Welcome to Bristol's Rainbow Bridge Memorial Residency
Bristol's Rainbow Bridge Pet Loss Memorial Residency Image
Memories of Bristol
This is very hard to write, because I only lost him less than two days ago. He was just my guy. My friend. My sweetheart. I loved him more than I can say, and I am devastated over the loss. I will try to write more later, to honor my little guy.

6/18/17
Missing you so much, Bristol. Normally, I would be gathering you up to go and visit family and your dog family friends, Stella, Mercedes, Molly, JJ, and Gypsy for a fun Father's Day. Out of the entire dog pack, you were the only guy. You didn't mind, though, did you? I love you little boy.

6/20/17
Just missing you so much today. I love you so much, my Bristol boo.

6/25/17
Sitting on the deck, thinking about you,sweet Bristol. I brought your ashes home yesterday and had a sense of peace, knowing you were back with me. You, but in a different energy. I keep thinking of your little, furry paw, and how I used to rub it when I was reading or otherwise relaxing. Those little remembrances are what break my heart the most. I miss you, sweet boy.

6/26/17
Sweet Bristol, I stopped by to see your vet and favorite vet technician, Amber, today. I took them each a beautiful charm from you, in thanks for all of the amazing care, love and devotion over the years. They made the hardest day of our lives as peaceful as it could be. They loved you so much, too. Called you their little 'nugget,' and said that you were an incredibly special little guy. I love you, sweet boy. Hugs and kisses. Stella says 'woof.'

6/29/17
Hi, sweet boy! Thinking of you tonight. Missing your sweet face and loving ways. It was so hot today... you would have enjoyed it for a bit, before wanting to come in and cuddle with me on the couch, in the cool A/C. It's so strange. I know that you are gone, but sometimes the reality of that just takes my breath away. Can't really grasp that I won't see you again - at least not in the way I used to. Your blankets are still on the bed, and Stella snuggles into them every night. In her own way, I believe that she misses you, too. If there is a place where dogs go when they die, and that place is beautiful, peaceful, and you are pain-free, then I hope with all my heart and soul that you are there. Please visit me in my dreams, Bristol. Mommy really wants to see you. I love you, Bristol. I'm leaving you a recliner so you can snuggle in...

7/4/17
Bristol boy, I had a dream about you the other night. You were traversing the side of a hill, and I was behind you, trying to keep up. You were so healthy, moving so quickly. During the dream, I got very upset with myself, wondering why I had made the decision to have you put to sleep. You were so healthy in the dream and I couldn't understand why I had done it... but when I woke up, I remembered: you were so tired and sick and unhappy in your final days. But I still feel so guilty over the choice. I love you, sweet boy. Please know that I just could not watch you suffer along any longer. And that it was out of love for you. I'll always love you, my sweet boy. You were my everything.

7/9/17
Beautiful boy, I picked up your memorial stone yesterday. It is so beautiful, and just a bit whimsical, like your sweet spirit. It was so sad, but Todd and Ace were with me. We talked and laughed about you... remembered your sweetness. I put the stone in the garden where every time I am out there, I can see it... and think of the times you were in the garden sniffing around. Being a lovely, happy, and healthy dog. Losing you has reminded me, yet again, just how short life is. We really do have to live it to the best potential that we can... knowing that we all have different choices. What I do know is that in spite of my pain in losing you, I would not change one thing about deciding to adopt you. You were my absolute joy for so many years, and it was my greatest success, taking care of you. Thank you for taking care of me, too. I love you, Bristol. If there is a lovely home for dogs after they die, I hope with all that is in me that you are there. I love you, baby boy.

7/11/17
Bristol, thinking of you tonight. I can't believe it has been nearly a month since I lost you. I think of you so much - every day. Several times a day. I saw a video tonight of a pack of Shih Tzu puppies, a few of them black and white, like you, and it made me smile to think of you at that age. A puppy. Healthy. Time goes so quickly, it seems. At least it seems that way when there is a loss to remind you. I love you, sweetie.

