My best furry friend ran off to the stars
Her silky coat left behind in my arms.
I washed her soft coat with tears of loss
I miss her .
I cradle her still body and give one last hug
To send her on her way with love
To dance with moonbeams and entertain
The angels with her grace.
One last time I wash her bowl and remember
Her blue eyes watching with patience
As I placed it before her. So elegantly
She dined, as if with kings.
Her pillow sits vacant, still rounded
Where she pressed it down to fit. Her
Blanket flat and shapeless now,
Without her presence.
How I will miss you my little friend,
You gave me such joy and filled
My life with your playful presence.
I miss you.
And if someday I find another cat
Who touches my heart as you did
It will never take your place in my heart
It will not be you.
Someday I will come looking, to hold
You again, and hear your purr
And together we will dance among
The stars and moonbeams.
My sweet, loving, beautiful Felicia. I'm still missing you, my sweet kitty.
In my memories I see how you used to come galloping down the road when I called you. See you waiting in the window for me to come home. Greeting me with meows when I opened the door. Sleeping on the back of my chair -I used to call you my little headwarmer.
But memories are NOT enough. I miss petting your long silky fur that you kept so clean. I miss brushing you and how you would lift up your head so I could brush your white ruff. I miss seeing you wait so patiently for me to give you a treat. I miss seeing you run across the yard, your tail held high.
It's been four months since you died and I still can't stop crying. The loneliness is unbearable. My heart is broken.
I look at your photos and start crying again and my heart hurts with pain.At night when I try to go to sleep, hot tears run down my face. In the morning, when I look for you and realize you are gone, the tears start again. When I'n outside I look for you to join me as you always did, and you are not there. My heart breaks again. The house is so empty without you.
You came to me as a foster kitty and found a good home, with me. It was just not long enough.
I did and WOULD DO, ANYTHING to have helped you, but nothing helped. I can't explain the sadness, fear, hope that came when I finally realized you could not be helped any more.
I hope you were not in pain those last few weeks of your life. I thought about letting you go, but you didn't seem like you were in pain and I wanted to keep you with me as long as I could.
Looking back I think YOU knew the time was coming, and you were saying GOODBYE when you came and laid down beside my keyboard, and sat and looked at me with such thoughtful eyes.
The last few times I let you go outside, because you sat by the door and looked at it like you wished you could open it...I think you were saying goodbye. I wouldn't let you out because I was afraid that you would find a hidden spot and lie down to die and I would not be with you.
You had gotten so thin. Just under 6 pound from your usual 12 pounds. It broke my heart. When I brought you some live mice and you ate them, I hoped that MAYBE I could keep you going for awhile and that you might gain back some weight, but when you sat and watched them and made no attempt to eat them, I knew in my heart that the battle was lost.
The morning you died I got up at 6AM and gave you some fresh salmon, and you ate a few bites, so I went back to sleep. I had a vivid dream that you were running across the yard and woke up in a rush and thought you were gone, but you were sitting by my chair watching me. You could hardly get up. I wrapped you in a towel and sat down and held you on my lap, and told you how much I loved you and how much you meant to me. Then I took you into my bedroom and laid you on the foot of my bed, and knelt down beside you so I could hold you in my arms.
As I stroked your beautiful face, you made two loud yowls and reached out with your paw. Maybe you were telling Death you were not ready to go - fighter that you were. Then you went limp and I knew you were gone, but you kept taking long, deep breaths, so I rocked you and tried to tell you how very much I loved you until you just stopped breathing.
You had not been able to make it to the litter box that morning, and I couldn't think of you being anything less than spotless, so I took you into the bathtub and gently washed you, and then dried your beautiful coat with the dryer so you would look your best.
My grandson and granddaughter went to the garage and made a nice wooden box to bury you in, and I took a lock of your hair and put it into an envelope to keep, and we put one of your blankets in, and curled you on top. You looked like you were sleeping. No more pain. No more vets sticking you with needles. No more pills. My loving friend was gone. My heart was breaking.
I miss you. I WILL come looking for you. God willing we will be together again. My sweet kitty. My best friend. My loving companion. My Felicia. I loved you so much.
Feb. 19, 2012
My sweet girl, I am missing you today and wishing you would come and sit beside my keyboard as I type this. I took the lock of your hair out yesterday and remembered how you always looked so beautiful. I wish I could brush you again. I know you are not in pain any longer, and that makes me happy- but nothing will ever make the pain of not having you here, go away.
