Welcome to Koko Macadamia KitKat's Rainbow Bridge Memorial Residency
Koko Macadamia KitKat's Rainbow Bridge Pet Loss Memorial Residency Image
Memories of Koko Macadamia KitKat
KoKo, It's been a very long hard week. I am so sorry I needed to help you die tonight. I wish I could have made you well. I was so relieved when the cardiologist consultation came back negative, the endoscope did not confirm a mass, and frightened when I heard the diagnosis of laryngeal hemiplegia, laryngeal edematous with a confirmation of respiratory distress. Then came the fever, the infection the vomiting later confirmed pancreatitis. I kept hoping with each emergency vet trip this week, we would "get over the hump" as we successfully did three years ago. I wanted the fluids, supplemental feedings, medications, trip to Iowa State VTH, and finally the hospitalization to have a healthy outcome for you. I'm glad for the evenings I visited with you to hold you while you were hospitalized, especially last night. It terrified me when I discovered your ears were jaundiced. My hope I might get to bring you home was dashed but not gone. I elected the exploratory surgery today to ensure there wasn't anything which could be treated before I made the decision to let you go. I'm sorry for the pain it brought into your final hours.

KoKo, you were my most favored cat in my life and will always be, my true BEST FELINE FRIEND. There will be other cats, there were other cats but only one KoKo....I am honored our life paths crossed and you became my feline soul mate. I know the moment you chose me. I chose you December 27, 1989. You stayed in your carrier with a glove box litter pan along with a tiny bowl of food and water. On December 30th you began to meow. I sat in front of your carrier to talk to you. You came out and climbed into my lap. You began to lick my face and rub against my chin as you loudly purred. You chose me and our bond was sealed. For years to come you would give me a lick kiss when asked then lower your head for a kiss on top of your head in return. There were many times you climbed upon my chest purring ever so loudy to sleep. I could never disturb you and truly felt your total trust. To know you'll never sit to watch a TV program or simply just be with you perched in a total state of relaxation on my chest or awaken to see you silently peering into my eyes as you sit on my chest is difficult to imagine. The last time you climbed on my chest purring was on Mother's Day 2007.....tears silently began to fall as I questioned just how many more times this is where I would find you. When you were in the car with me, you would climb into my lap resting on my arm looking out the window, sometimes relaxing your head on my shoulder and sometimes this was just a time of saying, "you're special, I love you." When I drove you to the vet, I held you curled up in my arm against my chest. You were so quiet and limp, I tried to see if you were breathing in the dim light when stopped at a red light without disturbing you reminded of just how comfortably you trusted me and accepted comfort.

I have wonderful memories of playful moments, cuddly purrs, lazer chases, and our long time "come and get me game." I loved your play with "snake" and your attachment to "mouse." A Q-tip came to life when you were given one. Your later years favorite was "paw" with catnip. I remember when you were only weeks old and would stroll across the beams from the loft bedroom over the living room to jump on top of the bookshelves. I would cringe and you were fully enjoying yourself. You could jump heights many times your own when playing with the 'Da bird. You would climb up to the top of the bookshelves then jump on my back or shoulders to get back down. In the early mornings I heard a golf bowl rolling and bumping into things in the kitchen as you played "kitty golf." The tennis ball became a favorite to kick between your paws..which you learned from Shadow. You waited for the mail and bills to be paid as you liked to lick the glue on the envelopes and stamps. Before having your favored wicker basket, all shoe boxes were designated for you. You were so tiny you could curl up and sleep in the smallest of shoe boxes. You had the gene to have a great response to catnip, you were immediately on a "kitty high" until you crashed. You romped, rolled, played and ate the catnip. Grass was also a special delight of yours. I'll miss growing catnip and grass for you.

You had a special blanket to ly on during the winter and it became your blanket. It's the same age as you and looks much more ragged than you ever were. You loved chasing my finger or toys as you hid under it. As it became worn with holes, I would put it over you and would play with me through the holes and play with the dangling ends. The blanket is now about 1/3 of it's orginial size. I carefully washed it infrequently so it would not fall apart. One of my favorite pictures of you is the blanket over your head with your face showing. This blanket provided warmth, security, a jungle gym of sorts and a place for pretend hide and seek. It remanants along with your wicker basket will always bring sweet memories of you.

