To my little mommer:|
We miss you! I miss our parades down the hallway already! I hope you weren't suffering too long. We did not want to lose you but we didn't want you to suffer. You were such a different boy after losing Alfie. Sitting with daddy every morning on his lap; something you would never let anyone do before. Thank you for being there for us after losing Alfie. You were a great comfort. And now you are gone. The house is empty and quiet. We still look for you. Find Alfie and Izzy. I can find peace knowing my 3 boys are together again. Mommy loves you. Daddy tolerates you! LOL! That's what he always said! We both love you and miss you. Our hearts are broken. Mommy loves you, I'll see you tomorrow. No more tomorrows here but I'll always see you at the Bridge! Rest in peace mommy!
October 2, 2016 - My littlest boy.........you have only been gone 2 days and I miss you so much. Everything we did together I now have to do alone. Tomorrow when I come home from work, you won't be there to go put away "our rings". Daddy misses you too. He looks for you when he is having coffee, on the computer and eating dinner. I am so glad we gave you the veal and chicken and ham during your last days so that could enjoy. You weren't eating but you still took that from us! Smart boy! We cleaned out yours and Alfie's room. I am going to take some things to Dr. Geffen and donate them in your names. I know you would want another to have them. I couldn't bring myself to just through everything away. It makes me feel you in my heart to donate them to someone who can use everything. I miss you throwing around your banana and that's why I made sure to put bananas with you at the Bridge. I love you mommy! I miss you so much it hurts. I cannot stop crying. I do smile thinking about all we've been through together. I remember when I first got you as a baby. I loved watching you grow! I'll never forget bringing you to Dr. Geffen only a couple months after you were born. I didn't understand why you wouldn't jump up on the counter. Dr. Geffen thought I was crazy! But eventually you did! You'll always be my littlest boy! Goodnight mommy! I love you! See you here tomorrow!
October 3, 2016 - My little mommer....Today was the first day I came home from work and you were not here. You didn't come around the island to greet me. My heart fell again. I still told you to come and do "our rings" but I did them myself. I miss you. My heart is broken. Good night littlest boy. Mommy loves you! I'll see you here tomorrow!!
October 4, 2016 - I'm here mommy. I'm so tired. Not sleeping. I miss you so much. Good night littlest boy. Mommy loves you! I'll see you here tomorrow!!!
October 5, 2016 - Hi littlest. I miss you so much. I hear and see you every day. It hurts when I'm reminded you are no longer here. The only peace I have is knowing my 3 boys are together again. You were such good boys. You loved each other so much. Daddy misses you too. He doesn't say it to me I think to protect me. But I see him looking for you on your carpet. We are hurting. I love you mommy!
October 5, 2016 - Goodnight little boy! Mommy loves you! I'll see you here tomorrow
October 7, 2016 - It is one week ago today that we lost you! I remember the phone call from the doctor telling me all the things that were wrong with you. The blood test results. You hardly moving. I so wish things were different. I didn't want you suffering. I miss you more than I can say. My heart still hurts from losing you. I still see and hear you. I know it's early now but I don't feel like much more than being in bed so I'm going to say it now. Goodnight little boy! Mommy loves you and I miss you so very much! I'll see you here tomorrow!
October 9, 2016 - Hi mommer! I missed last night. Daddy and I were both sick and not feeling well. We are missing you so much. The grandmom and grandpop were here and they were missing you too. Daddy and I watched TV and you were not there to jump up and watch with us. Every little thing I do, you were a part of. It's so hard. You are constantly in my thoughts. I know you are no longer suffering and you are with your brothers. You loved each other so much. I miss my 3 boys. Just always know that mommy is here and loves you.
I'm back. Just was upstairs and past your room. It hurt me so much to see it empty. I remember when we moved here to be with daddy. I took you and Alfie into the room. We had it all ready for you. I opened your crates and sat in the room with you so you would know you were safe. Once we had moved everything in, daddy and I opened the door to let you out. YOU came right down! Alfie was too scared. You were so brave. And then on the last day you were here, I sat with you in your room again to say goodbye. We started and ended in that room. I miss you! Mommy loves you.
Goodnight little boy. Mommy loves you! I'll see you here tomorrow!
October 10, 2016 - Goodnight my littlest boy. Mommy loves you! I'll see you here tomorrow!