March 24, 2012,Five long, sad months have passed and I STILL am missing you terribly. I look out where you are buried under the deep snow and want to have you back inside, where it's warm. The days are getting longer now and the feel of spring is in the air. You would want to be outside watching the birds and squirrels. As soon as the snow goes and the ground warms up, I have a little statue of a sleeping kitty that I will put on your grave beside the Pond. I've been working on a T-shirt that says 'Looking For FELICIA' with a beautiful photo of you on the back of my chair that says 'Looking For FELICIA'. your memory will not die! I also finished a poster for a 'Cats Will' with your photo on it, and 'In Memory of FELICIA My Best Friend. I also have finished a "Cat's Will" with your photograph on it and "In Memory Of FELICIA, my Best Friend, so your photograph will go to many places. YOU WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN!
Hugs, pets and head butts to you today, my sweet kitty!
April 11, 2012
Hello my sweet kitty. I have a wonderful story for you today! As I was going through all my photos of you, I realized that I had NONE of me holding you. That made me so sad- but I was the one always taking the picture, so I was left wishing SO MUCH, that I had a photo of me holding you - one that I would never have.
Then, as I was going through a box of old photos, I turned one over and IT WAS ME HOLDING YOU!
So I believe that somehow, God provided what I thought I would never have. I don't know who took that photo, and it isn't the greatest one...but I REMEMBER THAT DAY! And I remember how fat and good you felt!
Oh my sweet kitty, I am SO SAD TONIGHT. Your buddy, Blackie, has been sick and throwing up, so I took him to see Dr. Bowser and they took a lot of tests and xrays and today he told me Blackie has cancer. He's lost 2 pounds in 2 weeks and I don't dare let him go outside anymore because he stays gone all day and comes in wet and cold. Since I can't get him to eat, I thought by letting him out, he might catch a mouse and eat that, but today he just lays down and didn't even want to go out.
I AM LOSING HIM!!!!!!!
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FACE LOSING ANOTHER OF MY KITTIES. I feel like running away and laying down in the grass and not coming back. I though Ginger would be the next to go, but NEVER Blackie.
I don't know what to do. I can't bear to have him put to sleep, but I don't want him to be in pain. PLEASE, ask God to not take Blackie yet.Please, send positive thoughts to him.Please make him better.
AUGUST 9, 2012
Blackie died August 1st at 3PM. I haven't been able to write about his death, until today.
Until the day before he died, although he could hardly walk any more, he had been able to struggle out to the litter box, and he managed to do that, but that day, he needed to go, and could not get up, so he dragged himself over to the place where the litter box had been, when we had kittens inside, and I had put some newspapers there, and he just laid down and went. I wrapped him in a towel and wiped him off as best I could, but I knew that he could not last much longer.
It just about broke my heart, when I put him on top of the buffet so he could look out the window, and he put his paw up and scratched at the window as if he wanted to go outside and made a pitiful little mew. His face was so gaunt and he was so thin he was just bones.
I stayed there with him, holding him and telling him how brave he had been, how beautiful he was and how much I loved him, until he made two pitiful mews and went limp. I held him and stroked him until he stopped breathing- and then Blackie, was gone. My big, strong, beautiful boy. My hunter. My sweet friend, was gone. I would never see him bounding down the road, to come in when I called "BLAAAACKKIIEE!" Never again would I see him stop, as soon as he got through the door, for me to give him a pat and say 'GOOD BOY!'. Never would he curl up and sleep under the window in the box Holly had made for him. Never again would he scratch at the door to go outside and roam and hunt for mice and birds. I miss him!
Holly and Cam dug a place for him out beside Grandpa's Pond, where he loved to go sit and watch the birds. I'll find a statue to go there. Maybe I can find one of a big, black tuxedo kitty with a white nose. Maybe when I see it I will think for a second....that he is still there.
My heart is broken.
I found a statue for you, Blackie. It is a cat sitting on a log, watching a mouse at the bottom, and I plan to paint the cat to look like YOU. It will go out beside the pond, a place you loved so much, and will remind me of my big, beautiful hunter. It will remind me of how you loved to sit out there, waiting for a mouse or bird to come by. I think of you every day, and what a wonderful friend you were. I just finished a book about our pets being with us in Heaven, and if I am BLESSED enough to go there, I WILL see you again, my sweet kitty, with Max, Boots, Midas and Felicia. I miss ALL my sweet furry friends and want you to know I loved you, each and every one. Sleep well my beautiful friend, until we are together again.
