I won't forget anything. I love you so much.|
It's been 3 days. Finn, I see you everywhere in all of your usual places. I hate the mornings.
There is no one here to fix my hair! There is no one sitting on the heating vent in the bathroom.
Our happy house is just not the same.
12/10 Well I just finished afternoon yoga. I couldn't really finish with a good savasana. When Finn decided enough was enough he would attack my hand. Never claws out though. He just wanted to let me know it was time to get up. Usually time for a hug & a kiss. No problem.
12/11 Today is Andy's birthday. I tried not to cry this morning. Oh well. Every morning,when it was Andy's turn in the shower Finn would come out from wherever he was training his post breakfast nap, take a stretch and ask Andy to pick him up for a few minutes of cuddling. Finn would purr and purr and give love bites to Andy's chin. Then it was time to get down & hang out with me and wait for treats. Well, demand treats really. I always snuck him a few extra when I could! I hope someone is giving him some treats this morning. I miss him so much.
12/12 Finn, today your dad has to have a tooth pulled. One of the many super things about you is that you always know when we don't feel good or just feel kind of down. Please send a couple of cuddles and nose boops and head butts down from the rainbows bridge to your old dad. Thanks my Poops Maroops. Your mom misses you and loves you but I know your watching out for us.
still 12/12 Finnbar poop I was just thinking about the day I brought you home. You were so little & your ears were so big! You never did grow into them. When I opened the door of that carrier you came out playing with the ball I now carry in my pocket. Your brother Newt was more shy & less sure of himself. That never changed. When you were asleep on the couch & he couldn't find you, he wandered around looking for you & crying. He's been doing that again now. Newtie seems so lost without you. Just like me. I love you the Bippity bop. Then you say the Boppity boop!
12/13 Finn, it's almost been a week since I came home from work & found your little body. I wish I could get that image out of my head. I have to remember that was just your body, not you. I miss your Finnbar kisses & I miss holding you while your dad washed dishes. You would lean over and give him a quick nose boop. You just wanted to be with both of us. We miss you, and love you.So do Newt, Rocky &Spree.
12/14 This morning I thought about how much you like shoe laces. A lot of mornings when I'd get ready to put on my sneakers you'd come flying across the room & attack the laces. You'd think that would be irritating but I just thought it was funny. What a silly guy you are! I hate this day. I love you poops marroops.
12/15 Yesterday I found your collar on the floor. You wore it once for about 10 minutes. Newt tried to chew his off. It must have been 12 years ago. We hadn't brought Rock & Splee home yet. I didn't even know I still had that collar. Thanks Finn for the laugh. I'd forgotten all about it.
12/16 Andy & I just put up all of the Christmas stuff. I still put up your stocking,Finn. Just because I can't see you it doesn't mean your not looking down at us. You're still my special little guy. You loved Christmas. We don't even buy you guys gifts because you like the boxes & wrapping paper more than any toy. I love you my Finn.
12/17 I thought about you lots of times today. Sometimes for a second it feels like you're still here. With all of this evil in the world I sure am blessed for having you, Newt, Rocky& Splee Splee.
12/18 I think about you every day,poop. I miss your hugs.I even miss you scratching the headboard.
12/20 I didn't write anything yesterday Finn but please don't feel I didn't think about you. Today I laughed about when you would shake your head & you would almost loose your balance because of those ears of yours. You are definitely one of a kind. I miss you every day.
12/21 I miss you hanging out with me in the kitchen,Finn. I keep looking next to the stove & you aren't there. I hope you're having fun & have made lots of friends. You always hate to be alone.
12/24 Wrapping presents wasn't the same. Newt lay down on the paper.Rock & Splee were bored with it. No one madly leaping and tearing the paper. Now I know I'm just a sloppy wrapper. I was just thinking of when Andy & I came home with Rocky & Splee. Newt was furious. But you seemed delighted. You held their heads down & licked them until they cried. Later Rocky was double your size & you still tried. He put up with it. That's because you were best friends. It's weird to see Rock napping without you close by. We all miss you. Merry Christmas to you & all of your new friends at the bridge. I love you poops maroops.