October 11, 2016 - Hi mommy! I just want you to know that there is not a second here that I am not thinking about you. I see you coming down the stairs from your room. I hear you squeaking. You were my last boy and I miss you! My heart still aches. Give Alfie and Izzy kisses from me. Good night little boy. Mommy loves you! I'll see you here tomorrow!
October 12, 2016 - I'm here! I miss you! Good night little boy! Mommy loves you! I'll see you here tomorrow!!
October 14, 2016 - Hi littlest boy! Good night! Mommy loves you! I'll see you here tomorrow!
October 15, 2016 - Hi mommy! I miss you. I cry every day for you. I still go up to clean your litter. My heart is empty without you and Alfie and Izzy. I love you! Good night little boy. Mommy loves you! I'll see you here tomorrow!
October 16, 2016 - Hi mommer! I have not been able to get you off my mind today. Every little thing I do I am thinking of you. Thinking how you'd be following me while I'm cooking and waiting by your stool for me to give you something. I open the pantry and you'd run thinking you were getting a treat. I miss you little boy. I wish I could somehow hold and hug all my boys one more time. Good night little boy. Mommy loves you! I'll see you here tomorrow!
October 17, 2016- Hi littlest boy! I have to tell you that coming home to an empty house is not getting any easier. I still look for you. I SEE you. I look on your carpet for you. I wait for you to nudge me to pet you. I am missing you more every day. It doesn't get easier, it gets harder. Good night little boy! Mommy loves you! I'll see you here tomorrow!
October 19, 2016 - Hi mommy! I got two BEAUTIFUL stones to mark where you and my Alfie are. I will put pictures here. I miss you so much! Good night little boy! Mommy loves you! I'll see you here tomorrow!
October 20, 2016 - I miss you. I have no other words. I miss you more than I can say. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks you are gone and my heart is still in so much pain. Good night little boy! Mommy loves you! I'll see you here tomorrow.
October 21, 2016 - Today is 3 weeks you are gone. I find myself in more pain as time goes on. I miss all my boys so very much. I saw JJ last night out back and thought about how you and Alfie would start meowing when you saw him on our patio. I think of EVERYTHING. My heart just aches. That's all I can say. Good night little boy. Mommy loves you! I'll see you here tomorrow.
October 22, 2016 - Hi mommer! I have been thinking about you and your brothers so much. Miss all of you so much. Just wish we could still be together. Good night little boy. Mommy loves you! I'll see you here tomorrow!
October 23, 2016 - My heart is in so much pain I don't know what to do. I miss you so much! I miss my boys. I miss holding you. I miss hearing you. I miss everything about you. Good night little boy. Mommy loves you! I'll see you here tomorrow.
October 24, 2016 - Hi littlest! In spite of the pain in my heart, I know I have to somehow feel better. I am just so lost without you. I miss you so much. I wish that when I close my eyes to sleep, you, Alfie and Izzy could come to me in my dreams and I could be with all of you and hold you. I know it would hurt to wake up but at least I could feel like I held you all one more time. Good night little boy! Mommy loves you! I'm going to wait for you in my dreams!
October 26, 2016 - Hi mommer! I did not see you in my dreams. I am waiting. I see you everywhere around the house. Alfie too. Good night little boy. Mommy loves you! I'll see you here!
October 27, 2016 - Tomorrow is one month without you! I can't believe it still. It feels like you were here just a minute ago. I miss you very much and think of you every minute. Good night little boy! Mommy loves you! I'll see you here!
October 28, 2016 - Thank you mommer for coming to me in my dreams! You squeaked at me and I pet you. You felt so soft. No clumps in your hair and you were so much stronger! It made me so happy to have a few minutes with you. I pet you twice and you were squeaking back to me! I still miss you very much but now know where I can find you! Mommy loves you!
October 29, 2016 - Today we started to put out all the stuff for Christmas. So much reminds me of you and Alfie. You both loved Christmas. I miss you so much. Please when you can, come back to my dream. I felt such peace yesterday after petting you in my dreams. My heart aches for you. Good night little boy. Mommy loves you! I'll see you here!
November 2, 2016 - HI little boy. Every time I see you on your carpet it makes me smile. I guess that's progress? I still miss you. Came in to office to close up and I thought about how much you loved being in the office and on your chair. I miss you every day in everything I do. Good night little boy! Mommy loves you! I'll see you here!
