2/16/2022: Oh my sweet Jazzy,,,,,with no warning or reason, today I lost you,,,,oh how it broke my heart,,,, I sit here feeling so surreal, like I'm in a bad dream that I can't wake up from, and the tears are blinding me. You were not even 5 years old and there were no warning signs of any illness or disease,,,,,so unfair. What happened to you baby? |
You came into my life shortly after I lost Jettie. One of my feral girls Cloudy brought you around to show you where to come to eat. You were only a few months old, and such a cutie,,,all black and shiny. After a few months, you trusted me and joined the outside 'feral' group, but you acted like a domesticated house cat. A few days after I lost Jettie, I came out the back door to feed you and the others, and you just sat there and looked me straight in the eyes and meowed. I sat down in front of you and stared, and that's when I saw Jettie in your eyes,,,,I truly believe he brought you into my life to ease the pain of his loss, as you look so much like him, especially your eyes,,,,and you both looked so tough yet had the sweetest dispositions.
You found your place in the group, and I was so grateful you had come into my life. You learned how to use the cat door in the garage in the winters to come in and sleep in the heated beds there, and have your breakfast and dinner. In the warmer weather, you took over the back patio, and learned to use your doghouses in the rainy weather. You were such a smart boy and quick learner.
Then a new girl joined the group last year. She was so fearful and it took her a while to let me touch her. She moved like a linx mixed with gazelle when she ran,,,it was so funny,,,,so I named her Linky. She also had her ear tipped, so I imagine she is a TNR. Within no time, you two became buddies,,,,,actually, she fell in love with you :) But you were so good with her and tolerated all the rubbing she would do on you. I am so worried about her because I know she is going to be lost without you out there,,,so please come to her when you can and comfort her.
About 2 months ago, you showed up with a very bad injury to your throat, and even though you are feral, you let me treat it twice a day, and by the grace of God it healed very well. You were such a trooper, as I am sure it hurt like crazy, but you didn't fight or bite or scratch during your treatments,,,,you knew I was trying to help,,,such a bond we had formed.
My Jazzy pants,,,,what in the world happened to you? I have my suspicions, although the vet disagrees,,,but I was the one who saw every minute of your demise and I'm am 99% positive you were poisoned, either purposely by some bad person, or maybe you ingested antifreeze. Our vet didn't feel this was the case, but yet didn't really have any clear diagnosis.
The day before yesterday, at breakfast, you seemed a little off and didn't finish all your wet food, but did eat your treats and drank, and otherwise you were your normal self. But then you did not show up at dinnertime,,,,,,a few times in the past you had done this, so I didn't worry too much. Then the horror began---yesterday morning I found you in one of the beds in the garage, and you hadn't been in the garage in a while since Rambo started staying in there and you were afraid of him.
I called the vet and she came several hours later. Your temperature was low, so possible hypothermia, but your heart sounded fine, and your blood sugar was normal. She didn't find any masses or any other indications of what could be wrong,,,she had no idea what had happened or was happening to you. You couldn't really stand or walk more than a few steps,,,,,you were so, so weak. But my baby, what a smart, smart boy you were, because even though you are feral, I had set up a litter box for you, and lo and behold, you got up and went into it and urinated,,,,,I just could not believe it! You then went to the water bowl and drank, and licked a little wet food! So we thought maybe you were on your way back and the worst was passing, whatever it was. The vet gave you fluids, and vitamin B complex and potassium, and I let you rest while I went to feed the others.
I checked on you every hour, and put a camera in with you so I would be alerted if you got up and I could monitor you between visits. I can't bear to write all the horrible details here, but between the bouts of diarrhea and blood, and cleaning you, and the bile vomiting, I knew there was no more hope. As it was around 4:30 in the morning, I couldn't call the vet to come, and we couldn't get to a hospital, so I prayed for you to be taken peacefully and held you and told you how much I loved you.
Around 7 a.m., your breathing became more rapid,,,,,I held you and told you it was okay,,, and that I loved you and that you could go,,,,,and 20 min later God took you,,,,,,
I have every emotion,,,so much anger, so much grief,,,,so much emptinesss,,,so much confusion,,,,,but as I thought about how bad it was, I realized it could've been worse---you were obviously very sick, yet had the presence of mind to make it back to the garage from wherever you had been the night before, and that if you hadn't done that, you would've died outside somewhere, alone, in the cold, and all the other horrible things that would've happened to you after you passed. Instead, you were in a warm house with me holding you, and at least you will have a proper cremation service and I will have you with me forever.
Oh my Jasper baby boy,,,,you were far too young to taken away,,,,for that I am angry. And you were far too sweet to have gone through this,,,,for that my heart aches.
Jazz,,,,I hope you will always know and always feel how much I love you, and that you were such a blessing in my life. Thank you for all the love and laughs you gave me, and for reminding me that you guys are still around me, as Jettie did through you.
All I can hope is that you are well now and that Jettie met you at the bridge. And I'm not sure if Rudy is there, but if he is, I hope you are with him as well.
With all my heart I miss you already, and will forever. You will always be in my heart Jazzy,,,,,,I love you. Love and Light my baby boy,,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX
Would you hold my hand, if I saw you in Heaven.
Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Beyond the door, there's peace I'm sure
Would you know my name, if I saw you in Heaven
'Cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven,,,,,,
2/18/22: Hi baby boy,,,,oh how much I miss you!!!! Today was your cremation service, and I brought you home and put you in the memorial with your cousins. I'm having such a hard time accepting that you're gone, because there was no warning, rhyme, or reason, and we still don't know for sure what happened to you. I can't bear to go out on the back patio, because you're not there,,,,,,and Linky is getting more anxious every day, and there's no way for me to help her understand what happened and where you are,,,,she just keeps waiting for you to show up at feeding time. She loves you so much and my heart breaks for her,,,,you were like her big brother,,,,if you can, please come and comfort her somehow. I hope during the time you were here that you felt how much I loved you, and that you can still feel it now, wherever you are. And thank you for making your way back home, even though you obviously were so sick, so that I could find you,,,,the thought of you dying somewhere outside alone would destroy me,,,,so at least you were safe inside with me, warm, and had a proper tribute to your passing. I'm so sorry we weren't able to figure out what had happened to you and possibly make you better,,,,it will haunt me forever not knowing,,,,you were too young and such a good boy to have been taken this way. Jazz,,,know that I will always love you and you will always be in my heart. I love you baby boy,,,,,,Love and Light,,,XOXOXOXOXOXOXXX
3/1/22: I miss you so much Jazzy,,,,keep seeing you and hearing your meow,,,,love you my baby boy.
3/28/22: Oh Jazzy,,,how much I'm missing you. And today, your girlfriend Linky left for the bridge, and I hope you were able to meet her there. She was missing you so much,,,,, then a few days ago she became very ill, just like you did. All I can hope is that you are together again, and you are her rubby buddy again :),,,,,she so loved being with you. Please take care of her,,,,,Oh how I miss you,,,,,,please know you will always be in my heart, my sweet baby boy.