Barney Sweetheart, You were always such a good boy, so loyal and devoted never leaving my side from the moment you came into my life. On those times I had to leave you, you would sit on the driveway, no matter the hours in rain, cold or snow, until I returned. You'd even take my shoes out to be near you. You'd hear my car and you were always readied to greet me with such love, eagerness and wagging tail as soon as you saw me. When we played hide-n-seek, you would look in every room, behind every door until you happily found me. If I stayed up all night, you were right there by my side and if I was asleep you layed next to me standing guard to make sure no one bothered or touched me. Every step I took, you were right next to me no matter what was going on. You even hated to leave me to eat, so for a long time I stood by you so you would eat. You'd hurriedly go out your doggie doors to do your business, but whisked right back in to find me. When I sat to watch TV, you thought my lap was your place of resting and seemed to relish in my continual petting. You instinctively knew when I was sad and would immediately try to comfort me with you sweet displays of love. Oh how you loved riding in the car; especially the convertible. You'd take your place in the front seat and lay your head on the console and I would pet you and talk to you. You'd stay in the same position until we reached our destination or until we returned home. If I had to step outside the car, all I had to do was say, "stay". You were such a good boy always trying to please Mommy with obeying every command. You were so smart...you easily learned everything I taught you and how you loved your rewards of treats and praisings. |
Barney, you were my best companion and friend. You were my furry human. You filled my life every minute of every day with so much love and joy. I miss you so much. I see your sweet face with everything I do. I find myself calling your name in hopes that you'll appear before my very eyes. You have left such a void in my heart that no other can fill. I was broken hearted when you got sick with cancer and God took you Home with Him. Barney, you did such a wonderful job taking care of Mommy and in my heart I couldn't ask you to stay when you were feeling so poor and weakened. I needed to put your well-being first and let you go so you could be healthy and strong again, able to play in the fields with other doggies. I hope you have found both Duffey & Wally and the three of you are best buddies. Please tell them Hi for Mommy and I miss and love them with all my heart, too. You each hold a special place in my heart that you created for yourselves alone. I know the three of you are probably comparing stories...Duffey is talking about the fun he always had in our pool, surfing and playing with the kids. Of course, I can only imagine that both you & Wally are saying to Duffey---"You had a pool, we didn't have a pool". Wally is telling stories of how Mommy carried him everywhere and that I even stayed home with him to be a puppy Mommy. He's probably mentioning he was always dressed for holidays delivering special doggie treats to all the other doggies in the neighborhood. Most likely he only tolerated it to please me. But, he had Tikki, a parrot friend to play with and they had lots of fun together. And, you are telling them about getting to sleep in the bed with Mommy every night; while Duffey & Wally are boo-hooing "we never got to sleep in the bed; only until Dad got up and put us in bed with Mommy. And you are bragging that Dad couldn't make you get down and showed him--I'm an not leaving my Mommy. So many fun stories you are sharing with one another.
I know God sent all three of you to me to love and care for; and He especially brought us together knowing that you were all alone and so frightened as you walked along that highway shoulder until a Good Smaritian stopped and got you out of harms way and took you to an animal shelter. God sent me to you, for He knew we both needed each other. Even though I was looking for a little doggie I could carry~~~you captured my heart with your calm disposition, sweet face and loving eyes. We saved each other my sweet little buddy and best friend; and. I thank God every day for bringing us together. You showed Mommy every day how thankful you were for giving you a loving home. It was almost like you couldn't thank me or show me enough love and gratitude! Oh how I miss you every minute of every day, my sweet baby boy. You may not be with me in sight, but you are with me in my heart and spirit.
It's very hard and sad going on without you; but I trid to find comfort in knowing that one day I will cross the Rainbow Bridge and we will all be together again. Until that time comes, I want you to be happy, have fun and enjoy the beautiful meadows that the three of you are sharing together. You are my strong brave boy, so look after Duffey & Wally. As I always said to you whenever we had to be apart, you watch over the house--you're in charge...Mommy will be Home in a little while.
I love you "little buddy" forever & always!
