I had a beautiful white deaf cat who died suddenly and very unexpectedly just before his 4th birthday of an undiagnosed heart condition. I was so devastated at his sudden loss that my partner went out and bought me you & your brother to try to fill the gap. You were two tiny little bundles of love & joy and you eased my pain over the loss of Willard. You were identical except in colour, with you being orange and your brother being brown. I already had a six month old kitten named Alfie who had been so attached to Willard that he cried for weeks after Willard died... you and Twiglet helped ease his pain too and soon you were the best of friends... you were his brother. When you were tiny you were always looking for someone to snuggle up with, whether it be me or one of your brothers. As you grew up you were slower and bigger than your brothers but you never lost your loving gentle nature and still hated to be alone. Just before you were 4 you'd gotten so big that I was worried about you - you didn't seem to eat any more than your brothers but you rarely left the house and you didn't walk far without laying down. I took you to the vets and expected them to tell me you had thyroid problems but I never expected what they told me.... my gorgeous Lardy Pie or Eddi Purr, had the exact same heart condition that stole my Willard. I was devastated, but with the help of a heart specialist vet we got you on medication and until this year you wouldn't have known there was much wrong with you. You were still slower than the others but around Easter time this year I took you for your annual check up and the news was not good. Your heart condition had suddenly worsened and a vet I'd never seen before radically altered your meds. You went down hill so rapidly afterwards that it became obvious to me that the new meds were partly to blame. I contacted the vets and demanded to see his original vet and told him my fear that the drugs were killing you rapidly. He ran some tests and immediately admitted you to kitty hospital and you started to pick up. Then that vet went on holiday and the vet who had altered your meds took over again - she just wouldn't listen. She said the prognosis was poor to dreadful and your Dad and I should prepare ourselves for the worst. She took you off the fluid drip which was flushing the drugs out of your system and put you back on a high dose of diuretic which resulted in you throwing a clot to your kidney and your kidneys started to fail. You shook and twitched and lost a massive amount of weight so fast it was scary. Through it all you'd look at me with desperation in your eyes, not desperation to leave this world but pleading to go home. The veterinary nurses told me that you cried all the time and were petrified in there - so against this vets advice I took you home. I never did tell you but she wanted to put you to sleep the day after we practically kidnapped you back! We got you home and I contacted the vet who'd gone on holiday. With a bit of advice from him and a trip to my family vets we established a few things - you were extremely sensitive to the diuretic, you were constipated and were refusing to eat. My family vets gave you an enema and within an hour you'd passed a very dry stool... but for 2 days you still wouldn't eat... you'd hang over the biscuit & wet food bowls and look so sad. So I took your care into my own hands (with much trepidation as I'm not a vet but I was your mum and knew you better than anyone). I radically reduced the diuretic until I found a happy medium, you went from 1.1ml twice a day to 0.2ml once a day but your chest was clear, your breathing was regular and you stopped twitching and shaking. You still wouldn't eat but you were drinking - I suddenly realised why! They'd hurt your mouth or throat with all the tubes and syringes of medicine they'd been forcing down you 3 times a day. So I bought some kitty tuna & rice and blended it with a load of water until it was pure liquid.... and you drank and drank like your life depended on it. Gradually I reduced the water content until you were eating normal food. It wasn't long before you went back to your much loved cat biscuits. That was 4 months ago and you were like a different cat. Half way through your recovery I took you back to see your original heart specialist vet and he was amazed with your progress; he did warn me that your heart was like a ticking time bomb and could give out at any moment, you were officially in heart failure (hence the diuretic) and you were at risk from more blood clots. We accepted your prognosis was poor and we diligently gave you the diuretic every day. Every third day you were supposed to have a quarter of an aspirin to thin your blood but you hated it and got so distressed that we were worried you'd have a heart attack so we chose to stop trying to give it to you - it wasn't an easy choice but given the prognosis it seemed kinder to you. But you were like a different cat, you were out & about and even caught your first ever mouse (poor mousey - sorry!). You played and jumped up on things, you