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Memories of Bailey
08/01/14- Happy Birthday Bailey! Today is your eighth birthday. I've thought about you all day wishing you were here so we could celebrate together. Through our eternal connection, I know you are feeling loved and cherished. How did you like the long letter I wrote you? It was a blue sky, sunny day. Neeko and I were on the patio, one of your favorite places, when I wrote it. I never went out there much when you were here. I guess I figured you had Neeko with you. Now I go out there to keep her company and wish I would've done so when you were here. You would've loved me to do so. This afternoon, I ate one of your favorites: a Maple Cream cookie from Quebec. I put a candle on Neeko's wet food and we sang Happy Birthday to you in Spirit. Tonight, I bought cupcakes and I did the same. Did you like the pretty flowers I bought you? You loved to jump on the counter after I went to the store, lick the cupcake frosting and nip at our flowers. Oh, how I miss those days and I miss you dearly. Bailey you are my greatest love. We had an amazing, unique connection and I feel so grateful to have shared our lives together. So tonight my love, my beautiful boy, I celebrate you and through our bond wish you a Happy Birthday. I love you...forever. XOXO

08/14/14- Hey Bay. It's hard to believe you've been gone 6 months. It's been a rough day. I miss you so much. Your life, love and energy filled our home. It's so quiet here. Neeko misses you too. Each morning she sits in the spot where you had your morning ritual of "playing with the lint in the air". Oh, how I loved to watch you. So cute. I miss bunting heads with you, kissing your belly, holding you in my arms, you licking my hand, the soft fur behind your ears- everything about you. You were like my child whom I took care of and was responsible for, my friend who I hung out with and who comforted me, my colleague who kept me company in our office and my partner who slept with me each night- you were my everything. By now, you've met your big brother Needles who died in 2002. You always reminded me of him. Remember how I used to say, "Bailey, if you're Needles reincarnated look at me on the count of three!" I'd count to three and you wouldn't look at me. Then I'd say, "Yeah, you probably wouldn't tell me anyways." Then you'd look at me as we walked side by side to the kitchen. I'd just said that the day before you died. I never knew about this site before. Tomorrow is Needles birthday and I'm going to post a memorial for him. I trust you two are keeping each other company and having fun. I'm imagining you "Spread Eagle" as I scratch behind your ears and kiss your belly. I love you forever honey. You're always on my mind and in my heart. XOXO

08/25/14- Hey Bay. I worked in the office today and really missed you lying on the desk with your paw dangling over the top pressing the keys on the keyboard! I finally finished a project and wanted to go find you, give you some love and share that with you; only to remind myself, you're not here. I haven't vacuumed the backs of the couches where you used to lay. I went to the one in our serenity room and just hugged it and cried wishing it were you. I miss everything about you. Wherever I see the light purple flowers, I think of you. You'd go outside and when you came in you were covered with them as they'd stick to your fur! I'd thank you for bringing me flowers. My heart aches today and I wish I could hold you. You filled up my life, my heart, our home, my senses. I love you Bailey. You are my greatest love.

09/14/14- Hey Bailey.. how's my boy? Even though I ask you that when I talk to you, I miss asking you and having you right beside me. It's 7 months today since you left this earthly plane. It isn't the same without you. I liked life better when you were here. Recently I remembered finding the Indian statue on the floor after I came home from being out of town. I knew right away who dragged it across the floor. Oh! I remembered too when I came home to find holes in my t-shirts that I left on the floor thinking they might comfort you while I was gone. I finally realized you'd left your mark! I still keep the door shut to my master closet in your memory. You used to love to chew on my clothes. Every time I find a shirt with your mark, I wear it with pride. I always thought we should have started our own clothing line! Honey, I miss you so much. I rode my bike to the park today and I felt close to you. Sometimes I feel your presence more than others. I've been feeling you a lot this past week. After I lit a candle tonight in your memory, I put two chicken fillets in a pan on the stove and when I looked close, I saw it was shaped as a heart, then I heard our song "Every Breath You Take". I just wish you were here. I miss you so much. You were my friend, my boy, my partner.. I love you always. Sending you hugs, kisses and scratches behind the ears!! XOXO