You were most intelligent...especially good at behavioral modification. You had me trained very early. You could get me to do what you wanted and I would find myself asking how did you get to me to do "that." You were the vet when you quietly removed your sutures after being spayed...leaving one long string, I watched as you finished the job and took the string to take with you to see Dr. Meyers for your real vet appointment the next day. You were called, Dr. KoKo with humor. When I came home you gave me a lick kiss and smelled my breath. For a long time, I thought maybe you had attended the D.A.R.E program for greeting adolsecents returning home, then I realized you were doing a "what did you have for dinner" breath check. Either way, it was a reminder, I have had the privilege to live in the Kats' home all these years where you were the Princess of All!

You were an excellent mother to Sunshine, Honey, Shadow, Sami and Blue Angel. They never forgot you as their mom. You groomed Shadow for many years, and sometimes corrected Sami when you though guidance was necessary. You were nurturing and most protective. You put Honey and Sunshine behind the bookshelves only to discover you could not ly down with them..you awaken me in the middle of the night for help to get to them.... you put Shadow, Blue Angel and Sami in bed with me when they were a week old. I was so afraid I would roll over on them that I hardly slept that week. When it was time to wean, you would joined the "Fed Me Now Meowing Melody" from the kittens when I would get home from work as if louder would mean food faster. Shadow wanted to nurse beyond time to wean, I would find you hiding with Shadow to let him nurse. I was with you when you grew to tired to chew the cords. You were very trusting as I cut the cords and placed your crying kittens to you. Once snug with you, they were content. Unfortunately, you had to say goodbye to Honey, Sunshine and Shadow.

I think you had so much life in you and you still wanted to live. You always were more like a kitten than not. Your body refused to cooperate. I would have done anything for a different outcome.

Now, I wish I could go to bed and have you purring beside me tonight, you snug in your basket with "paw" with your paw on my hand or your head against mine like you often did. Thank you for all the wonderful years. I love you. I am sad it's time to be memorializing you rather than spending time with you. It was very hard to let you go. I kept you as long as I could tonight knowing this would be our last time together. I just wanted to hold, love and kiss you. The morphine dimmed your alertness but you knew I was with you. When I knew you were having pain even with the morphine, I had to let you go. I am so glad you peacefully just went to sleep in my arms as Dr. Berger helped. He tried to be kind and shared some of his his favorite Dog, Bask. I will always love you and hope you would evaluate your life as a good one.

I don't know what life will be without you....certainly different with an absence like a huge black hole. I brought you home for Sami and Blue Angel to tell you goodbye, Sami sniffed in your ears, nuzzled and laid down beside of you for a few minutes. Blue Angel said goodbye in her own way. I love you little one. Be in Peace. I'm never saying Goodbye, I'll say thanks...I love you forever, The BEST of my Feline FRIENDS. I love you!

June 16, 2007: KoKo's Cremation

As planned I picked KoKo up from the vet's office at 4:00 A.M. You were given back to me wrapped in your blanket as I had wrapped you and returned you to the vet's office after giving Sami and Blue Angel a time to say good bye May 30, 2007. You had "Paw" a small paw shaped Christmas stocking filled with catnip between your front paws. "Paw" had been your favorite for several years.

I placed you in a new cooler for the 4 hour journey to Chicago After about 20 minutes I stopped and took you out of the cooler I wanted to hold you as I was aware this would be the last time I would see you. At this time, seeing/touching you deceased was better than not seeing/touching you at all. I held you wrapped in a blanket so I could see your head and face exposed in my arms as I drove to Chicago. At times I petted your head and neck stroking your soft fur. Other times, I just glanced at you. At the toll road booths, I covered your head as I paid. I talked to you thanking you for your life, for choosing me and for accepting and receiving unconditional love. I took a picture of you in my arms and it has turned out to be precious. I think I'll treasure it along with all your pictures. Somehow, you and I both crossed specie boundaries and became connected as if we were of the same. I know I was as much cat to you as you were human to me. I don't find it explicable, I do know it was intense, positive, appreciated, and unique and very special.

