I am still in too much shock to write this now...but all I can say is that I loved you with the same unconditional love that you did me and I forever will. Thank you for nearly 19 loving years together, I wanted there to be more. It has barely been 24 hours and I am hurting so much, I have never before experienced a pain so profound as I am now. I cannot sleep without you curled up beside me, and miss waking up to you purring happily next to me. All I can think about is how great a void there is in my home without you here, how I long to just hold you just one more time, tell you I love you and cradle you on my shoulder one more time.|
You came into my life just born at a time when I was at my lowest and in one of my darkest hours and gave me nothing but unconditional love and appreciated mine in return. You were constantly with me through some of the most challenging and difficult times of my life including the loss of your "surrogate mother kitty" Marilyn who we suddenly lost back in 2007, you flew all the way across the country with me just three years ago to our new home and had settled in with me and have always been there for me through difficult times here, you have been with me through all 18 years of my sobriety so far. And then suddenly, just two days after my birthday (when you were just as healthy, happy and playful as ever) and without warning, I heard you cry out and came running to find you unable to move and breathe. I rushed you to the vet and they did all that they could, and sent us to the hospital an hour away. I had my right hand on your heart in the carrier as we made the drive, and I hope you felt the love I had for you, somewhere on that drive you passed on and I am so sorry that happened as I did not want the beautiful life we have had together to end that way.
I am so horribly alone without you, the house is empty and the pain is so great. I think of all of the times I have been depressed or struggling or sick and how you always instinctively seemed to just know and would climb into my lap and purr, or curl up beside me in the bed purring and touch your paw to my hand. And now in the greatest hurt I have had you cannot be with me and it is tearing me apart.
I remember how I found you, or how you found me, when someone I loved had bought you from a pet store but did not have the time to give you the love and attention that you needed and to accept the unconditional love you wanted to give to her. So she gave you to me, and we bonded instantly. That special moment when you first crawled up on my right shoulder and snuggled with that loud, warm purr is one I will cherish forever, and one you repeated all the way up until just hours before you said goodbye. I took you to the vet, cared for you when you were sick and was constantly amazed at how you could jump huge distances. My other kitty, Marilyn acted as a "Mother cat" and friend to you for many years and I loved how you would curl up on the bed and comfort each other. You would always meow excitedly whenever I came in the door or even went into the other room...and I miss that so much. You were always into everything, even as recent as days ago, but no matter what you did-I always, always loved you. And I hope and pray with all of my heart that you know that.
There is so much more that I can and want to say but I can barely focus on anything at the moment. I miss you so much and love you forever and I am so glad the past few years that we were able to be together so much, nearly 24/7. I have never in my life experienced as sincere and truly unconditional love as what I had from you and I never wanted you to leave me.