12/25 Merry Christmas my Finnbar poop!I know you're on the bridge chasing wads of rolled up wrapping paper & jumping in & out of boxes showing everyone how fun it is. I hate to start this day crying. I love you poop.
12/29I'm running out of room Finn so I'll buy a journal tomorrow. I think I see you sometimes. I hope that always happens.Its been three weeks now. The pain isn't so sharp now but it's so empty without you. I know it's just see ya later though. Just like leaving for work but longer. Please keep an eye on us. Rocky, Splee, Newt & Finn. You guys are my catteley cats.
12/31New Years Eve.Finn, please take a minute every once in a while to send a quick smile to us. We all miss you so much. I always keep your blanket just the way you like it. I miss your little face so much.
1/6 Finn,you've been with me during the best and the darkest times in my life. And you never judged. You just crawled onto my shoulder and gave me unconditional love. I just feel lost without you. What a special guy. Your old mom misses you so much.
2/3 Today, as I was giving Newt,Rock and Splee their morning treats, I remembered,Finn, that you are the only one who would work for them. You would meow& meow and act all pathetic and starving.You liked to put on a show for sure. That's why you always got a couple extra when I could. I miss your silly shows and I miss your sweet face.Newt seems to have calmed down a bit. He sleeps with me more now. I know how much he misses you.
1/10 I thought I saw you yesterday. I wonder if you were paying a quick visit? Your blanket is just the way you like it & I left your nest in the closet. Newt still cries at night. I miss you but I know you're ok.
1/11I finished washing Newt,Rock& Splee's breakfast dishes yesterday. I looked over at the floor next to the stove and you weren't there. I miss you every day. I asked you to send me a sight that you're ok. When I opened the blinds in the bedroom I saw outside the most beautiful pink sky. Idk. Maybe? Well I do know that no matter what your old mom loves you. Newt still looks for you in the shower. Who knows? Maybe he can see you. I hope so
1/15I thought I felt you all day long yesterday. In fact I kept looking behind myself and I fully expected to see you. Mondays are a little hard still. I'm home just doing the housework but you always kept me company while Newt Rocky & Splee slept. I'd look down and there you'd be. I miss reading with you curled up on my shoulder so much. What a special cat you are. I hope you were paying me a visit, keeping me company like you always did. It's weird. Sometimes I feel a little better but I almost don't want to because I don't want to forget anything. I love you Finn & I think about you every day.
1/19 I was trying to think today about something I don't miss about you. I wasn't crazy about the toe biting. You would attack as soon as I put my feet on the floor until I could get my slippers on. Not fun in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning. I would do it over & over again just to have you back with me. I miss you so much.
1/27 Finnbar I don't think that a day has gone by that I don't think about you. It's a beautiful chilly day. Perfect day to curl up on the couch in the sun. I wish we could do that. I love you my Finnbar poop.I hope you're having fun with your new friends. I wait for the day I get to hold you again.
1/31 We lost power briefly this morning,Finn and I remembered the last time when it was 5 days or so. It was cold! We've since gotten a generator. But you just curled up with me under the blanket. At night all 4 cats snuggled in there but you slept curled up between our heads. Pretty smart.You're so easygoing. I think you were the first and only being who ever needed me.I guess I needed to be needed. And I am still so lost. I miss you so much.
2/5 I told the story today,Finn about when you had to get your ekg and the vet office called us in 10 minutes and told us to pick you up. You're such a good guy that they didn't have to knock you out. I've been wondering lately if there was something we should have done for you. Please forgive me if there was. But there was no indication that there was anything wrong. Newt has started calming down. He doesn't cry as much at all and he's been sleeping with me. Keep an eye on us Finnbar. I think about you every day and I still look for you. Sometimes I swear I feel your sweet presence. I will always love and miss you.
