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Memories of Bailey
08/01/14- Happy Birthday Bailey! Today is your 8th birthday. I've thought about you all day wishing you were here so we could celebrate together. Through our eternal connection, I know you are feeling loved and cherished. How did you like the long letter I wrote you? It was a blue sky, sunny day. Neeko and I were on the patio, one of your favorite places, when I wrote it. I never went out there much when you were here. I guess I figured you had Neeko with you. Now I go out there to keep her company and wish I would've done so when you were here. You would've loved me to do so. This afternoon, I ate one of your favorites: a Maple Cream cookie from Quebec. I put a candle on Neeko's wet food and we sang Happy Birthday to you in Spirit. Tonight, I bought cupcakes and I did the same. Did you like the pretty flowers I bought you? You loved to jump on the counter after I went to the store, lick the cupcake frosting and nip at our flowers. Oh, how I miss those days and I miss you dearly. Bailey you are my greatest love. We had an amazing, unique connection and I feel so grateful to have shared our lives together. So tonight my love, my beautiful boy, I celebrate you and through our bond wish you a Happy Birthday. I love you...forever. XOXO

08/14/14- Hey Bay. It's hard to believe you've been gone 6 months. It's been a rough day. I miss you so much. Your life, love and energy filled our home. It's so quiet here. Neeko misses you too. Each morning she sits in the spot where you had your morning ritual of "playing with the lint in the air". Oh, how I loved to watch you. So cute. I miss bunting heads with you, kissing your belly, holding you in my arms, you licking my hand, the soft fur behind your ears- everything about you. You were like my child whom I took care of and was responsible for, my friend who I hung out with and who comforted me, my colleague who kept me company in our office and my partner who slept with me each night- you were my everything. By now, you've met your big brother Needles who died in 2002. You always reminded me of him. Remember how I used to say, "Bailey, if you're Needles reincarnated look at me on the count of three!" I'd count to three and you wouldn't look at me. Then I'd say, "Yeah, you probably wouldn't tell me anyways." Then you'd look at me as we walked side by side to the kitchen. I'd just said that the day before you died. I never knew about this site before. Tomorrow is Needles birthday and I'm going to post a memorial for him. I trust you two are keeping each other company and having fun. I'm imagining you "Spread Eagle" as I scratch behind your ears and kiss your belly. I love you forever honey. You're always on my mind and in my heart. XOXO

08/25/14- Hey Bay. I worked in the office today and really missed you lying on the desk with your paw dangling over the top pressing the keys on the keyboard! I finally finished a project and wanted to go find you, give you some love and share that with you; only to remind myself, you're not here. I haven't vacuumed the backs of the couches where you used to lay. I went to the one in our serenity room and just hugged it and cried wishing it were you. I miss everything about you. Wherever I see the light purple flowers, I think of you. You'd go outside and when you came in you were covered with them as they'd stick to your fur! I'd thank you for bringing me flowers. My heart aches today and I wish I could hold you. You filled up my life, my heart, our home, my senses. I love you Bailey. You are my greatest love.

09/14/14- Hey Bailey.. how's my boy? Even though I ask you that when I talk to you, I miss asking you and having you right beside me. It's 7 months today since you left this earthly plane. It isn't the same without you. I liked life better when you were here. Recently I remembered finding the Indian statue on the floor after I came home from being out of town. I knew right away who dragged it across the floor. Oh! I remembered too when I came home to find holes in my t-shirts that I left on the floor thinking they might comfort you while I was gone. I finally realized you'd left your mark! I still keep the door shut to my master closet in your memory. You used to love to chew on my clothes. Every time I find a shirt with your mark, I wear it with pride. I always thought we should have started our own clothing line! Honey, I miss you so much. I rode my bike to the park today and I felt close to you. Sometimes I feel your presence more than others. I've been feeling you a lot this past week. After I lit a candle tonight in your memory, I put two chicken fillets in a pan on the stove and when I looked close, I saw it was shaped as a heart, then I heard our song "Every Breath You Take". I just wish you were here. I miss you so much. You were my friend, my boy, my partner.. I love you always. Sending you hugs, kisses and scratches behind the ears!! XOXO

10/14/14- Hey Bay.. it's been a long 8 months since you left. I miss you so much and think of you every day. I just wish you were here. Life was better when I had you to share it with. Your Aunt and her family are in town and we've been spending some fun times together. Today I was at their hotel on the beach they're staying at. When I looked at the stars tonight, I was thinking how neat it would be if we were using stars as a portal to connect with each other. It felt good to think you may be looking through the star on the other side as I'm looking at it on this side and for a moment we are one. Your sister has been drinking from your glasses on the counter recently. This morning I woke up at 3:30 and brought her back to bed with me. She started hissing when the back light went on. When I went to the patio to see if I could see anything, two big raccoons were on the patio and on the other side of the sliding glass door where she sleeps. She was quite disturbed by the whole scene and wondered how long it has been going on. I know you are watching over both of us... I just sure wish you were here to snuggle with. I miss you honey and your loveable, trusting and comforting personality. I'm sending you big hugs, kisses and scratches behind the ears. I love you Bailey. You are and will always be my heart and soul. XOXOXO