We arrived at the crematorium, a man whose name I didn't hear approached the entrance as I arrived with your body. My heart felt heavy, I started to cry as I really wanted to tell him to go away....he just stood by silently. I knew it was his respectful greeting. I rewrapped you in your blanket to be nicely presented while keeping an eye on this man. It felt as if he came to take something not belonging to him. The minute I closed the car door, we made eye contact, he nodded his head and I knew I was to go with him. He took me into the chapel area and let me know someone would be with me. I looked around, it was a simple place but nicely decorated. Adjoining double doors connected to the crematorium and a viewing window from the chapel to the crematory to the left. There were shelves of Urns and other items to memorialized a special friend. Soft music was playing and a candle was glowing.

Mr. (?) came in, politely greeted me and we sat at a table to review plans as I held you. He gave me a booklet "Goodbye My Friend," prayer cards with your name, personalized Rainbowbridge Poems, Cat Angel Pin, St. Francis Pedant and your Certificate of Cremation. I sign the consent forms and excuse myself to go to the restroom.

When I returned, you were nicely displayed on a viewing table with your blankets around you, with your head and front paws visible. A small white rose and a red carnation were lying by you. Behind you were two large vases of mixed cut flowers, a garden statute, an decorative candle and a Cherubim holding a candle. An impression for a pawprint was made. Two locks of fur were taken and placed in the "Goodbye My Friend," booklet.

Memories were shared and photographs were taken. I took photographs of you with a picture of you when you were healthy nearby. I placed some of your lifetime favorite toys around you and took pictures. I had your favorite toy, worm, when you was 3-5 years old. It's like the velveteen rabbit story it was so loved and well used it doesn't quiet look right anymore....pieces missing from fun times of play and being loved. I then spend time alone with you again thanking you for your life and the fact I had the privilege of sharing your life for seventeen and one half years. I knew the time for me to see and hold your body was coming to an end and there would be a last kiss. A picture was taken as I held you and gave you a final kiss.

I was taken into the crematorium where I was shown a very clean empty crematory where you were to be cremated. I returned to the chapel area and handed you to Mr. ? and watched as he handed you, my KoKo, to the man who waited for us nearby the entrance. I watched as the switches were pressed to start the machines. You were placed for your cremation. I stood in the window and watched as the man stood by the open door after you were placed inside. He and I were both waiting. He was waiting for me to let him know to close the door and I was waiting for him to close the door. I didn't realize I was suppose to let him know when it was time to close the door. The door was closed and the biggest tears yet began to roll down my cheeks as I held your blanket. I stood watching and crying for some time as your cremation was occurring, I then went outside and walked a few minutes looking at the flowers, the chimney from the crematorium, and just felt the warmth of the sun. I returned to the window and stayed until your cremation was completed. The door was opened, I was taken to look in to see your cremation was completed. You were removed to cool. I chose two small bones to keep before your remains were processed.

Your cremains were then placed in your urn. Mr. ? shared a picture of his family's Sealpoint Himalayan who you had reminded him of. We talked about some of the characteristics of the Himalayan. He walked me to my car. With a handshake, a nod and a moment of eye contact, we acknowledged the pain of grief.

I placed KoKo's urn on the fireplace mantel along side her two kittens Sunshine and Shadow.

This is such a sad time, I think words on the back of the booklet "Good-bye My Friend" says it best:

"Grief is the price we pay for having loved. Through all the tears and the sadness and the pain of grief comes one thought that can make us smile again: we loved a particular animal dearly and that love was returned manyfold."

No goodbyes my dear KoKo Macadamia KitKat, No Goodbye:
I thank you for the life you shared with me,
For choosing me unconditionally, for giving a treatured trust.
Many thanks KoKo, My Best Feline Friend Ever,
You will always live in my heart.
Never a Goodbye, Forever my Thanks.

I love you, KoKo Macadamia KitKat, I miss you.

