You became a part of our family the moment we laid our eyes on you.|
The first time we met, I fell in love with the ball of fur snoring away in the window of the pet shop. The first time Mummy carried you into the cab to go home, and then we fed you and you ate like you hadn't had anything for days, I remember the moments like it was just yesterday.
You were 3 months old when you joined us, spunky and bright eyed, playful and energetic little brat.
At 7 months we went on our first walk together, and many more after. Each time you never failed to boss me around while only listening to Mummy and Daddy.
At 1 year I started walking you on my own for evening walks, sometimes to play with other kids at the playground or to fetch Mummy on her way home from work.
At 2 years I was walking you to fetch Mummy as usual when you spotted a cat and ran off without a thought, leaving me to chase after you only to lose sight of you in the buildings. You popped out of the bushes after 10 or 15 whole minutes of me sobbing and calling for you, and you ran into my arms.
At 3 years we went on our first bike ride together. I put you into the basket of my city bike and we zoomed(safely, of course) around the neighborhood, stopping at the end of our street to go for walks with the bottle and bowl of water I would bring along for you.
At 4 years I was having a major national exam. While my aunt sat me down the whole day to study, you were always at my feet or near my table snoring away as a way of supporting me. Whenever I vomited because of stress you would be there outside the toilet door trying to come in to comfort me.
At 5 years I was diagnosed with a chronic illness. You were with me through all my flares and symptoms, looking after me, providing your fullest attention and never leaving my side or resisting my albeit tight hugs in the hopes of reassuring me.
At 6 to 8 years we had developed a routine. You would be with dad in the mornings, for the long walks and kibble. You would be with me in the afternoon, in my room for the constant cuddles you hated in exchange for drooling on my pillow. We would then walk to fetch Mummy from work later in the evening and come home together to have dinner, where she would give you table scraps along with your kibble and it'd never be enough for you. At the end of the day, you'd join Mummy in her bed and snuggle with her to sleep, only for her to wake up the next morning to find that you had abandoned her for your doggie bed.
At 8 years, 8 months and 20 days, you left us for Rainbow Bridge.
I can't remember the last time you peed or pooped at home after being potty trained.
You were always the first to greet me, and the happiest.
You always sat right behind the door and never failed to give us a shock whenever we opened the door a bit too quickly and hit your butt.
You always knew where to go for food, following Mummy to the kitchen knowing you'd get something out of it.
You made your presence known around the home with the tapping of your toenails against the tiled floors.
You always barked whenever we brought you on walks, loud and clear and proud of your volume even at 9 or 10 at night.
You would drool until we gave you bits of our food or until you made a little drool puddle on my bed.
You were the only one willing to sit through my anime binge sessions, patiently on my lap as we re-watched a series for the fifth time.
You put up with Mummy using baby language and singing in weird voices to you.
You let Daddy comb your fur and bathe you whenever he felt the need to, though right after he releases you you'd run like the speed of light around the room, rubbing against whatever that doesn't smell like the soap he used on you.
You loved Mummy's steamed white chicken and pumpkin and carrots.
You hated getting your teeth cleaned but never minded your tail being touched by anyone in the family.
You loved belly rubs and behind-the-ear scratches.
You loved napping while listening to a random video of "relaxing sounds for dogs" on YouTube, or any video that I'm watching, just content to be by my side.
You loved chasing after the birds and cats when you could still see, even after you lost your sight you went crazy at the sound of a bird chirping.
You loved the times we ran through the huge field in front of our blocks, chasing our kites with the wind. Until the government tore down the field to make way for new apartments.
Teaching you to 'sit' and 'high-paw' was a breeze compared to teaching you to 'rollover' since you never did the 'over' without falling asleep on your back or a treat to tempt you back up.
You tried to stick your whole snout into the dustbin a few times, being the curious and greedy little fur-ball you were.
Every time we brought you to the vet for your vaccines, you never cried out or misbehaved. You amazed all the vets for how well behaved you were.
That time we went into the lift and I forgot to pick up your trailing leash, when the doors closed and the lift went down it frightened us when the end of the leash had been caught in between the lift doors so you were pulled up. I managed to un-leash you and save you from further harm, and met my mom while holding you with blistered fingers, crying not from the painful friction burns but from the relief of having saved you that time.
When I used to play the piano at home, you loved to sleep at my feet while listening to me trying and stumbling over the keys.
I can't count how many toys we've bought for you that went missing and never to be found.
Every birthday you had, I'd get a cake for you from the dog bakery as a celebration.
We had to use either your favorite pink blanket or one of our own to pick you up most times since you hate having your naps disturbed and would growl otherwise.
We had to bribe you with treats to get you to wear your lion dance clothes and stop you from biting it.
You loved napping in almost every position - on your paws, on your side, curled up, uncurled, in the sun, in your bed, in my blanket, on your back with your stomach exposed for rubs, and especially on my head when I'm lying down.
Passersby would stop to praise your cuteness and comment on your beautiful eyes, despite losing your sight the last few years.
After losing your sight, you were still determined to get around and find us using your nose despite getting a few bumps on the head along the way. But it was worth it to you if it meant getting to us.
