My precious little angel, Alice (your name means "of Nobility"). I first laid eyes on you at a shelter in Naperville IL. I was looking for a kitty companion and there you were in a cage so elegant with your beautiful white fur and dark tabby markings from your back down to the tip of your tail. I asked to hold you and immediately as you were put in my arms, you nuzzled your nose by my ear and wrapped your paws around my neck. I was sold, you were the one coming home with me; although the process wasn't quite as easy since the staff did not like the fact that you would be home alone while I worked during the week. This was hard to understand since I was offering you a loving home and especially after I found out that you were given up by your former guardians because a baby joined their family, what an excuse! |
So I came up with a solution where you would not be left alone. Since my apartment complex had a limit of 1 kitty and 1 dog, I decided to find you a canine friend and began my search. Well this idea did not go over well with the shelter staff, but my persistence worked and I convinced them that I would be a good mom and that you would be safe with a canine companion. I adopted you at the age of 1-1/2 years old. Since the shelter did not have record of your actual date of birth, I gave you October 1, 1992 as your birthday based on the approximate age they said you were.
In the meantime, I found out about Sasha through a local paper; so I arranged to bring you home on March 29th 1994 and Sasha joined one day later. I remember how for the first days of apartment living you lived on top of my kitchen cabinets hiding and would only come down to eat or use your litter box when I wasn't home. Fortunately that only lasted a few days and then you decided to "come down to earth" and begin a life with me and Sasha. That day was the beginning of building a trust and relationship that lasted us for over 13 years. You and Sasha became great buddies especially while I was at work during the day, you were great company for each other.
In the early years Sasha was crated when I wasn't home for your own safety, but your bed was on top of her crate so that you would always be near each other. That worked out great so by the time Sasha was about 3-1/2 years old, I was able to trust leaving her loose in the house with no fear of her ever hurting you. You became lifelong companions and later I found out just how much Sasha meant to you by how much you missed her after she left us in January. Once you realized she was never coming back home you became my shadow and the lap kitty I never had before, always at my side or nearby watching every move I made; guess you didn't want me to disappear from your life like Sasha did.
Alice, it's Tuesday, August 14, 2007 and at about 4:45pm today your sweet soul left this earth and you'll now be reunited with your big sister Sasha Joy; who only 7 months and 2 days ago also went to be at peace. I woke up this morning for work, however, soon realized that you were weaker and that the time had probably come to let you go. You've been in renal failure for some time now and surviving with fluid treatments, however, x-rays & blood test results did not show this was causing your ailment this time. For almost two weeks now you had been ill. You quit eating and after various medications and even attempting to force feed you, your appetite was not coming back. My 12 lb kitty was wasting away before my eyes and I could no longer let you go on this way, but I wanted to be sure you had every chance possible before I had to make this final decision. Though you did not seem to be in pain you became very weak and now only slept. I recently began carrying you to your litter box or from one spot to another so that you could look out the window or enjoy some sun rays; you just didn't get around much on your own anymore. It was time to say good-bye and I had to do it in my own way. I took the day off work so I could spend these last few hours devoted to loving and comforting you my little baby girl.
Early this morning there was a thunderstorm and it rained for quite some time. Fortunately the heat wave we've had finally broke on Monday afternoon so that we were able to sleep over night with the windows open. I stayed in bed with you in my arms or at my side just listening to the rain and then the birds as they began their morning song. At one point you wanted to be by the window, so I placed you on the window ledge and you licked some of the rain drops that were clinging to the screen. You always loved to lap up the rain from any puddles that formed. This only lasted a moment because you weren't strong enough to stay there so I carried you back to bed. Later, the storm moved on and the clouds cleared some for the sun to shine through. I looked at all this as God's blessing so that for your last day on this earth you were able to hear and taste the rain drops, feel the cool and gentle breeze, hear the birds sing, watch a little bug that landed outside on the window screen and later when I placed you by the window, feel the sun warm your frail body. We would not have enjoyed any of this if we still had the hot and humid temperatures of the past week because the windows would have been closed & the air conditioner running.