11/14/14- Hey Bay...How's my boy? I miss you honey so much. I was going to work on your picture project today and I didn't. I feel bad because I want to finish it. Yet, I'm afraid it'll make you being gone more real. Sometimes I still feel like I'm in a nightmare and I want to wake up from this bad dream of you being gone. Nine months later and you are every day on my mind and forever in my heart. The holidays are coming and I wish you were here. You were so much fun to share them with. Remember the Christmas tree I bought you last year? I still have it up. It's leaves are brown but it smells good and it drinks a bottle of water a week. I'll burn it with the big Christmas tree after the holidays. I'll buy you another tree in memory of you knowing that you are with us in Spirit enjoying it too. The trappers caught 4 opposums underneath the back of the house where the foundation issue was last year. In January, I'll have them come again to trap anything else living under there and then have it filled in. I haven't seen any raccoons lately and Neeko seems calmer. She hasn't figured out Benney, the feral cat, is living on the patio in a cage while I socialize her before she comes inside. I know in my heart Bailey that you had something to do with Benney and me finding each other. Similar to when Needles helped Neeko and me find each other. As you know (because I think you know everything now), I trapped her on Oct 23. Dr. S said she is not the typical feral and he anticipates her being an indoor cat. I wanted her to be an outdoor cat and eventually adopt a kitten one day like I did with you and go through the kitten stage again. With all the wildlife outside and her being a sweet and loveable cat, I'm getting used to the idea of her coming inside after I can pet her and pick her up. I don't know what I got myself into. She certainly isn't you. You were so easy. You and I just fit like a hand in a glove. I miss your cute, trusting ways and your energy. Although I have gotten more involved in life lately, I think of you when I pause. It's you Bay that I love. You're my greatest love... Aww. The song "I Celebrate my Love" just came on. I remember you spread eagle on the floor and me kissing your belly. The song is perfect and it reminds me of you. Bailey, I celebrate my love for you every day. I know we will be together again. Until then, I'm still learning to have a relationship with you in your new form. Watch over me, Neeko and Benney. Have fun with Needles. I love you sweetheart and am sending you hugs and kisses on your belly as you spread eagle! XOXOXO PS- Give me a nudge to get back in our serenity room and do my e-cises ok? You were always there and it's hard for me to go in there. XOXO

12/14/14- Hey Bay... I can hardly believe it's been 10 months since you've been gone. Sometimes I'm still in shock. My 50th birthday was yesterday and how I wish you were here to put your paw on my plate and try to sneak food from it. You had such a great personality. I finished putting up our Christmas tree this morning and all but one of our outside displays are up. I wish you were here to share it with. You would be following me everywhere and right in the middle of it all. I miss having you by my side. I keep putting one foot in front of the other to keep moving forward and sometimes it scares me. Some really great things are happening though like we sold a piece of property and it closes next week. Julie is coming home from school and we're going to make Christmas cookies next week. Remember last year when I caught you looking inside a bag, pulling a cookie out and trying to eat it through the wrapper? How cute and the memory puts a smile on my face. Of course that was before you took the bag handle in your mouth and took the bag in the next room. Yes, you were my cookie monster. I'm going to Naples for a short two day repose. Watch over your sister for me and of course Benney. You know she got out of the cage last Friday when I was cleaning it. I haven't seen her since but this morning someone ate the food out of her cage so perhaps and hopefully it was her. Well honey, I'm gonna go for now. I'm sending you lots of love and of course scratches behind the ear. I love you always. XOXOXO

12/25/14- Merry Christmas Bay... I have your stocking hung with Needles' stocking above the fireplace; I wish you were here to see it. I bought you a tree again this year and hung your picture on the branches with some sweet ornaments. When I think of Christmas, I think of you. You loved sitting under the tree, laying on your back and playing with the branches or just simply smelling the pine. One of my favorite pictures is of you smelling the tree. So many mornings were spent laying on the sofa with you and Neeko looking at the tree and listening to soft classical music in the background. How I miss those treasured moments. They were precious and I hold those memories close to my heart. Neeko's presents were under the tree this morning. She didn't really get into it like she did when you were here. Even the catnip was left untouched. I think she liked Christmas better when you were here.. I know I did. We both miss you dearly. I went to Sheri's last night for Christmas Eve and we had a lot of fun. Today I went back for Christmas lunch and Mom and Dad were there. Christmas isn't the same without you Bay. I'm sending you kisses and a scratch behind the ear as I wish you a Merry Christmas. I love you. XOXOXO

01/01/15- Hey Bay... It's a New Year and the first full year without you. Neeko and I miss you a lot. The holidays were not the same without you although I had a nice Christmas and New Year's Eve. Today Neeko and I were laying on the couch looking at the tree and the raindrops on the pool. I remembered when I first got you and how you woke me up in the middle of the night purring and licking my face. And how you would lick my hand. Sweet memories like that warm my heart. I saw my neighbor a few days ago and she said Benney is back at her house in the mornings and that she looks great and is eating well. I think that is where she wants to be and my neighbors care about her as much as I do. I will go visit her and offer them the condo I bought for her. Thanks for watching over her. I love you Bay. Always and forever. XOXO