10/14/14- Hey Bay.. it's been a long 8 months since you left. I miss you so much and think of you every day. I just wish you were here. Life was better when I had you to share it with. Your Aunt and her family are in town and we've been spending some fun times together. Today I was at their hotel on the beach they're staying at. When I looked at the stars tonight, I was thinking how neat it would be if we were using stars as a portal to connect with each other. It felt good to think you may be looking through the star on the other side as I'm looking at it on this side and for a moment we are one. Your sister has been drinking from your glasses on the counter recently. This morning I woke up at 3:30 and brought her back to bed with me. She started hissing when the back light went on. When I went to the patio to see if I could see anything, two big raccoons were on the patio and on the other side of the sliding glass door where she sleeps. She was quite disturbed by the whole scene and wondered how long it has been going on. I know you are watching over both of us... I just sure wish you were here to snuggle with. I miss you honey and your loveable, trusting and comforting personality. I'm sending you big hugs, kisses and scratches behind the ears. I love you Bailey. You are and will always be my heart and soul. XOXOXO

11/14/14- Hey Bay...How's my boy? I miss you honey so much. I was going to work on your picture project today and I didn't. I feel bad because I want to finish it. Yet, I'm afraid it'll make you being gone more real. Sometimes I still feel like I'm in a nightmare and I want to wake up from this bad dream of you being gone. Nine months later and you are every day on my mind and forever in my heart. The holidays are coming and I wish you were here. You were so much fun to share them with. Remember the Christmas tree I bought you last year? I still have it up. It's leaves are brown but it smells good and it drinks a bottle of water a week. I'll burn it with the big Christmas tree after the holidays. I'll buy you another tree in memory of you knowing that you are with us in Spirit enjoying it too. The trappers caught 4 opposums underneath the back of the house where the foundation issue was last year. In January, I'll have them come again to trap anything else living under there and then have it filled in. I haven't seen any raccoons lately and Neeko seems calmer. She hasn't figured out Benney, the feral cat, is living on the patio in a cage while I socialize her before she comes inside. I know in my heart Bailey that you had something to do with Benney and me finding each other. Similar to when Needles helped Neeko and me find each other. As you know (because I think you know everything now), I trapped her on Oct 23. Dr. S said she is not the typical feral and he anticipates her being an indoor cat. I wanted her to be an outdoor cat and eventually adopt a kitten one day like I did with you and go through the kitten stage again. With all the wildlife outside and her being a sweet and loveable cat, I'm getting used to the idea of her coming inside after I can pet her and pick her up. I don't know what I got myself into. She certainly isn't you. You were so easy. You and I just fit like a hand in a glove. I miss your cute, trusting ways and your energy. Although I have gotten more involved in life lately, I think of you when I pause. It's you Bay that I love. You're my greatest love... Aww. The song "I Celebrate my Love" just came on. I remember you spread eagle on the floor and me kissing your belly. The song is perfect and it reminds me of you. Bailey, I celebrate my love for you every day. I know we will be together again. Until then, I'm still learning to have a relationship with you in your new form. Watch over me, Neeko and Benney. Have fun with Needles. I love you sweetheart and am sending you hugs and kisses on your belly as you spread eagle! XOXOXO PS- Give me a nudge to get back in our serenity room and do my e-cises ok? You were always there and it's hard for me to go in there. XOXO

12/14/14- Hey Bay... I can hardly believe it's been 10 months since you've been gone. Sometimes I'm still in shock. My 50th birthday was yesterday and how I wish you were here to put your paw on my plate and try to sneak food from it. You had such a great personality. I finished putting up our Christmas tree this morning and all but one of our outside displays are up. I wish you were here to share it with. You would be following me everywhere and right in the middle of it all. I miss having you by my side. I keep putting one foot in front of the other to keep moving forward and sometimes it scares me. Some really great things are happening though like we sold a piece of property and it closes next week. Julie is coming home from school and we're going to make Christmas cookies next week. Remember last year when I caught you looking inside a bag, pulling a cookie out and trying to eat it through the wrapper? How cute and the memory puts a smile on my face. Of course that was before you took the bag handle in your mouth and took the bag in the next room. Yes, you were my cookie monster. I'm going to Naples for a short two day repose. Watch over your sister for me and of course Benney. You know she got out of the cage last Friday when I was cleaning it. I haven't seen her since but this morning someone ate the food out of her cage so perhaps and hopefully it was her. Well honey, I'm gonna go for now. I'm sending you lots of love and of course scratches behind the ear. I love you always. XOXOXO