7/17/17
Hi, sweet boy! Well, your mom did it. She put her focus back on her passion. Losing you reminded me how short time really is. Thank you, baby boy! I love you with all my heart. And I miss you so much. If I could turn back time, and give everything that I possess, I would do it in a heartbeat, if it meant having you back. I look at your puppy picture, and I still can't believe that you are ho longer with me. I love you so much. Sweet boo.You were my everything... Love, Mom

7/25/17
Thinking of you today, sweet boy. It just wasn't the same, your not being here for my birthday this past weekend. I had a nice time -- talked about you a lot with friends. I've been very sad about so many things. You, especially. Sometimes I just feel that if you were back with me that it would somehow be okay. I love you so much. And you know that I love Stella, too. But it is different. You were my heart-dog. I will never forget you. I love you so much. Love, Mom

7/29/17
Hi, sweet boy! I had the sweetest dream about you the other night. I was holding you in my arms, and you gave me a sweet kiss... right in my eye! Poor boy, your eyesight was never the best, but that never stopped you from delivering sweet, sloppy kisses wherever your tongue might land on my face! I woke up with a smile on my face, and a warmth in my heart. I love you. I miss you so much. Still, every day, I think of you. Sometimes my chest just lurches when I think that I won't see you again. I love you sweetie. You were my world. Love, Mom

8/7/17
Hi, sweetie! It's raining here today. Stella is scared of the rain. I keep reminding her that her big brother, Bristol, wasn't scared. And to borrow from his bravery. Remember how you used to bark at the hail against the windows? Never one to back down. You could probably cruise through a hurricane, as long as you knew that I was there to protect you. And I always was. I'm sorry that I couldn't make you healthy again. You know that I tried everything. I don't think I will ever get over losing you. I really don't. My heart-dog. That's what you were. I will never have that relationship with another dog. It's just not possible. And so here I am, really broken over losing you, and wishing you were here to share this rainy day with. I love you, baby boy. Please know that you will never be forgotten. And that you will forever be loved. xoxo Mommy

8/21/17
Just wanted to say that I love you so much. Just when I think I'm doing better, I see your sweet face in your pictures, and I am broken all over again. My life is simply not the same without you. Love, your loving mom

9/1/17
Hi, baby! Just sitting here thinking about you. You wouldn't believe the flooding and crazy weather in Texas. You were always so brave in storms. You wouldn't have been scared at all (Stella still shakes when it rains). I encourage her to be brave, like her big brother was, but to no avail. I don't remember what I was doing yesterday, but I had to stop because I 'remembered' that you were gone. You would think I would be used to it or somewhat used to it by now. But I'm not. I look at your picture, and wonder how it is that I will never see you again. It still feels like a terrible dream. I would trade everything for the chance to be with you again. Adjusting to your being gone is the hardest thing I have ever been through. I am so sorry that I couldn't keep you healthy forever. I did everything that I could. I love you so much. I miss you every moment. Love, your mom

9/11/17
My sweet boy! Just when I think I am doing better, something brings you back to me so fully, and I am heartbroken all over again. Nothing has been okay without you. Everything just seems harder. Less purposeful. I think of you every single day. Please know that I love you with all my heart. I love you. I love you. Mom

9/22/17
My angel. Every time I look at your picture, it breaks my heart. If I could join you wherever you are, I would. In a heartbeat. No questions asked. I would want to be with my sweet boy. I can still remember your paws, ears... your sweet button nose. Life is so unfair that we lose those we love the most. Trying to find a real reason to continue myself. When I had you, I took care of you. Loved you. Held you. Now... ever since you left me... I have felt a bit like I am sleepwalking through life. I know you wouldn't want me to feel that way, and I try not to... I love you, Bristol. Forever, I will love you. xoxoxoxo Mom

9/28/17
Hi Baby! You did come to me in my dreams the night I asked you to! Thank you! You were so sweet. I carried you in my arms. I can still feel every little bend to your sweet body. I love you sweet boy! Just wanted to say that I think of you every day... many, many times a day! I love you. xoxoxoxoxo Mommy

10/5/17
My sweet boy! Mommy just wants to say hello and that I love you so much. Your picture popped up today, and it brought back so many beautiful and funny memories of you. You were getting groomed and your fur was completely out of control. You looked so cute... and brave. I love you. If I could be with you, I would. Everything I have, I would freely give up to see you again. I still lurch in my heart and chest when I realize that I will never see you again. You were my world. It has not been the same since you left me. I love you so much. If that I could turn back time. xoxo Mommy

10/16/17
Thinking of you today, sweet boy. The weather has finally changed, and it's cooler than it's been since probably May. I remember how much you loved the cool weather-especially when you felt well enough to hang your head outside of the window as we rode along. I miss you so much. My life just derailed when I lost you. I try every day to be happy, to experience the little things, not get too upset by life. But it just doesn't seem to work. Do you think Stella would be okay with another mommy? I haven't had her so long that she could not readjust, but I am just not feeling capable right now. It's because I do love and care for her, that I'm thinking this way. Not for one instant would I have ever considered giving you up...even during the tough times. Not sure what the difference is. And I don't think it's fair. But it is my current reality. I know you loved her, too. And you did get to have at least a couple of years where you had a friend with you. Neither of you have known loneliness, and I am so grateful that I was, and have been, able to make sure that was the case. As I think back on it, sweet boy, I don't think you were alone for even one moment of your last two years of life. I hope that helped. Especially when you were not feeling well - beginning at around this time last year. I love you. I miss you every single day. xoxo Your loving mom