2/6 Tomorrow is 2 months.I think that explains the weird sense of panic I've had all day. I will never forget the 1st time I saw you. You were so small. Someone had left you,Newt and the rest of your brothers& sisters is a cat carrier in the Wal-Mart parking lot. I picked you up and you snuggled into my shoulder and went to sleep. From that moment on you were mine. You and Newt. I love you so much.You will always be my special little guy with the big ears & dirty face. Newt was and is very sleek and handsome. How funny you were brothers. I know Newt misses you.No one licks his head or boxes with him. Someday we'll all be together again.
2/13 Yesterday,a woman at work stated what a shame it is that people talk about helping animals when people need help. Finn, I can honesty say I don't think people are more important or superior. God put us all here. Maybe I'm a little more open to that sort of thing, but I know that when I looked into your eyes there was love there. I miss you so much.
2/14 Happy Valentine's Day Poops Maroops.I hope you got lots of extra treats today. I hope that there are ant treats, cowboy treats, oyster treats & blasters. Newt,Rocky& Splee will only eat those treats still. They all love them.It's a little bittersweet each morning when I give them out.Newt gets one or two extra now because I know he's having a hard time still without you. Me too. I love you Bippity Bop.
2/18 One of the great people who signed your guest book wrote that you must be the "cat's meow" at the bridge. It's weird maybe but for the first time since you went to the bridge I really feel at peace with this. I miss you so much. I miss holding you.I miss giving you squeezes and kisses.I miss you demanding cowboy and ant treats. I miss looking down and seeing your sweet but dirty face. I think about you every day.But finally I really am positive that we'll be together again.All of us. You,me,your dad,Rocky,Newt and Splee. And probably some furbabies I don't know yet.And some I haven't seen in a while. And it will be great.Just the way it should be.
2/24 Another dreary day Poop. This is doing wonders for my head.I used to kind of like days like this.One of the simple joys in life is to curl up with a cat and read a good mindless novel..and then probably fall asleep.You were great for that. Rocky and Newt now sort of trade off cuddles. It's a little weird,nice though. I guess we all have to make certain adjustments until we're all together again. Splee is still such a daddy's girl. She misses you too Finn.No one around to lick her head. I know she pretended to be annoyed but how many times did she put her pretty head in your face demanding to be licked. I don't write as much Finn but I think about you every day.I love you very much.
3/3 Finn,we brought home a little black cat today.He is not a replacement for you. I'm crying right now because I'm so happy and so sad at the same time. The little guy reminds me so much of you. Maybe you sent him to me. I've been so sad. I miss you so much. Please watch out for your new little cousin. He's very sweet and I think you would have loved him. He seems like a guy who likes his head licked.I didn't even want to write this. Crazy right? I will always love you.
3/4 I had a little meltdown this morning, Finn. I hope you never think that the kitten was a replacement for you. I tried to fight it. I even I didn't want him. But he's just a little guy who needs a home. And I think you would like him, although I was wrong. He's not like you. You loved attention at all times. This guy likes to initiate it. He doesn't always want someone around. I think it's just his personality, also I think being on his own for so long. Please look out for us and say a quick prayer that this all works out. He's not you, Poop, but he's lovable in his own right.
3/10 Hello Poop. I miss you so much. Thank you for watching out for your new cousin Bill. He's doing very well and everybody else seems ok with him. We took him to his first vet visit the other night. He was very good,just like you used to be. I couldn't help but think of the first time we took you and Newt. You were so small.After you got your shots you actually reached for us. I guess you knew who your mom & dad were. I also know that you would love Bill. You would gave licked his head until he got annoyed. He also is a gentle player. No puncture wounds. Just like you. So thank you for showing him that. Funny, I think I feel your presence more with the new guy here. I love you poops maroops
3/11Hi Finn. Do you remember your couch monkey? Dad brought me a stuffed gorilla for Valentine's day or something. You loved that thing. You groomed it and licked its head for so long we had to take it away from you because we were scared you'd get sick!I still have it. It doesn't live on the couch anymore though. Bill is doing pretty well. We have supervised visits every day. I still miss you so much. I imagine I'll miss you forever. But the thirteenth year of nothing but joy make it worth it. Plus I know we'll be togtether again. We ought to be some tribe once we're all together. I love you Bippity Bop.