Baby Girl, I'm grateful to have had these hours to just love you, cry my tears for you and hold you until we had to leave. I then placed you in the care of Dr. Benz who has been such a caring and compassionate person that has helped me thorough this difficult time with your illness. I had feared that your end would come while I was at work and you'd be all alone, or that a crisis would arise after hours so that I'd have to take you to the emergency clinic, and though the staff would show some compassion in a crisis it would not have been with the gentleness and compassion of our own Dr. Mary Benz. It is some comfort to have had you in her care at the end and mostly comfort that I was with you every second until you took your last breath. With my love, I wanted my arms to be the last ones to hold you and my eyes the last you saw before you slipped into a peaceful sleep to be free of further pain or discomfort. I was then left alone with you in that same examination room where Sasha left me just seven months earlier. I cradled you in my arms for a long time as I cried and told you how much I loved you. I could have held you all night long, but the moment came to say my final good-bye and you were then taken from my arms.
Sweet Alice, you also gave me so much joy, laughter and sweet memories in the 13 years we shared together. My heart is now broken and so empty now without my two baby girls. For the first time since we've lived in this house I will sleep alone tonight. You won't be there at my feet or at my side to keep me company throughout the night and tomorrow morning you will not be there to wake me before the alarm clock by meowing, and walking around my head so I would get up. Even in the past few days, as weak as you were, you would still get up before the clock went off and just sit on floor next to my bed and watch me until I got up. I'm missing you so very much my precious angel, mom loves you and will never forget her "Alice, Sweet Alice My Little Baby Girl;" Verse from my song to you. I'll never forget how each time I'd sing it, you'd come running and get into my lap then just stare at my face as I continued; though I don't have a singing voice - you seemed to enjoy it. What unconditional love you had for me to endure such torture :-) Rest in peace my love.
08/15/07 - Little Baby Girl, a whole day without you and last night was as lonely as it could be. This place is no longer a home but a vacant space that I now live in without my babies. Forgive me baby girl, I didn't give up on you, I just couldn't let you endure any further pain or discomfort from whatever the illness was that kept you from wanting to eat. I love and miss you so very much.
08/17/07 - Sweet Alice, a dear friend wrote this beautiful poem for you today and I wanted to include it in your tribute...
A POEM TO ALICE:
Sweet memories of my little baby girl...
I miss your early morning ritual (3:30-4:30am), well before my alarm clock was to go off you were ready to start your day and expected mom to also. First began the loud meows followed by running all through the house, you'd sound like a little freight train, then would dive bomb mom in bed -- who could sleep through all this? If this didn't get me up then came the circles around my head over the body, stop by my ear and "meow" or give head bumps trying to get under the covers. If I still didn't budge... then you'd get on the nightstand - knock off the TV remote, the Kleenex box and slowly push the clock to the edge - that definitely got my attention! Still didn't work? - then came the dresser... anything on top soon landed on the floor; one item at a time - slide it to the edge then fling it. Alice you always won, mom would finally get up and soon you'd jump into bed and time to relax, you've done your duty...
Time to wash up, there you were on counter patiently waiting next to the sink for mom to run the water so you could play, drink or just watch the water flow down the drain. Then time for our morning shower... as soon as the water started you were there on tub licking up the water droplets from the wall as your head got soaked. More recently, you begin to play through the curtain as I got in the shower. Sitting on the tank lid you'd paw the curtain at the shadow of my fingers trying to grab them, this was such a treat to enjoy in the mornings before I got ready for work. Though you didn't like baths, you loved being around water. Another unusual pleasure of yours was having your head and back dried off with the blow dryer as mom styled her own hair.
At Breakfast, you'd sit like a lady on counter next me and watch me eat, patiently waiting for mom to finish her glass of milk knowing that you'd get the last drop. Then came the kitty treats, you'd reach into your container and pick out your nugget. What a wonderful treat it was having you and Sasha join me for breakfast every morning. Then off to bed you'd go where the morning sun rays were shining on your pillow -- there I'd leave you as I went off to work. When I returned home, you'd be on the other side meowing anxiously waiting for me to come through the door. If I remained in the garage a few minutes you'd watch me through storm door, standing on your hind legs pounding on the glass with both paws together -- oh, so precious.