12/25/14- Merry Christmas Bay... I have your stocking hung with Needles' stocking above the fireplace; I wish you were here to see it. I bought you a tree again this year and hung your picture on the branches with some sweet ornaments. When I think of Christmas, I think of you. You loved sitting under the tree, laying on your back and playing with the branches or just simply smelling the pine. One of my favorite pictures is of you smelling the tree. So many mornings were spent laying on the sofa with you and Neeko looking at the tree and listening to soft classical music in the background. How I miss those treasured moments. They were precious and I hold those memories close to my heart. Neeko's presents were under the tree this morning. She didn't really get into it like she did when you were here. Even the catnip was left untouched. I think she liked Christmas better when you were here.. I know I did. We both miss you dearly. I went to Sheri's last night for Christmas Eve and we had a lot of fun. Today I went back for Christmas lunch and Mom and Dad were there. Christmas isn't the same without you Bay. I'm sending you kisses and a scratch behind the ear as I wish you a Merry Christmas. I love you. XOXOXO

01/01/15- Hey Bay... It's a New Year and the first full year without you. Neeko and I miss you a lot. The holidays were not the same without you although I had a nice Christmas and New Year's Eve. Today Neeko and I were laying on the couch looking at the tree and the raindrops on the pool. I remembered when I first got you and how you woke me up in the middle of the night purring and licking my face. And how you would lick my hand. Sweet memories like that warm my heart. I saw my neighbor a few days ago and she said Benney is back at her house in the mornings and that she looks great and is eating well. I think that is where she wants to be and my neighbors care about her as much as I do. I will go visit her and offer them the condo I bought for her. Thanks for watching over her. I love you Bay. Always and forever. XOXO

01/14/15- Hey Bay... How's my boy? I can hardly believe we're into the 2nd week of 2015. Dad went into the hospital over a week ago; he had one of those spells like he did a couple of years ago and they can't figure it out. He was moved to physical rehab today before he goes home so that's a good sign. I took all the outside Christmas displays down earlier than usual this year because I'm getting our pavers stripped, cleaned and sealed. In the patio, I am having the teak dining set refinished and bought some new furniture. You know me Bay, always doing some type of home improvement.. although I didn't do anything last year. It will look great once it's finished. I wish you were here to enjoy it with us. Earlier today, I was driving with the top down and the song "Just Give Me a Reason" by Pink came on the radio. My eyes teared up and I quickly reached for my sunglasses! The lyrics don't even make sense as to why I would relate them to you. It's just a song I kept hearing after you passed away last year and I like her voice. When I got home, I saw Neeko sleeping on the couch where you did last year during the Christmas season. Sometimes I catch her staring intently at our tree and I wonder if she is looking for you or if she senses your presence. She seems to be doing well and is more loveable these days. Benney, as you know, is back at the house she used to be at before the dogs chased her away. I went to see her last week and we played a bit. I realize she is where she wants to be and I'm happy to know she is being fed, is safe and is back to hanging out with her siblings. Thanks for watching over her, me and Neeko. I love you Bay and am sending you hugs and kisses.. Always.. XOXO