10/26/17
My baby boy. You would have been 15 today. I love you so much. I miss you so much. Love, Mommy

11/2/17
Thinking of you so much these past couple of days, Bristol. My sweet boy. I miss you every single day. I think of you all the time. I love you so much. You were my joy. Love, Mommy

11/9/17
Bristol Boy! I love you, sweetheart. It has been fall-like around here the past couple of days, and it makes me think of you. You loved walking in the fall weather, snuggling up to me when you were cold at night... It was about this time last year that you started feeling so badly. I did everything I could to help you feel better those last few months. I still see you here at home with me and Stella. Sometimes she'll lap her water in a certain way, or make a similar sound, and for a moment, I think it's you... breaks my heart all over again when I remember that it's not. I'm struggling with so many decisions right now. To move. Not to move.Change careers. I put all of it on hold to take care of you, and now that you are gone, decisions have to be made. But I'd give everything to have you with me. You were so special. I love you, dear boy. xoxox -Mom

11/19/17
Thinking of you, sweet baby. You were in my dream the other night. You were sitting at the garage door, and a shadow was moving under the door. You were watching it. Protective. As always. I miss you so much. I talked to Deedee about you a lot the other night. Laughed at your sweetness. I told her that I found myself crying over you, and she said that will happen for a long time. She lost Sterling three years ago, and still cries over her. I would give anything to have you back with me. I hope I was a good mommy to you... I tried. You seemed happy. And you were so cared for. I love you, baby. xoxo Mommy

11/28/17
Hi, baby boy... I smiled when I thought of you today. It lasted only a moment, before twangs of loss, but it was a smile, nonetheless. I love you. I love you. I miss you. Love, Mommy

12/7/17
Hi sweetie! Thinking of you on this cold morning. Poor little boy, you would be shivering! I love you. I miss you... especially as the holidays near. It was this time last year when I found out you were not doing very well. I hope you know how hard I tried to keep you healthy, and to make your life as precious and comfortable as possible. I love you, boo. xoxoxoxo Mommmy

12/17/17
Hi, Bristol, my love. Thinking of you and wishing so much that you were here with me, as the holidays come around. I haven't been able to get out the tree or decorations, because they are packed behind all of your toys and bed. Memories. I just can't. Too many memories and I still feel your loss so profoundly. Stella did something the other day, lapping her water, I think, and for a split second, I remember thinking... oh, Bristol's getting some water. It just sounded like you. Reminded me of you. I'd give anything to hold you again, sweetie. I love you. xoxo Mommy

12/24/17
It's Christmas Even, baby boy. Thinking of you so much this past week. I would give anything to have you back with me. Nothing has really felt complete... right... since you left. I feel like I go through the motions, even feel some happiness, and then I remember that I'm not coming home to you, or I see a picture of you, and I just break. Life is not fair. Life is cruel, even. But you were my light. I love you. xoxo Mommy

12/29/17
Hi, Bristol Boo! Thinking of you this cold morning at home. Your picture right next to me. I miss you, sweetie. Every day, I miss you, and think of you. When I go to California, I will take you with me... I could never dream of leaving you behind. I love you. xoxo Mommy

1/1/18
It was such a hard year, last year, losing you. Today, I am reminded of how much I miss you and love you. I would give anything if you were here with me. I love you, sweet boo. xoxo Mommy

1/9/18
Hello sweet boy. I was just thinking about your this morning... like every morning :) and I wanted to say hello. It has been cold here, and you would not like that at all! Do you remember Molly? She went to live with Ace and Todd. She will really thrive there. JJ will miss her, but it's a better arrangement for everyone. Jennifer was not able to take them back, and it's better that they have a stable home. I missed you so much over the holidays. I'd look around and just wish so much that you were there. It wasn't the same without you. Of course, nothing is really the same without you. Mommy loves you. There is not one thing I would not trade to have you back with me. I saw you in Stella's eyes this morning. I love you, baby boy. xoxo Mommy

1/13/18
Hi, baby. Mommy is feeling a bit nervous today about all of the upcoming changes. I came here to see your sweet face and to tell you that I love and miss you more every day. Love, Mommy

