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Memories of chuck
i walked into the "puppy room" at the animal rescue league. i wasn't looking for a dog to adopt as my landlord wouldn't allow it. i was there to clean kennels on community service. amongst all of the commotion this huge beagle just layed in his kennel calmly. as i walked towards him he got up and streeeeeeeetccccchhhhed. then sat down and got up as to beg. he put his paws against the door of his cage and laid his nose against it as well. i crouched down and said hi. he just looked at me as if to say "please", i got a leash so i could walk him, the second the door opened he was a ball of fire. the first thing he did was pee on the wall (ok this guy aint' housebroken). there was a foot of snow on the ground and he just bounded through it a free spirit. i wanted to just take him home right then and there. over the next few days i walkled him every day. he had no name so i named him chuck, after a beagle my grandfather had when i was young. i finnally found the guts to ask the landlord if i could bring him home. he was skeptical but after meeting chuck he begrudgingly agreed. the only obstacle was the addoption fee and permission to addopt. it was againt their pollicy to allow community service people to addopt while still on community service. but i had addopted a cat 4 years earlier and they remembered me, that and how i was with the dogs there. they made an exception for me (as far as i know it's the only time they ever have) so i turned my attention to the fee. it was only a couple of weeks shy of my birthday, so i called my grandfather and asked if he's like to give me the greatest gift possible. once i explained he agreed. on the way home the first time we got stuck in a traffic jam on I176. while sitting in traffic chuck climbed accross the seat and sat in my lap. i knew at that moment i had more than a dog, i had a friend for life and that he was special. it took him awhile to adjust to life indoors but i think he found having a couch to nap on and my bed to sleep on wasbetter than digging up the snow in the woods where he was captured (took them 3 days to nab him).

chuck was my companion through the darkest, lonliest years of my life, along with my cats lucky and bones. lucky passed away in 2007 at the age of 13. they were my angels and now they've gone home. but i will see them again, i know this because anyone who claims a dog has no soul has never looked into ones loving eyes. chuck was truely special and he will be deeply missed.

i miss you buddy, and i love you

it's been a week now. every time i think i've got a handle on this i'll read something, or see your dishes in the kitchen (i can't bring myself to move them) and i lose it all over again. so many people have come to visit you here and so many nice things. it seems like you can make a friend in less than 2 seconds even though your gone. me and mommy are going to get your ashes on wed. maybe that will help to have you home again. i'm going to make a shelf for them, along with your leash and collar and your pictures. i'll make it big enough that you can share it with lucky, just like the 2 of you used to share my lap (only thing he'd ever share with you). it's so hard, i keep looking out in the kitchen expecting to see you sleeping. the other night i heard a noise in the bathroom around 2 in the morning and thought it was you, then i remembered. we miss you so much stinky, garfield has been a total nut the past week, i think he's confused about you not being here, and i know bones misses you, he just doesn't show it all the time but i saw him laying on the table next to your colar and he wanted me to hold him (such a rare thing). i have to go now buddy, but i'll be back. i love you stinky butt.

i brought you home today buddy. because the weather was so bad yeasterday they didn't deliver your ashes to the vet, so i had to go alone today (mom had to work dude, you remember how that was). it was hard to do by myself but i managed ok (you know, no crying or anything). they put you in a beautiful wooden box, i can't bring myself to open it but seeing a pile of ashes that used to be you isn't going to change anything. you know i would rather had buried you whole but i don't ever want to have to leave you behind. besides, you picked the worst possible month and weather to go to the bridge. nothin like diggin in a january snowstorm, hell YOU didn't even want to dig in weather like that. there i actually smiled a little, seems like you finnally found a way to put one on my face. i love you buddy, and i'm glad your home.

happy birthday buddy. it's been 10 years since i celebrated my our b-day alone. mom had to work so i was here alone all day. i thought about you quite a bit. you've been gone a month now but i still think about you every day. i still haven't picked up your dishes or even been able to give your biscuits to the neighbors for fi-fi. everything is right where you left it. i still miss you so much. love you stinky

hi stinky. i still think about you every day. especially last week. i was at a customers house and they had an old yellow lab, he's 14 and he reminded me so much of you. he's in his last days or weeks and i just wanted you to keep an eye out for him. his name's pluto. seeing him struggle to get up when he was laying down and the sweet, loveable look in his old eyes was like looking at you all over again. it made me miss you so much it was like losing you all over again. so keep an eye out for him, ok? love you buddy.

