for me. There was a big part of me that wanted to get another German Shepherd, but I didn't think that it would be fair to him, because I would want him to be you...and I would pretend that he was you....It just wouldn't be right...and there could never be another German Shepherd like you. You and I, Lieb, are one, and we always will be. The Goldendoodle will be a male...I wanted it to be that way, because I wanted to make sure that I didn't call her, "Baby Girl." So, Lieb, I want you to let me know which puppy to pick....somehow, some way. I can't do it without you. I have found a wonderful breeder whom I trust. The puppy will come home sometime in January. I need you to help me choose the puppy, when the litter is born.I love you, Baby Girl...I love you more than you will ever know..but then, you do know. Until tonight...........kisses..
Lieb, you know I talk to you every day, so I haven't found the need to write at Rainbow Bridge.....I just read everything, again...and yes, I cried my eyes out...Tears are falling from my eyes...It still hurts, and as you know, I miss you, terribly.