3/17 Happy St Patrick's Day Poops Maroops.It's our special day. The only two Irish in our house. I named you after Finnbar Furry the Irish singer.It wasn't in the cards for me to have human babies but I've always been perfectly happy with you guys. I got a little weepy thinking about you yesterday. Some of that may have been from the st paddy' s day beer! I hope you have a good St Patrick's Day at the bridge. I love you Finnbar.
3/29 I'm home sick today Finn. I can't help but think about how you used to be if one of us was sick. You would just curl up on the pillows or behind my knees and hang out all day. I used to love when you would gently put your little paw to my face. Please keep an eye on Newt. He's doing pretty well with Bill. He's certainly up and about a lot more. I know that you'll be happy to be together again but not for a while, ok? I need him too. I miss you so much still. I can tell silly stories about you now but I still feel the tears we'll up. Kind of like now. If the weather ever gets nice we'll do something nice under the apple tree where we buried your little body. I know you're not there but it would still be nice. By the way Bill loves the same oyster cowboy& blaster treats. I love you Finnbar poop.
3/31 Happy Easter Finnbar Poop. I have a bad case of the blues today. I miss you very much today.Probably because I just don't feel well. Mass was beautiful and I left there feeling much better. I hope when its time you're the first thing I see. I wonder if you've found my mom. You only met her a few times but you sort of have me in common. I'll bet you have and I'll bet she'll give you a few extra cowboy treats today. After all it is Easter. I found myself worried today that you may be all alone. But now I'm pretty sure you're not. I love you Bippity Bop.
4/8 I lost you four months ago yesterday. I still miss you like it was yesterday. Today is the first day the weather feels like spring. You used to love to lay in the bedroom window. Even if it was a little chilly you liked to lay in the open window in the sun. I looked at that window and started to cry today. All I could see was you lazing in the sun. I know you're lazing in the sun today at the bridge. You're probably on your back stretching out your toes. Well, I doubt time matters much there. But I'll be with you again before you know it and I'll lay my chin on your little head again. I love you Poops Maroops. I wish you could give Bill a good head lick!
4/16 I've been visiting lots of furbabies residences lately Finn. I keep telling them how great everything is at the bridge. You are the friendliest little guy I ever met. I'll bet you have so many friends. I miss you so much though. I keep telling Bill he has his own Angel cat watching him. He's been sleeping in your old nest in the closet. I hope you don't mind. The other guys won't let him on the bed. I can't believe how much it still hurts not to have you with me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy. I just wish everything was the way it was but with Bill too. Well, it looks like a lovely spring day. Almost time for helicopters. As soon as I see them I'll put some with you. I love you so much Finnbar.
4/20 Finn, I told you that Bill has been sleeping in your closet. He was getting ready to hop in last night. All I could think about was when Andy would call you before he got in the shower and you would almost fall out of the closet and shake your head until your ears flapped. You would almost fall off balance. That was so funny and I got to see it every morning. You would almost act like it was a chore to get your. pre shower cuddle. But you did it almost every morning. Even your last morning. Newt has been playing with Bill and hissing and growling less. It's good to see him run again. He hasn't been the same since you left. Did you tell him to get over it? I love you Finn.
3/30 Your stone came today Finn. Your Dad and I are going to fix up your grave this weekend and put it up. As soon as I opened the package it was like loosing you all over again. Like a ton if bricks. I will miss you until we meet again. I love you my Finnbar Poop.
5/6 We put your stone up yesterday. It looks nice. You're resting place is under the apple tree. It's blooming now and it's almost like a little cave. Tomorrow you'll have been gone 5 months. I miss you like it was yesterday. You'd think by now it would be easier. It is easier but not because I'm over it. I think when you loose someone you love so much it just becomes part of who you are. I'll see you later my Finnbar. I'll have your sparkle ball and some cowboys.
5/12 Hi Finnbar Poop. Today is mother's day. Newt went to the vet on Friday. The Snoot is getting older Poop. I'm really scared. I know that you miss your brother and I know that he misses you. But I think you'll have to wait a bit longer.I may be selfish but I know you have plenty of friends at the bridge. I only have one Newt. So please keep an eye on him. We'll all be together when its time.
