Love forever,
Mom

December 6, 2015

Hello, dear little blue boy. Two days now you have been gone from me, a very long and lonely two days. But today we are better, Zoe and I, knowing that you are happy and no longer suffering. We look into each other's eyes, and we are thinking of you, both of us. So many people have shared so many words of sympathy and comfort. You can see them all in your guest book. Jan has been my rock, as she always is, and I think she has shed as many tears as I have. Barbara too; you made a complete conquest there, and she not a cat person at all. You had that way about you; one look at you and every single person fell in love. Martha said she will miss her buddy so much. Lyra and Stewart are as heartbroken as I am.

Did you see your picture as my screen saver? I was looking at all the photos of you taken since you first came to live with Jack and me and found that, and it is my favorite of all. Lyra is going to make me a print that I can frame. I laughed at some of them, of you drinking water from the bar sink faucet in Weed, or sleeping in the sink, and drinking from that Ocean Mist fountain I had in the window, or just lying flat out on your back with all four feet in the air, totally relaxed on the kitchen island. I was very sad to see that because by the time you came to live with us, I was using solely the digital camera, I have no prints of you but one Toni sent to me when you still lived with her. So Jan and Don are going to print some of the ones I emailed to them for me. There are lots of photos of you and my Jennie in my albums on my computer. I am sure you and Jennie have found each other by now and are so happy to be reunited. And you will have met my darling Tiggy Winkle, too. You and he and Jennie will have each other to play with. And Tutu is there, too, so be sure to find him and he will be another good friend. You heard Dr. Wilson say to you "go now, and chase butterflies." I am sure there are plenty of gorgeous butterflies for you all to chase at Rainbow Bridge. Ah, Wicket, I do miss your adorable fat little face, and your totally stunning golden eyes, round as an owl's eyes. You had a look of perpetual surprise with those perfectly round eyes. A completely perfectly beautiful little boy, you were, and now you are again.

Please forgive me Wicket, if I did not hear you soon enough, begging for my help, and if you were hurting those last days. When I saw you taking so long to lie down, I wondered if it was because you hurt somewhere. My sadness at your absence is tempered by the sense of relief that you are not still tied to your thin little body, and so miserable all the time that all you wanted to do was sleep.

I will be here often, my Wicky, to talk to you and remind you of times you made me laugh so hard, and all the love you gave me while you were part of my life. I send you love, so much love it is immeasurable. Night-night for today, sweet boy.

12/11/2015
Good morning, dear little blue boy! Today it is one week since I had to let you go. I would not want to have to live through that day ever again. Yesterday I put the little lighted Christmas tree near your photo, so you have your own tree this year. I put one at your memorial site, too, so you have one in each place. I feel you touching me every so often, so I know you are watching over me. So many dear people are visiting you there, and signing your guest book, and they send me such caring, compassionate messages. And some of they recognize how beautiful you are. I wish they could see your huge round copper-colored eyes better in the photograph. I have that photo as my screen saver now, and you are looking right at me and telling me thank you for releasing you from the pain and misery you were in, and letting you go to the Bridge, and you are telling me you love me as much as I will always love you. It is almost as if your photo is smiling at me, Wicky. Here is a big hug (a squish!) for you, and a kiss on the end of your adorable little blue nose. Say hi to Tigger, Jennie, and Tutu for me, and little Winnie is there somewhere, too. Find her and tell her I am so sorry we could not keep her, and tell her I will always love her. She was such a sweet little girl. I am off to bed now, and maybe you will visit me in my dreams tonight.
Love always and forever,
Mom

December 5, 2015

My dearly loved wee boy, even though it was the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life, I did what you had been begging me to do for over a week, and sent you home to Heaven yesterday. After months of struggling to eat when you did not want to, of being so thirsty that no amount of water you could drink would quench it, of spending all of your days and nights just sleeping in order to shut out your misery, I had to think only of what YOU wanted, and not my desire to keep you with me a little longer. I thank God I had just found a new vet, who is another angel He has put in my life when I most needed one. You must have known that, because you were not afraid of her when she came to our home yesterday. You were so good, little Wicky, and just stayed lying in your furry bed when I put you there, while she gave you a bit of tranquilizer, and while we talked to you and you laid your head in my hand and we waited for the medicine to take effect. I could feel you just going relaxed and limp, and I do believe you were already asleep and at peace by then, even before she gave you the medicine that sent you off, saying as she did so "Go now, and chase butterflies." And you were gone from me, so quickly, so quietly, so that I could hardly believe you were gone, until I lifted one little soft silver paw up an inch and let it go, and it just flopped back down limply. Your gorgeous gold eyes were closed, and your spirit had flown away in mere seconds. I am so grateful to God for taking you home and into his arms so gently and so easily. And I am grateful to him for giving me the strength and courage to keep to my resolve, and to let you go.

My wee Wicket, thank you for all the joy, love and laughter you gave me over 12 years of your life, which now seems so short - and yet it feels now as if you had always been with me for my entire life. The house is so quiet and feels so empty with you gone and just Zoe and me here. I miss you so that my heart aches constantly, and tears come so often and at the oddest moments. Zoe misses you terribly, too. She follows me around, or just sleeps, and she does not even care to eat much. She knows you are gone and not coming back, though, because she has not once that I have seen gone into the guest room and looked for you under the bed where you had taken to sleeping in the past weeks, where it was dark and warm and quiet I tried everything to make you well, but kidneys can't be fixed, as the vet said, and you tried, too, for a long time. I suddenly remembered Tom, my vet in Shasta, saying to me when I had to let Jennie go years ago, that we love our pets so much that often we forget what suffering they may be enduring. That was three days ago, and I made my decision instantly as I recalled those wise words from that kind and caring man.

You are safe now, happy and whole again, and a huge weight has been lifted off me, knowing that I truly did the right thing in letting you go. And you do not need to worry about me, my Wicky. I am so sad and lonely and missing you so, but I can feel you sometimes, here with me, and I am comforted. Just be at peace.

I will visit this site, which I have created to honor your life, and I will do so often for a while, and here, I will write down some of my favorite memories of your life with me. I love you, wee boy.
Mom