hi buddy. it's been awhile since i was here, but i still think about you every day. still catch myself talking about you in the present tense like your still here. i still have trouble just looking at your picture. i may be going to meet a pug on saturday, she doesn't have a home and we might like to give her one. i just hope it's ok with you, i miss you so much.

hi stinky :) we didn't get the pug. we found another beagle like you... well maybe not like you, as you were pretty unique. freddie needed a home just like you did so long ago because someone with very questionable taste didn't want him. he reminds me of you a little when i look at him but that's where the similarity seems to end. he doesn't like biscuits! i know! yeah i'm sure he's a beagle! and where you were so quiet he talks a lot lol. just know that no one will ever take your place in my heart buddy. and i meant what i said when you left here. you wait for me i WILL find you. i love you chuck.

hi buddy... i need you to do something for me. there's a big swissie pup that just arrived. her name's gracie. she was dad and eileen's. i need you to look after he for us, take bruin with you he's more her size anyways. i know you never got to meet her because you were so old and me and mom were affraid you'd be scared of a big playfull girl like gracie and her buddy thor. but your your old self up there so keep an eye on her. she's probably a little scared so play with her and keep her company. we love you stinky and we miss you so much... oh and if you can try to help freddy down here he had such a hard life and he's always scared we're leaving him (they way you used to be?). help him understand we're not giving up on him and he has a home for the rest of his days. take care of gracie bud.

hi buddy... i missed your aniversary, sorry dude things have been a little wacky here... but you know that. our birthday is comin up and i WON'T miss that, i promise. fred is doin a little better, i wish he was more like you (particularly in the QUIET dept lol) but i DO remember how you used to cry whenever i'd leave and that you eventually got over it. it's just gonna take him longer. guess it doesn't surprise you we'd take in a hard luck case. i wish you were here maybe he wouldn't be so scared when he's alone. it's been a year already and i still think about you often. your still and always will be in my heart. i miss you man.... say hello to lucky for me (assuming he'll let you w/in 5 feet lol) and tell him i miss him too. love you guys

merry christmas stinky. can't believe it's been 10 months since i visited. we haven't forgotten you... or the fat cat for that matter. we talk about you all the time. i found a new job, well 2 actually... i also found a painting that looks just like you (i know creepy right?), mommy hung it up (eventually lol)... fred is doin ok, but i'm worried about his health, he's only 8 but his leg is gettin worse, at least i know you'll be there when he finally comes. i'll try to stop by more often, you were and always will be the most important friend i ever made. i love you buddy
p.s. you must have rubbed off on fred he LOVES biscuits now lmao

hi buddy... it's been 2 years now, doesn't seem that long... still find myself thinkin of you a lot... if you could only see maddie now, she was just a baby when you left, she would have loved you lol... mom is doin good she misses you too you know... i'll see you on our b-day next month... love you man

hard to believe it's been a year since i came to visit. doesn't mean we don't think of you we do quite a bit :) especially when fred is actin up haha... bones is doin well do me a favor and tell lucky ok? 3 years so hard to believe you've been gone so long... i showed maddie your picture and she asked where you were. i told her you went to heaven and she told me to go get you she's so sweet haha.i know i always say this but i will try to stop in more often. love you stinky.

another year gone by. guess i'm not doin such a hot job keepin up with your memorial am i. we haven't forgotten you and we never will. i'm sorry buddy i have a heavy heart today. if you haven't already seen him stevie is up there with you now. take good care of him for us. and try not to let lucky fight with him. the peace was always uneasy between those 2. i love you chuck. merry christmas.

had to come in and change my cc info so you stay here :) so i thought i'd pop in and wish you a merry christmas again. we think of you often. no one will ever take your place in my heart. bones is still kickin along, can you believe he's 14 now? the way he's goin you won't see him for a long time (which is fine by me lol he's the last of my 3 stooges) i gotta roll bud got some cmas cookies to bake. we love you.