10/21/19: Hello my sweet baby boy. It's 7 weeks tonight that you left my life. I am having such a hard time without you, I cannot stop the tears just thinking of you. It feels like you just left me as the pain worsens every day. Everything I do, reminds me of you. I find myself talking to you all the time as though you were there right by my side. Today I ran an errand and as I got out of the car, I somehow thought you were sitting in the passenger seat (your favorite place to ride) and even told you to watch over the car, Mommy will be right back. Tears ran down my face when I got back in the car and you weren't there. Every time I go near the spot you took your last breath, I think of that moment you left me. I'm as so full of guilt that I wasn't laying on the ground, hugging you and talking to you; instead of trying to move you back inside the house. Your last breath was agony for me sweetheart...I couldn't believe you were gone in that split moment. I miss and love you so much...my heart is broken and filled with pain. I have your ashes in a beautiful urn with your picture and paw prints and a candle that lights your special place every night. I talked to you and caress your urn many times throughout each day. I so hope you can hear Mommy. Even though I know your healthy and able to run and play with the other doggies and that God is taking care of you, I can't help but wish you were healthy and here with me. You will always be in my heart and I will love you FOREVER. Little buddy, I hope you like the song I'm playing for you because I truly am "Hopelessly Devoted to You"! Sweetheart, Mommy will send messages to you and I hope you send me some messages too. I long to feel you touching or nudging me like you always did or to see your sweet face. Goodnight baby boy and Sweet dreams. I love you, Little Buddy, with all my heart and soul. Love, Mommy
1/17/2020: Hello my sweet baby boy. I know Mommy has missed way too many weeks writing to you and I am sorry sweetheart. I hope you know there is not a day that goes by that you are not in my thoughts and heart. Everything I do reminds me you're not here with me. Every day, I wrap my hands around your urn, hoping you hear me talking to you. It's been 20 weeks without you by my side and still it feels like the day you left me. My heart hurts missing you so much. Barney honey, there will never or can never be another baby like you. Your devotion, your loyalty, your love, your constant need to be near me and watching over protecting me is unlike anything I have ever experienced. I constantly see imagines of your sweet face looking at me or imagine the feel of your pokes with your nose or paw on my leg or arm; and sadly I cannot reach out to hold, pet, touch and love you back. I was truly Blessed the day you entered my life. I know God saved you from an awful fate as you were walking along the side of Hwy 94 and He sent a good-Samaritan to get you out of harms way and take you to the rescue shelter. That's when He sent me to the shelter and even though I was looking for a small doggie, like a Yorkie, that I could carry around in my arms....you captured my heart with your sweet demeanor. God truly meant for us to be together! You constantly showed me how thankful you were that I gave you a home ...it was like you couldn't thank me or love me enough. In reality sweetheart, it was you that brightened our home, our lives with all your love and joy! You were a God-Send! There will never be another baby like you, for me. You hold a place in my heart that no one or nothing can touch!! Mommy is hopelessly devoted to you! I know with all my heart that God is watching over you while you enjoy playing with other doggies until the day comes when we are reunited and cross the Rainbow Bridge together. But until then, I will continue to send you these messages, hoping that you're hearing my voice say them directly to you. And, I promise not to ever let so much time pass between my messages. I don't ever want you to think I have forgotten you...that will never happen. I never want you to feel lonely, heart-broken or that I'm not nearby. I love you little Buddy, my sweet baby boy with all my heart and soul. Mommy wants you to be happy there with God and enjoy running and playing. I'm sending you a couple of your favorite treats (bone & French Fries) to snack on before bedtime. Good night sweetheart and have sweet dreams. Sending you hugs, kisses and all my love. Love, Mommie
3/15/2020: My Dear Barney, I hope you can hear my words and still feel the love I have for you. The other day, I had dozed off and was immediately awoken to the sound of your bark. I quickly looked around hoping you had come home to me, or even see a glimpse of your sweet face. Even though I couldn't see you, I knew in my heart you were looking in on me and letting me know that you were watching over me, just as you did every day. Sweetheart, I miss you terribly. People ask me all the time when I'm going to get another doggie. I'm not ready to bring another baby into my life because my heart has such a void with you not being here. You always wanted to make sure I was happy and even when I cried over sad movies, you were right there trying to comfort me. I know your love would not want Mommy sad and maybe someday my heart will be open to loving another baby, but I'm not there yet. But, sweetheart, don't you ever worry that I would forget you if I should get another doggie. That's impossible. As I've have told you, no other doggie could take your place in my heart. You hold a special place that cannot ever be penetrated. There could never be another baby like you for me. God sent you to me and me to you. So, I leave it in God's Hands if he has a special doggie that He wants a good home for, that He will bring us together, just like He did with you and me. I miss you so much, and the sorrow is still the same as the day you went to God. You were the perfect sweet baby in every way possible.