02/14/15- Hey Bay... Happy Valentine's Day to you in Spirit. I love you and miss you more than words can say. For me, being here on the physical plane, I imagine it's a bit harder. It's a bittersweet day. Twelve years ago on Valentine's Day, I was sitting on the floor, crying as I watched a video of Needles, your brother who had died seven months prior at the age of 21.. you didn't know him.. well, now you do.. you always reminded me of him.. you weren't the same but you were as significant to me. Anyway, as I was watching the video, Neeko walked across my patio, out of the blue. After a month, I found out she was a stray and took her in on March 14. So today is Neeko and my 12 year anniversary of meeting and the one year anniversary of your death. Your death still baffles me at times.
So a quick update. Dad is home from rehab, the pavers are finished and so is the front landscaping. Hey! Remember the light purple flowers you would walk by that would stick to your fur? And when you came into the house I would say you were bringing me flowers? I had some of those planted in your memory. It all looks great. Oh, my neighbors recently told me Benney is doing well.
I am working on yours and Neeko's picture project again. I just couldn't finish it last year. It feels comforting and brings back fond memories of our life together. Your personality sure shines through some of the photos. Like the ones where you are opening your Christmas presents- tearing through the tissue paper, eating the catnip and sprawling out on your back! Or the sweet ones where you have your paw around your sister. I know she misses you Bay. Dr. S. recently told me she was depressed and I need to get another cat. I have mixed feelings but I am open to that... I feel my heart is open to love. I couldn't say that for several months after you died; I felt like I was just going through the motions of life. This past year was quite a journey and I have learned a lot. In some ways, I am glad the year is up as I have shown myself I can live without you physically here.. not that I would have ever wished for that. Bailey, I love you, I miss you, I wish you were here.. and I realize you always will be here.. in my heart. Our relationship will never end, it changed forms. I feel so incredibly blessed to have loved you deeply and trust I will love again.. it would be an honor and a tribute to you. Thank you for sharing your life with me. I love you Sweetheart and on this Valentine's Day... I'm sending you hugs and kisses and of course, a kiss on your belly and a scratch behind the ears. Love Always.. XOXO PS- The Valentine's Day cards are purrrfect!

03/14/15- Hey Bailey... How's my boy? I still say that out loud trusting you hear me in Spirit. You are always in my heart and at times I really feel your presence strongly. I catch Neeko staring blankly into seemingly nothing at times and know you are near. Neeko has been sleeping on the bean bag chair lately which she hasn't done in a while. It so reminds me of the times you two would snuggle up on it. Bailey, lately I've been trying to imagine what life and our home will be like with another kitty in it. It feels bittersweet to think of. You can be sure that he (because I will most likely adopt another male) will never replace you. I'm hoping he will add joy to Neeko's and my life. I looked at cats for adoption today which I've done periodically but I haven't found the one I'm looking for. When I find him, I will just know. Like with you.. it was your eyes, your energy, your personality... I just knew. We had an amazing connection and still do. Hey, will you help the next kitty and me find each other? You know what Neeko and I need. I miss you.. although I am busy lately.. there is always a place in my heart that aches without you here. It's softer than it used to be as fond memories surface. I recently heard "it's like a scar on the heart". How apropos. Well, sweetheart.. goodnight for now. I love you and I'm sending you big hugs and kisses. XOXO

03/21/15- Hey Bay... Happy Spring! Thinking of you... always. XOXO

05/14/15- Hey Bailey... How's my boy? I didn't write last month although I thought of doing so. I'll start popping in whenever I want to connect here as I have started writing to you again in my notebook for you. Well, you know I adopted a kitten, Bentley, on April 25. I know you know because I know you had a hand in helping us find each other. He is very sweet and he sure reminds me of you. He even sits in the same places that you liked and likes the same toys.. although you never had a bluebird that made noise; he sleeps with it, it's very cute. I feel sad thinking it's hard for me to remember you at his age 3mos. Did I do the same things with you? I'm sure I did, I was enamored with you. I miss you and I miss seeing you with Neeko. She hasn't taken to Bentley yet and hisses and growls at him. Will you help them bond? It would be great if they were buddies. I know you would want that too. Bay, I love you and I wish you were here. I miss you.. always and forever. Hugs, kisses and scratches behind the ears. XOXO

06/14/15- Hey Bay. I'm thinking of you honey. Earlier, I went for a bike ride, a long walk at the park and even ran 3 minutes! I always feel close to you when I'm there and the flowers remind me of you. I finally found out they are called plumbago. Neeko sends her love. I know she misses you too. Bentley chases her around the house a lot. He's full of energy. I miss you! Hugs and kisses. XOXO

06/26/15- Hey Bailey... Happy Summer! I miss you. I'm finally finishing your picture project. Thank you for being one of the best things that ever happened to me and for so many happy memories. I love you... always. XOXO

PS- Bentley hopped in the perch with Neeko during a rainstorm this afternoon. Seeing them together brought a smile to my face for them and also because it reminded me of you and her snuggling. XOXO