01/14/15- Hey Bay... How's my boy? I can hardly believe we're into the 2nd week of 2015. Dad went into the hospital over a week ago; he had one of those spells like he did a couple of years ago and they can't figure it out. He was moved to physical rehab today before he goes home so that's a good sign. I took all the outside Christmas displays down earlier than usual this year because I'm getting our pavers stripped, cleaned and sealed. In the patio, I am having the teak dining set refinished and bought some new furniture. You know me Bay, always doing some type of home improvement.. although I didn't do anything last year. It will look great once it's finished. I wish you were here to enjoy it with us. Earlier today, I was driving with the top down and the song "Just Give Me a Reason" by Pink came on the radio. My eyes teared up and I quickly reached for my sunglasses! The lyrics don't even make sense as to why I would relate them to you. It's just a song I kept hearing after you passed away last year and I like her voice. When I got home, I saw Neeko sleeping on the couch where you did last year during the Christmas season. Sometimes I catch her staring intently at our tree and I wonder if she is looking for you or if she senses your presence. She seems to be doing well and is more loveable these days. Benney, as you know, is back at the house she used to be at before the dogs chased her away. I went to see her last week and we played a bit. I realize she is where she wants to be and I'm happy to know she is being fed, is safe and is back to hanging out with her siblings. Thanks for watching over her, me and Neeko. I love you Bay and am sending you hugs and kisses.. Always.. XOXO

02/14/15- Hey Bay... Happy Valentine's Day to you in Spirit. I love you and miss you more than words can say. For me, being here on the physical plane, I imagine it's a bit harder. It's a bittersweet day. Twelve years ago on Valentine's Day, I was sitting on the floor, crying as I watched a video of Needles, your brother who had died seven months prior at the age of 21.. you didn't know him.. well, now you do.. you always reminded me of him.. you weren't the same but you were as significant to me. Anyway, as I was watching the video, Neeko walked across my patio, out of the blue. After a month, I found out she was a stray and took her in on March 14. So today is Neeko and my 12 year anniversary of meeting and the one year anniversary of your death. Your death still baffles me at times.
So a quick update. Dad is home from rehab, the pavers are finished and so is the front landscaping. Hey! Remember the light purple flowers you would walk by that would stick to your fur? And when you came into the house I would say you were bringing me flowers? I had some of those planted in your memory. It looks great. Oh, my neighbors recently told me Benney is doing well.
I am working on yours and Neeko's picture project again. I just couldn't finish it last year. It feels comforting and brings back fond memories of our life together. Your personality sure shines through some of the photos. Like the ones where you are opening your Christmas presents- tearing through the tissue paper, eating the catnip and sprawling out on your back! Or the sweet ones where you have your paw around your sister. I know she misses you Bay. Dr. S. recently told me she was depressed and I need to get another cat. I have mixed feelings but I am open to that... I feel my heart is open to love. I couldn't say that for several months after you died; I felt like I was just going through the motions of life. This past year was quite a journey and I have learned a lot. In some ways, I am glad the year is up as I have shown myself I can live without you physically here.. not that I would have ever wished for that. Bailey, I love you, I miss you, I wish you were here.. and I realize you always will be here.. in my heart. Our relationship will never end, it changed forms. I feel so incredibly blessed to have loved you deeply and trust I will love again.. it would be an honor and a tribute to you. Thank you for sharing your life with me. I love you Sweetheart and on this Valentine's Day... I'm sending you hugs and kisses and of course, a kiss on your belly and a scratch behind the ears. Love Always.. XOXO PS- The Valentine's Day cards are purrrfect!

03/14/15- Hey Bailey... How's my boy? I still say that out loud trusting you hear me in Spirit. You are always in my heart and at times I really feel your presence strongly. I catch Neeko staring blankly into seemingly nothing at times and know you are near. Neeko has been sleeping on the bean bag chair lately which she hasn't done in a while. It so reminds me of the times you two would snuggle up on it. Bailey, lately I've been trying to imagine what life and our home will be like with another kitty in it. It feels bittersweet to think of. You can be sure that he (because I will most likely adopt another male) will never replace you. I'm hoping he will add joy to Neeko's and my life. I looked at cats for adoption today which I've done periodically but I haven't found the one I'm looking for. When I find him, I will just know. Like with you.. it was your eyes, your energy, your personality... I just knew. We had an amazing connection and still do. Hey, will you help the next kitty and me find each other? You know what Neeko and I need. I miss you.. although I am busy lately.. there is always a place in my heart that aches without you here. It's softer than it used to be as fond memories surface. I recently heard "it's like a scar on the heart". How apropos. Well, sweetheart.. goodnight for now. I love you and I'm sending you big hugs and kisses. XOXO

03/21/15- Hey Bay... Happy Spring! Thinking of you... always. XOXO

05/14/15- Hey Bailey... How's my boy? I didn't write last month although I thought of doing so. I'll start popping in whenever I want to connect here as I have started writing to you again in my notebook for you. Well, you know I adopted a kitten, Bentley, on April 25. I know you know because I know you had a hand in helping us find each other. He is very sweet and he sure reminds me of you. He even sits in the same places that you liked and likes the same toys.. although you never had a bluebird that made noise; he sleeps with it, it's very cute. I feel sad thinking it's hard for me to remember you at his age 3mos. Did I do the same things with you? I'm sure I did, I was enamored with you. I miss you and I miss seeing you with Neeko. She hasn't taken to Bentley yet and hisses and growls at him. Will you help them bond? It would be great if they were buddies. I know you would want that too. Bay, I love you and I wish you were here. I miss you.. always and forever. Hugs, kisses and scratches behind the ears. XOXO

