June 26

Dear sweet girl. It has been so hard. My heart has been ripped from me and I sob. I know you needed to go. I understand it was your time but as your mommy who loved you so deeply, so totally, the loss will forever be felt.
Your urn arrived along with your paw-print and a beautiful poem. I will scatter your ashes and save some for when I leave this plane. Then you and I will be scattered together.
Ruby, I could not have had a better teacher. You caused me to grow up, to learn the value of patience, acceptance, tolerance. I am so much a better person because of you.
I feel so strongly feel your presence here. I have even heard you. It is comforting to know that you are in spirit still here. Just wish I could feel your fur and your wonderful sandpaper kisses. Sweet girl we will see each once again.
I treasure the 17 years we spent together. You gave me a valuable gift, one more valuable than I could ever own in possessions.

July 17 2020
Dear sweet baby girl. Just when I think I am moving forward processing my grief,I suddenly break down and sob. I miss you, at times desperately so. You helped complete me, helped me get through some very rough moments. We had each others back in life. Right now I feel like a lost child who really, really misses her kitty cat. I so much miss everything about you. I miss your voice, the conversations we used to have. I miss your purring, the creative ways you had of getting my attention. I miss how your eyes would get big and you would lick your lips in anticipation of getting a meat stick. I miss how much we were in sync. I miss how when I would get up at night to use the bathroom while you also got up and munched on kibble, we would then return to bed together and cuddle. I miss how you would greet me at the door shaking your mind end in excitement. Ruby, there is so much more. This pain is deeper than anything I have ever felt. I so much wanted for us to have more memories together. I have no doubt we will create more memories once I cross the bridge with you. Love you always baby girl.

August 28

Hi sweet girl. I still deeply grieve you. Its like a part of me died with you. I feel a gaping hole in my spirit. I cry at times. I still have moments when I expect to see you. Is it because your spirit is still so strong in this house? I chuckle when I think about moments we had together. I remember your gently touching my face and then meowing loudly in the morning when i did not respond to you. You simply wanted breakfast which of course I gave you. I remember how you would swat my leg if I did not move fast enough to give you dinner. I remember when you created the throw and seek game. You became jaded with your usual games and ended up creating one of your own. I had to become innovative to engage you in play. Together, we created some new games which brought you fun and exercise. It gave me some laughs as well. Of course, I will always remember and cherish the baby games you so loved. I still have some of your favorite toys. Sweet girl, I cry as I write this. A part of me cries and asks, "why did you leave me behind?" While I know you really did not care much for him, your brother is still here. I talk to him, telling him how much I miss you. Ruby, he really is a sweet ginger boy. But you were jealous, did not want anyone else getting attention. Dear girl, you were the queen of everything. You always were and always will be in my heart. Mommy loves you always.

Sept 1

Dear sweet girl. It doesn't seem to get any easier. The mornings and the nights are the worst times for me. I think you about you throughout the day. I remember you and I cuddling together at night in bed. I would think, "this is the best time of the day for me". It was like, no matter how bad things are in the world, you and I were together and thats all that matters. I just realized that even after I am gone, this memorial will carry on. That pleases me. My feelings, thoughts, posted pics of you and I will continue.
I have your urn. Some of the ash will be scattered here in the yard. I know that will please you. The rest will be scattered with my own ash. You and I will be scattered together. Sweet girl, while I know I will will get through this its so hard, the hardest thing I have yet had to face. Strangely, I remember telling my sister last year that something would happen to me in 2020. I just had a feeling. I told her something "big" would happen to me, that it would be bad but I would get through it. With Covid breaking out I thought this would be the "big" that would happen. I could never have anticipated otherwise. I knew you were starting to become fragile. The vet visits came more often along with the blood draws however, you came through. The medication helped your arthritis and you started to seem like your old self again. I was pleased and so was the vet. Even when I had to take you to the ER I still believed you would be coming home. Never in my wildest imagination could I have dreamed you had lung cancer. Your vet visit just the month before was fine, your blood work and exam okay. I later learned how insidious lung cancer can be for felines. As I was being driven to the ER I got a phone call telling me you were gone. Even now as I recall this I am sobbing. Never had the chance to say goodbye, to tell you one last time how much I love you. I still talk to you, I still tell you how much I love you because I feel your spirit so strongly. I never dreamed that being so totally owned by a fur baby was not only correct and right, but the only way to live. I now have your little brother, the ginger boy owning me. Mommy will always have you in her heart. One day we shall all reunite.

11/19

Hi sweet girl. Sometimes it seems like it doesn't get any easier. I still cry, have moments where I feel lost without you. I am so grateful to have you come to me in some of my dreams. Though its been over 5 months, I have times where it feels like you are still here, that I expect any minute to see you walk into our bedroom. I look at your photos, videos with an air of disbelief like, "how can she be gone". There have been moments where I hear faint, very faint but distinct meows. Its your voice, your presence. Just like some of my dreams of you, a part of me knows you are still here, just on another plane of existence. But of course nothing could ever compare to actually having you physically here with me. I know I have said this before but the pain of your loss is nothing I could have imagined, prepared myself for. Mommy loves you sweet girl, now, forever.

