1/3/10 Words cannot express how I feel. I lost you on New Years Eve Day and I lost Nikki on 5/26/09. It is not fair. What have I done to deserve to loose both my babies. |
When I was driving home from work, I saw a dog on the road. I felt bad for that dog. I get home and come into the house and you don't greet me like you have in the past. We look all around the house and yard for you. I got back in the car and drove around the neighborhood. Pat went down to where I told him that I saw a dead dog and he came back with you. It didn't even phase me that it was you. I don't understand how you got that far down the road. I can't believe I drove by you. I'm so sorry Koda. I didn't know it was you. I wish to god that it wasn't you. I miss my shadow, I miss my sleeping buddy. I miss seeing you laying on the bed everytime I go up to my room. I miss you so much!!!!
I hope you have found Nikki by now. Buddy is there to. Do you remember Whitney and TJ? Make sure you go and find them. I love you Koda boy and I hope you didn't feel anything. I gave you a big hug and kiss before we brought you to the vet. I'm waiting now for your ashes so you will be home with us again. I love you Koda. I still can't believe your gone.
1/5 Koda boy, I miss you. I don't like coming home because you are not here to greet me. I'm numb, I can't believe you are no longer with me. It's so not fair!!!!!!!!
1/6 One week ago today Koda you left me. Or I should say I failed at protecting you. I'm so sorry. I should have been here, then you would not have gotten out the door. I still can't believe that you traveled as far as you did. Why did you go down there? Were you chasing something? I wish I knew how long you were outside. I wish that someone would have noticed that you weren't up in the bedroom and that you were missing...Maybe they would have found you before you got to far. I'm so sad Koda. You knew how sad I was loosing Nikki. How many times did I hug and kiss you and have my tears fall on you because I was crying about Nikki. I can't believe I'm crying over you now. It's just not right. I wish I knew what I did to deserve this much heartache. I love you Koda and I miss you alot!!!! I'm taking comfort in thinking about you being with Nikki again. I hope you told her that I love her and that I miss her. The house is not the same without you here. Your presence is deeply missed!!!
1/11 I have your ashes now Koda. You are here with me again. I'm so sad. My heart aches for you. I can't believe how much I miss you. Everytime I open cheese, I miss you running into the kitchen. I miss tripping over you in the kitchen. You would always lay in there while I was cooking, just waiting for something to fall on the floor or because you knew I would give you something. You were very spoiled. I miss you Koda. I miss my little boy!!! I hope you and Nikki are playing and sleeping next to each other again. I hope you both know that I think about you every second, every day. You will always have a huge spot in my heart. Tori misses you also. She runs outside everytime I open the garage. I can see that she looks around for you. Remember how she would always come and jump on you when you were trying to go potty? She misses her playmate. I love you Koda Boy!!!!
1/28 I have been avoiding you Koda. I'm so sad, I didn't want this to be true. I kept hoping you were away somewhere and you would be coming home soon. Yesterday was a huge realization that you are gone. I was home sick from work and I was laying in bed and I desperately needed you laying next to me to make me feel better. We used to do that. I would snuggle next to you. That would always make me feel better, having you close to me. I still remember what you smelled like. Your paws would also smell like fritos. It's so hard for me here in this house and all the memories. I lost you to soon. I miss you so much!!! I love you and I miss my little boy. This was not how it was suppose to end, you should have been with me at least another 6 years. I hate driving by the spot I saw you laying. It breaks my heart every day!!!! I love you and I hope you know that!!! I hope you and Nikki are playing together. I miss seeing the both of you. You were always together. I love you my little brown doggie.
2/4 Hi Koda Boy, how is my little boy? I have missed you so much today. I was not ready to lose you. I think about your last moments and I hope so much that you didn't feel anything when you were hit. I get so angry because I'm hearing about these dogs that are at the vet being fixed because they were hit by a car. Why couldn't I fix you!!!! I hope you know how much I love you!! I miss you every night when I go to bed. My feet aren't warm anymore. I just miss feeling you laying against my legs. I miss how you would crawl up between me and Pat and lay your head on my tummy. My heart aches for you. I miss you and Nikki so much!! I can't believe I don't have my babies anymore with me. I love you my little blue eyed boy! I hope you and Nikki are happy. I can't wait to be with you again!!!!!