1/20/18
Bristol boy... I love you so much, baby. I talked to a friend last night, and she told me that she lost her sweet boy, another Shih Tzu, in November. We talked about how much we loved you both. And missed you both so much. There is one picture of you, in particular, that just breaks my heart. You were looking right at me. You had such love and trust in your eyes. I remember everything about you, Bristol. Your sweet paws and little nose. Given the chance, I would give everything that I have to just have you in my life again. Take the house. The car. Everything. If I had you, we would make our way again. Like we did before. If I could have those years back of caring for you, playing together, walking, cuddling... in an instant, I would trade everything that I have or am. I love you, sweet boy. xoxo Mommy

1/28/18
I just wanted to tell you goodnight, sweet boy. I have been thinking about you so much this weekend. I miss you every single day. Life feels dreadfully cruel sometimes... those times of loss most especially. I love you. xoxo Mommy

2/10/18
Sweet boy! You were in my dreams last night. You were shiny and happy and healthy. Running, even. I was able to pick you up and hold you. And it felt so wonderful when I woke up... as if I had actually been with you. You came when I called you. And put your sweet face against my own. It was so perfect. I was so happy. I love you, Bristol boy. Love you forever... 'til the day I die. xoxo Mommy

2/13/18
Hi sweet boy. Mommy lost you eight months ago today. I can't believe how much time has passed. Every day I think of you. Every day I miss you. Nothing is the same without you. I would give anything to have you back with me. You are my heart dog and you have my entire heart. Love, Mommy

2/24/18
I cried a bucket of tears for you on Wednesday, sweetie. Not sure what happened. I just couldn't handle knowing that I would never see you again. It broke me all over again. I love you, sweet boy. xoxo Mommy

3/2/18
Hi, sweet boy! My cousin, Jennifer, died this week. She loved dogs so much. I just know that if she can, she will find you, and give you hugs from your mommy. You can hang with her. She will keep you safe and loved. Her eyes are super blue, just like mine... and so maybe you can see a bit of me in her. I love you, baby. xoxo Mommy

3/7/18
Just wanted to say g'night, sweet boy. I love you. I miss you. xoxo Mommy

3/14/18
Hi, sweetie! I miss you so much. Still. Every day I miss you. Cody, Deedee's little guy, passed away this past week. I always hoped the two of you could meet. He was playful, just like you... She's hurting, too. We both cried on the phone, thinking of you both. I just wanted to say that I was thinking of you, Bristol boo. I love you so much. I miss you so much. xoxo Mommy

3/24/18
Hi, baby! Thinking of you today. Your picture came up in my 'memory book' today... one of my favorite pictures of you! You were lying on the floor at Ace's first house. On the cool tile. So sweet. Healthy and happy. We used to go over there to watch movies with Ace and Todd... and you hung out and we walked with Gypsy. Such fun times! I miss you, sweetie. I'd give anything and everything to have you back with me. You were, and will forever be, my heart dog. I love you, Mommy

4/1/18
Happy Easter, sweet boy! Got together with Ace and Todd (and mom and dad). Thought and talked about you. Missing you so much. The weather here is your favorite right now... not too cold, not too hot. If you were here, happy and healthy, I would probably be taking you to the park, and then for a ride in the car... and maybe a lick of a vanilla ice cream. I love you, my sweet boy. xoxo Mommy

4/7/18
Just sitting her working on my script, and thinking of you. It's a rainy day today. Big storm last night. Stella has been scared. I wish you were her, always, but especially now, to help her be brave. You were my little storm chaser. No fear. I love you and your brave heart, sweetie. Love, mommy xoxoxoxoxoxo

4/17/18
Sweet boy. I have been thinking of you so much today. Your sweet little nose and cute, pony trot when you used to run and leap for your food. My lovely and sweet Bristol. Mommy misses you so much. You haven't come to me in my dreams in so long. Please do... I miss my boy. Love, Mommy xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

4/29/18
Hi, baby! Went to the park today. Remembered the hiking we used to do into the woods and around those large boulders. It was so much fun. And you were so brave and had such adventure in your little spirit. Ready for most anything. Scared of so little. It was also one of the last places I took you. Just the two of us together. It was a warm day. And even then, you wanted to explore. I love you, sweetie. Keep waiting to feel okay again without you. Not sure I ever will. I miss you. Love, mommy

5/16/2018
Sweet boy. I have been thinking of you so much these past couple of days. Had a dream last night, seems you might have been there, and there were 'critters' in the house. Running around. Dogs going crazy. Everyone was happy. It is so hot here today. You would have hated getting into the car, with the bright sun in your eyes, but would have settled in front of the A/C on my lap. Air blowing. Happy. Bright, brown eyes taking in the world. I love you, baby. I miss you more than you will ever know. xoxo Mommy

5/23/18
Hello, my sweet boy. I am so tired tonight, but I did not want to go to bed without telling you... I have been thinking of you so much today. I miss you. Every day, I miss you. Love, mommy

