Welcome to Eugene Von Pakar Permai a.k.a Goldie's Rainbow Bridge Memorial Residency
Eugene Von Pakar Permai a.k.a Goldie's Rainbow Bridge Pet Loss Memorial Residency Image
Memories of Eugene Von Pakar Permai a.k.a Goldie
No one will ever beg me again for a fair share of my ice cream and other meals.

My first love golden retriever. Once you love a golden, there is no going back.

The first time I saw you you were seating with your back against the petshop window. Beautiful yellowish golden fur and sweet pretty face, a furball weighing at only around 4 lbs.

Apparently you were the last one out of 4 siblings going to their parents' home. Probably because you were the only female of the pack. I will not brag here about your proud bloodline of champions, because in the end, you hold a special place in our hearts purely because of your being, heart and soul.

The first time I carried you home, your little warm fluffy body sat on my lap during the car ride. You closed your eyes because you couldn't take the camera flash when I first took our first car selfie in 2007. When we arrived home, you get off the car and directly ran with excitement from the front door across the room until the back door.

The first time I heard your cute puppy-bark that woke me up in your first morning at home, you were playing with my Dad.

The first time my Dad and I taught you to climb up and go down the stairs.

The first time you felt the rain on your body with sense of curiosity and playfulness.

The first time you played with squeaky toy and biting it over and over again to hear it squeaks.

The first time you watched a TV and barked at its reflection on the window. But, you decided that you do not have interest in watching TVs.

The first time you saw your own reflection in the mirror and confused.

The first time you took your (premature) bath because you're too dirty after playing in the mud. You caught cold later in the evening, had runny nose and coughing repeatedly. I treated you with baby's cajuput oil and covered you in warm blanket.

I remember the way you stretched your hind legs out of fear everytime we lifted you up Simba-style when you were a puppy.

As a puppy until you were around 1 year old, you chew on anything you find nice in your mouth from handphone, money and even our hands. You literally chased me around the house to chew my hand. I entered the house like a soldier preparing for a battle. You fooled me by asking me to hold your hand. I came to school looking like I was a cutter trying to commit suicide. I proudly answered that it was my dog's works.

I remember your spirit that you always want what you want. You hated cages, you only came to it hoping to reach out for food because that's how you remember where food is located. You did not want to be put in the backyard at night, you were barking, growling and scratching the door so we took you in to the house. You did not want to just be inside the house, you were again barking, growling and scratching the door. You just wanted to sleep together with us in the room. That's how you earned sharing the room with us and later for Kucrit which lasted until the very last night we had you at home. Without your fight, you and Kucrit would never share a room with us at nights.

You do not like hugs probably because we used to fool you to lifted you up. But you do love hand holds, you offer your hand for us to hold and seek our attention to hold it again if we release it.

I remember the first time I took you playing at the lake nearby when you were about 3 years old. You were excited at the touch of water on your paws, curious but at the same time worry as you enter deeper in the water. Not long after you enjoy yourself running at the edge with water splashing below you.

Our first summer holiday together was spent with early morning runs and you accompanied me staying in my room reading up all 4 Dan Brown novels for an entire 4 weeks.

During high school, you're always the first one to wake me up in the morning to take you out for 5 am walks around the neighborhood.

I still remember when your small feet were too tired of walking around and you just sat down. I had to carry you in my arms and take you home.

I still remember the way you climbed up the stairs running and directly throw yourself up into the bean bags and rolled on it feeling the beans move along with your body. I took some sensual poses of you there.

I still remember how you stared with empathy when I was crying on my bed over a break up. You lend your front paw forward for me to hold.

I still remember how you always love car rides. You jumped at every chance you saw a car door open, be it our car, my friends' car or just any guest car. You were so excited once you peed in the carpet of my friend's car.

I still remember how you never failed a day to wait for me coming home from school in all my high school years. You were always standby on time at the front door and greeted me home.

You discovered your own signature greeting style. You always have to find a door mat for you to carry around in your mouth running and growling around the house to greet everyone you know. If you couldn't find a door mat, you will be panic searching for anything close such as shoes to carry in your mouth.

You are a foodie. A taster of any kind of food. You have a taste on which food is tasty and which food is trashy. You love almost anything from meat to ice cubes to fruits to herbal drinks.

You have to be introduced to any new stuff we have. You have to have a sniff on it and observe it. I am always glad to tell you whenever I have new stuff and let you sniff it. The last new stuff you sniffed was my new backpack.

Kucrit inherits (or copied) a lot of your signature behaviors at home. But you were Kucrit's follower when you 2 wander around the neighborhood alone.

You never hold grudge at whoever wronged you. You were bitten a number of times and wounded. But you remain a gentle, loving and friendly soul to any creatures.

You became close with my Mom and you both were the very best of friends especially since I went to college.

You acquire the space below the stairs and claim it as your lair, your dwelling place. A place where you can sleep, hide your steals, hide from us or just safely observe people passing through. It is also a storage of goods you collect from around the house. Maybe you just want to decorate your lair.

You are a fast learner of new words. As a silly puppy, you know that we were basically unable to react when we were praying. You waited a few seconds into the prayer and you roam the room to find something to chew. You stopped just right when the very last words of our standard prayer are spoken. When we opened our eyes, you pretended like you did nothing with your innocent face.

At night, you will only enter the room to sleep if the aircon is on.

You were a natural born attention grabber. You grew from a reckless silly curious lovable puppy into a gentle giant furball with a hint of your puppy spirit. From seniors to children, you won people's hearts easily by your graceful and outgoing nature. Plus, they admire your tail when it is fully blooming. Yes, your tail blooms like a flower especially during rainy season.

So many memories that I could add up here.

The only bitter memories were the very last 2 days we had with you. I am sorry I wasn't there for you in your final moments. I am sorry you were not with us in the comfort of home. I would do anything to regain those final minutes just to be with you. You never gave me the chance to give you a bucket lists of all your favorite things - without us being mad at you.

I feel like wiping away those bitter images playing on my mind of your lifeless body starting to break.

When I came to see you your snout was starting to cool off but your stomach was still warm. My sweet gentle loving 72 lbs baby was lifeless and helpless. I couldn't comprehend your unresponsiveness and all that blood coming out your mouth. But if I were to choose, not a second I would choose to leave you until the process is over.

Your body now lays with a new fluffy blanket and pillow that you would have loved (completely new without Kucrit trying on them) as well as my shoes and your favorite door mat. I let them be yours and may they accompany you until we pick you up in a few months so that you could always stay with us in the comfort of home.

I don't remember home without you in it.

I love you so much, Baby Gold - aka Babegold aka Bebdog aka Bandot aka Bandy aka Gogol aka Gogol Marogol aka Dogol (abbre. doggy gondol) aka Dogil (abbre. doggy gila/crazy doggy) aka Goldyna aka Ujin. Run free and eat anything you want in heaven. Those fatty liver will not bug you anymore.

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