My sweet sweet Baby Bear,|
I remember the tug-a-war you would play with our Jack Jack and how you would let him win if I said "Who wants a treat?" You would look up with those big beautiful loving brown eyes and give me a look, a look that said, "Mommy you better not be kidding 'cause I'm winning here." When you would let go of the toy I would have a treat ready for both you and Jack Jack. I remember playing on the floor with you by hiding my hands under a blanket and you would try to get them, your little bark saying "Give up mommy, I will win this game every time" and you did, Ok I let you win. How could I not with that fuzzy face full of love and trust. I remember playing hide and seek with you. You would run all over the house looking for me and barking. When you finally found me you would give me that hi pitch howl and bark while jumping up and down until I picked you up. You were the best hide and seeker! You were so funny in car rides. When it was just you and I you were always the front seat passenger and if someone was with us you made it known that was YOUR seat by stepping out of the back right onto their laps. I love how you had a way of telling me "roll the window down mommy" by taking your little paw and scratching at the door while looking down at the button then back at me. Oh how I will miss our rides. I still have your nose prints on your side of the car, where they will remain until I can muster the strengths to wipe them off.
I remember the day you got ill and we took you to the vet where we learned you had arthritis in your back. I never thought it would lead to a bleed in your spinal cord. I had you 11 years, 6 months, 25 days and the day you left me I died inside. I am utterly inconsolable and broken. My heart physically hurts and as I write this to you, through an ocean of tears, I still can't believe you are gone. I will miss you every waking moment for the rest of my life. You were the other half of me, you made me a better person, a loving person. I feel the string that connected you to me was cut to soon. I am going to miss your little howl to say "Hi Mommy, I missed you!" each time I come home. I'm going to miss our runs to the store, or to get gas in the car or to get your favorite McDonald's french fries. I'm really going to miss our walks alone, just you and I out trying to keep you from catching all the rabbits. You sure gave them a run for their money a week before you unexpectedly passed. I hope you know I did everything I could to save your precious life. I took you to the top neurology doctors in town. I was the one who held you up until you were taken off life support and given the sleepy juice. I held you long after you crossed the bridge, Mommy was there from start to finish and I pray you heard me say I love you over and over and over. Your brother Jack misses you as do your 2 legged siblings, Ry-Ry and Marissa.
Katie, my princess, my fuzzy face; I miss you more than words could EVER describe and will think of you daily. Please know mommy loves you with all her heart and soul and I will be waiting for you at the bridge! When we meet again I will hug you and hug you and hug you until neither of us can take anymore. Please come visit me in my dreams so I know you are happy and that someone there is holding you like you need to be held. Know that mommy can't hold you physically anymore but I hold you in my heart, soul and each breath I take.
Katie Bear graced the earth on:
and left my life on:
July 25, 2015 at 8:39 am
I was lucky to call this precious angel mine. I LOVE YOU BEAR BEAR AND I MISS YOU SO MUCH!
7/30/15 I picked up your ashes today and I think you were trying to tell me something. A song came on the radio when I couldn't get out of the car. I stopped crying and listened to the lyrics. It was "Fly" by Maddie & Tae, it made me cry a little more but gave me some comfort. I cried again when they brought your little paw print and urn out, which I bought special for you. We walked back to the car, a long walk because I somehow went to the wrong building but I think this was your way of getting one more walk in the sun with your mommy. I cried again as I placed you in your seat and guess what? When I started the car that song was playing again! I truly believe you were trying to tell me to move on because you were flying with the angels. I love you baby Bear and miss you so much! This pain is almost unbearable and I can only hope we will meet again and when we do you will run and howl at me like you used to saying "mommy mommy mommy you're home!" Till we meet again my sweatpea. I love you!
8/3 Hi baby bear. Mommy misses you so much I can barely take this pain. I started making you a garden with a pond and KOI fish and tons of flowers. I cry every day and just cannot believe you are gone! I hate coming home; you're not here to greet me, you're not here for me to hold each night. I look at your pictures and break down knowing I cannot kiss that sweet face of yours each night and every morning. I'm angry you were taken from me so quickly and that other don't understand this horrible pain I feel. I just want to sleep and when I wake I want you here with me but when I wake up I have instant pain in my chest knowing you are not here. Please come visit me in my dreams or give me a sign you are ok and you are being loved the way I loved you. Oh sweetpea I miss you more than words can ever say. Mommy loves you!
