Jazzi, my little teddy bear kitty. I miss the love in your eyes, love in your heart and your cheekiness. All the tricks you did, the pop-ups, the rolly-pollies, the kick-kicks and the flip-flops. I loved watching your 'fancy pants' wiggle as you scurried away when we played chase. I miss the sweet peep-peeps when you called out to me. And, I really miss you carrying your weasel around, catterwalling for me when you wanted some loving. You were so intelligent, always knowing what I was feeling and when I needed some loving myself. I'll always appreciate the two days you never left my side when I was recovering from surgery. You were so young then and full of play, but still you chose to keep an ever-loving eye on me and I will always be so grateful to you for it. You have tapped a part of my heart that could never be touched by another. I still sing your song that I wrote for you but dearly miss when you would come running to me and dance around me everytime I sang to you.|
You came to me as a little baby at 8 weeks of age. I'll never forget those times that you had so much to learn, yet learned so quickly..like the time you landed in my waffles and maple syrup, the time you sat on the edge of the bathtub when I was taking a bath and your sister, Bambi playfully attacked you thru the curtain and knocked you into the water.......and the time you fell into the toilet! I only ever had to tell you once and you learned. You always aimed to please me, and please me you did beyond words for 15 years.
I have so many more memories and stories to tell my sweetheart. I will cherish the times I can return here and reminisce about the most precious times of my life.....the times I spent with you........my love.
May 6, 2009: Jazzi, my love, it has been one year since you crossed the Rainbow Bridge and oh, how I miss you so, so much my sweatheart. My heart aches for you more and more every day and I long for the day when we will be together again, when I can look into your eyes and feel your warmth. It has been a long year without you baby doll. I miss everything about you. I miss the mornings when you wake me up by gently patting my face with your paw. I miss your sweet peep-peeps and the way you would talk to me and the games we used to play. I miss the way you smell when I'd bury my face in your fluffies. I miss the trust that you had in me. I can't put into words the way you would make me feel when you'd trust me to do things you didn't like...like when I'd have to give you a bath. You were such a good little girl, just letting me do what I had to do without a fuss and just looking up into my eyes, knowing I'd never hurt you. I've never had that trust from anyone Jazz. Your happiness and safety was more important to me than my own. I would have done anything for you, I wish I could have taken your pain away. I'd do anything, I'd give up everything just to have you back here with me, safe and sound. Nothing means more to me than you do.
I miss taking naps with you in the middle of the afternoon, I found nothing more relaxing and satisfying. When I was with you nothing else mattered, there were no concerns. You are my baby, my angel, always looking out for me. Your eyes have so much wisdom. I believe you know me better than I know myself. You are truly a gift from God and I believe you are still here loving me, watching over me and covering me with your wisdom. You are my true soulmate Jazz, my best friend forever and I pray that you are very happy where you are and I pray for our future together. I can't wait until I see you again scoofydoo.....and this time nothing will separate us, ever.....this time it's forever! I love you more than anything Jazz. You are everything to me. Love, Mom.
Hello my sweetheart. It is May 6, 2010, two years since I've been able to hold you in my arms. I miss you more and more as each year passes by. Time can't touch the love I have for you in my heart and it will never, ever fade. I take this day each year and dedicate it to you, watching the video I have of you, visiting your Rainbow Residency, looking at your pictures and holding your toys. As painful as it is to open up the wounds, it is beautiful to feel you all around me. My love for you is so strong I feel as though you are still here with me on this earth. I know you are still with me though...before I lost you I always felt those words were just a cliche but I've really come to learn the meaning of it and how true it really is. I truly believe that life does not stop after we pass and that time here on this earth is to build our Heavenly family. You are the keeper of my heart my little girl and no one could ever steal that away from you. As you know, I have kitties with me now...there's Maggie May who you had met. I got her to keep you company after Bambi passed, I wished that you would have accepted her. She was my gift to you, I hope you know that now. Then there's Jasper who I adopted about 3 months after you left. I wasn't looking but when I saw him, he looked so much like you that I couldn't turn away. He is a sweetheart with your gentle spirit and I think you would like him. Then there are all the strays that crossed my path last year. I do believe you sent them all to me. All the kitties that were abandoned like Pretty Boy Floyd, Pokey and Fu Man....as well as Momma Cat and the four kittens she gave birth to. I was so happy to have been able to help them all find homes...and I know that you were behind it! But...of all the kitties that I've helped and the kitties I have in my life now, none possess the hold on my heart that you do. As much as I love the Maggalicious and Jasper Man, they will never be able to tap that part of my heart that you did and still do....it was magical with you, you are my "heart" cat. The bond between us can be broken by no one sweetheart. I cherish the day we will be together once again...for ever! I love you my sweetheart, Mom