******************KoKo************************(Memory Card Poem)

Born October 20, 1989 a tiny white kitten
to grow into a beautiful petite Seal Point Himalyan
Chosen December 27, 1989 fulfillment of a childhood wish
initiating a transition from Christmas to Katmas

Mother to Honey, Sunshine, Shadow, Sami and Blue Angel
gentle, nurturing, protective, patient teacher of kittens
Respected parental role, recognized as Mama Kat indefinitely
unfortunate goodbye to Honey, Sunshine and Shadow

Crossing specie boundaries without reserve
human became feline, feline became human
Reciprocal bond sealed by lick kisses and tranquil purr
intense, positive, unique, appreciated
inexplicable, honorable, extremely special

Powerful playful energy with a touch of magic
preferred game of chase, catch me if you can
Early morning golf on kitchen tile
whirlwind leaps for favored 'Da Bird
Catnip the chosen antidote for pleasure
eating, romping, rolling with frolicking delight

Perched by window awaiting finch and hummingbird visit
ground squirrel attentiveness of endless hours
Batting at aquarium fish, drinking from betta bowl
fearful of Tiger Hamster crusing in a run-about ball

Seventeen years, seven months, ten days of precious life
wicker basket left vacant with an uncanny absence
No Good-byes, KoKo Macadamia KitKat, No Good-byes
humble appreciation with great gratitude
Life well shared, Best Feline Friend Ever

July 14, 2007: You became featured on your very own US Postage Stamp today......you licked many stamps when they still had glue for the adhesive, today you are on a stamp!!!!!

.......Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality
Emily Dickson

October 20, 2007 KoKo's 18th Birthday

May 30, 2007 a bright light in my heart fluttered into darkness
Comfortably held in my arms with gentle whispers
"Go to sleep my little one, I love you, go to sleep."
My Precious little KoKo left my physical presence forever

The darkness promises to fade
Memories recalled and cherished one by one
Time away from the moment of loss drifts by
Memorabilia created, touched and savored
Yet the hurt of the darkness lingers in my heart

Today, October 20, 2007 your 18th Birthday
Memorial celebration of roses, catnip mouse and tennis ball
Kitten food and toys shared, remembering your art of giving
A candle placed in the window, a deep golden flame
Shining through the darkness of all tomorrows night
A symbolic glow of your forever presence within my heart.

Happy Birthday, My dear KoKo, Happy Birthday. I love you!!!!!


May 30, 2008

KoKo, this time last year I sat by you comforting you after surgery, touching your soft fur, getting glimpses of your beautiful blue eyes, as I anguished with the knowledge I would never take you home alive and would have to let you go. The shirt I wore as I held you in your final moments hangs on the bathroom door and hasn't been moved since, your pawprint memorial is the paw I touch in chilling memory of you, your photo urn is on the mantel and your sleeping basket has never left my bed. I wish you were here to enjoy the squirrels, birds, rabbits and ground squirrels from the windows, you would be delighted. I miss you as much today as I did a year ago. Tonight at 9:00P.M. will be a moment in your honor as the time you died. I love you and miss you very much KoKo, my best feline friend forever.
KoKo Macadamia KitKat

One year ago this moment,
I held you for the last time.
I whispered into your ear
goodbye my dear friend
you will go filled with my love

Now a year has past
seemingly moments ago
to hear your purr, brush your fur
get a lick kiss and head butt hug
hear a striking dash through the house
a roll and toss of catnip pleasure

Now time passes, your physical presence the past
Time and loss can never touch our love
Absence not completely known
as you will always be my Best Feline Friend Ever.

June 1, 2008 Oh, KoKo a moment of intense mixed emotions today as I came across "Snakie" your beanine snake from a McDonald's Happy Meal in the early 90's......my heart fluttered and skipped beats when Snakie appeared today...so many moments of fun and your attachment to "Snakie." I remembered and missed you so fondly and painful at the very same moment...KoKo, I miss you so very much!!!!!

June 26, 2008 Tears are falling from my heart and eyes. One year ago today, I held your little soft body for a final kiss at your cremation. I love and miss you, Pooh Bear, Pumkin, Sweetie...my dear KoKo. Holding you in my heart forever!!

October 20, 2008. Happy Birthday, KoKo. I sure miss you, my best feline friend ever! Katmom.