6/10/18
Good morning, baby boy. I have been thinking about you so much this week. I can hardly believe it has been almost one year since I lost you. I miss you... and loved you so much. There will never, ever be another Bristol. My heart literally lurches when I think of you. I do try to remember the fun times. Do you remember when I would take you to Bull Creek? And you would just get in and get muddy and wet? You were so happy trying to retrieve that rubber toy in the water. I hope I brought you happiness in your life. I tried to. Like our walks on the Capitol grounds on Sunday mornings. With the albino squirrels and the perfect lawn. You had space to roam there. And the hikes we took behind Pickfair Park? I saw Gypsy yesterday. The two of you got along well. She is getting a bit older too. But is still such a sweet, sweet girl. I am going to California for a little while. You would have loved it there - the weather much cooler. Sun not as bright for your little eyes. But probably not the earthquakes. I will think of you all the time. I love you, sweet boy. I would give all I am and have to see you again. Love, Mommy

6/13/18
A year ago I lost you. I can hardly believe it. At once, it feels like yesterday, and a million years ago since I've seen you. Bristol, it was so hard for me to let you go. I tried everything to keep you healthy and with me. I hope you knew that, even as you slipped away. You were such a fighter without complaint. Your entire life, no matter what health issues came up, you took it all with such grace. Far more than I ever could. My strong boy. My sweet boy. When I adopted you, the young woman who surrendered you, when you were still so young, said that it broke her heart. Surrendering you, to take away the pain you were suffering, broke my heart, too. It breaks my heart still every day. At 5:2o PM today, the moment I lost you, I tried to think of the wonderful things you had in your life. Walks, healthy food, love, shelter, friends, family, and even a few exciting excursions thrown in... remember floating in the pool in Houston? Or wearing my college graduation cap? Hikes deep into the woods. You were my everything. There will never be another Bristol. Never. That I know. I love you forever, sweetie. My Bristol. Love, Mommy xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

6/14/18
Thinking of you. Just renewed this memorial. I love you. Mommy

6/22/18
Hi, baby. I wanted you to know that Deedee's other dog, Buddy, passed away on Tuesday. She was so incredibly sad. If you see him, give him a big hug and kiss from his mom. You never really met a dog that you didn't like, I just know you will be a good and brave little guy to help him along. I love you, sweetheart. xoxoxoxo Mommy

6/27/18
Good morning, sweet boy. It's going to be another hot one here in Texas today. I just wanted to start my day off telling you how much I love and miss you. xoxoxoxo Mommy

7/9/18
Hi, my sweet boy! I have been on the road and away from everyone that I know and love. But I have never stopped thinking of you. Sitting in a cafe in Studio City, writing. Just wanted to say hello and that I love you, always. xoxo Mommy

7/15/18
Bristol, sweetie! Heading back home tomorrow, and you are on my mind. I brought your picture with me, and it has been out on the table for the entire California trip. I love and miss you, sweet boy. Please let your sweet spirit me with me on the way home. I love you, Mommy xoxoxo

7/28/18
Hi, sweetie! I felt you with me on my trip. Looked at your picture. Thought of you and that made me happy! Things have been kind of bad with mom and dad. Mostly dad. I wish you had been here for me to cry into your fur. I know you would have comforted me. Stella filled in for you... she was sweet. Just like you. It still breaks my heart to think that I won't see you again. That I don't get to see you every day. I will never forget you, sweet boy. I love you with all my heart. xoxoxoxo Mommy

8/9/18
I love my baby boy! Just thinking of you today. Like every day. Please come to me in my dreams, sweet Bristol. I miss you so much! Love, Mommy

8/17/18
We did it, baby boy! I thought of you first when I learned that I Love You, Goodbye made it through to the next round. You were with me all the way. I love you. I miss you. xoxoxoxo Mommy

8/26/18
Hi, sweet Bristol! I have been thinking of you so much. You were in my dreams a few nights ago. We were on a road trip together and you were sleeping in the back seat. I needed to get out of the car, it was raining, and I had an umbrella over both of us as we walked away from the car. I slipped, but did not drop you! :) Mom showed me a picture tonight of two dogs - one looked just like you, the other like Stella. But no dog could ever, ever be like you. I miss you, my boy. I will be back home soon. Where we lived together so happily. I will put your stone back in the garden. I have not put a Christmas tree up for two years... starting from when you got sick until after I lost you. We'll see about this year. I don't know. It's hard to imagine decorating without you there. I miss you, sweet boy. I would give anything to have you in my life where I could hold and cuddle with you. I love you, xoxoxo Mommy

