Jaxon was born on April 9th 2003. My friend's mother bred Cocker Spaniels and as soon as I saw him I just fell in love with him. We handpicked Jaxon to join our family in May 2003 when he was 6 weeks old. Jaxon would reside with us until he took his last breath on October 7, 2015. |
I remember the day we brought him home. The kids were beyond excited and bonds were quickly formed. Jaxon wasn't the easiest puppy. He was never truly house broken. We tried everything, but he never quite learned to go outside 100%. It always seemed that I was cleaning up after Jaxon. It was really frustrating sometimes, especially as he got older. I can't tell you how many carpets and rugs we replaced over the years. Looking back on it now, I just don't think Jaxon ever liked going outside. He was the ultimate house dog. He was content to stay inside with his family all day every day. He loved to lay on the couch. He used to have a navy blue V-neck sweater that he would wear in the winter. He hated every second of it, but he was so adorable. Cocker Spaniels have really long hair but I always kept Jaxon groomed short. He went to the groomer every 6 weeks like clockwork, haircut, nails and a bath. I remember dropping him off and he would get so sad. I always told him it would be ok and I would be back for him. He was so excited when I would pick him up and he looked so snazzy with his new haircut.
Jaxon loved walks through the neighborhood, he loved car rides and chasing cats and squirrels. He barked every single time a car drove by the house. He would sit on the arm of the couch and look out the window and bark at every single thing he saw. Jaxon hated dog food and loved human food. He ate everything. He loved to play with the kids and roll around with them. My husband would say get em Jaxon and he would immediately start playing.
The years went on and Jaxon aged right alongside everyone else. As he got older he developed eczema really bad. I swear, I went almost to the ends of the earth to find something to help his skin. We finally decided on prednisone shots every 3 months and special dog food. It certainly helped him but never cured the issue. When Jaxon was about 5, he was hit by a car. It was awful. It was late at night and we had to take him to an ER vet. His back leg had been dislocated, so they put it back in and taped the leg so it would heal. Jaxon was miserable. He eventually healed and life went on.
I took Jaxon in for a teeth cleaning in April 2015. It was then that we discovered his kidney levels were a little concerning. Nothing major, but just something to watch for. Jaxon began to lose weight. He was once a healthy 30 pounds and now he was down to 23 pounds.
I took Jaxon back to the vet on September 4th. He hadn't been eating much and just didn't seem quite alright. His weight was now 19 pounds. His kidney levels had changed dramatically. There wasn't much we could do. The vet told me that we'd have to make a decision soon. I was beside myself. We tried everything to help Jaxon, but he was tired. I could tell. I knew what was coming but I pushed it to the back of my mind and just tried to get him to eat. I cooked him everything, chicken, sausage, burgers, pork, steak, eggs, ham. He ate some but never really that much. He loved pepperoni, so I fed him that. This went on for another month. I though as long as he can walk, I am keeping him alive. He started to lose bladder control, began throwing up and finally his fur began to fall out. I knew what was happening. I was broken. I kept thinking this can't be it. He's only 12. I'm not ready.
We took Jaxon to the vet at 7pm on October 7, 2015. I was crying the whole time. Jaxon was unexplainably calm. We went in and she didn't even examine him. She said that Jaxon's kidneys were poisoning him and that's why he is so sick. I asked her if it was time and she said yes. I almost fell to the ground. My husband asked if we could come back on Friday, but she wasn't going to be back until Monday. That would have been 5 more days that Jaxon would have had to suffer. We just couldn't let that happen for one more minute. My husband I told Jaxon how much we loved him. We put him on the table and I kissed him, told him I was sorry and that I loved him, and that was it. He was gone and my heart almost broke. I don't even remember paying or the drive home.
So began my life without my sweet boy. It's been the hardest think I have ever gone through. I miss him to my core. I think about his last day and think that I could have done things different. I wanted to pick him up and run out of there, but that would have been for me and not him. He was suffering and I just couldn't let that happen one more day. I wasn't prepared for life without Jaxon. I didn't know how much pain I would be in. I always knew I loved Jaxon, but I really discovered the depths of my love for him through his passing. You never know what you have until it's gone. That couldn't be truer. Jaxon was a huge comfort for me. Everywhere I went, Jaxon was there. He followed me around the house, he sat on the couch with me, and he slept with me. I fed him, I bathed him and took over his grooming, I took him to the vet, I bought his food, and I did everything for him. Now that's gone and I am left with my precious memories of my sweet boy.
I believe our pets bring us the truest form of love. There are no complicated feelings like we have with humans. It's just pure love. That's what I learned from Jaxon and I will keep that in my heart forever.
Jaxon--I love you with everything I have. You brought complete joy to my life and our family will never quite be the same without you. I hope you are happy and free at the Rainbow Bridge. I can't wait for the day that I see you again my sweet boy. Until we meet again.....
I Haven't Left At All
It's been another year, Jaxon. I miss you every day. I still stop by your box and give you a little kiss every now and then. Your picture is on the fridge, so I see you every day. There are more smiles now when I think of you and not quite so many tears (although I did sob reading this!). I hope you're happy at the bridge, and thinking of me too. You were such a special dog to me and I miss you dearly. You were one of a kind, a true and loyal companion. Until we meet again, my sweetest boy!!