8/7/2015 Hi Bear Bear. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since you were called home and this pain has not got any easier. I can't describe my disbelief that you are really gone. I miss you so so much and I really do try to find some peace in my memories but it's hard. Oh baby bear I just want to hold you again and take you on that walk we never got to. Please come see me in my dreams sweetpea. I love you.
8/11 Well Bear Bear it's been a rough 2 weeks/3 days without you. I can't describe how much I hurt and how much I miss your little face and all the joy your brought to my life. I hope you can hear my prayers and the I love you's I send each day. Oh baby bear mommy misses you so much. I want to hold you again and take you on our walks and car rides. I miss my passenger buddy I miss how you would paw at the window telling me to put the window down. Please come visit me in my dreams or give me a sign you are ok. Mommy really needs to know you are ok.
8/19/15 Hi Princess. My heart has not yet accepted you are gone and my tears flow every day. I feel like I've lost my soul and struggle to find happiness. Jack is feeling it too. He doesn't want to eat and he won't play ball like he used to. I do my best to be happy around him. He has turned into a snuggle bug and lets me hold him like you used to. He doesn't even squirm to let him go, he just lets me love on him for hours at a time. Oh baby bear my heart is broke & my soul is heavy. I hope you can hear me every morning & night saying I love you. How I miss you so much!
8-22 Hi Sweet Baby Bear. Well it's been 4 weeks since you were called home. I made myself stay out of the house yesterday, I just couldn't be here without you. I try to stay busy everday and leave the house. Jack got the squirrel for you yesterday but maybe you saw him.I have yet to be able to write to you without an ocean of tears. Baby girl how I miss you & hurt so much. I just don't see an end in sight for my pain. You were everything to me and now I am utterly empty inside. I had no idea how "alone" I would feel without you. I knew I would lose you one day but I thought that day was years away! I pray each day you are happy & have lots of friends. I hope you met God & asked him if one day I will come home to you & the answer was yes. I love you princess. Kisses & hugs always. Mama
8-27 Hi Princess. I'm having a really hard morning missing you. I cried as soon as I left the house and couldn't stop. I saw a glimmer of a rainbow and then as I kept driving, crying out of control, the rainbow got bigger. I want to believe that was you trying to show/tell me you are at the bridge & chasing squirrels & that you heard my cries for you & you stopped to show me the rainbow. I sensed you the other day & even reached down to pet you. I hope you know you were my everything. I've never felt so strongly about a furbaby as I did, & still do, about you. You were special baby bear, very special. Sending you hugs and tons of love from my heart and soul. I love you bear bear!!!
8-28 Hi bear bear another hard day without you. I cant stop this pain from taking over. I miss you so much I want you to come home to me. Oh baby bear I hurt so much I just want to hold you again. mama
9/6 Hi Princess. Mommy misses you so much. I have no words today, all I have are tears. I LOVE YOU
9-22 Sweetpea today has been a rough day. I miss you more & more & still can't comprehend you are really gone. I look in your places around the house everyday & cry wishing you were still here with me. Oh boo bear I miss you so much.
10-9 Hi baby bear. Mommy misses you so much. I've been crying again today. I just want you back here with me. Please PLEASE PLEASE come see me in my dreams. I'm so scared you are alone & confused. I didn't leave you I promise. Oh god I miss you so much and my heart & soul are hurting more than I can bear. Oh sweetpea I hope you know this. I LOVE YOU
10-23 Good morning Sweetpea. Another hard day/night. I cried again & continue to as I write you. I had no idea how hard losing you would be nor how much my heart could hurt. It's been 12 weeks/6 days & yet I still can't look at pics or your things. I miss you so much!