9/12/18
Just thinking of you, and how much I love you, sweet boy. xoxo Mommy

9/18/18
Miss you so much, boo. Still can't quite grasp that you are not in my life. You were there for so much, helped me through so much more... Wish I could hold you and touch your sweet nose. I love you, Mommy xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

9/21/18
Hi, baby! First day of fall, and I wanted to change the season for you. You loved the cooler weather. I love you, mommy xoxoxoxoxo

9/27/18
Bristol, you would love the weather today. It is finally brisk outside. Your little nose would have been wet as you sniffed around the yard. I'm seeing you everywhere right now. I wish I could be with you. I miss you that much. Every day. I love you, sweet boy. xoxoxoxoxoxo Mommy

10/4/18
My baby. I miss you so much. I love you. xoxoxoxo Mommy

10/13/18
I just teared up thinking of you. It seems that the hurt of losing you never goes away. Ever. I miss you and want you back in my life. I need you, sweet boy. Mommy is hurting. I love you and miss you so much. If I could be where you are, I would go in a second. I'm so lost without you. I love you, sweet Bristol. Love, Mommy xoxoxoxoxoxo

10/24/18
Moved back into the house today. Missed so much seeing you there on the couch. Shutting the door, peeking in just to make sure you were safe before I went out. I miss you so much, sweet Bristol. I cry for you still. Mommy loves you. xoxoxoxo Mommy

10/26/18
Happy Birthday, my sweet boy. I love you so much. You would have been 16 today. I was so lucky to have had you for the years that I did. You were my best friend, and I miss you every single day. I'm so sad. I can't really think of too many reasons to stick around. For whatever reason, the cruelty of life has just swept me up and my optimistic nature seems to have vanished. If you were here, I'd hold you, take you for a walk, and just cuddle. Having you and taking care of you was the one thing I did well... and you made it so easy. Your beautiful nature. Sweet. Fun. I love you, baby. Happy Birthday, Bristol boy. Love, Mommy xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

11/3/18
Hello, sweet boy. Thinking of you tonight. As always, wishing you were here with me. I saw your tree today. Where I lost you. I thought of you. Every single memory of you still breaks my heart. I know the day will come when I can smile when I think of you with me, but that day is slow to come. What joy it would be to see you again. To touch your sweet nose and little paws. You were and continue to be my everything. My sweetheart. Love, Mommy xoxoxo

11/12/18
Bristol, my sweetheart. I really need you right now. I miss you so much. Decisions must be made, but the challenges are breaking me. Partly, I think I place way too much importance on what others think I should do. I remember when I adopted you, I did not get support... but it ended up being one of the best things I have ever done. It had nothing to do with you, but the faith of others in my abilities. But I was a kick ass mom and gave you the best life that I possibly could. And you were happy. Loved. Well card for. Adored. Valued. I loved, and love you, so much. Thank you for letting me be my best self for you. I didn't always get it right. Even got frustrated at times. But I love you with all my heart. Love, Mommy xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

11/19/2018
I love you, sweet boy. Goodnight. Love, Mommy xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

11/26/19
Just so tired, sweetie. You were in my dreams the other night. So funny... just rifling through my clothes. Nothing seems to be falling into place... no matter how much I try. I love you. xoxo Mommy

12/4/2018
Good morning, sweet Bristol! I wanted to say that I love you and miss you. It's getting colder here, but the days are nice. It was around this time two years ago that you were so sick. It seems like yesterday and a lifetime ago at the same time. I bought you a little space heater to help your little body keep warm. You started to get so thin. But you hung in there, didn't you sweetheart. You stayed with me as long as you could. You were so strong always. Through it all, you were so strong and non-complaining. I loved you so much. I love you still. xoxo Mommy

12/11/2018
Sweet boy, how fast time goes. I can't believe it has been a week since I last said hi. But I think about you every day. I showed your picture to a really nice lady yesterday. She couldn't believe how handsome and sweet you were. She was right. Still struggling without you. Just kind of struggling, in general. Hoping for better times. Working for a better future. But I sometimes wonder why? Hoping this will lift. If you were with me, I'd just snuggle with you and face it all head on. I always felt purpose with you ... I knew that you needed me. I needed you. I miss you. Love, mommy xoxoxoxoxoxo

12/19/2018
Hi, Sweet Boy! I can't believe how much I still miss you. Tears today. Nothing has been right since I lost you. Love, Mommy

12/22/2018
I love you. I miss you. xoxo Mommy

12/24/2018
Happy Christmas Eve, sweetie! Love, Mommy

12/29/2018
Bristol Boy, I think you were in my dreams the other night. I can't really remember what you were doing, only how warm and wonderful it was to have seen you, when I awoke. I love you, sweetie! I miss you so. xoxoxo Love, Mommy