I've left you a hamburger, something you always loved begging me to share with you. So sweetheart, you get the whole burger this time. Also, thought you'd like a nice soft bed to rest upon; especially since it's getting warmer and may not want your blanket right now. So, you enjoy your tasty burger and then go run and play with the other doggies. Afterwards, you can come back to your new bed for a nice little nap and know Mommy was there for you, leaving you some little gifts along with lots of hugs, kisses, pets and all my love. I love you my sweet "little buddy" to the moon and back, infinity times infinity! Take care sweetheart, have sweet dreams and Mommy will visit you again soon! Love, Mommy
7/21/2020: Happy Birthday Sweetheart. If you were here with Mommy, you'd be 13 years old today. But, you're in Heaven with God and you're forever young and playful. I miss you so much little Buddy. I know I haven't written in a while, but please know that doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about you or missing you. I talk about you all the time, remembering every sweet and loyal thing you did and we did together. I look at your pictures all the time, touching and seeing your sweet face and the love that just poured from your eyes and heart. Nothing can ever take your place in my heart or mind little buddy. You will forever be my best little buddy. I hope you're having fun on your birthday and that the other doggies are there celebrating your birthday with lots of treats and bones for gifts. You were not ever much into playing with toys. I wish I knew what happened in your younger years that toys didn't become interesting to you. You didn't even know how to chew on a bone when our lives joined together; but, you did eventually catch on and was eager for me to give you one ...everytime I opened the pantry doors. Most days, your cute face and twinkling eyes got you several bones and/or treats; which I'm always glad I gave in to your wants. I wish you were here for me to physically give you a bone. So, I did leave you a new ham bone to enjoy; along with a birthday cake to share with your friends during your birthday parties. I hope the balloons make it bright and cheery decorating your resting place. I had the convertible out the other day and as I opened the door, I was missing you eagerly hopping in to take your place in the passenger seat. You so loved riding in the car; but especially the convertible. My ride was not the same without you. It wasn't any fun knowing you weren't there with me to talk to or to reach over and pet. You were always a good boy when I had to stop for something. I'd tell you to watch over the car and when I returned, you were in the same exact spot and position as when I ran into someplace for a few minutes to take care of something easy. Of course, I never took you with me when I had lots of errands that were going to take quite sometime in each place. I'm doing my annual street repair work and I so miss you being with me as I tour the community. These were nice long trips for the two of us to get through all the repair checkings over our 10 miles of streets. Do you remember the time I had to check on a speed limit sign that some kids had hit and knocked completely out of the ground? As I was taking pictures from various points, capturing tire marks in the road...there you were sitting ont the trunk lid as if that's exactly where you belonged. While you did look cute sitting there (and you made me laugh), I did have to tell you to get back into your seat to make sure you remained safe from any harm. Like the good boy you always were, you hopped back in your passenger seat as soon as I said the words. Sweetheart, you always amazed me with how you knew exactly what I was saying and immediately followed the instructions. Not only were you always a good boy, but you were extremely smart, too! Gosh, I sure wish we had had more time together. But for some reason, that was not God's plan. He had something more important for you. Please know how much I cherish every minute you were in my life. You were my most loyal and best friend and dearest companion...you were my sweet baby boy who captured my heart from the moment we joined in the same room. And even though we can't be with one another, you still are my most special, loyal, best friend and companion. You are and will be embedded in my heart, my memories and my mind forever and ever. Little buddy, after you have enjoyed your day of fun celebrating your birthday with all your friends, enjoyed your bone and cake; I hope as you nestle down into your bed to rest, that you notice this letter I have left for you. I hope it brings joy and peace to you and you have sweet dreams remembering our time together. There will be a day and time when God will bring us together again and we'll meet on the Rainbow Bridge to be together forever and ever. Only God knows when this day will come, but just remember we will be toether again one day. Until that day oomes sweetheart, you keep having fun, playing and running with your friends. Mommy is sending you oodles of pettings, hugs, kisses, many Happy Birthday wishes and all my love. I love you Sweetheart! Love, Mommie
9/1/2020: My Sweet Baby Boy, Barney~~ It's the anniversary of the day that you left in God's Hands. I will be a very hard day for me remembering the day you took your last breath and left me. I still look at the same spot this happened. There's not a day that goes by that you're not in my thoughts. I try to focus on all the sweet memories we shared and not the last few months that you were so sick and weakened by your cancer. You are constantly in my conversations with friends, remembering the sweet, cute and funny things you always did. Every time I open the pantry door, I still see you placing your nose on your treat container, letting me know that's what you wanted. I haven't taken the convertible out much this summer, because frankly it's hard to enjoy riding in it without you. I miss you eagerly jumping in as soon as I open the door and watching you take your special position in the passenger seat and laying your head on the console. So many things are not the same, because you're not here to enjoy them with.