08/01/15- Happy Birthday Bailey. Today is your ninth birthday. I miss you and wish you were here. I stopped by the park during my 9 mile ride this morning and felt your presence. That was nice. I wrote you a long letter, lit a candle and also baked you a chocolate cake. You always loved cakes and cookies. Oh, I ate a maple cookie from Quebec, one of your favorites. I think Bentley likes them too. What do they put in those things?? I do all these little things Bay to remember you and to keep our forever bond. Bentley, slid across the floor this morning standing up! I chuckled remembering how you'd slide across the floor on your side as if it was fun and natural. I'm sure he'll get the hang of it. Neeko and Bentley wish you a Happy Birthday. I love you honey. Always..forever.. Hugs, kisses and an awesome spread eagle hug on your birthday with scratches behind the ears! XOXO

10/15/15- Hey Bay. My heart, my soul...I think of you every day. I'm really missing you right now. The holidays are around the corner and it feels sad knowing it'll be the 2nd Christmas you're not with us. You know it'll be the 1st Christmas with Bentley. I'm looking forward to it although it's not the same. He reminds me of you in so many ways. Neeko and him are getting along well. Sometimes I see her in places you and she used to hang out and I wonder if she's thinking of you..missing you too. Like last night I was working in my office and she was laying on the floor where you two used to do so. Love you bunches. Always and forever.. xoxo

12/14/15- Hey Bay. How's my boy? It's been a rough couple of weeks as I've been missing you so much. It feels like my first Christmas without you when it's my second. Maybe because I was focused on Benney, the feral cat last year. Sadly, I heard that she might have been hit by a car. I haven't seen her for months. If she crossed over I trust you welcomed her with open paws. Yesterday was my birthday and I wished for you to be here. In Spirit I know you were. Bentley crawled on top of me as I was sleeping at 5am and stretched out and went to sleep. He's done that before but it's been a while. It felt so comforting and I was wondered if you tipped him off to snuggle with me. He got up and came back and did the same thing again a few hours later. It was like he knew I needed some TLC. Our Christmas tree is up as well as yours and Neeko's and Bentley's. BTW, Neeko says hello. She's sitting on the desk as I type. She misses you too. Bentley has batted something off the tree everyday so far that it's been up. Pretty soon, the bottom half will be bare except lights! Well sweetheart, watch over Neeko and Bentley the next couple of days as I will be in Naples. Holiday hugs and kisses. I love you forever... and ever. xoxo

12/25/15- Merry Christmas Bailey! I love you, I miss you, I wish you were here. Christmas isn't the same without you. Neeko wasn't into the presents & catnip like she was with you. As you know, it's Bentley's 1st Christmas & he took over the show with the catnip carrot under the tree this morning. I got him on video. He was really cute. I'll spend some alone time with Neeko by the tree this weekend. Well honey, know that I'm thinking of you and remembering how special Christmas & life was with you. Sending you kisses. Always.. XOXO

02/14/16- Dearest Bailey. Today is two years since you've been gone. I wish we had more time together. You died too young. I feel like I've been living in a time warp these past two years. Sure, I've been traveling more & getting involved with different projects. Yet with all that, I think of you every day and miss you like crazy. You brought me so much love and joy. I know though that our love and connection lives forever. Neeko misses you too. She's been doing really well and more playful. Thank goodness. It looks like the pancreatitis scare she gave us in late Oct. has cleared up. Scary having her 2 nights in the hospital. Bentley is doing well too. I even saw him jump on the couch and groom Neeko today before his attention was diverted. Easy for him to do as he just turned one. I remember how adorable you were at that age. This morning I remembered when I used to eat breakfast and you'd lay on the table, put your paw on my plate and try to swipe something off. It brought a smile to my face. I love you Bailey and on this Valentine's Day... I'm sending you hugs and kisses and of course, a kiss on your belly and a scratch behind the ears. Love Always.. XOXO

06/07/16- Hey Bay. How's my boy? It's been rough for me lately and I'm trying to pull out of it. I miss you so much and have been wishing life were as it was when you were here. Neeko and Bentley are doing well. They love the new sofa and loveseat in our family room. Do you like? Neeko turned 14 last month and had her first teeth cleaning. She's recovered remarkably from her pancreatitis last Fall. I am grateful for that. Bentley is a sweetheart. Sometimes I feel guilty missing you as much as I do when I look at him. It's just that he's black and white and reminds me of you at times. He is a snuggler! He doesn't sleep with me through the night but every morning before I get up I find him on top of me stretched out sleeping. He really is a love. I am blessed that we have bonded as well as he and Neeko. Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like if you were here with us and if you'd get along with and like Bentley too. I bet you would. I truly believe you had a hand in helping us find each other. I love you Bay and I'm sending you hugs and kisses. Always. xoxo