1/1/2019
It's the start of a new year, sweet boy. But another year begins without you by my side. I think of you every day. Deedee, too, is missing her boys, Cody and Buddy, and her sweet girl, Sterling. I love you, sweetie. My heart dog. Forever with me. Always. Love, Mommy xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

1/7/2019
Good morning, sweet Bristol! You were in my dreams last night. It was pure joy to see and hold you. Your sweet little face just the same... your eyes as bright. It reminded me of how much I miss you, but it was so wonderful to hold you and be with you. I love you so much. Love, Mommy xoxoxoxoxoxo

1/11/2019
Hi, sweetie. Sitting here thinking of you. Coyotes in the area this morning. Stella's safe, but I will be going down into the garden with her from this point forward. I guess one of the things I am most proud of is that I kept you safe and healthy while you were with me. I loved you - love you still! I think of you every day. It's funny, but I can remember how your little body felt in my arms. Your sweet, button nose. Deep eyes. My sweet boy. I'm so sorry that you got sick. I know you know that I did everything I could. I love you. Mommy xoxoxoxoxo

1/16/2019
Hi, baby! A little nutty right now... looking for work. But still thinking of you every day. I love you. I know your Christmas stocking is still hanging, but I don't want to change it out until I can take the time to really decide what I want you to have next. I love you. xoxoxoxo Mommy

1/28/2019
Sweet Boy! Winds are picking up here tonight... cold air moving in. I wish you were here for me to cuddle and keep warm. Stella will probably start shaking soon, if it starts raining. She is not as brave as my sweet boy was with storms and bad weather, but she tries so hard. I love you baby. Just sitting here thinking of you. I did get your decorations changed out. I hope you like them. I love you, baby. xoxoxoxoxo Mommy P.S. Remember your 'big bear'? I have him in my room, on the chair... I think of you every time I look over at him. You loved that bear so much! It puts a smile on my face to think of you swinging him around. I love you, baby. Mommy

2/10/2019
Hi, baby! Still so cold here! Good news, things are looking up... I got a job that I am really excited about. And you were in my dreams the other night. Strange, we were on a boat or something, and I had a suitcase. You were in a rocking chair resting. I know, makes no sense. But it was heaven to see you... to pet you! You were resting, but you were with me. I can still remember the feel of your fur, paws, and sweet nose. I love you, baby. I love you so much. xoxoxo Mommy

2/18/2019
Thinking of you, sweet Bristol. Busy day at work today. Yes, I got a new job! I like it. I like the people. The only thing that would make it better, is if I could come home to you every night. I was thinking, when I got so busy at my last job, that's when I got Stella as a new member of our family. You never spent a lonely day after that. But now I worry about her being alone. She spent the day at mama and papa's. But she can't do that every day. Dad told me that he was going through some pictures on the computer, and found so many wonderful pictures of you. I love you, baby. I really just wanted to say, hi. Love, Mommy xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

3/13/2019
Hello, my sweet boy! I'm sorry it has been awhile since I've said hello. I started a new job, and there is a lot to learn. I am leaving for Munich in a few days, and I wanted to change your season to spring, because I probably won't be here to change it for you... I think I get back home the day after the first day of spring. Things are going pretty well. I think of you so much. Every day. Stella looked up at me today, and she looked so much like you used to with a wide grin and bright eyes. Hoping for a treat or two. We are planning an anniversary party for mom and dad. The day I lost you was also their anniversary. The saddest of days for me. Heartbreak. I love you, sweet boy. You were my world, and it has never been the same without you. I love you. xoxoxoxoxo Mommy

4/3/2019
Hi, Bristol Boy! I just wanted to say hello and that I love you so much. It's raining here tonight. Stella is scared - she has never learned to be brave the way you were. You used to chase thunderstorms. I can't believe how much I still miss you. You were my heart dog and I will never ever forget you. I think of you every day. I look at your pictures. Miss and love you. Missing you with all my heart. Love, Mommy xoxoxoxoxo

4/20/2019
My sweet boy! You were in my dreams last night. We were out on a road trip of some sort. Stella was there, too. And both of you were running in the grass. I got to hold you and you looked straight into my eyes. For some reason, at the end of the dream, you were not feeling well, and I was doing everything I could to help you. You were so sweet. And I miss you so much. It's a pretty day here today. I will probably spend some time in the garden, pulling weeds, maybe plant a few plants on the steps. I know how much you used to enjoy the garden. It was where you thrived and, at times, didn't feel so great. You were and will forever be my heart dog, Bristol. I love you so much. There will never be another Bristol. I love you, baby. xoxoxoxo Mommy