Funniest memories of you, is when you did wrong and then would look so innocent. Once I had a Florida souvenir, a decorative glass filled with white beach sand and seashells which had survived from about 1980 and through three home moves. Then one day you decided I no longer needed it and knocked it off the shelf. Instead of scurrying away to hide you elegantly sat quietly in the bedroom next to the mess until I found you and there you remained allowing me time to snap a precious picture. Another time (twice) you figured out that my fireplace with ceramic logs was an interesting place to explore. One day I came home to find my precious white kitty now all grey and black and then you proudly rolled on the floor saying "mom, look at how cute I am." I just had to snap those pictures before putting you in the tub and washing you off. So the time came that I had to install glass doors on fireplace and secure the handles because you would manage to open them on your own.
Little Baby Girl, there's no end to the memories, joy and laughter you gave me in 13+ years we shared together. I'm blessed to have them all to reflect on and treasure for the rest of my life.
8/17/07 - It's now three lonely days without you. Tonight I finally added your photo and my special memories of you in your residency. Now when people visit they'll know just how special you were to me in life and that you and your sister Sasha will always remain in my heart. I selected the perfect song for your tribute "You Are My Special Angel" because you are and always will be. Alice, My Sweet Alice - Rest in peace little baby girl.
8/19/07 - Good morning Baby Girl. It's Sunday and 5 days since I last saw and held you in my arms. The entire weekend has been cool and rainy, just like the early morning rain we had that last day we were together. I don't mind it though because the day reflects my sad and broken heart. I know that the sun will shine again and the morning sun rays will beam down on your bed to warm the spot you enjoyed each morning. Remembering you there will bring a smile, but for now I grieve. Rest in peace my Sweet Alice.
08/21/07 - Sweet Alice, One week ago today I held you in my arms for the last time and late this afternoon I carried your ashes back home where you belong. Alice, after days of endless rains the sun is shining once again, just as if God wanted to comfort me. For a little while I placed your ashes in the sun rays that were shining over your favorite spot, your cradle by the window. However, your resting place will now be on my desk so you'll remain near just as you used to do when I was working on the computer. I remember that sweet face as you'd reach up from the floor and with one paw gently touch my arm to get my attention, then you'd climb in my lap and at times drape youself over one arm as I tried to type. Or if you wanted extra attention would walk in front of my monitor and sometimes squeeze in behind it. So many smiles because of you. Glad you're home now little baby girl.
08/25/07 - Little Baby Girl: the days of endless rain has finally let up. This morning I was able to open the windows again; first time since that last day we were together. It's cool and pleasant with a gentle NW breeze, the sun has shined a little & I can see some blue sky through the clearing clouds. Alice, sweet but also painful memories of you keep going through my mind. Forgetting that you're no longer here, every time I see a piece of thread or lint on floor I immediately pick it up. I was always so cautious in not leaving anything around that could be dangerous if you swollowed it so this continues to be my normal reaction - when I see something I pick it up or securely put small items away to protect you. Another is when I go to bed each night, as I've always kept a bottle of water on my nightstand. A long time ago I quit leaving it on top of stand because you once knocked it off and cap broke spilling all the water. Since then I've been putting water bottle on the bottom shelf each night. From habit I continue to do this but then I remember you're not here to push it off the edge anymore, so I put it back on top; then it hurts to remember. I've had the last pictures of you developed and there are some more beautiful and priceless photos. My memories and years of photos of You and Sasha are now all I have to reflect on which helps keep me going each day; and remembering how blessed I was to have you both in my life. I miss you so much Baby Girl. Love mom.
