10/12/2017 - You just left me. I know you had to but I am trying to figure out how to live my life without you. If my love and tears could have kept you with me, you would have lived forever. When we found each other, who rescued who? You were my foster baby for two days. Then you became my everything, I adopted you and will forever be your mama. I love you Bee. I miss you so much. Mama is still holding you tight.|
10/14/2017 - Today marks 1 week. So many people have been supportive here on this site but for life here at home everyone has just gone on but me. I still feel so much pain, loss and I can't see right now that will ever change for me. I just want you back. I still cry a lot and just can't seem to care about anything or anyone. I am trying to love the other dogs but all I can do is feed them and make sure they have water. They are trying to give me cuddles and they know I am sad but all I want is you. I know you were so tired and I know you stayed with me as long as you could. Since you were a rescue and we didn't find each other until you were 12 years old, I feel cheated. I only got to give you a happy ending. Eight years together was just not enough. Know that I am still holding you as tight as I can in my heart. I will never let you go. You are my everything.
10/21/2017 - Hey my baby. It's been 2 wks. since I helped you make your way to the bridge. I still feel empty inside and cry a lot. I wish people would just leave me alone and let me grieve for you. Yesterday was hard. I thought of me kissing you on your little head saying "I can never get enough kisses!" I am still holding you tight my baby. You will always be my everything.
10/26/2017 - I said I would only write on Saturdays. At least here. I started an journal of our days together last week. I am having such a hard time remembering all the great things we did together. I guess my heart is so filled with grief. I miss you so much my dear baby. Last night all I wanted to do was be with you. I cried myself to sleep, holding your bed and some of your things I put in it. I have not moved it. It is still above my pillows where you always slept and we cuddled and gave you massages. Never gonna let you go Bee. Forever holding you tight my sweet poodle.
10/28/2017 - Cried myself to sleep holding your picture last night. It is 3 weeks today my baby. I don't know how I am going to last missing you like this day after day. You are my life. As I told you for so many years, "You are my everything".
11/7/2017 - One month. Still miss you so much. Still cry for you and nights are really hard without you. I keep telling myself you are in a better place now. You are full of energy, loving your food and doing all the things you did when you were younger. You are not hurting or lonely, it's only me that is. Just the one you had to leave behind. Until I see you again my baby, I will hold you tight. Please come in my dreams. Show me signs that you are near me. Know that when you left me, you took a huge part of my heart with you. I am with you Bee.