06/14/15- Hey Bay. I'm thinking of you honey. Earlier, I went for a bike ride, a long walk at the park and even ran 3 minutes! I always feel close to you when I'm there and the flowers remind me of you. I finally found out they are called plumbago. Neeko sends her love. I know she misses you too. Bentley chases her around the house a lot. He's full of energy. I miss you! Hugs and kisses. XOXO

06/26/15- Hey Bailey... Happy Summer! I miss you. I'm finally finishing your picture project. Thank you for being one of the best things that ever happened to me and for so many happy memories. I love you... always. XOXO

PS- Bentley hopped in the perch with Neeko during a rainstorm this afternoon. Seeing them together brought a smile to my face for them and also because it reminded me of you and her snuggling. XOXO

08/01/15- Happy Birthday Bailey. Today is your 9th birthday. I miss you and wish you were here. I stopped by the park during my 9 mile ride this morning and felt your presence. That was nice. I wrote you a long letter, lit a candle and also baked you a chocolate cake. You always loved cakes and cookies. Oh, I ate a maple cookie from Quebec, one of your favorites. I think Bentley likes them too. What do they put in those things?? I do all these little things Bay to remember you and to keep our forever bond. Bentley, slid across the floor this morning standing up! I chuckled remembering how you'd slide across the floor on your side as if it was fun and natural. I'm sure he'll get the hang of it. Neeko and Bentley wish you a Happy Birthday. I love you honey. Always..forever.. Hugs, kisses and an awesome spread eagle hug on your birthday with scratches behind the ears! XOXO

10/15/15- Hey Bay. My heart, my soul...I think of you every day. I'm really missing you right now. The holidays are around the corner and it feels sad knowing it'll be the 2nd Christmas you're not with us. You know it'll be the 1st Christmas with Bentley. I'm looking forward to it although it's not the same. He reminds me of you in so many ways. Neeko and him are getting along well. Sometimes I see her in places you and she used to hang out and I wonder if she's thinking of you..missing you too. Like last night I was working in my office and she was laying on the floor where you two used to do so. Love you bunches. Always and forever.. xoxo

12/14/15- Hey Bay. How's my boy? It's been a rough couple of weeks as I've been missing you so much. It feels like my first Christmas without you when it's my second. Maybe because I was focused on Benney, the feral cat last year. Sadly, I heard that she might have been hit by a car. I haven't seen her for months. If she crossed over I trust you welcomed her with open paws. Yesterday was my birthday and I wished for you to be here. In Spirit I know you were. Bentley crawled on top of me as I was sleeping at 5am and stretched out and went to sleep. He's done that before but it's been a while. It felt so comforting and I was wondered if you tipped him off to snuggle with me. He got up and came back and did the same thing again a few hours later. It was like he knew I needed some TLC. Our Christmas tree is up as well as yours and Neeko's and Bentley's. BTW, Neeko says hello. She's sitting on the desk as I type. She misses you too. Bentley has batted something off the tree everyday so far that it's been up. Pretty soon, the bottom half will be bare except lights! Well sweetheart, watch over Neeko and Bentley the next couple of days as I will be in Naples. Holiday hugs and kisses. I love you forever... and ever. xoxo

12/25/15- Merry Christmas Bailey! I love you, I miss you, I wish you were here. Christmas isn't the same without you. Neeko wasn't into the presents & catnip like she was with you. As you know, it's Bentley's 1st Christmas & he took over the show with the catnip carrot under the tree this morning. I got him on video. He was really cute. I'll spend some alone time with Neeko by the tree this weekend. Well honey, know that I'm thinking of you and remembering how special Christmas & life was with you. Sending you kisses. Always.. XOXO

02/14/16- Dearest Bailey. Today is two years since you've been gone. I wish we had more time together. You died too young. I feel like I've been living in a time warp these past two years. Sure, I've been traveling more & getting involved with different projects. Yet with all that, I think of you every day and miss you like crazy. You brought me so much love and joy. I know though that our love and connection lives forever. Neeko misses you too. She's been doing really well and more playful. Thank goodness. It looks like the pancreatitis scare she gave us in late Oct. has cleared up. Scary having her 2 nights in the hospital. Bentley is doing well too. I even saw him jump on the couch and groom Neeko today before his attention was diverted. Easy for him to do as he just turned one. I remember how adorable you were at that age. This morning I remembered when I used to eat breakfast and you'd lay on the table, put your paw on my plate and try to swipe something off. It brought a smile to my face. I love you Bailey and on this Valentine's Day... I'm sending you hugs and kisses and of course, a kiss on your belly and a scratch behind the ears. Love Always.. XOXO

06/07/16- Hey Bay. How's my boy? It's been rough for me lately and I'm trying to pull out of it. I miss you so much and have been wishing life were as it was when you were here. Neeko and Bentley are doing well. They love the new sofa and loveseat in our family room. Do you like? Neeko turned 14 last month and had her first teeth cleaning. She's recovered remarkably from her pancreatitis last Fall. I am grateful for that. Bentley is a sweetheart. Sometimes I feel guilty missing you as much as I do when I look at him. It's just that he's black and white and reminds me of you at times. He is a snuggler! He doesn't sleep with me through the night but every morning before I get up I find him on top of me stretched out sleeping. He really is a love. I am blessed that we have bonded as well as he and Neeko. Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like if you were here with us and if you'd get along with and like Bentley too. I bet you would. I truly believe you had a hand in helping us find each other. I love you Bay and I'm sending you hugs and kisses. Always. xoxo