Remember how you loved taking a pair of my shoes (yes both shoes)outisde with you whenever I left for an errand I couldn't take you along or when I went out for the evening? You never chewed on them, but instead just wanted something of mine to keep near you while I was away. I've left you a pair of my sneakers in hopes that it brings you some comfort on this day letting you know that Mommy is there with you in some way. Knowing how much you loved popcorn, I've also left you a big bag just for you as an extra treat.
Barney Sweetheart, missing and loving you has not lessoned over this year, but instead grows stronger every day as I remember all our wonderful and special shared memories and for all the Blessings you gave Mommy everyday. Your love, loyalty, devotion, protectiveness, compassion and being my best friend and companion will be with me forever and always in my mind and my heart.
I truly hope with all my heart that you have found happiness and joy playing with your friends in the beautiful meadows God made for you. I would not want you sad in any way because we're not together. Just remember little buddy, God will bring us back together again. Until that time comes, Mommy is there with you spirtually and I will continue to write and leave you little gifts so you know we're still together in heart and soul.
It is difficult to find a place to stop this letter on this particular day. This day is especially hard because it's a year ago today that you went to God. Actually, it was 10:36pm. To bear the pain of your loss, I tell myself that was the moment you stopped suffering and feeling so poorly and for that moment I was joyful for you. While your leaving me was breaking my heart to pieces, I knew you were at peace and healthy and you were with God. I know He is looking over you every day until the day we are reunited. So Sweetheart, please listen to the song playing in the background, because I'm forever hopeleslly devoted to you. I will love you forever & always, to the moon and back...infinity times infinity. You are deeply embedded in my heart and nothing or no one will ever take your place.
You were and will always be a Blessing in my life!
9/23/2020: Hi Little Buddy, my sweet baby boy. Well it's fall here now, so as a reminder of the cooler temperatures, Mommy has left you a nice cozy bed and decorated your area with some fall flowers. Mommy also left you some of your favorite foods, bacon & eggs and great big tasty steak for you to enjoy. As I sit in my chair in the living room, I miss you getting up in my lap and constantly nudging me for continual pets. The evenings are cooler and it makes me miss your warmth and love even more. Sweetheart, you have left Mommie with so many lovely memories that I will cherish for ever and ever. You were (and still are) a Blessing in my life. Thank you God for bringing Barney and me together; especially when we both needed each other so much. Thank you God for giving us the years we had together and please continue to take care of my Sweet Barney until the day You bring me Home where I can again care for and love him. Barney, you are such a good boy and I know making so many friends to enjoy playing with. That's what Mommy wants for you...just for you to be happy little Buddy.
