You were old and you passed very suddenly, I wasn't prepared for this. For these moments it is the worst pain I ever experienced.|
It took some time to get to know you and very bad moments of our lives bonded us together firmly: you got a tumor on the neck when you were young, and we cured you so you continued to live a long and happy life. Then infection got you to the point you couldn't walk, and I almost killed you when I gave you to a random clinic. Hour later my time-tested good doctor called me to be ready to appoint you to him. I rushed to the bad clinic to save you and after that you were in good hands. You had to spend around a week in the hospital and I remember visiting you. You recovered after that and continued to live a happy life. Since that moment I promised you to never ever let you down.
You always was happy to see me, licked my hand when I petted you. I was always, too, happy to see you ready to go for a walk outside of your cage together with your friends; give you your tasty medications.
Then one afternoon I found you dead in your sleep and it destroyed me. It's been the fifth day of my loss and I desperately try to recover. I love you my boy and I write this with tears in my eyes. I keep caring for your brother Cream and your other younger friends. I won't let them down.
I hope to see you again when the time comes.
The week without you was calm. My new job I went the next day after I put this memorial helped me to stay in touch with the living world, as I am still a living being that must continue my way knowing the inevitability of deaths of the loved ones. I found a nice quote from Graham Greene, a guy I never heard of: "We are all of us resigned to death: it's life we aren't resigned to". It well explains my realization of the REAL life. I'm a young person and with every new death in the future I will be becoming more mature. I don't want that, but life never asks.
I cried my eyes out before writing this update, for it seems it was time for it. I know it's the part of the healing people are talking about, and so the tears weren't so burning.
There are so many people know you are gone, there is so much support. It's also charming that all my new and old rats knew you as well. Even my cat knew it's better not to stay on your way :)
I feel a bit guilty and selfish because I'm referring to you as I would speak to you, but I doubt you could've read this even if you were alive, because you're a rat :( But who knows how the 'spiritual life' works, maybe you can now. I just feel I write this all to help ME feel better...