2 years... wow i'm a lousy dad not coming to visit. your gone 5 years but i still think of you. would you believe i have tears right now? i miss you so much. hope stevie is doing well, and the ol fat cat too. i don't know if poppy stopped by the bridge on his way to heaven but i hope you got to see him. bonesy is still hangin in, 16 now and getting a bit frail but other than that he hasn't changed much. i'll try to do better comin to visit. oh nanny may be passin through soon she's not doing well and i know she liked you a lot. so much i want to say but you know how i feel. remember what i told you when you left, i WILL find you. i love you happy new year.

6 years today. we still talk about you often. i know how much mom misses you. seems you've been in my thoughts even more lately as bones becomes more frail and dependant on us. and as fred's health declines. i keep thinking you'll have your little cat brother soon, but i don't want him to leave, any more than i wanted you to. did you get to see nanny and poppy on their way through? no doubt she stopped to pet everyone she passed :) we're so happy she's free again but we miss her too. i had the oddest memory the other day, i thought of how ozzie used to stand on the back of the couch and bark his head off when we came home. and how we could here you howling away with him, only to find you were sitting in the middle of the living room floor just howling at nothing in particular... just joining in with ozzie :) made me smile i'll try to remember to stop in to see you for our birthday... i'm no spring chicken either ;) but you'll have to wait awhile longer for me. i will find you when God decides it's time i love you stinky.

hi buddy. if you haven't already found him bonesy left us today. don't have to tell you what i'm feeling right now. if you haven't already please find him he's probably afraid and confused. make sure lucky finds him he'll need his big brother. I miss you guysso much my heart is empty without you. my only comfort is that the 3 of you are together again and that i'll see you before you know it. I love you guys so much.

hi stinky :) I stopped in to leave bonesy a message so I had to leave one for you too. the 3 of you have been on my mind so much lately. it's not like when lucky left, I still had you and bones... or when you left I still had bones... now there is no one to cling to, fred never really bonded with me like you did. I love him but he just goes on like nothing is out of place... same with pudz and the girls... they all love mommy and just put up with me. thank God for her if it wasn't for mommy i'd be alone. I look at your old pictures and I see the love in your happy face. I miss that so much, like I miss how lucky and bonesy would cling to me when I picked them up. maybe someday i'll find another who'll love me like that but I think it unlikely. you 3 were a gift to me when I needed you most and now you've all been called home. but I will see that happy smiling face of yours again when I find you at the bridge. I promised you I would and I will. I love you and I miss you chuck

hi buddy, I had to update my info to renew your residency so I wanted to drop you a note while I was here. it's almost been 7 years and I still can't come here without wiping away tears. sometimes I don't know what to say when i'm here... I just miss you, every day. now fred's health is failing. mom thinks he'll be here longer than I think but I was right about you and stevie and bonesy. you'll always be in my heart along with your brothers. merry Christmas I love you

hi stinky :) had to update your info... again. but you know I never do anything here without dropping in to say hello. still think of you all the time... still catch myself calling freddy by your name now and then. we thought fred would be with you by now but he keeps on goin. he's stubborn like that. I know! a stubborn beagle imagine that!! I have to drop bonesy a note now keep him and lucky safe till I see you. love you buddy

hi buddy, we just said goodbye to Freddy. you'll find him easy enough just follow that nose of yours. he died in my arms so just look for my scent. he'll be confused and scared, probably thinks we abandoned him it happened to him so many times before we found him. i told him to look for you i hope he understood. show him around and above all else keep his nose away from lucky he loves cats and has no idea. i miss you every day but today more than ever. keep Freddy out of trouble and i'll see you both soon. never forget i WILL find you. love you so much

8 years have gone by. seems like only a few weeks since you jumped in my lap for a belly rub. mommy and I still talk about you, we still tell people about you... and i still cry for you, actually am right now. with Freddy gone the house is empty. we love the cats of course but a house without a dog isn't a home to me... but you always knew that. I imagine you and Fred are well acquainted now, he always needed a buddy and now he has one... that makes me feel good. i miss you so much.

where does time go? i feel so bad not coming to visit for 7 months. we haven't forgotten you, and we never will. was just over to visit Bones, take care of him for us he always liked you. I told him what a terrible year it's been for pups, not just us but the people we love. wouldn't be a bit surprised if Jerry Lee finds you, he never even got to meet me but his mommy is such a dear friend. Do you remember Brandi? she remembers YOU. of course you do i'd bet Mugzy found you up there. She just got a new puppy, she thought about naming him after you but decided on Floyd. Took he 3 years to let herself love again. Mommy and I might get another beagle after we come back from the shore. it's been 8 long months since Freddy left. he's behaving himself, right? Take care of him stinky... yeah i ask you to look after everyone i know, but you always did, especially me. I'll be giving you a belly rub before you know it. when that day comes i'll know what Heaven is. We love you and we miss you.