08/01/16- Happy Birthday Bailey. Today you would have been 10. Your life was cut way too short. I love you, I miss you; I wish you were here. Bentley snuggled for a long time this morning.. he must have known I needed extra TLC. I was going to go to the park tonight but the rain rolled in. Interesting, I always feel particularly close to you when I'm in nature. To celebrate your birthday, I ate a slice of birthday cake last night. Tonight, I ate your favorite.. a maple cookie from Quebec. I held the cookie up to Bentley and he responded similarly to the way you used to. He loves them! They must put catnip in their cookies or something! Bentley and Neeko both wish you a Happy Birthday. I trust you and Needles are having fun together, keeping each other company and watching over us. I love you Bay.. you remain close in heart and close in Spirit.. always and forever. My beautiful boy- Happy Birthday. Hugs & Kisses with scratches behind the ears! XOXO

12/17/16- Hey Bay.. It was my birthday this past week and Christmas is around the corner. It's not the same without you. I so wish you were here! I think of you every day and miss you dearly. We have a beautiful Christmas tree and Bentley likes the same spot that you did. It's bittersweet seeing him there. The 1st morning after the tree was decorated I saw he cleverly took a couple of decorations off the tree. I put them both back on the tree and he took one of them down again. So the stuffed heart that says "Noel" on it is now his to bat around the house. Neeko is doing well and has been playful in the morning. How are you? I hope you have lots of friends and can eat all the treats you want. I can give you updates on what's going on here and I sure wish you could do the same. I love you forever my beautiful boy and send you much love. XOXOXO

01/01/2017- Happy New Year Bailey! I look forward to the New Year feeling ready for change and hopeful. It's bittersweet a bit as I miss you. The holidays were not the same without you. I cooked on Christmas and had the family down. After they left, Neeko, Bentley and I had our Christmas. I was remembering how cute you were when you used to heartedly open your gifts. You were so cute! I love you Bay. Always and Forever. Hugs & Kisses. XOXO

02/14/17- My Dearest Bailey Boy. It's been 3 years tonight since you've been gone. "I love you, I miss you, I wish you were here".. that's been my mantra the past few years. I've known today was coming this last month, how could I not? Since I hurt my back a few weeks ago and Joy left this morning after staying with me during her visit to FL, I've been distracted. My only plan for today was to get through the day and decorate the tree with your pictures which I've done. I was remembering when you were rubbing your face against the green washcloth in the shower until you nudged it off the hook and tackled it. You looked so cute! It was a bittersweet memory. Valentine's Day is wrapped around you. However, it's also the day I first saw Neeko. Today is our 14th anniversary. Hmm..there's that number 14 again. Every time I see the number 14, I think of you. She and Bentley are doing well. She still loves to be brushed and is very playful. Bentley is quite the acrobat with his muscular body and long legs. He even balances on the back of 1" chairs! Bay, Happy Valentine's Day in Spirit. Know that I am sending you hugs, kisses and scratches behind the ears. I'll always love you. XOXOXOXO

7/7/17- Hey Bay, How's my Boy? So much has happened these last 5 months. I miss sharing life with you. A few times recently I called Bentley, Bailey. It caught me off guard. He reminds me of you at times. You didn't care for the fireworks on the 4th; neither does he. So, I'm headed to my favorite place Sunday which is why I placed the Feather prayer stick on your mantel. I went once after you died 3 years ago and it wasn't the same. I'm hoping I'll rediscover the beauty and peace I feel there while I get grounded for my upcoming surgery. I so wish you were here to go through this with me. I trust you will be in Spirit. This past month, I felt footprints on the bed and I could swear you were next to me. Was that so? The song I chose this time is perfect because I wish there was a Stairway to Heaven so I could walk up them and go see you. I love you Bay. Always and Forever. XOXO

11/25/17- Hey Bay. I've been thinking of you a lot this month. Twelve years ago today, I brought you home. I miss you. I wish I could do it all over again. Every minute you were in my life and every moment after in my thoughts is a blessing. We had such a unique connections that I'll always treasure. I love you Bailey.. forever and ever.. XOXOXOXO

12/2/17- My Bailey Boy, I'm adopting a kitten today. I wish it were you all over again. I miss you so much. Bittersweet thoughts abound as I remember when we first met and I brought you home. You know I adopted Bentley 2 1/2 years ago. I hoped he and Neeko would bond like you and Neeko did. I hadn't thought about the 4 1/2 year difference between you two and the 13 year difference between her and Bentley. They play with me individually but not together. Bentley has been losing weight and sleeping a lot. I've wondered if he's depressed. I never wanted three cats and I certainly wasn't looking. This kitten was found near the street under a bush. He's black & white, cute, playful and lovable. I saw him on Nov 1. He was adopted by someone else and brought back a week later as he didn't work out. I've been going back and forth as to whether I should adopt him or not. I think I'm nuts in a way but for some reason I'm drawn to him. I keep getting signs leading me to him and it feels right. Do you have anything to do with this? I know you're with me always. Send your good kitty energy for a smooth transition for all of us. I love you Bay. Always yours. XOXOXO