May 6, 2011: Good morning my sweetheart. It is our day again...the anniversary of the day that brought me the most heartache I've ever felt, yet now it is a day that I celebrate your life...the gift of having you in my life. The love I have for you is celebrated everyday in my heart. Time could never and will never change that! This year is the first year that I am starting to feel like today is more of a celebration rather than a mourning. It has taken me this long to reach a point where I look to my future on earth with excitement rather than with sorrow. I know you wouldn't want me to be sad all the days of my life so I have tried hard to fill my life and future with happiness and success. But, you are with me every step of the way. Your love in my heart keeps me going and adds meaning. As I do every year, I will watch our video again. I do admit, I always feel fear about watching it as it is so difficult and makes me cry a lot. But, I made a vow to both myself and you that I would rather feel the pain in order to keep your memory alive in my heart no matter how much it hurts. Forgetting you would be impossible, but trying to forget you by not feeling the pain of your memories would be even more painful for me. I will watch our video on this day every year for the rest of my life. Seeing you and Bambi may hurt but also brings me joy and strength knowing that you both await to greet me one day and that makes me smile. You both would always greet me every day when I got home from work. I couldn't wait to get home to see you, my babies...whether it was from a trip or just a day of work. I never liked leaving the house, even for a minute as my heart was always with you and by your side is the only place I truly ever wanted to be. What I'd give to have you back.....anything.
All the kitties that I have now, and will have throughout my life could never take that piece of my heart that belongs to you as you have it in your possession as a promise that we will be together again one day....a day that keeps me going and I look forward to. To have taken away the fear of death for what awaits me on the otherside, that is a gift in itself. More kitties have shown up on my doorstep since last year. Josie is sill here and she now has a few friends. The two little twins and now Casanova. He is a beautiful long-haired gray like you so you know I am partial to him.
The day is still young my little girl. I have a video to watch and pictures to go through. This is official "Jazzi Day". I hope you are feeling my love in what ever you are doing. I wish I could be with you and give you a big hug right now. Please know that my love, hugs and kisses are with you baby.............always!!! I love you sweetheart, Mom.
May 6, 2012. Jazzi, my sweetheart. It has been 4 years now since I have been able to hold you in my arms. In some ways it seems like it was just yesterday as the love in my heart is as strong as it's ever been....and it always will be, and I still miss you more than ever. The past 3 anniversaries, I had not been able to do anything but consume myself with memories of you and it is always very painful. But this year is different. I realize that you are with me everyday no matter what I do and I don't have to mourn to be close to you. I celebrate you everday regardless of what I am doing anyway and I know you'd rather me be happy. I could not get myself to watch our video last year and in some ways feel terrible about that because I vowed to always do so. I don't know if I can watch it today either...I think it is part of the grieving phase I am going through. I can't because it is still painful and I'm at a point where I don't want to feel that pain right now. And, like I said, I've learned I don't have to be in pain to feel close to you. It is something I'm learning as I go. I know it is just temporary and I will heal beyond this too. I could never go without watching our video again, I just need to get a little stronger. I hope you understand my baby girl, I know you do. May 6th will always be a painful day for me as I think about losing you. Love is such a powerful thing and time will never be able to lessen what I feel for you in my heart. You are still my number one as I tell you all the time and you will always be. I tell Maggie that you are my number one and she understands. Everytime I am visiting with you she makes a fuss as though you are trying to speak through her and I believe you do. I have learned that whenever we love, the one's we've loved and lost are with us..but we have to walk in that love for them to be able to be close. This is because they are love, and that love is the path between us. Thank you my sweetheart, for all you've taught me and are still teaching me today. You are wisom beyond my years and your eyes still speak to me. I pray and look forward to the day when we can be together again as I yearn to see you, feel you, smell you like I did on earth. Until then, we are connected and always will be. Know that the love I have for you is bigger than any love I've ever known and you are in my heart every second of my life, and are always with my wherever I go and whatever I do. Death could never change that. We will be together forever babydoll!!! I love you so, so much sweetheart. Your Mom. xoxoxo =^..^=