Sweetheart, I did not think a day would ever come that I had any space in my heart to love another doggie. My heart was filled with so much pain and grief after losing you. It has taken Mommie a year to be able to open my heart for love again. So I wanted to tell you that Mommy got a puppy and his name is Presley E McTavish Hartman. Funny how he's named after Elvis. You know how much of an Elvis fam Mommie is. Presley is about 11 weeks old and I truly believe he smells you in the house. He likes to lay in the same areas you layed in. Somehow I feel it's connecting the two of you together and your spirit is generating into his. He is a sweet puppy and very smart, too...just the same as you were the moment you came into my life. His fur is black just like yours, but he defintely won't get as big as you were. You'll forever be my big sweet little buddy. I hope you are okay with Mommie getting another doggie, and I hope you do not ever think Presley will take your place and that Mommie will forget you. There is no way any doggie will ever take your place in my heart and Mommie will never ever forget you. You were (and will always be) my special little buddy and will always be my best friend and most loyal companion. Presley will just make his place in my heart, without ever touching the place you hold.
I hope you enjoy your new fall surroundings, your new cozy bed to keep you warm in the evenings and your yummy bacon, eggs and steak; and, know that Mommie is there with you. I don't know if I ever told you this, but after you went to God, Mommie set up a shrine of you in the entertainment unit with your picture, your urn and your paw print that has two candles that come on every evening. The two candles represent you lighting up my life and the Blessing that you were and still are in my life. I talk to you as I touch your urn with hopes that somehow you hear me. Writing to you brings Mommie peace and comfort knowing you that you are with God and He's has made you healthy and full of life again. I would never want to see you suffer in any way. Your happiest and health is more important. So, you go play, run in the beautiful meadows, drink from the cool fresh springs God has made for you and enjoy being with your freinds. I hope you found both Duffey & Wally, too and that you all are having fun together and that you all think of Mommie. I love and miss all three of you so much.
Well Sweetheart, it's time for me to end this letter; and Mommie will write you again soon. Good night Sweetheart and sweet dreams. Sending you (Duffey & Wally, too) big hugs & kisses and all my love.
I Love You All,
12/11/2020: Hi Little Buddy. Mommy is sorry I haven't written lately. Mommy fell and broke her knee and sometimes just sitting with my knee bent has been painful. But it's getting much better now, so don't you fret. As I was decorating the house for Christmas and sitting on the floor unwrapping items, it brought back so many sweet memories of how you would always nudge me or my hand trying to help me...and it brought tears to my eyes that you weren't there. I see your sweet face in everything I do. I so miss you sitting next to me every evening or deciding that you preferred being in my lap. You had no idea of your size, all you knew was that you'd find a way to fit and be near me or on me. You would lay there in my arms for hours; however, you did like it when I was continually petting you. Sweetheart, I miss these sweet moments we shared all the time.
As you may remember, we got a puppy and named him Presley. Presley has learned how to go through the doggie doors and loves being outside. You on the other hand only went out long enough to do your business and then hurried back to me. Sweetheart there is no other doggie that can take your place in my heart. Presley is making his own place. I saw a poem that I wanted to share with you so you would know how much you will always be loved and missed. It's call "Pawprints Left By You"
You no longer greet me,
Little Buddy, it's almost Christmas so I wanted to decorate your area for Christmas and the winter season, making it pretty & festive and I wanted to leave you some special treats. Oh how you loved steak and waited so patiently for every bite. This one is all yours Sweetheart, so enjoy! I also left you a big slice of cheese, something you also liked a lot. Whenever I left the house, that's when you would sit outside and just wait for me to return. You liked taking a pair of my shoes out with you, too. You were a good boy in that you never chewed my shoes, you just found comfort with them near you. So I made sure to leave a pair of tennis shoes so that you would always know I was nearby.
Mommies misses you as if was the day you left me little buddy. There can never be another friend, companion, buddy like you...you were the most loyal and loving best friend I could ever imagine. God brought us together and I know He will bring us together again when Mommie joins you in Heaven. There will be a day when we are together and this time it will be forever. Just like the love I have for you, You are forever embedded in my heart.
Merry Christmas Sweetheart. Hope you enjoy your decorations and your little gifts and know that Mommie was there to see and talk to you. You have fun with all your friends throughout the Christmas season and I hope you have a PawFect Christmas, just like you made every day of my life.
Sending hugs, kisses and all my love to you, Duffey & Wally, too! Mommy loves you all and misses you so very much.
I love you Forever & Always