2/14/18- Hey Bay. Happy Valentine's Day. You've been gone 4 years tonight. My heart aches when I think of that. Today, I was working on your picture project which I didn't finish before. Looking through photos brought back happy memories. Your littlest brother finally has a name, it's Riley Nicholas. He's 6 months and adorable. He's so affectionate and tries to nurse on my neck as he was taken away from his mom too soon! Neeko, Bentley and him get along pretty well. Neeko doesn't have much to do with him as there's a 15 year difference but she tolerates him. He keeps Bentley on his toes and I think it's been good for him. Although you're in my thoughts every day, I miss you and wish you were here. I'm sending love, a kiss on the belly and a scratch behind the ears. I hope you & Needles are having fun. I love you Bay. Always.. XOXO

5/14/18- Hey Bay.. How's my boy? Last night I felt your presence strongly. I know it was you. Telling me Happy Mother's Day? I saw Riley scratch at the floor before he drank his water the other day. Wow. It so reminded me of you and brought back special memories. Tomorrow is Neeko's Sweet 16 birthday. I'll give her some extra TLC for you. I know you'll send her kitty love too. You two were so good together.. best friends for sure. I love you Honey.. Forever.. XOXO

8/1/18- Happy Birthday Bailey! How's my beautiful boy? Today is your 12th birthday. Neeko says "Hello and Happy Birthday". She jumped up on the desk where you used to lay. Remember, your paw would hang over the desk onto the keyboard and I'd look up to see writing I didn't do? Those memories bring a smile to my face. You are always in my heart and in my thoughts everyday. I love you, I miss you and wish you were here. Neeko, Bentley and Riley are all doing well. It's hard to believe I have two new kitties. Life isn't the same without you. You had such a great personality. I loved how you'd follow me everywhere and just lay down in the middle of whatever I was doing. I trust Needles and you have been hanging out and having fun today. Did you like the long letter I wrote you this morning? I'm going to go for a short walk at the park now. It'll be nice to connect with you in nature. Bailey, as always.. sending you a kiss on the belly and ear scratches. I love you! Always.. XOXO

8/15/18- Hey Bay. I hope you and Needles had fun celebrating his birthday today. He sure was a special part of my life for 21 years. You always reminded me of him. Knowing you two have each other's company on the other side is comforting. Sending much love. XOXO Happy Birthday Needles! I love you!

12/25/18- Merry Christmas Bailey and Needles! I have wonderful memories of you at Christmas. Needles, remember laying on the couch and looking at the tree? Bailey, Riley reminded me of you when he jumped into the middle of the Christmas tree. I left it undecorated for a week so he'd get it out of his system. They're all sleeping and will open their gifts and play with catnip under the tree later. I love you. I'm thinking of you and sending kisses. Always and Forever.. XOXO

2/14/19- Hey Bay. Happy Valentine's Day! How's my boy? It's so hard to believe it's been 5 years tonight since you've been gone. You pop across my mind every day with some cute thing you did or remembering how snuggable you were. SO much has happened in 5 years,even in the last year.. although much of that is good. Neeko is doing well. She'll be 17 in May. Wow! Bentley has surpassed his illness of the past 1 1/2 years and is doing well. He acts like a kitten again even though he turned 4 recently. Riley has brought so much life to our home and hearts. Everyone gets along. It's nice. I always have the sense that you're watching over us all along with Needles too. I love you and miss you. I'm sending you a kiss on the belly and ear scratches. I love you, Bay! Always.. XOXO PS- Say hi to Needles for us.

7/14/2019- Hey Bay. I'm using your memorial as a dedication to Needles today. I'm thinking of him as he died 17 years ago today. I looked at some photos from 2002. He was a trooper & I know he hung on for me. I had 1 1/2 years to anticipate his death and spent lots of time with him, traveled with him a couple of times, took lots of photos and videos. Did you know I moved my office home to be with him? He was and still is a huge part of my life. We shared 21 wonderful years together! Complete opposite of you dying suddenly at the age of 7. Other than feeling nostalgic tonight, I'm doing great as are Neeko, Bentley & Riley. Love Needles & play lots! Tell him I said hi and I love him always. I miss you both. XOXO

8/1/19- Happy Birthday Bailey!! How'd you like the 7pg letter I wrote you while I was on your favorite patio this morning? It was nice having Neeko, Bentley & Riley out there w/me. I have so been missing you. Yep, it was a tough morning. It's you're 13th birthday and I wish you were here to celebrate it with. In Spirit. I trust you and Needles are having fun celebrating your day. I'm sending you big a birthday hug, kisses and of course those scratches behind the ear. I love you Bay. Always.. XOXO

8/15/19- Hey Bay. I hope you and Needles are having fun today on his birthday. Happy Birthday Needles! I'm eating salmon tonight in memory of you. I remember you eating salmon out of the palm of my hand..heartily..you loved it! I've been thinking of you a lot. You were and still are very special. We grew up together. Neeko isn't far behind you at 17. I was telling everyone about your birthday earlier. Have a wonderful birthday Needles. I love you. Always.. XOXO