May 30, 2009 My dear sweetheart, KoKo.

Two Years ago feels closer to yesterday
today's reminder sad day of death
forever physical separation

Floral arrangement on the mantel
towering over your paws of endearment
A candle in the window glows nightly at dusk
connecting the light between our hearts

Physically absent from my life
pawprints imprinted on my heart
turning pages of memories
Visual images and photographs
clear as life itself.

My love for you today my dear KoKo
no different than first moment of attachment
Death has taken you away,
you remain my best feline friend ever.....

I love you my KoKo Macadamia KitKat. I wish you were here to enjoy the ground squirrels. I fed about 6 of them outside the window..they are almost tame. Last year they would run up the tree to the feeder and run around my feet as I put food out for them. You would watch the chipmunks for hours from our deck in Rochester. I can only imagine how excited you would be with the daily busy presence of chipmunk festival. If there is a real bridge, I hope you have many chipmunk friends!!!

October 20, 2009. KoKo, Birthday thoughts...you would have turned 20 today. Remembering you today, sharing food and toys with shelter kitties needing a home in your memory. Miss you KoKo Macadamia KitKat

May 30, 2010 9:00 PM
KoKo, Three years have already past since your death. It seems like only yesterday you were here enjoying your move, your new home, new things to explore, a transition in our lives. The gap between having you alive and recalling memories is widening so fast. I love you KoKo, always grateful to have you my dear Best Feline Friend Ever. Love you.

KoKo Macademia KitKat

Three years ago this Night at Nine
transition from life to death
in my arms gentle, loving, deeply sad
last living kiss placed upon your head
Crying, My dear KoKo, I love you
My heart sent with you.

This Night at Nine 3 years past
Crystal Butterfly rests upon your Urn
symbolic transformation between
loss and grief, absence and memories
Intergration of souls
KoKo Macademia KitKat and I
This Night at Nine.

I love you and miss you dear KoKo Macadamia KitKat. Best Feline Friend Ever.

October 20, 2010 Your birthday, you would be 21 years old...If only you truly had 9 lives...I'll may miss you forever, I will always appreciate the bond we share. Happy Birthday KoKo!


April 1, 2011 I miss you, I always will! I'll never understand why your lifespan is so
short. I wish you were here to meet Nova, Mystic and Zen! Love you always
Forever missing your purr, kisses, and playfulness.

May 22, 2011 KoKo I miss you today. My heart cries a tear memories can't soothe. I miss
everything about you today.

May 30, 2011

KoKo Macadamia KitKat

This Memorial Day I remember you,

no more romps of play

no more games of catch me if you can

no more snuggles with loud purrs

no more chipmunk watching by the window.

KoKo, on this Memorial Day four years later

I miss you so very much.

Today my heart cries a tear

memories just cannot soothe.

Your body grew tired and worn

betraying both you and me.

If you could, you would still be here

If I could, death would have been stopped

My heart seeps another tear

Many memories embedded

Forever gently asleep upon my heart,

Never to say goodbye, forever gracious

Love you KoKo my Best Feline Friend Ever

KoKo Macadamia KitKat, I miss you

Each day a Memorial Day.

I love and miss you so very much, KoKo, my best feline friend ever!


May 30, 2012 KoKo Macadamia KitKat: Fifth Anniversary of Death...I miss you no less.

KoKo, First Himalayan Feline
introduction to feline perfection
bonded heart and soul
untampered in death

Five years ago, this night at nine
Held you my KoKo, cuddled in my arms
Looked deeply into your beautiful blue eyes
Mutual shared love and attachment present
Extremely saddened by death's separation

Time notes the length of your absence,
Love of you keeps you close
Memories paint an ongoing presence.
Gratitude for you, leaves genuine honor

Once again this Memorial Night at nine
I feel your love, harbor pain of loss
Tears seeping from heart and eyes
gratitude and grief compete.

Thank you dearest KoKo Macadamia KitKat
life well lived, love forever sealed.