08/01/16- Happy Birthday Bailey. Today you would have been 10. Your life was cut way too short. I love you, I miss you; I wish you were here. Bentley snuggled for a long time this morning.. he must have known I needed extra TLC. I was going to go to the park tonight but the rain rolled in. Interesting, I always feel particularly close to you when I'm in nature. To celebrate your birthday, I ate a slice of birthday cake last night. Tonight, I ate your favorite.. a maple cookie from Quebec. I held the cookie up to Bentley and he responded similarly to the way you used to. He loves them! They must put catnip in their cookies or something! Bentley and Neeko both wish you a Happy Birthday. I trust you and Needles are having fun together, keeping each other company and watching over us. I love you Bay.. you remain close in heart and close in Spirit.. always and forever. My beautiful boy- Happy Birthday. Hugs & Kisses with scratches behind the ears! XOXO

12/17/16- Hey Bay.. It was my birthday this past week and Christmas is around the corner. It's not the same without you. I so wish you were here! I think of you every day and miss you dearly. We have a beautiful Christmas tree and Bentley likes the same spot that you did. It's bittersweet seeing him there. The 1st morning after the tree was decorated I saw he cleverly took a couple of decorations off the tree. I put them both back on the tree and he took one of them down again. So the stuffed heart that says "Noel" on it is now his to bat around the house. Neeko is doing well and has been playful in the morning. How are you? I hope you have lots of friends and can eat all the treats you want. I can give you updates on what's going on here and I sure wish you could do the same. I love you forever my beautiful boy and send you much love. XOXOXO

01/01/2017- Happy New Year Bailey! I look forward to the New Year feeling ready for change and hopeful. It's bittersweet a bit as I miss you. The holidays were not the same without you. I cooked on Christmas and had the family down. After they left, Neeko, Bentley and I had our Christmas. I was remembering how cute you were when you used to heartedly open your gifts. You were so cute! I love you Bay. Always and Forever. Hugs & Kisses. XOXO

02/14/17- My Dearest Bailey Boy. It's been 3 years tonight since you've been gone. "I love you, I miss you, I wish you were here".. that's been my mantra the past few years. I've known today was coming this last month, how could I not? Since I hurt my back a few weeks ago and Joy left this morning after staying with me during her visit to FL, I've been distracted. My only plan for today was to get through the day and decorate the tree with your pictures which I've done. I was remembering when you were rubbing your face against the green washcloth in the shower until you nudged it off the hook and tackled it. You looked so cute! It was a bittersweet memory. Valentine's Day is wrapped around you. However, it's also the day I first saw Neeko. Today is our 14th anniversary. Hmm..there's that number 14 again. Every time I see the number 14, I think of you. She and Bentley are doing well. She still loves to be brushed and is very playful. Bentley is quite the acrobat with his muscular body and long legs. He even balances on the back of 1" chairs! Bay, Happy Valentine's Day in Spirit. Know that I am sending you hugs, kisses and scratches behind the ears. I'll always love you. XOXOXOXO

7/7/17- Hey Bay, How's my Boy? So much has happened these last 5 months. I miss sharing life with you. A few times recently I called Bentley, Bailey. It caught me off guard. He reminds me of you at times. You didn't care for the fireworks on the 4th; neither does he. So, I'm headed to my favorite place Sunday which is why I placed the Feather prayer stick on your mantel. I went once after you died 3 years ago and it wasn't the same. I'm hoping I'll rediscover the beauty and peace I feel there while I get grounded for my upcoming surgery. I so wish you were here to go through this with me. I trust you will be in Spirit. This past month, I felt footprints on the bed and I could swear you were next to me. Was that so? The song I chose this time is perfect because I wish there was a Stairway to Heaven so I could walk up them and go see you. I love you Bay. Always and Forever. XOXO

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