2/19 I feel bad that I don't visit as much as I did with Nikki. I think I'm still in denial and coming here makes it so real. I wish it wasn't real. I hope you know that I love you so much and I am so sad that I don't have you in my life. I rescued Tori so you would have a friend to play with. Then I missed Nikki so much that I needed to get a little girl again so I got Denver. I was so happy to have you, my little husky boy and Denver, my little husky girl, just like before. Am I being punished because I got other dogs? I got them because I didn't want you to be alone. I wanted you to have playmates. Maybe if it was just you, people would have known you weren't in the house and that you had gotten out. I feel so guilty. I am so sorry Koda. I have failed you in so many ways!!!! I should have protected you better!!! I know you loved me and I miss that. You always had to be next to me. I miss you and Nikki so much. You were both like that. I love you so much and I miss you!!!
3/31 It has been 3 months since I lost you Koda boy. It seems like yesterday. I think about you every day and I wish to god that I still had you. It's not fair. Every day I drive by where I saw you on the road and it hurts every time. I still wonder what I have done to deserve loosing you and Nikki, both my beloved babies so close together. It's been nice outside and I look around the yard visualizing your running and leaping around like you used to. We always made a joke that you had deer in you because you were so crazy. I miss you so much. Everytime I go to bed I miss you down by my feet. I love you Koda Boy!!!! I hope you are happy with Nikki because I'm miserable without you two!!!!
4/19 I can't believe how much this hurts. My heart aches every day. I love you and miss you so much Koda Boy!!!!
5/8 Happy Birthday my Koda Boy!! How I wish I could give you a birthday kiss! I miss you so much!!! I didn't get to give you a b-day party. Remember I would always put a birthday hat on you? You didn't like it very well, but you sure looked cute! I thought about you all day today. I love you and miss you so damn much!!!!!!!
6/4 Hey Koday boy, I miss you. I have so much guilt that I wasn't home to protect you. I know if I was home, you would not have gotten out of the house. I'm so angry at the people who were home that they didn't watch out for you. I am so sorry!!!!! I drive by the spot everyday and I think of you everyday laying there and it hurts so much!!! I can't believe that I don't have you and Nikki anymore. You were my precious babies!!!!! I love you!! Miss you immensley!!
6/13 I have been thinking about you alot lately. I'm still in shock that I do not have you in my life anymore. I miss you so much!!! EVERY time I go to my room, I look at my bed to see you laying there. I miss you Koda boy! I want to hug you so much!! I miss my blue eyed little boy!!!
6/23 Why, why, why did you have to get out. Why didn't you stay in the yard. Why didn't you go in the back and chew on your bones like you have always done in the past. Why did you leave me!!!! My heart aches for you Koda boy.
7/22 This has been a tough week for me for some reason. I have thought about you and Nikki so much. I really miss you both so much. I still can't believe I lost both of you within 7 months. My babies. You guys were my life. What did I do to deserve this. I wish I could turn back time. I hope you know how much I love you and how much I miss you. I hope to see you two someday again. I love my two blue eyed huskies!!!
9/19 I'm so sorry I haven't written to you lately. Changed computers and service and it was a mess. I miss you so much Koda Boy. I still can't believe that I'm writting on your rainbow bridge. You were taken way to soon from me. I miss you so much! It's not fair. There are so many times that I wish I could turn back time. I remember leaving for work that morning and I came back to give you a kiss because I didn't do it the first time. That should have been a sign to me that something was wrong. I always would hug and kiss you before I left for work. I am so sorry that I failed you. I was suppose to protect you. You were my baby! I'm so so so sorry!!!! I love you so much!!!
10/11 Hi my little blue eyed boy. I miss you so much! There are so many times I look around the house and miss seeing you. I'm so sorry I wasn't home to protect you. I should have taken you with me. I love you Koda boy. I'm in so much pain. I want you back!!! It's not fair that I had to lose you to!!!!!!
12/16 Koda boy...I miss you. I have been thinking about you everyday lately because I know the year anniversary is coming up. I'm still in shock that I lost you the way I did. I feel so guilty. I was suppose to protect you. I failed you. I'm so sorry!!! I miss you so much!!!!!