08/26/07 - Alice, It was a beautiful late summer day today and I started this morning going through my photo collection of you and selected some pictures to scan onto a CD so I could load into my PC and be able to share with friends. I smiled so much as I went through all the precious & funny things you did, all great memories of you Little Baby Girl that I'll never forget.
08/30/07 - Good Morning Sweet Alice - You are now in your final resting home on my desk. This morning I placed your ashes in a beautiful photo urn. In it I added your tags, harness (which I rarely used because you'd manage to wiggle your way out of it), fluffy toy (that would make you jump so high to catch it), your two favorite toy mice, shoelace strings, and what you loved the most - the milk bottle cap rings. Nothing excited you more than those plastic rings that you'd steel from me when I'd open up a new milk jug so you could play hockey with them all around the house. How I miss everything about you my little baby girl "Little Light of My Life" - that's the inscription I added below your photo. Love you, mom
08/31/07 - Good Morning Sweet Alice. Yesterday I brought home a furbaby from Helping Paws animal shelter. She's a cute little 10 yr old grey/tan kitty I'm naming Abigail (Abby). Baby girl, no one could ever take the place of my two very special girls that I miss so much; but our home has been so quiet & empty without You & Sasha that I needed a little one to care for and to keep me company. You and Sasha are, and always will be my "Number One" babies.
09/14/07 - Hello Dear Alice... Fall is in the air now. Cool days were not your favorite, you loved it warm and sunny.. You've been on my mind all day baby girl, for one month ago today was the last time I held you in my arms. I'm still missing you so much. We shared so many wonderful years together and it still hurts to realize you're no longer here with me. Sweet memories of you and Sasha are what help me through each day.
10/14/07 - Hello Baby Girl. It's two months today since I last looked into your beautiful big green eyes. How I miss you still. Kitty-Abby seems to be adjusting very well in our home; she's playing all around the house more and more. I'm no longer as lonely, but you're never far from my mind and sweet memories. Rest well my sweet angel, mom loves & misses you so much.
11/14/07 - Hello Baby Girl. I'm visiting you again on this 3 month anniversary since we said good-bye. I've shed tears for you this week as I read though your tribute remembering all the funny and special things you did. I miss you baby girl.
Jan. 1, 2008 -- Happy New Year Alice "Little Light of my Life ". It's shortly after midnight & I had to visit and write to both my baby girls. A very sad and difficult year has come to an end and a new one now begins. I miss you as much as ever, how I wish I could hold you once again. Life will never be the same without my two best girls to hold and care for. I'm sending you lots of hugs and kisses on this first day of 2008.
2/14/08 - Hello Sweet Alice, 6 whole months since I lost you. I miss you so baby girl.
8/14/08 - Alice, my sweet Alice; it's one year ago today since I last held you & saw your sweet face. Hard to belive so much time has past but you are as vivid in my mind as if it were just last week. You are my precious little angel and I still miss you so. At the end of the month Abby will be here a year; she's cute and playful & has helped me through the loneliness but life just isn't and never will be the same as it was as when You and Sasha were here with me & we were a family. My memories and love for you will never die, you'll remain in my heart forever. Continue to rest well my little baby girl with your big sis Sasha and always watch over mom. Happy One Year at Rainbows Bridge.
8/14/09 - 2 years now that you're gone and I miss you as much as ever. Abby is a cute companion but she'll never be you - my Precious Girl.
01/01/2010 - An new year and new decade has arrived. I still miss you so much Sweet Baby.
08/14/12 - Hello my Sweet Alice... Can't believe it's 5 years today since I last held you and saw your precious face. I still miss you so much - there isn't a day that goes by without having memories of you and Sasha come to me. On this your 5 Yr Anniversary since crossing over that peaceful Bridge - you're still the "Little Light of my Life" that brought so much joy and laughter, before the tears. Rest well my Little One. I love you always!
3/14/2017 - My Sweet Girl... It's been a while since I wrote to you, but you're never far from my mind. So hard to believe this year will mark 10 years since I last saw and held you. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of you and Sasha. I still miss you, my Precious Girl.
Please also visit Sasha Joy.