12/25/19-Merry Christmas Bailey & Needles. This special time of the year reminds me of you. I bought you a tree Bailey. I refer to it as "the cats tree" for all my kitties. It's in your memory as you started the tradition. Bentley likes laying under the tree; he reminds me of you. Riley took the Angel off the tree, I put it on, he took it off, I put it on.. It was one of the two Angels a friend from church gave me in memory of you. Neeko is going to enjoy some catnip under the tree later! Well boys, I love you. Christmas love and kisses... always. XOXO

2/14/20- Hey Bay. I dreaded this day knowing it's Fri. Feb 14. You died Fri. Feb 14 6 years ago tonight. That night haunts me at times. In the busyness of life, I find you in the pauses and 14's. I miss you. We had an amazing bond that I'll cherish forever. Neeko's here and says hi. She misses you too. Bentley and Riley are good companions for her but not like the bond you two had. I thought my tears would have stopped but they still fall. Mostly, I smile remembering the things you did that made you uniquely you..like pawing at the dust in the air and at the counter before you drank water... and laying on the table pawing the food off my plate when I ate. Say hi to Needles. I hope you two are having fun on the other side! I love you Bay... always. XOXO

8/1/20- Hey Bay. Happy Birthday, my beautiful boy! Today you'd be 14. I think of you every time I see that number. Today was cloudy with a storm approaching. I felt pulled to go to the park night. After reading all of your other birthday entries, it seems to be what I do on your birthday. I always feel close to you in nature. That and of course, Tonight, I ate your favorite.. a maple cookie from Quebec! Neeko, Bentley and Riley are all well. I hope you and Needles are hanging out and having fun on your special day! I love you always and forever Bay. You are always part of my heart and soul. I miss and love you dearly. Play, have fun and give Needles a snuggle for me. XOXO

12/25/20- Merry Christmas to you and Needles. When I think of you lately, tears fall. What can I say? I love you and miss you. We had a black cat on our patio this morning. Did you send him to let us know you're near? It felt like a sign. Needles, our poem is under the tree. We shared many Christmas nights hanging out looking at it. Bailey, when I see Bentley under the tree memories surface of how much you loved, loved, loved the tree- sniffing the branches and laying under it.I know you're both watching over us. I think of you often. I hope you're hanging out together and having fun. I love you.. always. XOXO

2/14/21- Hey Bay. Happy Valentine's Day! How's my boy? It's hard to believe it's been 7 years. This year has been easier than the others. Every year after Christmas I dread the Valentine's hype. This year I was pretty okay with it. I've felt a positive shift the past few months. I'm exercising again and feeling more like I used to when you were here. It feels good. I made a nice dinner tonight. I was reminded of you when Riley laid on the table and watched me eat. Although he didn't swipe food off my plate like you used to. :-) You had the cutest personality. I enjoyed a cupcake earlier in your memory. Neeko and I found each other 18 years ago today. She had a rough patch in December but she's bouncing back nicely. She, Bentley and Riley are doing well. Are you and Needles having fun? I hope so. I love you both..always. Hugs, Kisses & ear scratches!! XOXO

7/14/21-I'm thinking of you boys, especially Needles today. I can hardly believe it's been 19 years ago today when I last held you in my arms Needles. You and I had 21 years together. You're always close in my heart and Spirit. Do you like the salmon I left? You always loved eating it out of my hand. I hope you and Bay are hanging out and having fun on the other side. I love you both.. always. XOXO

8/1/21- Happy Birthday Bailey! I celebrate you today. I am eternally grateful for the 7 years we shared and our forever connection. I trust you and Needles hung out today and did something fun on the other side to celebrate. Know that I've been thinking of you all day. I left a cupcake for you as you always loved when I brought those home. I miss you. I wish you were here. Sending you a hug and ear rubs. I love you... XOXO

8/15/21- Needles.. Happy 40th Birthday my beautiful boy! I pray you and Bailey are hung out and had fun on your special day. I left a salmon steak for you. I miss you eating the salmon out of my hand. You were an amazing gift in my life for 21 years. I'll always love you with every breath I take. Happy Birthday! XOXO

12/26/21-Merry Christmas Bailey and Needles! It's 1am. Neeko had another spell. It's been a rough day with her and at the emergency clinic. We celebrated when I took a photo of our tree with Neeko in her bed, Bentley and Riley in the catnip for a few minutes. Needles, taking care of Neeko brings back so many memories of care-taking you. I pray I'm doing a good job. I want her to be comfortable. Bailey, your stocking was turned around tonight. It made me think you were here. I know in Spirit you both are and forever in my heart. Watch over us and let us feel your presence. I miss you both and love you always. XOXO

2/14/22-Happy Valentine's Day Bay! How's my boy? And Needles? I've been thinking of you both today. Neeko had a scare at Christmas. She's rallying and doing much better. Bentley had one last weekend. I'm glad I got him in. He reminds me of you. He has a special Spirit and he likes to snuggle and sleep in. I hope you and Needles had a great day and are having fun together. I had a cupcake earlier and thought of you. I wish you were here to share it with me. Sending you both hugs, kisses and scratches behind the ears! I love you always... XOXO