12/31 One yaer ago I lost you puppy. There are so many times when I think I should have taken you to work with me that day, or I should have taken the day off like I had planned. You would still be here with me. I would have watched you. I would have checked that the door was shut so you couldn't get out. I miss you so much and I still can't believe that you are not here in my life anymore. It honestly feels like yesterday that I had you laying next to me with your head on my leg or stomach. I miss my little blue eyed boy!!! I love you so much!!!!!
1/3 Hi my little koda boy. I think of you every day and wish you were still with me. I was not ready to lose you and I'm so upset and devasted that you are not here anymore. I love you!! I wish so much I could give you a hug!!!
2/5 Hi my little blue eyed friend. Oh how I wish I could give you a kiss and hug. I miss you so much. My heart has been aching alot for you lately. I still can't beleive you are not with me anymore. I miss you so much Koda Boy. I hope you know how much I love you and wish you were with me. Memories are still to painful for me. I cannot talk about you or think about you without breaking down. I don't ever see it getting better.
3/14 I have been looking around for you. I still have your kennel. I can't get rid of it. That was your safe haven. Everytime I go upstairs, I wish I would see you on the end of the bed all curled up. I can't put my comforter cover on because it reminds me of you sleeping on it. I have so much guilt. I'm so sorry I wasn't home to protect you. I wasn't suppose to work that day. I know you would still be alive if I was home. I'm so sorry!!! This was not suppose to happen. I don't know what I did to deserve to lose my two precious babies so close together. My heart aches so much. I miss you!!! I love you!!!
5/8 Happy golden birthday koda boy!! I wish so much I was planning a birthday party for you today instead of feeling the sorrow I am because you are not here!! I love and miss you so much!!! I'm sure Nikki is planning a party for you. I miss you guys!!
5/17 Hi my little koda boy!! I miss you so much!!! I live with guilt every day that I was not home to protect you! Why did you have to wander out the door? Why couldn't you have waited for me to get home??? I wish so much that I didn't go to work that day. I wish so much that the garage door wasn't left open. I wish so much that you were here with me still. I'm so so sorry!!!!
12/31 Hi my little blue eyed boy!! I can't believe it's been 2 years. It seriously feels like yesterday. I miss you so much!!! I wish so much I could give you a hug and a kiss. Not one day goes by that I don't think of you!! I love you and I will never ever forget you. My heart still aches for you!!!
2/10 I still miss you so much!!! Not one day goes by that I don't think of you! I wish so much I coult turn back time. I love you Koda boy!! I wish so much you were still here with me. My heart aches for you!!! I feel the same way about Nikki. I wish so much I had you both back in my life!!!
9/21/12 I'm so sorry Koda that I haven't been here sooner!! I think about you every day! I think it's still to painful for me, I know if I would have done certain things, you would still be here with me. I should have gone with my heart and what I knew instead of what people thought. You were such a special boy to me!! I have so many regrets and I'm so sorry!!! I love you my little blue eyed boy!!!!
10/1/12 I love you and miss you so much!!! I wish so much I could give you a big hug and kiss!!!
12/31/12 3 years ago today I lost you. Its still hard for me. I miss you so much!!! I love you my little blue eyed boy!!!
5/7/13 I miss you and love you very much!!!
5/26/13 Hi Koda boy. Just wanted to tell you that I miss you and love you so much!!! I wish you were home here with me.
12/15/13 Hi my little puppy boy!! I love you and miss you so much!!! It's Nikki's birthday today. Hope you having a bday party for her. Grandpa is now up in heaven. Hope you have found him and greeted him with lots of kisses!! I miss all of you so much!!!
12/31/13 Hello my Koda boy. I love you and miss you so much!!! I think of you all the time! I miss your bright blue eyes! You will always have a special place in my heart!!!
5/5/14 Hi puppy boy! I miss you so much! I think of you every day!! I hope you and Nikki, Whitney, TJ, Kato, Scruffy, Bruno and Buffy have found grandpa. He left us to early and I hope you are keeping him company. I love you Koda boy!!
1/24/15 Hi Koda boy! I still miss you so much!!!!
5/26/15 Hi my little boy. I love you and miss you so much!!!
1/4/18 Hey my beautiful blue eye boy. I still miss you so much!! I love you and wish I could hug you again!!!
5/20/18 I love and miss you Koda boy!!
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