11/14 Good morning fuzzy face. I had a dream of you 2 nights ago & woke up hoping you were here. Did you see the new bracelet I got in your memory? You may have left my life but you will never leave my heart. Oh baby bear mommy misses you so so much. I'm trying not to cry everyday but it's just too hard. I still can't believe you are really gone. My life is just so quiet, too quiet. I LOVE YOU FUZZY FACE!
11/22/15 Hi sweet bear. Well i spent my first Bd without you. I can't tell you how much I miss you. As I sit here writing you I'm all tears. My heart and soul hurt more than I can bare. Why did you have to leave me so soon? why did God take you home and leave me here missing you and feeling empty. Oh bear how I miss you!
12/18/15 Hi Sweet baby bear. I've been having a really hard time these past few days. I want to believe you came to see me yesterday as I was in bed crying missing you. My tears are coming in waves & I'm drowning. Oh baby bear I miss you & I just cant believe youre gone. I'm going to have a hard time on Xmas, this will be my first one without you. I LOVE YOU!
12/25 Well baby girl Christmas came without you here physically but you have been in my heart all day. I miss you so much. I hope you had a great day in heaven & had a present to guard. I still can't get thru a single day without tears and again I'm drowning in them. This heartache is just too much most days. I find myself remembering all the silly things you used to do like when I vacuumed today I could picture you sitting by the tree. they way you & I would play hide and seek or you would try to get my hands under the blankets. Oh baby bear I can't begin to express how much I miss you & I'm still in disbelief you are truly gone from my touch. Merry Christmas sweet baby girl. Sleep in peace tonight & keep an eye out for me at the bridge. Tell Cujo, Kelly, Cuddles, Pug, Mountain, Jiggers, Mr. Limpet & all the others sweet babies I lost Merry Christmas & to hug you tight for me. I love you! ~mama
12/30/14 Happy 12th Birthday sweet baby bear. I hope you had a great day at the bridge. Mommy is still struggling with the loss of your little soul. You filled my life with so much, now I feel half empty & my heart hurts so much & I can't stop crying every day.I was cleaning yesterday & realized I didnt have to chase you away from the vacuum; I immediately started to cry. Oh baby bear, mama's sweet pea, I can't tell you how much I miss you. I just can't believe you are really gone! It doesn't seem real most days & hits me like a bolt of lightning. I cant get thru this message to you without earth shattering pain. I hope God forgives me for all my sins & allows me to hold you one day. I love you so much. Can you feel mommy hugging you? I miss how you would sniff my hair, I miss playing hide-n-seek, I miss our game of mama's gonna get you. Sending kisses & tight hugs to you. Good night sweet bear. I love you princess!
01/04/16 Happy New Year baby girl. mama's gonna try to start her healing process & remember you with only smiles. I'll do my best not to cry for you so much but I can't make any promises. I love you sweetpea!
1-11-16 Hi sweet bear. another week has gone by & I'm still drowning in tears. Oh sweet girl I miss you too much. I can't take this much longer. I love you!
1-25 Hi sweetbear. Mommy is having a hard day. I miss you so much & still can't believe youre gone.I just want to wake up from this nightmare. Oh babygirl I hurt so much & just can't get over losing you. I pray you are ok & are running & playing but most of all you are being loved & held by God. You were truly my angel & now I'm so empty & the stillness in my heart just hurts more than I can bear most days. I love you fuzzy face!
2-15 Happy Valentine's my sweet baby girl. I miss you more than all the stars in the sky & all the grains on this earth. I pray you are happy & loved as much as I love you here with me. Please be at the bridge when my time comes as that is all I want for eternity. I love you fuzzy face.
2/29 Happy leap year baby girl! I miss you so much & my heart still hurts for you more than you know. I love you sweet baby bear.
03/28 Happy Easter sweet baby girl. I miss you so much baby girl. I just want to see your face & hear your silly bark. Please come see me again soon. Oh baby girl mommy's heart is just crushed. I LOVE YOU!
04/25 Hi baby girl. Mommy hasn't forgotten you. I still cry each day & every time I write you. Oh baby bear I cant begin to tell you how much my heart hurts. I've never felt such deep pain. I miss you so so much. It feels like my soul has been ripped from me. I cant wait to step out of this darkness & into the light to see your sweet face. I LOVE YOU BEAR!