Merry Christmas stinky... God how i miss you. how can it be 8 years? the hole in my heart will never heal, no matter how many dogs and cats we bring home. i'm guessing you know about Buster, he reminds me of you in some ways and Freddy in others. he has heartworm but we're treating it i think he'll pull through, so you'll have to wait to meet this one. he's been so good for mommy, but don't worry she'll never forget you. Buster loves belly rubs too, and that always makes me think of you. another year is set to begin. i still tell people stories about you, the memories will never fade, nor will our love for you. look after everyone till we come to get you. love you so much.

9 years... 9 long years and I'm not over you. I don't even have the words, I try to find them but there just isn't any. Some wounds never heal. I know you wouldn't want me to hurt, but I'll never be able to let you go. I made you a promise when you left and i intend to keep it. I WILL FIND YOU. I'm sorry buddy i can't type anymore i can't see, it's all come back to me like a boulder landing on my head. i love you and i always will.


I miss you every day, some more than others... and today is one of the more days... I love you


my God... 10 years... seems like yesterday. I put your things back in the secretary with the rest... you'd love our new house with a big back yard, and the neighbors have a beagle. I'm struggling for words because i'm crying... after 10 years I still can't think of you without breaking down. Mommy misses you too. I can't find words Stinky... I miss you as much as I ever have and I love you. never forget what I told you as you left this world. I WILL FIND YOU

almost 11 years and i can't look at this page without bawling like a little kid. i'll never be over you guys, i took you 3 for granted... i wish i'd found you now when i could be a better daddy... i'm so sorry for everything i didn't do for you guys... i'm pretty emotional right now and i always beat up on myself when i am (yeas... i know you know) God i miss you i'd give anything to rub your belly one more time. love you Stinky


merry Christmas buddy... had to stop in and see you. it's Freddy's day today so i guess making myself even more sad must have been the goal because i'm crying again. i've been beating myself up over Fred, i should have done better by him... i beat myself up a lot these days mommy worries. i look back and i didn't deserve any of you. pretty likely mommy will come to the bridge 1st cause you know, she's a lot older than me. if you go across with her it'll be ok you don't owe me anything. at this point i don't know if they'll even let me go to the bridge anyways. i've got to go now Chuck... i loved you with all my heart i just wish i'd been a better dad.

11 years, seems like yesterday. i say this a lot but i'm not over you and never will be. i'm doing a little better than the last time i visited, but not much. it's not a good couple months for my with you and Freddy's anniversary not to mention my birthday. yeah, i still dread that. you'll always be a part of me Chuck, a hole in my heart i'll never fill. be good until i see you again. i love you

Hi Stinky! I guess by now you've met Buster, he wasn't supposed to meet you guys for many years, but cancer stole him from us. Mommy and I are doing our best but it's tough, much as it was when you left us. we thought we were going to lose Lucy too, but she finally ate something. take good care of Buster for us buddy, show him where the biscuits are that will make him happy. we'll see you before you know it. all our love

sad day today buddy, it's Bonesy's 5th anniversary. I know you're looking after them all, that's what a good boy you always were. try to keep Buster occupied he misses Mommy something terrible, let him know we'll come for all of you soon enough. i love you so much

Hey Stinky, no doubt you've found Garfield by now. He was your buddy when he was a baby and i know you never forgot him, as we'll never forget you. I can hardly believe iut's been 12 years it still seems like last week. I still cry for you I guess I'll never stop. Our hearts are still so broken from losing him so fast and so young, just like Buster. It's been a tough year for us. We did bring Mollie home, you would like her, she LOVES to eat. We love you Chuck and no day goes by that I don't think of you.

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