KoKo, the butterfly became a symbol of connection between you and I. I don't know exactly how, but it did.
Two years ago, I place a beautiful crystal butterfly on your and each of your kitten's urn where they remain today. Today, I placed art with 5 butterflies flying amidst flowers and cattails on one wall. On another, a
large painted golden butterfly place near the cat clouds above the sofa symbolizes your foreverness. A butterfly bush was planted with a few butterfly visitors already.

All four of your babies, Sunshine, Blue Angel, Shadow and Sami are now at the bridge with you. A family
in absence. I love and miss you so very much My dear KoKo Macadamia KitKat. Thank you for you and your
kids. Each time I see a butterfly, I feel you, I smile.....my precious butterfly!

Love Katmom Lorraine

July 26, 2012
KoKo, during my early morning sleep, I dreamed you were staying with a friend and I came to pick you up. In my dream you were with someone I knew in the dream who was keeping you for me at her house. She had very long reddish hair. You seemed very happy and at home there. You were your very normal self. At first I was a little dissappointed you were not extremely excited "I was home" but then realized you had been there a long time and were comfortable and quickly was glad you had been "at home" and happy for the time I was gone. You were walking along the kitty clouds in the person's home..just like the kitty clouds...your sibs you never met have...so much enjoyment. I was so happy to see you, so happy to be picking you up to go home...the dream was so very real...I loved spending some real time with you last this morning, even if it were a dream only.......it seemed so real and you were so real in the dream....I miss you so much!!! KatMom

May 30, 2013
My dear KoKo.......this night at nine makes the 6th anniversary of your death.........I miss you so very much and love you the same. Your death was one of the saddest days of my life and the sadness of not having you will never fade. So precious, so sweet, embedded into my heart, my first Himalayan. I wish you were here with Nova, Mystic, Zen and Zeiss. Zen has many of your characteristics...sweet, sweet, sweet and the ability to cross species with pure trust and bonding. I often tell Zen about you and how he reminds me of you. I'll always have a sad painful memory of what you went through your last day of life, I'm so very sorry I did not make different decisions for you. For that I'm sorry. I got a butterfly plaque and stepping stone for the garden honoring you. Just know you are forever my best feline friend and I'll always have gratitude for being honored to have you as my best feline friend ever. This night at NINE missing you, loving you, embracing you, holding you in my heart. Love you KoKo.

KoKo, I miss you so very much. I had another dream about you. I dream you were staying at a cat shelter. I found you sitting by the doorway. I visited with you and was so very glad to see you. Then I had to put you back in a cage in a room where you sleep. That was so very hard to put you in the cage and leave you, but it was so very good to see and be with you in living form even if it were only in a dream!!!! There's been lots of butterflies at the flowers this year, everytime I see a butterfly I think of you. I love and miss you my KoKo!!!! *tears*

May 30, 2014
KoKo Macadamia KitKat.............this night at Nine, my heart breaks.............I miss you so very much. May I meet up with you in another dream sometime soon. There's only been two, but they were so real. Love and miss you. Love you KoKo. Katmom.
May 30, 2016
KoKo Macadamia KitKat..............this night at Nine.........I'm remembering you again, tears in my eyes and dripping from my heart. I simply cannot believe it has been 9 years already, that's half of your total lifetime.....I held you in my arms as you died, a Memorial Day...I remember you, I miss you, I will always love you........this night at night 2016.........dreams of you are always welcomed! Love you my missing princess, love and miss you. Katmom.
May 30, 2017...........this night at nine KoKo Macadamia KitKat......my heart breaks so often at nine. It's been 10 years now since that horrific night at nine came.....so much sadness. I loved you so much when you were here and treasured you so, I'll always love and treasure you my sweet KoKo. Your presence will never leave me, my love and thankfulness will never waiver....I can only hope you will come again in a dream so I can have another moment with you....ten years, so long, so quick to pass, this night at nine I love and miss you. Tears of gratitude, tears of sadness, tears of absence. Love you always...Katmom.

Please also visit Blue Angel KitKat, Mystic Phantom KitKat, Sami Clovis KitKat, Shadow Baby KitKat, Sugar, Sunshine and Tiger.

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Koko Macadamia KitKat's People Parent(s), Lorraine, would appreciate knowing you have visited their Koko Macadamia KitKat's Memorial Residency.

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