6/1 Finn, I'm sorry its been so long since I've written. I still talk to you every day. I brought home a hanging cardboard scratcher to hang on the doorknob in the family room today. The last one we had was yours. Nobody else would use it. You were so cute when you stretched up on your toes to scratch it. Bill seems to like this one. You would have had fun with Bill. You still loved to run around up until the last night you were here. Newt is doing ok I think.I give him a few extra meals. You probably think it's funny that he gets to eat on the couch. You also probably think it's funny that he likes liver cat food. I got it one day without thinking. The only one who ever liked it was you. Not even Rocky! Well now Newt likes it too. Weird. Tomorrow your dad will hang up a St. Francis tree face over your resting place. I hope you like it. I still look for you Poops Maroops.I'll see you later. I love you.
6/17 Finnbar I don't write as much anymore. I think about you every day and I tell stories about you all the time. You've been gone a little more than 6 months now. My mom has been gone 5 years. I'm a little down lately poops maroops. I sure wish you were here to fix my hair and give me kisses.I'll bet time passes much differently where you are. I'll bet it goes so much more quickly than it does here. We'll be all together again in the blink of an eye. I say I'm a little lost without you and its true. Be good and have fun with the helicopters. Maybe you've run into Miffer, Cat & Kato. Although my mom probably picked Kato up about 5 years ago. I'll see you soon My bippity bop. I love you so much.
7/6 Well Finn, tomorrow you will have been at the bridge 7 months. I can't believe it.I still think about you every day and I talk about you all the time. I still think I see you sometimes. You are still my special little guy. And I can't wait to hold you again. I know Newt misses you. He seems ok but has slowed down so much since you left. It's been so hot. Do you remember last year when the central air stopped working and it was so hot. I gave all of you guys sponge baths. Rocky seemed to like it. I don't know if you liked it or not but you put up with it. I'll see you soon Poops Maroops. I love you.
8/4 Its been almost 8 months since you went to the bridge,Finnbar.I didn't sleep much last night.I thought I felt you jump up on the bed. It was so real that I reached my hand out to pet your head. I don't write much but I think about you every day. I know where you are and I know you're ok. Thanks for watching out for Bill. He's not like you at all except that he likes to be around me all the time. Newt just hasn't been the same without you. He seems a bit better lately though. I wish you had jumped up on the bed last night. I miss you so much and I imagine I'll miss you just as much in ten years. I love you poops maroops.
8/18 Finn do you remember when dad brought home the balloons from his birthday? We thought you'd like them. I don't remember if anyone else cared but you were so scared you wouldn't come out the bedroom for days. We thought we had gotten rid of all of them but when we finally got you out of the bedroom there was a stray. Poor guy. You were terrified. Back in the bedroom you went. I even had to feed you in there. Needles to say we never took another balloon home. I'll bet you don't run into many balloons at the bridge. I miss you so much. I love you Finnbar Poop.
9/20 I haven't been written much lately Finn but I visit you all the time. I'm home sick today and I was thinking about how you used to stay with me all day and read or watch tv. I remember the one time you were sick and the vet had to pump you full of water to make you urinate. You were so lumpy and bloated. You must have been so uncomfortable. But you just sat on your dad's lap purring while he scratched your ears. Such a happy guy. I still miss you so much. I will always have cats but you will always have a special place in my heart my Finnbar Poop.
11/8 Its my birthday today,Finn and I woke up with Newt looking at me. He's doing so much better. I still visit you all the time even if I don't write much anymore. I was thinking about you when we put heat on. You would lay on the heater vent until your whiskers curled. I can't believe how much I still miss you.
7/9/15 It has been awhile since I've written, Finnbar. Life seems to get in the way. I still think of you every day and I still talk about you all of time. Everyone here is ok. Newton gave me a scare or two but he's doing pretty well. Take a second to send me a kiss or a hair pull. I'm not in great shape and could use it. I love you my poops maroops.