8/1/22-Happy Birthday Bailey! You've been on my mind a lot. I went to Petsmart today where we first met. There was another customer there and we shared cat pics. I told her it was your birthday. At times today I really felt your presence. My heart holds a special place for you and you alone. I miss you Bay. I trust your frolicking on the other side and enjoying Needles company. I had a bite of Publix cake for you today. You always loved licking the frosting! Sending you a big birthday hug! I love you Bay! XOXO

8/15/22-Happy 41st Birthday NEEDLES! I hope you and Bailey had fun celebrating your special day. I've thought of you all day. You were my 1st long time love and are forever in my heart. I love you always! Happy Birthday! XO

11/10/22-Hi Bailey, Hi Needles. How are my boys? It's been rough with Neeko. She's getting ready to join you at Rainbow Bridge. Bay, you and Neeko were best friends. It feels comforting knowing you'll be together again. Needles, she will get to meet you. You helped she and I find each other 20 years ago. Boys, welcome my girl with open paws and show her the way. I love you both and you are always in my heart. I know you both love me and are always watching over me until we can all be together again. Sending kisses and ear rubs... XOXO

11/24/22-Happy Thanksgiving Bailey, Needles AND Neeko! By now Bailey and Needles you have reunited with your sister at Rainbow Bridge 10 days ago on Nov 14. It's quiet around the house and me, Bentley and Riley are all adjusting. Neeko I love you so much and treasure the time we had together. Thank you for letting me care for you and for you being a real trooper. I feel incredibly blessed I have shared my life with you three and we continue to share life together. Our relationship didn't end. We are totally connected. It's just in a different/new form now. Sending all of you hugs, kisses, ear rubs and brushing especially for Neeko... XOXO

2/14/23-Happy Valentine's Day Bailey, Neeko and Needles. You are all in my thoughts and heart on this bittersweet day. Feb 14th is a day where your lives intertwine. Bailey, it's been 9 years tonight since you've been gone. Needles, I was mourning you 20 years ago today... when Neeko, you walked across my patio and into my life for the 1st time. Now, it's been 3 months today since you've been gone. I miss you all and will love you forever. I treasure the life we had. It gives me solace knowing you are all together. I am loving on Bentley and Riley today. Both of them are getting brushed and treats. I'm sending you all kisses, ear rubs and Neeko scratches under the chin... XOXO

7/14/23-I am so thinking of you three today. Especially Needles and Neeko. Needles, it's been 21 years today since you crossed over. It feels like yesterday I was holding you in my arms, saying goodbye. I miss you dearly. You were my first true love and we had 21 wonderful years together. After you died, I met Neeko 7 months later.. on Valentine's Day. I never thought I'd make it until then and she came along and filled our home and my heart. Neeko and I had 20 years together and she died 8 months ago today. All of you died on the 14th. Your grandpa died on April 11. Today, everything caught up to me and it has been a tidal wave of tears. I changed the memorial song to My Heart Will Go On. I question that but also fills me with a spark of hope knowing today is just part of the process. I love you all. I've given Bentley and Riley love today and have talked about you. I pray you are all together having fun on the other side with visits to our part of the world. You're always in my heart and close in Spirit. Sending ear rubs to all and a good brushing for Neeko. XOXO

8/1/23-Happy 17th Birthday Bay. I love you, I miss you, I wish you were here. That's been my mantra through the years. Neeko is with you now. I hope she and Needles are celebrating your special day! I'm headed to the park to connect with you and to Publix for a cupcake. I may even have a maple cookie in there! You are forever in my mind and heart. Bentley and Riley wish you a Happy Birthday. If you have any "get along" tips for them, please feel free to share! I miss having you and Neeko here as you were best friends. Hugs, kisses and spread eagle hug on your birthday with scratches behind the ears! XOXO

8/15/23-Happy 42nd Birthday Needles! I trust you Bailey and Neeko are having fun celebrating your special day. I just looked through one of your photo albums. What a special time in my life. It was you and me for many years. I treasure that time. You were such a comfort. Tomorrow I'll be eating salmon in your honor. You used to love to eat it out of the palm of my hand! I love you Needles.. yesterday, today, always. XOXO

2/14/24-Happy Valentine's Day Bailey, Neeko & Needles. I've thought about you today. All of you are connected with the 14th. Bay, I can hardly believe it's been 10 years tonight since you've been gone. I wonder where the time goes and what did I do with it all? Neeko 21 years ago today I set sight on you for the 1st time. Now it's been 1 year, 3 months since you've been gone. I so miss you sleeping on my pillow and your paw on my shoulder! Needles, I left you salmon on the altar. You loved eating it out of my hand. Each of you have been a huge part of my life. I'm telling Bentley and Riley about you. Send some of your harmonious energy to our home so they can get along better. I wish you all love, knowing we'll be together again one day. Until then, play free! I'm sending you all kisses, ear rubs and Neeko scratches under the chin... XOXO

5/15/2024- Happy 22nd Birthday Neeko! May you have lots of fun with Bailey and Needles! I wish we were together to celebrate. You rock my world, baby girl.. always and forever. I miss you sleeping on my pillow with your paw on my shoulder. You were so sweet and your fur so soft and comforting. I miss you. I'll always love you. I'm sending you lots of love on your special day. And, I'll make sure to brush Bentley and Riley in your honor. Oh how you loved to be brushed! XOXO

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