were constantly looking for me or Alf to cuddle up to. You purred, chirped and loved your way through the weeks & months. Then Thursday night my world disintegrated. You'd been out and as you came through the cat flap you hissed. You seemed to be okay and made your way through the house to the biscuit bowl. You sat and ate and walked back out into the hallway. Then you sat down in a really weird way.... then you looked at me and cried... you tried to stand and one of your back legs had stopped working - it took seconds before it was both legs. Your pupils were huge, you were crying in pain and rolling around on the floor. I knew instantly that you'd thrown a clot to your spine... I knew this was the end. I got you to the vets and even after oxygen & pain meds you didn't stop crying. I've never felt so sorry for anything or anyone than seeing you that scared, that much in pain and that aware of all of it. I've also never felt so guilty. If I'd have known what a blood clot could do to you and how much you'd suffer I would've given you the aspirin by brute force. After everything you'd been through and everything you bounced back from you deserved a peaceful end... you had the worst end possible. I stayed with you when the emergency vet gave you the injection that ended your suffering forever - I told you how sorry I was and how much I loved you. We brought your body home so your brothers could say goodbye and the following morning we took your body to our family vets to organise your cremation. You're going to come home to us in an urn and we'll bury or scatter your ashes together with Alfie's when he finally passes.|
There is no consoling me at the moment... I'm looking for you constantly. I was so geared to look for you and check your breathing, heart rate, etc that its second nature and not having you here has left me feeling useless and empty. If you take all of the illness out of the equation and I just think of you as a cat, one of my 4 kitty babies, then you were the soppiest, most loving and gentle cat out of all of them. You hated to not be with me when I was home and would sit outside the door of the room I was in and cry until I opened the door and let you in. You were my bed companion almost every night and you made it so obvious you loved me - the feeling was utterly mutual. You were the reason we stopped going away camping - I wanted to be here for you and make sure you were okay. I regret every extra hour I've ever pulled at work and every day I went away and left you - I wish I'd known how short your life would be in these last months because I wouldn't have left your side other than to do what I had to.
Your real brother, Twiglet, turned out to be a bit of a roamer so you spent your days with Alfie, wrapped round each other, grooming each other or just following one and other around. He's a very loving cat too and the pair of you would drape yourselves across me as soon as I sat on the sofa - I literally couldn't move under the weight of the pair of you! Poor Alfie - he lost Willard and now he's lost you too. He keeps looking for you and crying - we're consoling each other when we can. I'm giving him lots of cuddles and talking to him about you. It's heartbreaking to see him sleeping alone though and I know he wakes up wondering why you're not draped all over him.
As for me I can barely bear to be in the house or garden. You were everywhere I was and you loved sunning yourself under the garden table or stretching out across the picnic bench. I couldn't sit out there today despite it being gloriously sunny. All I kept thinking was how much you would've loved the sunshine today. I dreamed of you last night and I keep hearing your voice despite knowing that you're gone. I feel an utter sense of loss and despair and I'd do anything to re-write the last couple of weeks so I was here more and cuddled you more. I barely saw you on your last day with us - I stayed late at work then went to buy the groceries.... If I'd have known I would never have done either. To say I loved you, still love you, seems inadequate with how I'm currently feeling. I'm doing my best for Alfie, Twiglet & your sister Matilda but I know they know that everything has changed forever. I've been looking at your photos and watching the little video clips I have of you.... I need to remember you how you were not how your poor life ended - but the images and sound of you being in so much pain and so afraid is haunting me and I keep crumbling into a state of sorrow and guilt. I'm sorry my Lardy Pie, sorry that I didn't force the aspirin on you, sorry you suffered so horrifically at the end, sorry I couldn't fix you this time and so desperately sorry that I had no choice but to end your beautiful gentle life.
You were my gentle loving giant, my friend, my baby, my companion and I will miss you forever. I hope you're resting in peace and that you've met Willard and my other beautiful babies that have gone before.... I hope, with every ounce of my being, that I see you again one day. I love you Eddi Purr, Lardy Pie, my Pie Pie. x x x x x