She was so smart. She would talk to me as Schnauzers do. She bossed the cat around. She even bossed me sometimes. She adored people. So friendly...she thought everyone was her best friend.|
I remember sitting on the sofa one day, years ago and she came up to me and stared. I asked..."yes?" She barked once and tossed her head. I couldn't believe that. She did it again. I said..."oh no...you did not just toss your head at me." So she did it again. I stood up and she then led the way to the kitchen. In front of the pantry, she barked once. I got the message. I got her a treat. I realized that when I wanted her to come with me, I'd say Come on and toss my head. She learned that from me.
She taught me to be bilingual too. I saw someone walking two Schnauzers once and I stopped to talk to them. As they sniffed around the grass, I was telling the person how Briar spoke to me. And I imitated her. And the two dogs immediately stopped and looked at me. Obviously, I had said something. I just didn't know what!
Briar wasn't the dog I was supposed to have. I had made arrangements to take a puppy from a December litter that was yet to be born at Lonestar Schnauzer Country, just outside of Houston Texas. I was hoping for a silver one, like the father Austin that I had seen on the site. The breeder, Melissa contacted me to tell me that two of the families who had intended to take pups from the current litter had backed out. Although she was a few more dollars, I chose the brown puppy. Cause brown turns to silver and she would look like Austin. The breeder later contacted me and said I might want to reconsider. Briar was so tiny that she couldn't promise she'd even get as big as a Miniature. She was the runt of the litter. Then Mackenzie's milk went bad and sadly both of Briar's litter mates passed. On Halloween, I flew to Houston and picked her up. One pound, seven ounces of love. She finally maxed out at 13 pounds. A bit big but she was on special food that had a high fat content, so the vet was okay with it.
May 14,2015 I miss you so much Briar. Yesterday I laid down on the bed and fell asleep, curled around the box that your ashes are in. I still look outside in the morning to see if it's light out yet so I can take you out and then I realize, I don't have to do that anymore. But then in the evening I think about getting comfy for the night and I think of taking you out and again, I realize I don't have to do that anymore. Your bed is still here with your favorite toys. I gave a few to the shelter along with your left over food. But I kept the bear and the shark from Aunt Jill and the ones we played with.
I think of the road trip we planned to Phoenix this summer. I think of not needing a pet friendly motel, being able to go inside restaurants, stopping at a roadside attraction if I want to without wondering if they allow pets. Going to Lake Pleasant without you. And the alone-ness of all that seems to smother me.
May 16, 2015 I went out yesterday.Had my shirt on backwards. Drove the wrong way in the shopping center which apparently is a big deal to some people. Went to the Farmer's Market today with Auntie Pay. I had planned on taking you with me. I had a danish. Hopefully, I won't get sick. I bought a pink azalea to plant in the back yard in your memory. I miss you Briar. I wish you could come home.
There's so much to tell about her, but my thoughts are still jumbled.
June 9, 2015 It's been five weeks Briar. Every Tuesday morning, I light a candle for you. It's right on my desk, in front of your picture. My arms are so empty Briar. I just want to hold you again and get little kisses. I miss you my girl.
July 28, 2015 Three months my girl. I still light your candle. I talk to you. Today, I was cleaning up my fabrics and I found your little neckerchiefs that Tiffany and Michelle always gave you after you were groomed. One of them seemed to have a very strong scent of what you smelled like when you'd get done. But then after a few moments, it went away. I think it was you. Sitting with me. I leave for Phoenix in a few days. I wish you were here and we were going on another road trip together. You loved the car rides we took. I loved being with you. I miss you so much. When will it get better? I love you Briar.
August 25, 2015. I'm back from Phoenix. I dreaded going without you. But you didn't let me go alone, did you? They say that when you find pennies, they are signs of a loved one. Pennies from Heaven. The rental car was full of pennies...in the door handle, the console, the back seat. Then I found pennies when I got out of the car at McD's when I stopped.I found a penny behind Jill's car when she took me home one day. So many pennies. I know you were with me my girl. I love you. I miss you so much. I hate Tuesdays.
5/5/17 Two years without you, exactly two as I write this!, and it still feels like it just happened. Your azalea bush is blooming so beautifully. I miss you still and the tears still flow. Thank you for sending Peanut to me. He's helped me to heal. We're going back to Phoenix permanently next May. I wish you would be sitting next to me, along with him. I miss you, girl.
April 16, 2018 I think of you every day. I still cry. I miss you so much. I'm grateful for Peanut but he's now on "borrowed time" due to his bad heart and sometimes I even cry over him. But having him here helps me. I told you we'd return to Phoenix in May and we're right on schedule. Less than two weeks and we start the road trip home. With Peanut, Luna and now a few Finches. Even though she's an old lady, Luna is still feisty. I just wish you were part of the group. I'm going to take Peanut up to the park in Payson, where you and I used to sit by the water. I want to show him the things you saw. My sweet girl.
May 5, 2018. Three years today since one of the worst days of my life. I still miss you. But today we go back home to Phoenix. I feel closer to you there since most of our time was there. I know you'll be with us. I miss you my girl. I love you.
April 16, 2019 I miss you still. And now you have Peanut to play with and take care of. I can't stop crying for him and I can't really talk about him. The tears just flow. I was only able to give him three years of a decent life. Thank you for sending him to me. Ruby is with me now. You'll love her when you meet her. She's trying to help me deal but you and Peanut can't be replaced. Ruby is special in her own way and I love her too. Coming up to five years since you left. Happy to be back home in Phoenix. Wish you were here. I wish all of you were here. What a fun house that would be!