--------------JANUARY 26, 2013
I'm missing you all today. Last night I walked past my chair and almost felt your presence, Felicia. I could almost see you laying there, your fur so smooth and beautiful, your blue eyes looking at me with love. I came in and looked at some of your photos and remembered how beautiful you were and how MUCH I still miss you. I remember that day I took a photo o you sitting and looking at the front door, wanting out. And how I didn't dare let you go out because you were so thin and weak I didn't know if you would come back. I hated not being able to let you go out- you loved it so much, but I didn't want you to die out there alone.
And Blackie.... my big, strong, good boy. I miss you,too. I have a photo of you above my computer and every night when I turn it off, I give you a pet. I miss you, too, my big boy. Everyone used to comment on how big you were, and it just broke my heart to remember how weak and thin you were when I lost you. I hope wherever you are, that you are big and strong again and that I will be able to feel your body again, someday.
Ginger is not doing well, and I fear that she will join all of you out by the pond soon. She is getting so thin, and can't jump up on the bed anymore. I have a heating pad for her on my bed, and she spends most of her time there. Grumpy as she is, I would miss her terribly....she was the FIRST of MY kitties.
I hope you can know how much I loved each of you, and how much I miss you. If I had a magic wand and could have my wish fulfilled, I would wish to be with you all again, to have you around me again, to be able to hold and pet all of you, again. Goodnight my sweet little kitties, God keep you and I pray he will let us be together again, with no pain or sickness any more. As long as I keep you in my memories, you will never die.
Goodnight, my sweet friends.
May 7, 2013
For some reason I have not been able to stop thinking of you and Blackie today. I've cried my eyes out in sadness and missing you both. I wish I could hug you both, my dear, sweet little friends. Maybe it's because it is spring, and a time when you would both be outside chasing the magpies and squirrels. Maybe because I am wanting to be there with you today. MUCH LOVE to you both- my dear babies.
September 8, 2013
Hello my sweet kitties, I am missing you tonight. Holly called and said that Nick had lost his kitty this morning. She was 17 and he got her as a stray, so she had a GOOD home, for all her life.
I was thinking about him tonight, and how sad he must be, to lose his Skittles. The house is always too quiet and the spirit of your friend is gone. I know he will be watching for her to come and greet him....and feel the sadness when you take up their toys, their bed and their dish. And the emptiness when you come home and no one is there to greet you.
I shed some tears for him, and for me- still missing you, my little constant friends.
Felicia- the flowers on your grave were so beautiful this summer! I never saw such big pansies, they were like saucers! But now there has been the touch of fall in the air, and they are fading and soon will be gone.
Blackie... my artist friend Char painted your statue so that it looks just like you.When I see it out there beside the pond, I wish it WAS you and that you would come running if I called your name.
Ginger is still hanging on. She limps when she gets up, and has a hard time getting on the bed, where she sleeps every night, but she still eats ok.
Sleep peacefully my little friends, and I will be SO glad to see you, one day soon!
Goodnight my beautiful Felicia....goodnight my fine boy,Blackie,
October 23, 2013
My sweet Felicia, I haven't forgotten you. It's been two years since I last held you close to me and said "Sweet kitty" in your ear. I can still feel your silky fur and hear your purr.
And Blackie- you were the one I thought I'd have the longest, but you're not here, either. I miss you both so much and long for the day when I meet you again.
February 7, 2014
My sweet kitties - how I wish I could pet you again today. The wind is blowing today and leaves are swirling past the window where you used to love to sit. You would love watching them!
Your photos are pinned to the wall above my monitor screen so I can just look up and see you.
How I miss you both! And Max, too. You were such GOOD kitties and gave me so many happy times! As long as I am alive, I will never forget you. Some people don't believe that we will ever be together with our pets again, but it is MY belief - that God did not let us have your love, without making sure it survives Death. I hope that I'm right, and as soon as I leave this mortal body behind- I will meet you, with joy, on the Rainbow Bridge. Until then I wish for you warm, sunny days, lots of mice and birds, soft pets, and remembering me with love.
May 2, 2014
My sweet friends, It's such a beautiful spring day today, that I could look out at my 'kitty cemetery' and see your statues. Soon as I start finding some plants, I'll once again put them out there so it is a place of beauty. I think of you all as I plant flowers there, how much I enjoyed your company and how much I miss you.I wonder what will happen to your graves when I leave here...if the next family will wonder who you were and how much you were loved and missed? I wish you were here, to run and play in the sun....and YOU, Felicia, to be right there walking beside me and watching everything. We all used to laugh, at how you got right down in the holes we dug, and had to be part of everything! I used to wonder if you even knew you were NOT a 'person'...but a cat. Love you so much my sweet friend, and every day I think about you and how much I still miss you.