5/8/2019
Bristol Boy. It has been raining so hard here the past few days. I think of you every day. Miss you every day. I've been sad for the world. For our planet. Dogs are amazing. They live so in the moment. Do no damage to the world. Take only what they need. Humans, we are destroyers. And in the same breath, we are compassionate. Struggling. But no matter how I might be feeling, I know that you were everything to me. and I would do anything to see you again. I think of couple of posts did not save. Last week, it seems. But you know that I was talking to you. Watched JJ and Stella together last week. It was okay. JJ's a pretty sweet dog. Stella was unsettled by the rain. Always better to be home. In my own bed. I love you, baby boy. Thinking of you every day. Love, Mommy xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

6/1/2019
Getting hot here, sweetie. You were never a fan of the heat- especially the sun in your sensitive eyes. You've been on my mind so much today. Out in the garden, I thought of you being out there. Enjoying yourself. It isn't right, I know, but I find myself comparing Stella to you. You were so chill. She is pretty high maintenance... and demanding. You were just my guy. So happy to just be with me. Walking, riding in the car, hanging out... I miss you, Bristol. I will miss you every day of my life. I love you, sweet boy. Hugs and kisses forever... xoxoxo Mommy

6/11/2019
Thinking of you tonight, sweet boy. I love you. Mommy xoxo

6/13/2019
Sweet Bristol. I lost you two years ago today. Two years ago, at this time, I was completely heartbroken. I sobbed in a way I had never sobbed before - or have broken since. You were my buddy, my cuddle bunny, my confidante, and my boy. There will never be another Bristol. The best that I ever was was when I was taking care of you. Being responsible for you. Loving you. It feels like yesterday, but I know, too, that I have opened my heart enough to laugh at your silliness and playfulness. Your protective nature. I was enough for you, and you were enough for me. I would give anything to have you with me. To help heal you. To make you whole again. It just wasn't enough time together, sweetie. It all went so quickly. I love you and think of you every day. Please know that I did everything I could for you. I love you, sweet boy. Love, Mommy xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

6/30/2019
Just thinking of you, sweet boy. I miss you every single day. I love you, Mommy xoxoxo

7/6/2019
Good morning, sweet Bristol. Oh, honey, so hot here right now. You would not be a happy camper. Even the mornings are sticky and brutal. The sun so bright... you would absolutely want to be inside hanging out in the coolness. Looking at your picture, your little head titled, questioning and at once trusting eyes. I love you, sweetie; so, so much. xoxoxoxo Mommy

7/17/2019
Hi, sweet Bristol! I had a dream about you two nights ago. I was in a car, and I pulled over and just started sobbing. As if I had just remembered that you were gone. I woke up so sad. I miss you. I miss you every single day, sweetie. But I did have to smile yesterday, too, I was eating a banana, and Stella tried to gently take the peel into her mouth - just like you did. It was so sweet and reminded me of you so much. I love you, baby. xoxoxoxoxoxo Mommy

7/25/2019
Thinking of you on this cool morning in July. You would love it outside, sweet Bristol. Crisp and cool. I love you, sweetie, just wanted to say hello, and tell you that I love you. xoxoxoxo Mommy

7/29/2019
Hi, Bristol sweetie! Just sending you hugs and nose touches. I love you and miss you so much, sweetie. Love, xoxoxoxoxoxo Mommy

8/14/2019
Sweet, Bristol, I can't believe how quickly time goes. I think of you every single day. Every single one. I went to get food for Stella on Monday, and a woman came out with a sweet puppy that looked so much like you. It took my breath away. He was the same size. Same coloring. Same beautiful brown eyes. I love you so much, Bristol. Mommy will always love you. It's hot here. So hot! You would hate it - the sun so bright, you used to shield your eyes from the glare, and let the A/C blow on you in the car. I remember it all. I love you, baby. xoxoxoxo Mommy

8/24/19
Good morning, sweet boy! Was just thinking about you, and wanted to say, hello, and that I miss you. I am writing a new screenplay, and there is a little dog in the story... in my mind, it's you. And this little dog has wings and flies. She hasn't given him a name yet, the main character, but it is you! My handsome, happy Bristol. I love you so much, sweetheart. Stella and I are just hanging out today. She's on storm watch, but I don't think we will get rain - but we need it so! I wish you were sitting next to me as I write. That's where you were on my last big project - right by my side. Not always feeling well, but with me, always. I love you, sweetie. I love and miss you so much. Love, Mommy xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

9/4/2019
Just thinking of you so much tonight, sweet Bristol. Life is unpredictable. I might be joining you soon. I love you. xoxoxoxoxo Mommy

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