2/10/10 - It was two years ago today that you left me, my beautiful boy. I had you for just over 14 years. Over the years I used to cry now and then thinking of that day in the future when you wouldn't be with me anymore and I wondered how I would ever handle living without you and Sydney. I hoped that that day would be far off but then on January 7, 2008, I lifted you up and felt that lump on your rib cage. |
You were acting like you were fine but we decided to take you to the vet to get checked out. She said the lump probably wasn't cancer but found a growth in your lung and said that definitely was cancer. I was devastated. Things went downhill pretty quickly after that.
We took you to the holistic vet and she had some hope and gave us some things to try but it was just too late. Pretty soon you pretty much stopped eating and I couldn't force you. Then we took you for fluids and you started having difficulty breathing a couple of days later. The vet said it wasn't because of the fluids but the holistic vet and other sources said it probably was. You seemed to be doing ok and I still had hope that you would make it but then during the night on that day, I got up out of bed to check on you. You seemed to be struggling at times and I remember laying there with you on the floor trying to comfort you and feeling that for once you actually wanted me near you. I felt such a bond with you.
I called the emergency vet's office hoping to get something to make you more comfortable and they told me that you were probably drowning in your own fluids. I woke Sal up and we decided to take you to the vet because we didn't want you to suffer. It was so cold outside. We put you in the carrier and covered it and off we went at around 5:30 am. Just after we turned our corner you started to make strange noises. Sort of like meowing but different. The sounds got louder and longer and then finally one long sound and silence. I knew you were gone. We pulled over to check and sure enough you weren't with us anymore. You spared me the horrible task of having you put to sleep. Your final gift to me.
I remember the horrible, empty feeling that I had on that day. It was such a sick, sad, numb feeling. I wrote you a 20-page letter and Sal wrote you an 8-page letter and we read them to you while playing a special song by John Lennon called Love that Sal picked out. Sydney was there too. It was our memorial to you and we cried and cried.
The pain of losing you was so great. I found an online pet loss forum at Rainbow Bridge and I met a lot of people who were very nice and were able to provide comfort. I even found a special friend, Rose, who had just gone through a difficult loss and started to communicate with her regularly. That helped some.
Losing you was one of the worst things I've ever had to go through. Shortly after you left, around July, Sydney started to get sick and now he's gone too. Sometimes I just don't know what I'm going to do without you two. I love you so much. I have that poster of you and Sydney hanging on our bedroom wall so I can see you both right when I wake up and right before I fall asleep. It feels good to have it there.
We got another cat about 6 months after you left. His name is Alexander Koby Newt 94. The Alexander is after you, your middle name and the Koby is a combination of Kirby and Toby. I thought it would be nice to name him after you. The funny thing is that when we picked him out, we thought he was nothing like you but a couple of weeks after we adopted him, we were surprised to find that he had a lot of your personality traits. He stares at the ceiling when we hold him like you did, he dashes off quickly sometimes when he's on our laps and he runs away when we try to pick him up just like you did.
I miss you, Kirby. You were the sweetest cat. I used to call you Angel because you were so sweet and you were my gift from Heaven on the day that Allister died. You were also so beautiful. I thought you were the most beautiful cat in the world and you were so photogenic. You were always in a pose and I loved taking pictures of you.
I've gone back and forth on whether or not to set up this memorial site for you because I know that once I set it up, I will never want to take it down. But you and Sydney were my babies, you were the loves of my life and I want to have these pages for you. I thought today, 2 years after you left, would be a good day to create your page.
One last thing that I want to tell you is that we got a kitten in December. We named him Seymour Sydney (after Sydney Seymour) and he looks a lot like Sydney. In some ways it's nice because it's kind of like having Sydney back a little bit, but I've recently discovered that Seymour is actually a lot like you. He's tall and lean like you were and he was born in August (around the 15th) not too far from your birthday on the 4th. He's also sweet, a little bit aloof and a goofball like you were. He makes me laugh all the time and he loves to play, especially with the ball, and runs around like maniac just like you used to. He even fell in the toilet once like you did when you were a kitten. That was funny.
I love you, Kirby. I love you so much and I will love you forever. I'm so glad that you came into my life. I'll write more again but I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you today.
P.S. Sal just told me that we got a sign when we were at Starbucks today. While we were there, I heard a song which made me get up and go to Sal in line and ask him if it was by John Lennon. Sal confirmed that it was a cover of a John Lennon song but didn't tell me what it was until a little while ago. It was a cover of the song Love, which is the song we played on the day of your memorial. That's surely a sign. I've never heard that song in public before.
Kirby, I miss you. Things are not the same without you. I wish we could have had more time together. I didn't know you as long as Sharon did, but I feel like we had a bond. That bond was especially strong when we lived at Wanda. For some reason I felt the bond was not as strong when we moved into my house. Maybe it was because you just felt more insecure. I'll always remember how you used to stand up for yourself against Sydney. You would always hiss when he was bothering you, but I knew you were just bluffing. You could never harm anyone. As Sharon says you were just too sweet. Yes I didn't like it sometimes when you jumped in front of me on the computer, but you were just showing affection and that you were hungry. I wish you were here so I could tell you how much I love you. I hope God allows me to see you again some day. Until then I hope you rest well, my little Kirbonski.
Hey, my sweet boy. I can't believe it's 3 years today that you've been gone. I've been thinking a lot about you lately. Now I know why. I guess I subconsciously knew this day was coming.
Another reason that I've been thinking a lot about you lately is because of Seymour. He really is so much like you. He's a different color, of course, but he acts crazy like you did and he walks around and makes weird sounds like you did. He also runs around like a crazy nut after he eats and loves to play with the ball like you did. He sleeps on top of the Catnector all the time just like you did. He even has the same expressions as you sometimes. Each night I pray for you to be a part every day and with Seymour that prayer comes true.
Wherever you are, I hope that you are well and that we will meet again some day. Please know that I miss you every day and I love you more than I could even put into words. You were a special boy, my Kirby. It's never been the same without you.