I'll never forget the day i first saw you. You needed so much and i was so scared. Scared to hold you, scared to hurt you, scared to be responsible for you and god knows-scared to love you. But you? You looked at me with those big eyes and that wide smile and you literally placed your heart, body and soul in my hands. And Bug? i spent the rest of your life trying to live up to that trust-trying so hard to be good enough for you. I miss you so much, it hurts. You were the light in my day, the purpose for my life and without you i am so empty. i was so afraid to carry you in the beginning and now all i want is to carry you one last time. Little girl, please know how much i love you, how blessed i was to be your Mama and how honored i felt to be loved by you. Everyone says that you were lucky to have me. But they don't really get it: i was the lucky one. i got to see your soul, to feel you sit in my lap, to learn all about your kindness, gentleness and unbeliveable compassion. i will never be the same now, Charlotte. Part of me went with you when you left but oddly, i don't feel like less. Because loving you has filled my heart up enough to last till i see you again. Please just know how very much i love you.
Run free now, little one. Free and pain free and happy. Be good, play hard, make friends. Look for your brothers- Bromley and Wolf will take care of you until i can again. i still say goodnight to you every night and i think i always will. i love you, i love you, i love you. My sweet baby girl. The best thing you can do for me now is to be happy. i can almost imagine the feel of you in my arms and if i close my eyes real tight- i think i can almost feel your soft fur and smell your sweet bug scent. It is not enough. i want you back so much. But it will have to do. i love you , Bug. Wait for me. i'll see you soon. Love, Mama
Oh Bug- so many nice people have written to me-can it be that my newest angel is already taking care of her Mama? Because you would- that heart of yours was bigger than you were. i can see you now- smiling that wide bug grin. Oh Charlotte- please show me how to do this, because i can't be without you. It just hurts too much. i need your help, Bug. i think Tank wants to come live with us-and if that's true, please help make it possible. i think you would like me to love another rescue. i will do it for you, Boo. Because i have all this extra love and nowhere to put it. Percy, Bess and Emma are sad too. We all miss you so much. Play hard , my sweet baby. Be a good girl and wait for me. i love you so much, it hurts to breathe. Love, Mama