Welcome to Dutchess's Rainbow Bridge Memorial Residency
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Memories of Dutchess
Summer is coming and it's getting harder and harder to accept that you are no longer with us. I look for you every day. Your daddy Clif says hi and he misses you terribly too. There is a song called 'Hurt' that I heard and wanted to put some of the lyrics here because they remind me of you:

"I would hold you in my arms, I would take the pain away, Thank you for all you've done...there's nothing I wouldn't do, To hear your voice again, sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there. Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit, Sometimes I want to hide 'cause it's you I miss, And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this...There's nothing I wouldn't do, To just have one more chance, To look into your eyes and see you looking back...If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away. Oh, it's dangerous, It's so out of line, To try to turn back time."

The pain of losing you is still to fresh for me to put what I need to say into words. One day I will be able to sit down "baby girl" to tell the story of your life and how very much you are loved and missed by us all.

My baby girl...I couldn't write to you after you left me on December 3rd...I couldn't contain the tears long enough to type. There has not been a day that has gone by that I haven't cried over losing you. Today is a particularly bad day for some reason...the tears won't stop coming...I want so much to be with you, to hug you again, to give you kisses on the forehead, to touch you, and talk to you again. I can't look at the beach...it is way too painful...the memories of our everyday walks come flooding back and I miss you more. You always got so excited every day waiting patiently in your "other mommy's" driveway looking over at my house, knowing we would be going to the beach or some other adventure depending on the weather. Your favorite place was the beach, a place we now call "Dutchess' Cove" where we spent every day this past summer, fall, and into the beginning of winter. Your favorite time was the summer...we drove toward the beach and you would pass your friend Buddy and bark out the window. Buddy's daddy says he misses your daily "visits". Then we would turn onto the road to the beach and you'd bark and bark knowing where we were. We'd let you out of the car and you'd walk down the little path to the "cove" and immediately walk to the lake. Your "other mommy and daddy" and I would collect stones to throw into the water and you'd run and swim, even when you were sick, trying to "catch" the stones. Somehow you decided to graduate to rocks, sometimes huge rocks. You'd stick your head down into the water and up would come a rock bigger than your mouth. You'd bring it back to us on the beach so proud of yourself. We'd play this game for hours and you'd never tire from the water. We'd bring you over to the brook and you learned how to belly-flop into the water which was hysterical. You'd swim and swim always looking for the stones we'd throw. You were so happy, your eyes would sparkle, and you'd smile at us. Your happiness was contagious and made me so happy. As sick as you were with the cancer growing inside you, you never gave up. In the Fall you'd walk through the leaves, you loved the rustle of them. In the winter you would happily walk and play in the snow, you loved eating it.
Toward the end, it was harder for you to walk any distance, especially in the snow. Your spirit never gave up though, your face always lit up with happiness...your eyes would always sparkle...always...no matter much pain you were in.

Your death came suddenly after breaking your leg, the cancer had spread. We had no choice but to put you out of your pain and let you go. Your passing has destroyed me, I am broken without you, my life serves no purpose...you were my purpose...my life. You are everywhere I look. I know you are in a better place at Rainbow's Bridge with Duke, Bones, Ashley, and all the other fur babies we had who came before you but that hasn't helped me yet. I know it will take time but I need the time to pass quickly so I can be at peace knowing you are happy. I just miss you so, so much and love you even more. You were my life, you really were. You were my happiness. I wish to God that you were still here with us...my heart just aches and the tears just flow. Please be okay baby girl and know that you will always be in our thoughts, prayers, and hearts...you will never be gone from our memories.

It is Autumn now and the colors of the leaves are beautiful. You loved this season so much, the rustle of the leaves beneath your paws. Daddy and I visit the Cove weekly to throw you a rock and take in the place you loved so much. I still cannot bring myself to go across the place where you fell that awful winter day, leading to your passing that night. It is still too painful for me to even look below at the beach, the tears well up and continue to fall. There is a kitty named Sunny who just crossed the Bridge. Would you please help Bones look after him...maybe he could throw rocks for you too. I love you so much baby girl and miss you terribly. I hope you are happy and having fun there. I'll write soon...the anniversary of your passing is only a month away. oxoxoxo