6/21 Well sweet bear mommy is still struggling without you. My heart just hurts so much & somedays I can barely manage. I cry daily for you. Oh sweet bear I miss you too much. I pray you are happy & healthy. I pray you are not lonely. I miss your hellos each night & your presences in my life. I love you so much!
7/4 Happy 4th of July baby girl. Mommy sure misses you today & everyday. I wished you were with me for this holiday. I love you!
7/24 Hi sweet baby bear. Well here we are at our 1 yr anniversary. I was praying this would be easier than it is, but I was wrong. Dead wrong. I am reliving this night & it's killing me. Did I do enough. Did I wait to long to take you in. Did I love you enough. Oh baby girl I hurt.
7/25/16 8:39 am Today marks the day and hour you were called home. I know God needs his angels, furry ones too, but I need you here with me. I will always love you boo bear & miss you with every breath I take. I keep reliving today over & over in my head, & my heart just can't take it anymore. I know they say time will heal all wounds but this one can't be healed. How do you heal a broken soul? How do I put the pieces back in place when you were the edging that held the puzzle together? Oh bear bear I miss you so so much. I'm doing all I can to keep from crying but I just never thought I would hurt this much. Know mommy loves you. Please please come see me in my dreams. I love you!
8/8 Hi sweet bear. Mommy is having yet another week of heartache. I knew I would miss you & I thought I would be prepared for this day but with your passing being unexpected I just can't seem to get past this pain. Oh baby girl how I wished I could hold you again & hear your welcome home howls. Mommy loves and misses you too much!
8/29 Well Boo Bear another week has come & gone without & I'm still crying oceans of tears. I still can't believe I lost you. I miss you so so much baby girl.
9/22 Happy first day of fall Boo Bear. I hope you met Shasta at the bridge yesterday. She needs friends to show her around. I miss you sweet girl even though the pain is not as sharp most days my heart & soul are still very heavy. I just cant believe you are really gone. Oh baby bear mommy misses you so much
10/31 Happy Halloween my little princess. I miss you baby girl!
11/6 Hi baby bear. Mommy is still struggling with the pain of losing you. I have yet to get thru one of these posts without crying. I was thinking of getting a little girl but know that I would have a hard time knowing its not you. Oh how I wish I could just see you one more time. I would give anything to hold you. I love you bear bear.
11/29 Hi sweet girl. Mommy celebrated another birthday without you. I miss you so so much little girl. I love you! I hope you had turkey for TG this year. I miss you!
12/25 Merry Christmas baby bear. I hope you had a great day with all your new friends & our Lord savior Jesus Christ. I miss you so so much sweet bear. Please come see me in my dreams. Love you boo
12/30 HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET SWEET BEAR. Oh God I miss you!
12/31/2016 Well another year has come & gone without you. I miss you sweet baby girl so so much. Happy New Year's fuzzy face. Mommy loves you.
1/17/2017 Hi sweet Bear.I miss you so so much little girl.I still cry almost daily when I think of you. Oh baby bear I still can't believe you're gone.I love you princess.
2/3 Another day of tears for you little girl. I hurt so deep & have yet to make you my promise to stop crying each time I think of you. I have a new feathered baby, her name is Kahluma. I swear you had something to do with me finding her. I can feel you every time I hold her. Please come see me in my dreams, please please pleas baby girl.
4/18 Happy Easter my fuzzy face! I miss you little girl. Here go the tears again, I pry one day I'll be able to write you without the tears.ILOVEYOU!
5/15 Hi Bear Bear. Mommy worked in your garden this weekend. I pray you heard me talking to you. I miss you sweetheart & the tears still fall. Until we meet again my sweet fuzzy face.
7/20 Baby girl. I hope you met Conan at the bridge & I hope you forgive me for his passing. I LOVE & MISS YOU SWEET BABY GIRL!
8/27 Hi fuzzy face. Well your brother was called home today at 4:32 a.m. Please show him around the garden & show him the cloud he can look down & see me. Please come with him to see me in my dreams. I love you boo!
Please also visit Jack.