My Chloe was the most loyal friend and companion I could ever have. She saw me through the darkest days and kept me smiling with her silly ways. I am honored to have been the recipient of her love and her trust. I only got to keep her for 5 of her 6 1/2 years. My baby's heart gave out and took mine with her. She was more than my pet, she was my friend, my confidante and my child. My life will not be the same without her.|
**5 years with Chloe
by Candy Polzin.........................................
I was so excited when I finally moved some place where I could have a dog of my own. My townhouse allowed small dogs under 25lbs, there was no yard but enough room for a lap dog. I searched petfinder daily, looking for my special friend. One day I saw a cute, small spaniel type dog and I decided I had to meet her. She was timid and growled and showed her teeth as the man came to noose her with the leash. He said "are you sure you want to see that one?" I said "yes", I wanted to see her out of the kennel environment. I took her outside and put her on my lap and she instantly relaxed, and smiled with a happy pant.
My Chloe, I knew I had to save you. You were the perfect addition to my life, you even got along with my very old cat, Ginger. Papillon mix is what I decided you were, 15 lbs and about a year and a half old.
In the coming months, there were many days of mischief as you were so bonded to me that your separation anxiety was terrible. I had to work and you had to stay home. My couches were torn and my carpet soiled most days until I started crate training. You loved me above all else. It is true about a rescue dog, you were so grateful to be saved that you were possessive. I remember in obedience school when another dog or person seemed to infringe on our space and you would bark in full protection mode. The teacher explained to everyone how I saved your life and so you were protecting your mom like I was a bone. Talk about jealous, you owned me and you needed everyone to know it. At home you were my silly, squirrely girl. If I laid on the floor you would lick me and roll your body on me. Everyone said you were scenting me so animals and people would know that I was yours, and you were mine. (Especially if I smelled like other dogs). You only trusted me for the longest time. You rarely let another person reach for you, it had to be on your terms. (Though sometimes if they had food you would sell a pet for a scrap). I tried to socialize you and took you wherever I could. I took you to the dog park, but you were much too choosy with who you wanted to play with. I took you for walks at the park and all you wanted to do was mark your territory. (I think you thought you were a boy sometimes). You were so cute that children wanted to run and touch you and I had to stop them before you growled and barked. You were just scared, not mean. Kids always did make you uneasy. Heavy walking, canes, running...you didn't want any of it. For a while my visitors couldn't even walk around, you would patrol them and follow them like a hall monitor but jump if they tried to pet you. Your high pitched bark warned people passing by that you were there and to back off. Got me in trouble with the HOA that first year. Your medical emergencies from eating cloth and having intestinal surgery, and eating a chocolate nutrition bar and having your stomach pumped, kept me on my toes and my credit card in use. But I would do anything for you, you stole my heart. You saw me through the death of Ginger and you saw me through my darkest days with Cancer. When I felt like I had nobody in this world, you were there to remind me that I was loved.
I will never see a beagle without thinking how much you disliked them. I will never enjoy a meal without thinking of you barking at me while I was cooking to hurry up because you were so excited and knew I would share. I can't imagine making my lunch for work every day without you under my feet. I left my dish towel hanging from the oven and remembered how I never could, and if I did, somehow you would remember and come down and tear it up in the middle of the night. I will think of how you showed my new cats that you were the queen but you played with them and never hurt them. They have their toys all over and I keep thinking how you would purposely steal the one that they were playing with and rip it up. I think of how when I gave you a bone, you would carry it around whining, sometimes for days. You'd shove it in my face and want me to take the other end in my mouth or you'd try to find a hiding spot so me and the cats wouldn't get it. I think of how you took over the whole other side of the bed, even though you at most only weighed 20lbs. You laid like a person and made yourself comfortable. Every day I get ready for work, I will think of how you would turn down the bed again after I made it and curl up on my side as I showered. You sure rubbed it in my face that you got to relax while I went to work. I think of stuffing your kong every day to give you a present when I would leave. You went right in to your crate to get it, opening the door with your nose. (You could always be bought off with some good food). I will never brush the cats without thinking how you acted like you didn't like to be brushed but would get so jealous when I brushed them that you would slink over and sit there (and actually enjoyed it once I did it). Coming home will always be so sad because I will remember your alien, happy whines when you would hear the garage. You would wiggle and piddle and grab your toy--so excited to see your mama. Oh Chloe, I can't even watch TV without you. You were always there, always by my side or on my lap. When your knees started giving you trouble and you couldn't leap onto me or the couch or the bed, you would just whimper and play games with me as I tried to get you. You wanted to do it yourself and were so stubborn sometimes about me lifting you up. I miss my girl so much. You had such a cute personality, one of a kind. The kitties have been looking for you, Milo keeps meowing in the voice he usually uses to call Piper. They wait by the dog door and then look in the kitchen. They can't understand like I can't why you aren't here anymore. I hope you found Ginger and the two of you are watching over me together. Only 6 years old, why didn't we get more time together? I love you and I miss you so much.
Miss you every day my baby. I never would have guessed that I would end 2009 losing you. I still can't understand it. It's New Years Eve. I think of all the NYE I spent with you. My friends would be with family or significant others and I didn't mind because I had you. I made snacks and we snuggled in together. You were a gift to me sweet girl.
Hello my love. It's been 4 weeks since I lost you. I still can't wrap my head around that I won't see you again. I catch myself looking for you and it makes me so sad. I hope you had a good life even though it was so short. I miss you like crazy.
My sweet angel. Yesterday was my birthday, I can't believe you weren't with me. I thought we'd have many more birthdays together. I thought you still had half your life, that you might even still be with me when I hit 40. Your life was too short and I'm still so traumatized by how suddenly I lost you. I guess there isn't always a reason for things. I love you.
I adopted a new dog. I hope you are happy for me. Please know that I can never replace you but I have enough room to love you both. I gave another doggie a home who needed one, like I did with you. He will bring me joy and help lick my tears as I still mourn you. Love you always.
I think about you every day. I thought I was doing better, but then it hits me all over. I've spent the week crying. Darby is a good boy, he makes me smile but I still want to feel you and see you. He will do something and it will remind me of you and then I can't help but compare. I'm so afraid of forgetting your expressions or how your fur felt. I know you wouldn't want me to be sad or feel guilty for loving Darby (even though in life you were a jealous thing!) but I miss you like crazy.
Hello my love. It's been a whole year since I lost you. I was getting ready for Christmas so every holiday season, I'm sure it will all come back. What a terrible day that was. I have never felt such an ache as when I lost you. Life has changed for me, you inspired me to try something new. I was tired of the rut I was in and the ache in my heart for you propelled me forward to take a chance because I had nothing else to lose that meant anything. You are my angel and I miss you still.
Three years baby. I can't believe you have been gone from me so long. I moved into a new place this year. I think and wonder if you would like it. I have shorter hours at work too so I would be able to be home with you more and take you on more walks. Darby is living the life you would have had and I feel like he carries a piece of you inside him and you live on through him. You two are not the same, but loved just as much.
Thinking of you sweet girl. I lost you four years ago today. Sending you love and belly rubs. Miss you still.