It was a cold February in 1998...I was told a litter of puppies were born under a car in a junkyard..My (then) husband surprised me one day with all eight puppies, to shelter them from the piercing cold ..I know I couldn't keep them all, eight was just too many to care for. I had to make a decision, which one....ahhh...I see the one I want ...she is beautiful, jumping over the rest, pushing them out of her way so SHE can eat..feisty little thing...and she was mine.|
The next 10 years and 11 months would be beautiful ones. Holly would become closer than ever to me, seeing me through a divorce and moving 3 times. She was with me all the way. We would spend every night together. I would decide on not going on vacations, as I didn't want to leave her. It was well worth the sacrifice. I thought I was the lucky one, being able to stay home with her....
Holly was always "MY GIRL", I have a daughter that Holly would be curious about, what she did all day and night in her bedroom (my daughter) so Holly would go, look around, and run back to me as to say..."that visit with Amanda was long enough mom..I'm back".... so, Holly and I became best friends, soul mates, and each others companion....I went to Dr visits with her, and she always stayed beside me when I was feeling ill. Right by my side. She would actually 'kiss me back'...and would bark to discourage me talking on the telephone! Holly.. simply put, was my best friend..my soul mate...
As the years went on, Holly slowed down quite a bit. Especially these past 2years. I noticed she would be on her belly on the floor...and I would see the whites of her eyes, as she followed my movements..from room to room.I knew her bones were sore. She was a big girl, 95lbs, and this hadn't helped.
We would always retire in my bedroom on my second floor, and when I would go upstairs, Holly would go upstairs, when I would go downstairs, she would follow me down. But in the last 6 months, Holly didn't have a good time going down the 10 stairs I have..she almost fell several times, so I would assist her going down the stairs, and had to make her wait at the top of the stairs more often when I would go down. I knew with this change in Holly, meant a change for the both of us. I knew she was slowing down faster than I wanted.
Holly's last day alive, Friday January 23, 2009 was a cold day The HIGH that day was 44degrees, the LOW was 14 degrees. At 2:30pm, I knew she wanted to go outside. It was an overcast day; I let her out, and for some reason I ran to get my camera. Little did I know I would take the last 4 Photos of her that day. She had a problem going to the bathroom....she circled and circled around a huge Oak Tree I have in my yard..She never did this before. I thought she ate too many bones, or something that upset her stomach. She came back in and rested on the floor. By 3:30, I saw my Holly in a small bathroom I have..one she never went into..I think she wanted me to notice her there, so I could ask, as I did, "Holly..what is wrong with you??" I noticed her drooling excessively, and her gum's were Grey. She couldn't get up..I had to drag the rug out of the bathroom that she was on. She looked into my eyes, I knew what she was saying..it was HELP MOMMY!! Frantically, I called for my daughter to get home with a strong friend to lift her into her car. I have a HUGE SUV that Holly wouldn't fit on the seats, and the floor is too narrow. So I paced, and waited. Amanda got home quick. By 4:40pm Holly was so bad I took her to the nearest ER 1 min form my house...it said 24HR ER SERVICES...they told me to ship her up to Ocean State Animal Hospital, where they have state of the art services....they said to "hurry...she is very sick and could go at anytime" With disbelief, my daughters friend drove in the 6:00pm Friday night traffic on Route 95 SOUTH. Need I say more. I was in the backseat with Holly, holding her. and telling her I loved her. I could here her breathing ...her breaths were less frequent. We would barely make it there..but she held on, for me.
We got there..they wheeled her in as fast as they could...at 6:40 they came out to say they were doing CPR on her..and at 7:00pm Friday the 23 of January 2009 they told me she was gone. It was 14degrees as I left the animal hospital..I remember all the details..I remember the pain. This couldn't be true..they had to be wrong..
All the symptoms were that of Bloat. Why didn't I know.....Forgive me HollyBerry...I am a mere human, who doesn't have all the answers. I only know how I have fallen so deeply in love with you...never to recover from this loss. Yes, I am sure I will be better, on the outside. My heart is surely broken, my girl. I would go through it all over again, just to have you. All the pain, just for you...you were my choice, remember??
I picked my Holly up from being cremated the following Tuesday about 12:00noon and took her home where she sits in a small shrine in my bedroom. We still are together, but I cant see her, or hear her talk to me as she did. I only have a Final Wish that one day she and I can be buried together and that I spend eternity with her on the bridge. I hope my request for her to be put in my casket will be honored...somehow someway. The ground was too frozen to bury her.
I hadn't spoken to my ex-husband in a while, but I did call to thank him for giving me the greatest love/gift in my life..my precious HollyBerry. He was sad she was gone, and told me she loved me too. I must add I have a daughter and I love her dearly....Holly was a different love...a soul mate love. Please understand I now know we can love things deeply..but differently.
