I have thought of so many things I want to express... I just hope I don't forget any of them. One week ago today I had to say goodbye to my furry baby- Chasey. I still cannot believe he is not physically here with me. I miss him every minute and to be honest feel like a piece of me is lost without him. But while feeling sorry for myself... I realized that I have loved deeper than words will ever be able to express and that I have been loved unconditionally. Chas loved me, his daddy, and sisters to no end. |
Chas was born June 25, 1999 (that was his theme song- "We're going party like it's 1999")! It was just him and his sister- which I got to meet as well as his furry mom/dad. I got Chas August 21, 1999 and he weighed just 2 lbs. He could fit in the palm of your hand.
The breeder who we got Chas from was very strict (which was a great thing). She wanted to make sure he was going to a loving home, etc. I had no idea I was getting Chasey... Jason had planned on getting him for me when I was in college to keep me company. So one Saturday Jason woke me up and said he would be back and that he had a surprise for me. I was determined to go with him out of excitement so off we went with me still in PJs. On the way there, he turned and said- just pretend we are married (we were not at the time). He said that because he had to do 3 interviews with this lady and ensure Chas was going to be taken care of before we got him. I remember seeing him for the first time like it was yesterday. So precious! And then back to college we went. It was instant LOVE and he had my heart. He has been through so many milestones of my life with me- college, marriage, children. Always there, always happy, always supportive, always loving. When I say Chas is my best friend- that is true! He knows more about me than anyone.
When I'm here at our home, I still feel like Chas is right with us. If we were downstairs, he would always be under the table or beside the chair in the living room. If we were upstairs, he would always be under the bed, beside the bed, or on top of a pile of laundry. He has always just been here- always been with me. He truly makes me part of who I am.
I honestly believe Chas knew this was coming and tried to look out for me till the very end. In fact, the Friday before this happened he just came over and looked at me for a minute. I didn't realize it at the time... but I think he was just taking it all in. I was able to spend that Monday with him and hold him tightly and tell him how much I LOVE HIM. When he passed, I felt something like a warm blanket come over me- I wish I had taken that moment in more... but losing him was too strong of a feeling. He was in God's arms at that moment.
I swear since then I've heard him bark, seen him in the hall sleeping, seen him standing downstairs. Jason has heard his collar. He is with us and that I know. He came home! That gives me comfort. His spirit is strong.
I have also told family, that Chas lives on in a little girls world. Layna talks about him, but has still not asked real questions. In fact, this morning when we were leaving for school... she said goodbye house, goodbye Chasey Boy. The other day, she said is Chasey Boy sleeping upstairs in the crib or in the den.... and said wake up Chasey Boy, wake up. (Oh, how I wish he could for my own selfish reasons). She also picked a flower outside and said this is for Chasey Boy. But how honered am I that Chas got to meet Layna and Gracie! He and Layna had become close.... of course she fed him and would give him kisses. He was still a little unsure of Gracie.... just because she wanted to chase him and pull on him. He was the best big brother and adapted so well to the craziness as our family has grown.
Some people are scared of dying and others are not. I have been one of being scared....not because of not believeing in heaven and God... just the unknown and sadness of loss. But I am no longer afraid. Chas will be there waiting for me and I look forward to wrapping my arms around him again and giving him tons and tons of kisses. See- he always looks out for me. In the meantime, he can play with all his furry friends that are with him- Duncan, Raschal, Sacha, ChaCha, Jasmine, Jack, Lucy, CoCo, Poochie, Sasha, Murphy, Puddie, and many more. And I can see him sitting beside God being just as easy natured as he has always been.
I got a package in the mail today from the vet school... it was Chasey's pawprints. I can't wait to put it on his Christmas tree. Oh yes, Chas has his own Christmas tree full of all the pom ornaments from over the years. He will always remain part of this family forever.
If anyone reads this, please take one thing away- Chas is in everything that is good. Chas will make up beautiful days ahead and will always bring smiles. I wish I could give him one more hug, one more kiss, one more treat, one more walk, one more anything. So please, anything you love and hold dear to your heart- make sure you tell them... make sure they know. And please- if you ever want to talk with me about Chas... please do. I love talking about him. It keeps him with me even more.
Jason (Chasey's dad)... I know you hurt during this time too. I thank you and love you for all the support you have given me. Don't know what I would do without you.
Layna/Gracie... I am so blessed that Chas was part of your life too. I will be able to share great pictures and stories with you. For Halloween this year, you wanted to be doggies. Layna wanted ears up- just like Chasey Boy. Looking back- I know Chas did that on purpose. Not to make me sad... so he could still be with us.
Chas... When God created you, he truly threw away the mold. You are so special and will always be loved. I look forward to having you in my arms again one day, but until then... I know you will always comfort me and be by my side. I cherish you with all that I am and THANK YOU for loving me. You are forever a part of me.
Couple of Poems:
I miss you my sweet Chasey Bear! I miss everything about you....I LOVE YOU! I am a very lucky person to have had your love!