How we connected shall remain unique, as no one has made me more of a better human than you did. It has been such an honor and privilege to be your dad. You always understood exactly what I felt and thought, even just with the rise of an eyebrow.

Nobody knew me so well as you did. Nobody taught me as much as you did about selflessness, patience, and understanding. I owe you so much, for the love and joy you gave me every day for 12 years. My whole being is broken that you are gone... Life is never going to be the same again. And I cannot yet resolve myself to the reality that I will never see you and hug you again. You were and will remain the apple of my eye, my beautiful and extraordinary kid, that I love beyond what words can say.

I love you, my darling.

Your grieving and loving dad.

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My beloved girl...
It's one week today that you're gone, and it is getting harder and harder not to be with you anymore. It is unbearable.
That terrible hour last Monday stays with me and haunts me... Coming home and expecting to find you looking at me smiling that so peculiar smile of yours as always, only to see with panic mounting that you didn't budge from your bed, already half paralyzed. Your old and sick body had decided it couldn't take the disease anymore. I remember the ER vet coming back to me in the consultation room, with you in her arms after the ultrasound, detailing the devastation she had found inside. The internal bleeding from your Cushing's tumors, the spreading of this horrible cancer thing to your liver and bone marrow, each word a stab in my heart. That awful certainty that there was nothing more that could be done.

I knew this day was coming, from the day they diagnosed you three years ago... But even then, it was so brutal to leave you happy and fine at noon, and to find you at death's door just hours later coming home. We knew each other by heart, to make an understatement. And in your own way, as soon as I got close to you, you told me that this time, it was different... When you couldn't get up or wag your tail, you looked at me saying "Dad, I feel bad. I'm sorry." You licked my hand and even smiled feebly as I soothed you just before we went to the vet.

At least, in the middle of the horror that is your leaving this life, my two utmost fears didn't materialize, thank God... I dreaded that you'd suffer for days and days and drag something painful and degrading.
And most of all I didn't want you to die alone, without me to comfort you one last time. It haunted me that I wouldn't be there with you when you would finally fall asleep. I take a slice of solace that the last thing you heard was my voice telling you not to be afraid, and that the last thing you saw was me smiling at you...
No matter how much of a "right decision" it was to let you go so you wouldn't suffer, it's an awful one. No one can feel alright with killing an angel.

You were the highlight of my life, my sweet girl. I can never thank you enough for all you showed me about you and me, and for all you taught me. It has been so wonderful to share this life with you. I feel so lucky you were there.
Wait for me at the Bridge. Someday I'll come and hug you again there...

I love you,
Dad.

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My dear sweet kid... Today I said goodbye to you for the last time in this life. Even though it was my last chance of ever seeing you here, it was comforting in its own way to an extent to be able to kiss your lovely gray muzzle one last time, and whisper to you how much I love you. And even in your last ever sleep, you looked as gorgeous as ever, my girl. Now I brought you back home here with us, and there is a candle burning beside your little urn, where you can see us all. In spite of all I just cannot wrap my mind around the fact that I can never get to touch you or kiss you or smell you again. This is a nightmare...
I miss you so much that I feel the physical sensation of these, so much I crave to have them back. I hope you felt and knew how much happiness you brought into my life, and I humbly hope I brought you some as well, my beloved friend. You will be with me, in me, for as long as I breath... And I shall honor you and your memory always. I love you, my angel.
Daddy.

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One month today, that you're gone... And I still cannot believe it, that I'll never see you again in this life. Never. You are dead. It is so weird and awful to think these words. You are dead... Even after such time has passed, I can't believe it. I miss you so, so much... Every day. Every hour. I keep remembering everything that you were, the tactile feel of your hair when I hugged you or petted you, which was so often. I remember the wetness of your lovely nose when I kissed it. All these so vividly, I can physically feel them. And it tears me not to be able to have that anymore. Or look into your eyes and see you smile, just before you go a bit crazy and want to play...
To think I'll be forever here without you anymore breaks me every time I think of it. As of now, time doesn't make anything especially better, time rather stretches itself and slows to a crawl because you're nowhere to be found, and I keep looking for you often when I get home, or when I wake up. I wonder why you don't put your two front legs on me and give me a kiss like you used to. I miss your smell. I miss your deep sighs when you were lazily dozing off on the couch. I miss everything of you.
You are loved and missed more than I could ever tell you.
Thank you for the signs...

I love you,
Dad.