9/17/2021: It's been 3 days since you've left this world and my heart is broken into a million pieces. I miss you more than anything, but have some comfort knowing you're no longer in pain and can once again run free. You came into our lives in February 2008 as a birthday surprise from dad. He went to pick you out and said you climbed over all your siblings to get to him. I laugh because knowing you, you just wanted out to be with the people, but we like to think you picked us. I was scared when dad got you, knowing how long dachshunds live and what a big commitment it would be, but we jumped in head first. You were tiny and fierce. Determined to do anything your heart set out for. We knew quickly you were an athlete and competitive, like nothing I've seen in any of my other dogs. When we moved to NYC, you were still a puppy so I signed up for a meet-up group for dachshunds. I wanted you to have dog friends. Any non-dachshunds that came, you'd chase around and bark at, you were never discrete. You grew up a lot in the city. You learned to swim in the Hudson River, you were the best shopping buddy with mom, and you really grew your love for the beach here. We traveled a lot and you were always the best companion, happy to be along for the ride. Living in NYC, you picked up some silly things, like associating a call from the doorman and mom saying "okay, thank you" with food coming to the door. You loved your bag because it meant you were coming wherever we were going. People would always stop and watch you jump in as we headed down the stairs to the subway. You had a love-hate relationship with your bulldog bestie Haole. He always bullied you because he was bigger and older until one day you stood your ground. I was so proud of you.

We moved to San Diego in May 2014, you were 6 years old. I would take you to the dog beach on Coronado at sunrise so you could play before all the other dogs got there. You would dig in circles and go crazy. You always loved basking in the sun, whether it was at the beach, or a little spot you found in the house. You didn't get much sun in our NYC apartments, so I think that was your favorite thing about being back on the west coast. Well, that and the weather, you always hated the cold and the rain. Your back accident happened in April 2016, I was 6 months pregnant and so worried. Luckily it was just IVDD and we got you surgery in time, but you never fully recovered. We started to run into a lot of health issues after that, but we always sought out the best care, the best doctors. Everything was fixable, or so I thought. Even when we found out you had a heart murmur, I thought we'd be okay. Even when the heart murmur progressed, I thought the medicine would make it okay. And it did, but then it became a battle between your heart meds and the impact to your kidneys. We did what we could, switching to a low protein diet, but your kidneys were continuing to deteriorate due to the heart medication you needed to be able to breathe. I knew in my heart my your body couldn't take much more. I didn't want to accept it. You had always been a fighter. But as time went on, you grew slower, more tired and stopped doing the things you loved. I felt like you were a shell of your former self sometimes, but that's part of aging, right? I miss you so much and hope you're running free, with your ball, and in no pain. Every night I go to sleep hoping you'll come to me in a dream to let me know you're okay. Maybe that'll happen when you know I can handle it. Momma really misses you...

9/18/2021: It's been 4 days since you've been gone. Everything reminds me of you. I went looking for your old blankets because I just wanted to smell you today, it seemed like the closest way I could get to you. I cry a lot, but don't be sad for me, I am just having a really hard time adjusting to our new normal. I am anxious to get your ashes back and have you back home with us. We are thinking about going to NYC in November. I am a little worried because I know it'll be a rush of emotion, remembering all the places I walked with you. Maybe we can bring some ashes to scatter there. I hope you've gotten your appetite back and they have plenty of greenies there for you. I've been watching videos of you today, they bring me some comfort in my sadness. I miss you... and love you so, so much poppa.

9/19/2021: Today is day 5. I feel such a deep emptiness that I worry will never be whole again. I keep thinking of Tuesday, your last day. I know letting you move on and stop being in pain was the right thing to do, but I can't stop reliving the moment you took your last breath in my arms, or when we wrapped you in the blanket so they could take you for cremation. I had them take your car blanket. I wanted you to leave in your own blanket, one that always comforted you. It's been hard to sleep, I got so used to waking up to you coughing in the middle of the night or needing help getting to the bathroom. Your kisses on that last day meant more than anything. I hope the pain will subside one day, but I will never forget you and will always love you. I long for when you can give me a sign of your presence. You were one of a kind Jack, and forever irreplaceable. Hopefully Buddy (Mr Wiggles) greeted you at the bridge. I know you didn't love me fostering him last Christmas, but he sure loved being with you in that time and I know would comfort you until I can hold you again. Until then, those last moments comforting you is what I will hold on to. Knowing this is not how I pictured things ending, but grateful I was able to be there, with you, protecting and loving you.

9/20/2021: It's been 6 whole days without you. I want so badly for you to show me a sign that you're around, that you're okay. I laid out your blanket on the couch today, just in case. I talked to you on my drive to work. It's the one time of day where I am alone, in silence and can reflect. It's still hard with every little thing reminding me of you. Today when I made Aiden's lunch for school, I caught myself not opening the string cheese too loud, because I knew that always made you come running. I miss you more than any words can express.

9/22/2021: It's been just over a week now. I hope you're okay and just want you to know I love and miss you so much.

1/17/2022: Happy 14th birthday in heaven. We got ice cream to celebrate you tonight. It's not the way I pictured this birthday, but I hope you're having fun up there. My heart hurts more than ever and I miss you so, so much.

9/14/2022: Today is one year since you earned your wings and went over to rainbow bridge. I don't miss you any less, and it has not gotten any easier. I was looking through old pictures and videos of you the other day and the tears would not stop. We had a "stuffie" made that looks just like you. He sits in your favorite sunny spot on the bed. It brings us a little bit of comfort. We went to Europe for 6 weeks this summer. You would have loved it. They are so dog friendly there, allowing dogs on any beaches and inside restaurants. We saw lots of dachshunds there. None as handsome as you. I hope you know how much we love and miss you. I think about you all the time and can't wait to be with you again.

1/23/2023: I am a few days late (sorry!), but wanted to wish you a happy 15th birthday in heaven poppa. I found your green and blue sweater when cleaning out a cabinet this weekend and it brought me to tears. I miss you so, so much still. I hope rainbow bridge is treating you well and you got a nice cake for your birthday.