Even throughout your last days, despite being unable to eat or drink anything, and barely having energy to move, you waited and waited and waited for us to reach home from overseas and carry you for what we never wanted to be the final time, where we rushed to the animal clinic not knowing that it was too late, you tried and struggled and fought with everything you had but it wasn't enough. After being hospitalized overnight, we had received news that you were leaving. We got ready within minutes, we reached within an hour of the call, but we didn't make it in time.
I wish I could have brought you swimming.
I wish I could have played the piano for you one last time.
I wish I could bring you for another bike ride around the neighborhood.
I wish I could have done a stay-cation with you at a doggie hotel.
I wish I could have brought you to a doggie cafe.
I wish I could still save plastic bags to use to pick up your business.
I wish I could still go on walks with you.
I wish I could have gone on more runs with you before my disease prevented me from doing so.
I wish I could have made you wear your lion dance clothes one more time.
I wish I could smell your stinky breath and make you drink water again.
I wish I could let you sleep in my lap until my legs cramp up again.
I wish I could wake up to you sleeping on my hair again.
I wish I could have celebrated your birthday once again.
I wish I could have bought the third rope toy to replace the other two you lost before you left.
I wish I could have gotten you to have at least a nice meal before you left.
I wish I could have made it to the clinic in time.
I wish you were still here with me.
Our brave little girl, you are special and always will be to us. I love you, Mummy and Daddy love you. We all miss you lots. I don't think any of us will ever fully overcome the grief of losing you, it's like you took a whole chunk of our hearts with you when you left. But I will definitely remember the happy times we had together, being cuddle buddies, the silly things you did to make us laugh, and all the joy and unconditional love you brought us. You were my best friend, my companion, my family, and my soulmate. I wish we didn't have to part so soon. I hope you get to play with lots of dogs and cats, chase birds, eat lots of food, and have a ton of fun while waiting for us to join you at Rainbow Bridge.
Love you always and forever.
27 Feb 2018 - Dear Fluffy, today we are holding a candle ceremony as well as prayers for you. On the 7th day of a loved one's passing, according to Chinese belief, the soul will return home for one day to see their loved ones.
Mummy and Daddy took the day off. I'm leaving your favorite music playing for the entire 24 hours. We hope you enjoyed the pumpkin and chicken Mummy made for you, and your favorite bananas and carrots. We brought you flowers as well, even though I know you would probably just huff at the scent or try to bite them. Has your eyesight been restored? Can you see us now? I hope you enjoyed the food, I bet you wanted a share of our dinner. Don't worry, we all left a piece of our food in your bowl as a treat. I can't believe its been a week since you left. Its so empty without your presence at home. We wish you were still with us, but we know that it will never come true.
Just for this day though, we felt that you really came home. Daddy dreamt that you were walking with him. I found scratch marks on myself in the same areas you could scratch me when I carried you too suddenly. Mummy heard you whine when she took out the trash. I saw the door open slightly like how you'd nudge your nose into the doorway to get in. Finally, we saw that your food bowl had shifted even though no one had touched it. We truly believe that you came back for today, and of course we wholly welcome you home. Love you, our dear Fluffy.
6 Mar 2018 - Hi Fluffy, it's been 2 weeks now. Everyone still misses you at home. To be honest, we don't feel like you have left us. We always expect to look at the corner of the bed to see you snoozing there. We hope you have made many friends and are having lots of fun at the Bridge. You are always welcome home. Love you always, little fur ball.
20 Mar 2018 - Hey Fluffy, it's been a month. How have you been? I still can't believe you are gone. I can't wrap the idea around my head. I look at your bed every time and still expect to see you snoring there. Though I'm no longer crying, I refuse to forget you. I hope you have been taking care of yourself and having tons of fun at the Bridge. As always, you are welcome home anytime. Love you, furry little sweetheart.
10 Apr 2018 - Hi Fluff, it's the 49th day today. Though you've left us, you're still in our hearts. Mummy made carrots for you again, and I left you your favorite salmon treats. Daddy is still sad about you leaving, all of us are. You know, I was looking through your photos and videos again and I realized that you actually were chubby. Funny how I didn't notice when you were still with us. Doesn't matter though, you've always been the perfect sis to me. Hope you have fun with the others at the Bridge. Remember that we love you and that you're always welcome home, our little ball of fluff.
22 May 2018 - Hi Fluffy, it's been 3 months. Your bed has lost its scent. Your presence is still missed very much. We decided to adopt another dog, her name is Riley. It pained me to see her eat from the same bowl you ate from and chew on the same rope toy. But I am getting used to the fact that she and you are both different but are equally loved. Taking care of her really reminds me of you, especially when you were younger in your puppy days. She is a mongrel we adopted from a shelter, and like your first days here she had peed and pooed at home. She also loves food but she is very timid and shy, unlike the you who proudly walked wherever you went. Getting her made me realize that we can love another while still grieving. I'm sure you would have loved to play with her too. We love you, our fur-ball, and as always you are welcome home.
29 May 2018 - Happy birthday, FLuffy. You would be turning 9 years old today. I miss you so much. I love you.
25 Oct 2018 - Hi Fluffy, I'm working on a book right now. It's really, really hard to write about how I met you without crying. When I think of the moment I laid eyes on you in that pet shop, I really wish I could go back to that time, just so I could hold you again. You were only 3 months old.
20 Feb 2019 - It's been a year since we lost you, Fluffy. Lots of things happened, I wished you were still here with us. It's been a tough year.