Hi baby girl...Winter is approaching...your mommy Kim is putting up decorations for Christmas. Tomorrow is the anniversary of your arrival at Rainbow Bridge. Today was the last day we took a walk before your passing. The beach was covered in ice and I kept telling you to be careful but I know you'll remember this...it wasn't you who fell, thank God, it was me...right on my rump. As I sat there on the ice you came over to me and licked my face. I will never, ever forget that moment in time. It is rainy and cold out here, very depressing, especially in light of your anniversary. Your daddy Clif and I continue to visit you at the Cove and have started feeding the seagulls. Of course we throw a rock in the lake for you every time we go...I just wish that you were still here to go after it. I watch you on the picture frame every night...you are such an amazing baby. I can't talk to anyone else about how I still feel about your passing...I guess they have their way of dealing and I have mine. Although it's been a whole year since you left us, the pain and grief are so deep that it feels like you are still here with us physically. I don't know if I'll ever move passed this grief...it's because I love you so much that I can't move on. I want you here with me, I want to be with you. You were my purpose...I don't seem to have one anymore...no reason to get up in the morning. I know I still have my 8 little babies here who need my love and attention and you know I would never slight them...they too are my life...but I miss you so, so very much. Please be happy there...look out for Buddy, he came there a couple of weeks ago. I told her that you would look out for her since the two of you are friends. Maybe she could go swimming with you and Abby can go too. Whatever you do, please know that we all miss you and love you eternally. You were the wind beneath my wings and I can't wait to see you again. I love you baby girl forever and always.
I am so very, very sorry my baby for not keeping up with the seasons. Spring and Summer have gone and we're back to Autumn, which hurts more than any other season I think. I wish I could still bring you for a walk along the fence at the beach to watch you rustle through the leaves...you loved that so much. Daddy and I have been very negligent by not going by the Cove to through rocks...I promise you that we will do that at least once a week...promise. I hope you are having fun rustling through leaves there and sniffing everything you walk by. I miss you just as much now as I did when you passed...the pain is just as fresh and real as it was then. Sometimes I just want to go there, get you, and go on to Heaven. I miss and love you that much.
Hi Honey...today, 12/2, was the last day Clif and I were able to take you for a walk on the beach but couldn't throw stones in the lake because it was so cold. I slipped on the ice, on the beach, and you came over to me and licked my face. I was so worried about you sliding and hurting yourself but, of course, we know that that happened tomorrow, the day you broke your leg which began the end of your journey here on Earth. Tomorrow is the anniversary of the day your passed onto Rainbow Bridge, you were healed and ready to have rocks throw in the lake.
Maybe Duke and Bones can do that for you. There is not a day that goes by that I do not wish you were still here with us, making me the happiest "mommy" ever. I can't get past the bridge where you fell. Clif and I store up old bread and bring it down to your 'cove' to feed the seagulls and throw a rock in the water for you. I feel closest to you there...our summer place...the place we had the most fun with you watching you do belly-flops, swim with the children, and run your little heart out despite the cancer running through you. Nothing is the same without you in our lives. I shed a lot of tears over you but they are not only tears of sadness, but tears of joy for what you gave us all on your time here on Earth. I can't wait for the day I can join you there so we can make our journey to Heaven together with Duke, Bones, and Ashley, Merry Christmas my sweet baby girl...you will always be with us in spirit. We love you to the moon and back...forever and always.
09/18/17: My sweet Dutchess...I am so very sorry for not having written to you in almost a year. The Spring and Summer came and went and now Autumn is upon us. Your 'daddy' and I didn't go to your cove this past summer...I don't know why, maybe it was just too hard...I miss those summer days so terribly much. There is still not a day I don't think about you and wish you were still here with me. I got some very sad news last week...my kitty Keith was diagnosed with cancer and I don't think he has very long to live. I am so broken hearted that tears well up in my eyes every time I think of it. Been trying to stay busy doing things in the house I haven't done in years. It's hard to look at him without feeling the loss. He is my 'gentle soul', the sweetest little guy with a big meow. When his time comes, I know I can count on you to take care of him for me. I promise not to be negligent anymore and will write again soon. This time of year is hard too...remembering the rustle of leaves under your feet, the warm September days of walks and swims. I love you Dutchess more than words could ever, ever say. I hope you're having fun...please watch for Keith, you will love him.
02/18/18:Hi sweetheart...it is hard for me to write very much, my fingers aren't cooperating and my neck is on fire. By now you must know that my beloved Zipee passed away on 1/22. It is a shock I am still reeling over. I still don't quite understand what happened. We took him to the vet because we thought he wasn't feeling well and the next thing I know Dr. Sue is telling us he is dying and needs to go to sleep. My heart shattered into a million pieces I will never get over, no matter what anyone says. Then there was our beautiful, gentle soul Keith who finally succumbed by the cancer that was eating him. We tried and tried to do everything we could but he lost the fight on 2/2. Dutchess I really need your help...I need you to find them if you haven't already and take very good care of them. I would feel better if I knew you were with them, and Bones, so my little family is there waiting for me...hopefully sooner than later. I love you and miss you very, very much and still have a hard time looking at the beach without pain in my heart. Have fun honey and do a lot of swimming, hopefully there is someone to throw rocks to you. Hugs and kisses.

11/22/19: Zipee will fill you in about Jett. She passed away on 11/18 after what seemed like a short illness. It's too hard to talk about now. I'm sorry I haven't written. I never even wrote to tell you that you Ashe passed away on May 20th from an aneurism. He had gotten up and ate breakfast but laying down. Clif was in the Livingroom when Ashe came down the hall dragging his leg behind him. We rushed him to the vet but by then the clot had hit his lungs and he could hardly breath. Dr. Sue put him to sleep. He went through an agonizing death and it breaks my heart when I think about that day. I'd rather forget. Why can't God come and take you guys while you're sleeping? Why do I always have to make that decision? I don't want you to die but I don't want you to suffer either. Leelee and Pepper are the only ones left of the "original" little family here. I know what's coming and I'm powerless to stop it. I hope you're very happy and playing every day in paper bags and wrapping paper. I love you my gentle soul and miss you terribly. Hugs and kisses always.
2/1/20: There isn't much to tell you baby girl except I miss you very, very much. Mimi is doing pretty good, not getting around like she used to. Pop has been gone a year now, I'm sure you're with him. I haven't been down to the cove in a very long time. I don't know why. I promise to go there in the Spring and clean up. We have to redo your rock, the floods came all the way up to the writing so it needs a redo. I wish so much that you were here and we could take walks on the beach through the snow. We always had such a great time together. I hope you're happy honey. Please keep an eye on all of my babies there. I love you baby girl with all my heart.

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