Ginger is still hanging on. She doesn't do much but eat and sleep. And I have Anaya and Geb here, but they don't take YOUR place.
Sleep in peace my little friends, and I'll be coming to find you at the Rainbow Bridge as soon as I can.
SEPT 20, 2014
My beautiful Ginger is gone.
Her candle of Life went out Thursday, Sept.18,2014, at 1:15 PM.
I believe she was about 16 yrs old, she was my son's cat, who got her from a shelter when she was a kitten. She was about 2 yrs old when he left her in my care, and she has been my companion ever since.
For the past 6 months it's been a struggle to find her something she would eat. I begged fresh salmon and halibut from all my friends, and she would eat a little....then she started ignoring that, so I bought can after can of cat food and tried to get her interested. The last few weeks I had to force broth and water with a syringe...and she just kept getting thinner and weaker.
She slept on my bed every night and my bedroom became her world. Every morning I woke up wondering if she had made it through the night.
That is no way for a cat to live....so while I am terribly sad and miss her so much, I want her to be in the sunny meadow where the Rainbow Bridge is....waiting for me there, alive, well and healthy and not in pain anymore.
She is THE LAST of MY kitties.....I still have my granddaughters kitty and my daughters kitty...bit no more of my OWN kitties, and it is too late in MY life, to take another, now.
So.....I will be SO happy, to see them all again, when it's MY turn to cross over the Rainbow Bridge.
Patient, quiet Max - BELOVED FRIEND FELICIA - my big, handsome boy Blackie - and now beautiful Ginger. I loved you all, and gave you the best life I could, and know I will see you again when we are all healthy, strong and full of life....at the Rainbow Bridge. I love you all, and think of you every day.
FEB. 4, 2015
WHAT ARE YOU UP TO, MY SWEET KITTIES?
Are you thinking of me? Are you looking for me? Are you as anxious to see me, as i am to see you?
For the past two days you all keep coming into my thoughts and I can't stop missing you. Are you waiting for me to come and be with you? I feel it's getting closer to that time, when I can run across the Rainbow Bridge and hold all of you again! What a GLORIOUS, happy day that will be. Your memories just make me miss you more.
MARCH 6, 2015
For some reason, Felicia, you've been on my mind this Easter weekend. That holiday means REBIRTH to me, and as I was remembering you this story came to mind and the words just flowed onto the paper. I hope you will enjoy it and find it meaningful.
THE WONDERFUL DREAM
I had a dream that I was in Heaven. There were no signs, but I knew that's where I was. Everything was just....right. There was such a feeling of Peace and Beauty and Love, that it could not have been anywhere else.
I was filled with wonder! And Gratitude * that I was even there! I had prayed that my life might have been worthwhile enough to be there, and I had prayed that I would be included, in such a place without evil, fear or death.
As I sat on a bench and looked out over a peaceful scene with grassy meadows and lush trees, I could see in the distance a wide, flowing river and a bridge that seemed to be made of a rainbow arching gracefully over it. There were figures across that bridge, but they were too far away to see who or what they were.
The road continued to join the path where I was sitting, and from behind a low hedge covered with flowers, a form appeared, coming toward me. Now I could see it was a young girl dressed in a gown that reached to her knees. As she walked toward me, her dress swirled lightly and gracefully so that it appeared to be some silky, white material, and as she got closer I began to see her more clearly. Her hair was shoulder length, and a dark glossy brown or sable color and it was thick and made a mane around her head. The ends were lighter, almost a platinum ivory color which framed her face in such a beautiful way that I was drawn to it.
She was now close enough for me to see her features more clearly, and I could see she had high cheekbones and a small chin, giving her a pixie-like smile...and then I saw her eyes! They were big and a most startling color of blue. Clear and strikingly like the water of a calm lake. Deeper blue than a clear sky, with just a touch of turquoise, and they glowed with a special light that made her whole face light up.
Now, as she approached me, she held out her hand, gave me a wide smile and threw her head back as she got closer. Her smile was like someone who knew me from Before. Did I know this girl? Had we met before? She seemed familiar, like a sister, but I couldn't recall meeting her before. She reached out for my hand and when she touched my hand, her skin was warm and soft as a flower petal in the sun. She gently pulled me toward her, and said *I have waited so long for you! And now, here you are. Come with me, we have lots of friends waiting to meet you!*
As I took her hand, I felt an instant rush of feelings: Love, Trust, Fulfillment, and so much more. Without hesitation I joined her on the path. It just seemed so ...right.