11/29

Hi sweet girl. Remembering little things about you that made me laugh and/or gave me joy. You were quite the athlete when you were younger. I remember how you would crouch low to the floor while I tossed a toy over your head. You would then jump to try to swat the toy out of the air.
I remember how you would swat me if i did not move fast enough to feed you. Not always, but there were times when you just were not patient enough.
I remember how you would chase a meat stick I would toss throughout the house. You would run and I would run with you as I threw the stick.
I remember how you would drop your mice in the bed to wake me up. You wanted to play and I was not awake that is, not until I rolled over on a toy mouse.
I remember how you wanted me in bed when I came home late from work. You corralled me until I went to bed. You would then jump on the bed and curl up with me. Those where my most favorite with you. You would purr which relaxed me.
I remember how vocal you were. You had such a variety of vocalizations. I remember bird watching with you. You would chitter as I pointed out different birds to you from the window.
You loved chasing your treats. As you got older and no longer jumped, you would still run to chase a tossed treat.
I remember the games you helped me invent for you. Your play paper where you would hid as I it into a fort. You boxes that you loved. I would create a door for you. How you loved me hiding a peacock feather under the rug. As I showed part of it you would pounce.
You loved chasing and playing with your rattle balls. Likewise with your rattle mice. However, I had to cut the tails off the mice as you tended to chewed them off and swallow them.
My sweet Norwegian Forest Cat I still deeply mourn you. I probably always will. I know I must learn to live with pain but still taking it from day to day. Regardless of how many years left there are in my life, I smile when I think about the day we shall once again be together.

4/6/21
Hi sweet girl. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. Often its here and there throughout the day. I find myself fearing that I will forget some of our favorite times together. I still mourn you, cry because I miss you. The pain is still very deep. I know the pain will always be there, waxing and waning. There is no such thing as putting your death behind me, getting beyond it. I just have to find a way to live with it, to live as well as I can in spite of it.
You saved me. Coming home from an intense work day you were there for me when I opened the front door. You would shake your hind end because you were so glad to see me. You were someone who cared, truly cared and you showed it. You accepted me.
I kept having to stay ahead of you. I had to create new games to play because you eventually became bored with the same ones.
Before you, I had never heard of the Norwegian Forest Cat. You were a weegie or wegie. You had the biggest paws and fur so fine, it gathered together throughout the house.
I probably have repeated myself in some of my postings. I won't edit anything I've already posted because I want my thoughts to be spontaneous.
Much love to you dear girl, now, tomorrow and forever. Your memorial will live on long after I am gone.

6/15/21 Hello sweet girl. The first anniversary of losing you. This same day last year my world came crashing down to a halt. I still deeply miss you, mourn you. I find ways to honor your memory through volunteer work and recalling all the wonderful memories we created together. I am finally able to talk about you without crying or my voice breaking. Not a day has gone by that I don't think about you. I love you now and forever. I am grateful to still have your little brother. I know you didn't like him and he does not replace you. I smile, laugh when recalling our time together. You would truly a diva, a princess. I am so glad to have your photos, videos. I saw one video recently where you and I were playing together. I was laughing in the video. Sorry, I am crying right now. I wish you were here but then I don't because, if you were here it would not make losing you later any easier. I knew you were becoming fragile but still, I did not in any way think June 15 would be the last day of your life. You slept with me the night before but were restless. You somehow lost balance and went off the bed. I got up and moved you near your litter box. It was the next morning I saw you were lame in hind leg. I just thought it was a strain. Ruby, never, ever could I have imagined you having lung cancer. I am so sorry I was not there at the end. I was on my way but got the call you were gone. I believe you wanted it this way. I believe you did not want to me see you in such distress, to witness your death. I could not have had a better girl, better friend, better love.
Hi baby girl. I just reread everything I have written. I see places where I repeat myself. I won't edit any of this out. I will not scatter any of your ash here. Why? Because dear girl I am not sure I won't at some point be living here. If I thought I would be here for the remainder of my years I would. Since I am not sure I will take your ashes with me. I of course don't know who will be scattering them but I know it will be a family member. Ruby dearest, you and I have known each other before this life. We shall again find each other in the next.

6/15/22

Hi little one. The pain of losing you is still with me, but I am able to smile, laugh a little as I recall our times together. I remember how you would shake your hind end and cry out because you were happy to see me when I came home from work. Or, how you would rush out to swat me as I passed by the little tunnel you were hiding in. Or, the game you created by hunting for treats I would throw out underneath the cot in the living room that was covered over with a blanket.
You knew when I feeling especially bad about something. You would quietly come to me, rubbing up against me with one cheek. Slowly petting you would calm me. I know you had to go, I've been able to accept that it's just not at all easy. I still shed tears but they are less. I am better able to watch our videos and see your pics. I can easily laugh at the ones where you clearly indicated not appreciating your summer shave. Not a day goes by where I don't tell you I will always love you. Rest easy girl, I know you will be there to help me pass over when its my time.