07/02/2023 My Benzi, today is a very painful reminder of this day 2 years ago how I woke up to so much blood loss and having to wait for the vet to open to ask "why" and "what happened"....to rush you over there for her to "take care of you" and to clean you up from all the additional blood you lost. They called at 10:00 to tell me you threw up again, but you were able to go out and pee, she gave you something to stop the vomiting, and the bleeding they said stopped which I doubted after seeing you that afternoon, just wasn't as heavy by that time. They called me at 4:00 and told me you were just laying in the cage and not moving much and that I should come over there because "just maybe hearing my voice may help you"..(this was a replay of LT's vet after he had a stroke on the table)..and I rushed to get there. They took me in a room with a couch to wait for you to come to see me. When they brought you into me, I was appalled and shocked at how bad you looked, you could not even stand up, and were just panting. You laid on me while I was petting you on the couch while I was trying not to cry seeing how listless you were and worse looking into your eyes trying to find you, and was not sure if you see or hear me. You became too hot and we got down on the floor and your panting did not stop and no matter how much I talked, tried to hold and petted you I was not able to get your to calm down. I wanted you to know I was there and will always be there for you. I kept telling you I love you in hopes to let you know you were not alone, but I knew I was going to lose you and it HURT so much especially seeing how much you were suffering. The vet wanted to take more xrays and bloodwork to see if she could see anything, and only to find out after them taking you to do that and bring you back you seemed even more listless. She finally came in guessing around 5:15 or so and sat down on the floor watching you laying on the floor next to the couch panting and not moving and me crying saying to her this is all because of a tooth.....that is when she finally told me what happened yesterday for the "wellness" visit, which turned out to be the reason for me to let you go. Yesterday when she brought you back to the visiting room you were bleeding a lot she said that was temporary, she said that when she went to clean off your back tooth it just fell out of your mouth but it will stop soon. I trusted that statement because of the tooth you had lost from eating a treat a few months before you bled a lot in the beginning and I kept putting cold wash cloth on your face and mouth most of the night and finally got that to stop. But this time was different the amount of blood you lost thru the night, I took pictures and showed them to her, was unbelievable and she said "that has never happened before", which did not help you or I. But then she went on to say that the pill she tried to give you for the "ONE" flea she said she saw but I never saw, she had to break it up and forced you to take it 4 or 5X....and I said to her in tears I do not understand you knew "he hated taking pills". She told me while she was upset as well, that by her forcing that pill down your throat it caused you to go into heart failure and that is what you were suffering from. Seriously I was so shocked and all I could do was cry and ask "why did you do that", (I was so shocked and crying so hard that I did not remember that statement until the next day)and I reminded her "with all you have been through in your 14+ years I would never let you suffer and that is exactly what you did to him on his so called "wellness visit"". It was then I had to make the very difficult decision to let you go from this suffering, and told her it was time to let you go. I also told her that I was very disappointed that they never cleaned you up before your passing on. When she left to get the technician and the needle, I looked at the window saw 3 hummingbirds hovering over the feeder, and prayed to the Lord to ask that Sheba, Bubbles and LT would be there to help you to cross over, to let you know you will not be alone, and to tell you how much I love and will miss you. I even ask Dena to look in on you from time to time...and here we are 2 years later, I had to forgive the vet, but will never forget how you suffered knowing you were fine until that "wellness" visit. I still talk, cry, think and remember so much of our time together and how much we went through together, and how you were always there for me no matter what. I love you and miss you so much and this morning on my walk I asked the Lord to send me a sign you were okay even if it was just a bark, even though you only barked at the TV and if someone came to the door, and sure enough behind a fence I heard a little dog barking to let me know you are still with me and are OK. I am so proud of you because as many health issues right up to the bleeding, vomiting, and panting you never once complained and you were one "tough" little dog that will always be in my heart, head, and all of the memories that we shared will always help me to remember just how special you are and were. Until all of us meet again I will always love you Benzi.