Thank God For Ginny, and this God sent site of Raimbows Bridge. For sure, it has been the the place where I get my strength to go on ....
HollyBerry, Rest In Peace until l I meet you at The Rainbows Bridge. Stay with me and guide me until that time, and Please be there for me. I will look for you as I hope you do me. Until then, play my baby, with all your new friends. Have a good time, and do not be sad for me, that I cry. It is what I have to do, for the love I had for you. It was heaven on earth here with you, for sure.
May God grant you the gift of Eternal Life my baby...I love you and will mourn your death until it is my time to go. God Bless and watch over you.
1/20/09 It has been 4 Fridays since you left me. This time, 5:25 pm they told me you would not make it back home with me. I miss you my little fuzzy face. Please stay with me, and give me the strength to go on. You will always be "My Choice" before anyone else, Holly.. Rest In Peace until we meet at the Rainbows Bridge.....
3/31/09 Hello my girl..I had to write to you. You were given beautiful white flowing wings by 'Milena" on Sunday the 29th of March. You are just breath taking to look at...what a beautiful girl you were, HollyBerry. I am so proud you were mine. Fly my baby, fly fly and be happy and free!! Always remember, I love you and miss you. EASY....Holly...E-A-S-Y! (remember, girl?? :-))
5/10/09 ~Mothers Day~ HollyBerry, on this Mothers Day, you are missed, and thought of with much love* as with every day. It has been 10 year since I have had a Mothers Day without you. Rest In Peace, my girl...I love you and I miss you, always XOXOX Mommy XOXOX
6/23/09 Well I never thought I would the day..my Holly...when I would be visiting you without feeling your fur, and velvet ears; Smelling your smell..I still remember it. As I write this, on your 6month anniversary, I look to my right and I see your photo..the one below with you smiling as you always did when you looked at me. I see you collar and black leash...your toy snake and toy lamb. They now have residence in my bedroom, beside my computer, as I look up at them often on the wall hooks. I miss you, and your companionship. My life Is not the same, nor will it ever be. I still write to you everyday..some days in this hurried world, I take more time than others. But always, My HollyBerry, I love you. Rest In Peace girl. Until we meet again...XOXO
10/12/09 HollyBerry. As usual, you are always in my heart. Never forgotten, always loved like no other. xoxo Always, 'my choice'~
12/05/2009 Well My HollyBerry..we began with snow and we make the final circle with snow. God Bless You. Not a day passes that I don't write to you in your journal. May we one day be joined again. Forever. I miss you. Merry Christmas my baby girl. XOXO
12/23/2009 Holly, you are in my heart, always. God Bless you this Christmas Holiday. I love and Miss you
12/24/2009 MERRY CHRISTMAS HOLLY, ...WE'RE APART THAT'S TRUE...BUT I CAN DREAM, AND IN MY DREAM I'M CHRISTMASING WITH YOU........Hollyberry my thoughts are with you each day, alll day. I love you. Merry Christmas
1/16/10 we are counting down HollyBerry..to a terrible time on a terrible day. I love you. Help me be strong.
And I'd give up forever to see you
And all I can taste is this moment,
And I don't want the world to see me,
One year too Many my ((HollyBerry))
4/2/2010 On this Blessed Easter Holiday...may you walk beside our Lord. You are thought of each and every day....with nothing but pure love. I miss you. Always. You are my choice. God Bless You.
5/9/2010 On this Mother's Day know you are missed and loved. Always~ "my choice" God Bless You
7/23/10 Always in my heart and always on my mind. 1 1/2 years my HollyBerry. I love you forever.
9/23/2010 My Dear HollyBerry...another Autumn you are not here with me. Please stay by my side....it's lonely without you. I love and miss you
9/27/2010 Had to change your flowers...I love you
12/3/2010 The Christmas season is here. Missing you always....with love....
1/2/2010 My ((HollyBerry)) another year closes and I am missing you...still~ I will never forget
1/23/2011 2 years already. Did you think I'd forget you? Never happen. I miss and love you Mommy
3/12/11 Another season~ I miss you still* Mommy xo
5/28/2011 Thinking of you with love this Memorial Day. I LOVE YOU
9/19/11 More than 2 1/2 years Holly. Where does time go. Never forget me..and my love. Please be
12.20.11 Merry Christmas my HollyBerry. It's your season. I will always love you. Mommy
11/20/12 In to another Christmas season we go....Never forgotten, and always loved~ By me...your mommy. God Bless you..
1/29/13 The years have gone by. I don't know the exact number of weeks and months you have been gone.
3/29/13 HAPPY EASTER MY ANGEL XOXOXOXO MOMMY LOVES YOU
9/10/13 Always missed and Loved- Mommy xoxo
11/23/14 I love you Hollyberry xoxo always in my heart until we meet again....Mommy
1/2015 Time has gone by like a blink. I love you Mommy