November 6, 2016 - Hi littlest! I had chipped ham for lunch today. And all I could think of was you! How much you LOVED the ham and would squeak like crazy until I gave you some! You'd go over to your stool and wait like a good boy until I put it there for you. How I miss that! I miss you! I know it's early but........Good night little boy! Mommy loves you! I'll see you here!!!
November 11, 2016 - Hi my mommer! I just wanted to say that not a day goes by that I don't think of you and Alfie. I miss you so very much! Good night little boy! Mommy loves you! I'll see you here!!!
November 13, 2016 - Hi littlest! I just wanted to thank you for coming to me in my dreams last night. It felt so good to pet you! You were so soft! Just like I remember. You don't know what a sense of peace I feel after seeing you and petting you. Please come to me again soon! Good night little boy! Mommy loves you! I'll see you here!
November 16, 2016 - Hi mommer! Just thinking of you and missing you. Izzy came to my dreams the other night. I miss all of you so much. Please come to me soon! I miss petting you. Good night little boy! Mommy loves you! I'll see you here!
November 18, 2016 - Hi littlest! I am missing you so much today. So many different emotions going on. I'm so sorry you are not here. Everyday I wake up and for just a second think "I have to go out there and make sure he's ok". But you're not there. I've been worrying about you for so long I don't know how to stop. I'll be back in a few days. Good night little boy. Mommy loves you! I'll see you here!
November 27, 2016 - Hi my littlest boy! So mommy and daddy went on our yearly vacation. This is the first year I have left and didn't leave my boys! I cried when we left because none of you were here. I cried when we came home because it's the first time I have EVER come home and not run in the house to see my boys. I miss you all so much! I know it's early but........Good night little boy! Mommy loves you! I'll see you here tomorrow!
December 8 - 2016 - Hi littlest! I've started to come here every day but just haven't been able. I've been missing you so much. Daddy and I brought home "your" Christmas tree this past weekend. It is so beautiful. Of course we can't help but think of you and how you pulled down our first tree 2 Christmases ago! We had to move the sofa to get it in and found a clump of your hair. Mommy kept it and I have some of Alfie's. I am going to make special ornaments and put your hair in it to honor my boys! Your Christmas carpet is out too. My boys would lay on that for hours and spend so much time looking out the back door. I can't look at it without thinking of both of you and I am still in total disbelief that both of you are gone! It is heartbreaking! I miss you both so much. It is so lonely without you. I still talk to you and say goodbye every morning when I leave for work. I can't help it. I love you so much. Good night little boy. Mommy loves you! I"ll see you here!
January 7, 2017 - Hi my littlest! I miss you. Our house burned! It was very scary. I miss you and Alfie so much but I am so thankful you were not there during the fire. I don't know what would have happened! Mommy and daddy can't live in the house right now. It would have been awful for my boys. I think of you every day. I miss being home and I miss you and Aflie being there. Just always know I am thinking of you and love you! Good night little boy. Mommy loves you! I'll see you here!
February 9, 2017 - Hi mommer! It's been a long time. Mommy and daddy are still at the hotel. Mommy is very sick. Things are not good. I miss you so very much. I think Alfie came to me in my dreams last night but not sure as I had a lot of medicine. Please come to see me. I need to pet you. I miss my boys so much. And I miss the home where all of us lived. We were all so happy. It's early but...Good night little boy. Mommy loves you! I'll see you here soon, I promise!
October 1, 2017 - My littlest - It's one year since we lost you. So much has happened in that year. We are still not home but will be soon. This would have been so hard on you and Alfie. It's been horrible. I am so glad you were both at peace when this happened. But I still miss you with all my heart. I did get to be with you and Izzy this past week. You and I did our "song" together and you were squeaking away. I love so much when I get to be with my boys. Please tell Alfie to come. I miss him so much too. Daddy thinks of you too. He misses you. We are hoping to move back home soon. It's so different there now. All the chairs you would sit on are gone. I can't look around and see your favorite places any more. It's so sad. But I still have you in my heart and all the wonderful pictures I took of you and Alfie. I know it's early but good night little boy! Mommy loves you! See you soon!
April 9, 2018 - Hi littlest! Been a while. Daddy and I are home. It's so different there. Even though it's different, I still "see" you sometimes. I miss you still. I know I'm still your mommy but I miss being a mommy. Mommy always loves you!