The feeling that I knew her was growing stronger and I asked her what her name was, and she turned toward me and gave me such a look of pure love that it took my breath away.... and said in a voice that was gentle and loving....
And we walked together toward the Rainbow Bridge..
Oh my sweet kitties! I am SO happy today!
I didn't write about the homeless kitties. I won't call them 'feral' because they aren't THAT wild, they do come up on the porch for food and water but won't let me pet them.
I often wonder how they came to be homeless. Were they mistreated? Did their owners abandon them? One was a tortoise shell who was very pregnant and the other a grey and white calico.
In the fall the Mama cat had kittens out underneath the 'cat house' but I never saw them until one morning in September, she brought 4 fat little babies onto the porch! One was tortoise shell like the Mama, two were calico's.....and then there was an ORANGE one. WHERE DID HE COME FROM!
I believe she brought them there for me to help her - as winter was coming and the weather was getting cold.
I think she was hoping I could help her, and after thinking about it long and hard, I decided they would have a better chance at life, if I tried to find them homes. Life outside is HARD, here. Long, cold winters and lots of predators who would love a kitten for dinner.
I called the no-kill animal shelter in Homer and they loaned me a trap, and I managed to catch all four. I also caught the Mama and took her in to be spayed - so she would not have more kittens in the middle of the winter.
While the Mama was in Home, I kept the babies inside and of course...fell in love with them!But when I brought the Mama cat back home,hard as it was, I took three of the kittens to the shelter....thinking they would be taken to good homes soon.One of my friends told me SHE wanted the little orange cat, and he is now a very spoiled little guy they named 'Sunny" because he brought sunshine into their life!
Well, time passed and I checked back every day or so and no one came to adopt them.
I went to see them several times, and they were still at the shelter. After several months went by I began to have some doubts as if I had done the right thing in taking them away from their Mama. Maybe I should just have left them outside and hoped for the best.
I put up posters and send their pictures to everyone I knew, trying to get them adopted. The thought of them spending their lives at the Shelter (where they got plenty of food and a warm place to live...but NOT A HUMAN FAMILY to love them) was more and more concerning to me.
I started including them in my prayers at night, and asked God to find someone who would adopt one, at least.
Another month went by and they were still at the Shelter.Then, yesterday, Sherry from the shelter called me. She said :"Are you sitting down?"...I said "Yes" and all I could think of was something was wrong with one of the babies.... then she said: 'A lady came in today, and she adopted ALL THREE of the kittens!"
"WHAT!!!" I said....and she told me that she came in and spent an hour in the 'Kitten Room' and then told her she wanted ALL THREE of the kittens. She said the lady had a big house - big enough for 3 cats - and she had plenty of money to give them good care.
I AM SO HAPPY!!!!! SO-SO-SO HAPPY!!!!
Now the Mama cat is still here with me and her babies all have a good home.
Thank you, God, for answering my prayers and for taking the time to care for your creatures...human AND feline!
DEC 20, 2016
My sweet kitties, I didn't want to let the year end without remembering you. A friend of mine just lost her best furry friend and it made me remember how awful that is, so I wanted to know you are still remembered.
Sharon worked out in my 'kitty cemetery' this summer and got all the weeds out from your places, and put down wood chips and it looks really nice.
I still miss ALL of you, and hope to find you well and happy when I cross the Rainbow Bridge to be with you all, again. You were ALL good, sweet friends and I send pets and salmon to you, for a Christmas treat.
Love you all, forever.
JULY 20, 2017
Dear fur babies, I was looking at your photos behind my computer today, and wanted to put in a note to let you know I was thinking of you today.
It's been a cool summer but you would have loved being outside in the lush grasses. Sharon said there was a mouse in the garage, so I'm wishing one of you was here to catch it.
Sharon tidied up your places outside, and planted new flowers-which are doing well. I can look out my bedroom window and see your special places.
Bim has brought by fresh salmon and so Geb and Anaya have had some and I even put some out for the 'outside' kitties. I don't SEE them often, but they come on the porch and eat the food I put out...and get some fresh water. I did see the tortoise Mama cat yesterday, out by the raspberries hunting for a mouse. There has been a black kitty that I do see once in awhile. I guess they find enough food in the summer.
I miss all of you sweet kitties and include you in my prayers every night. I hope to see you again, soon. Wish you were here to pet. Love you.