We knew your time on earth was limited when you were diagnosed with chronic kidney disease at a young age. On top of that we found out you were born at a puppy mill. You were the runt of the litter and had to be separated from your siblings because they were picking on you. You may have drawn the short straw at birth, but you actually won because you ended up with us. While some pets don't get enough attention you were as spoiled as a dog could be. You had 4 people who loved spending time with you and almost 3 of us didn't even have to work, you had all of our attention. I believe part of the reason you outlived your prognosis is because you were always happy and loved. You spent your days swimming in the Androscoggin river everyday during the summer, you played fetch in giant open fields, you met other humans and dogs, you got treats from LL Bean employees, you chased squirrels, rabbits and chipmunks all over town, you went on long joyrides along the coast of Maine, you played in many dog parks, you got unlimited belly rubs, and you went on long hikes and walks that lasted hours. You got to do all that and more all day, every day. You may have only lived 6 short years but you experienced a lifetime of fun and love.

We all wish we could've known 2022 would be your last year. You went into stage 4 kidney failure during that summer but maintained your energy until November. I still can't believe how quickly you deteriorated. It was painful for us to watch and I know you felt terrible. It happened so quickly. I actually thought you might live another year but little did I know how wrong I was. One day you were out enjoying life and the next you were bedridden. Your last two days we saw the condition you were in and we had to make the difficult decision to send you to the Rainbow Bridge. Keeping you alive any longer would've been selfish. If I could've given you years off my own life I would've done it in a heartbeat. The day you left us was the worst day of my life.

Peppers, you were one of the few friends I had. I will miss spending my off-seasons with you. I was lucky enough to not need to work during the winter so I spent every day with you and wouldn't have had it any other way. I will miss hearing your footsteps around the house. I will miss seeing you looking out the living room window. I will miss you sleeping in my bed (you always had to be rubbing up against my leg). I will miss our daily long walks. I will miss how you always wanted to lie down on top of my poncho liner. I will miss seeing how excited you got to play fetch. I will miss seeing how scared you were of my stability ball. I will miss the way the sun shined on your golden fur. I will miss going on joy rides with you sitting in the passenger seat resting your head on the center console looking at me. I will miss exploring state parks with you. I will miss FaceTiming you when I was away at work. I'll miss seeing you play with my parents and all the pictures and videos my mom would send me. I will miss giving you treats. I will miss watching you roll around in the grass and snow. I will miss your smell. I will miss rubbing my nose against yours. I will miss your soft fur. I will miss grooming you as much as you hated it. I'll miss you stealing everyones socks. I'll miss how you never licked anyones face. I'll miss seeing how excited you got when you saw a family member after a long absence. I'll miss seeing you play with your many toys. I'll miss hearing you come down the stairs in the morning to jump in my bed and lay there until I wake up. I'll miss walking around Bowdoin College with you chasing all the squirrels around campus. I'll miss washing dirt off your paws. I'll miss you peeping into the bathroom when I was in there. I'll miss seeing you in the window wagging your tail whenever I came home. I'll miss you running down the stairs whenever you heard my coat hanger bang against the door. I'll miss seeing you run through the snow at Foreside Field. I'll miss taking you to LL Bean almost weekly

The day you left us my dad took down a picture of his kids that had been hanging on the living room wall for 27yrs, and replaced it with a picture of you. That's how much you meant to him. He misses you sitting next to him on the couch everyday, and stealing his socks every night after he went to bed.

I hope you're having fun over there on the other side, I bet you're really happy you no longer have to take medication or eat your special kidney diet anymore. I know it was boring to eat the same meal everyday.

Your ashes now sit with your paw print and your two favorite toys in the living room window. The same window you used to stare out of everyday.

Peppers, we loved you for your whole life, and will miss you for the rest of ours.

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17 Dec 2022
Peppers, it's been one month since you left us. I'll admit it's gotten a bit easier with the passage of time but it's still hard. It seems like the rest of the family has processed it better than I have. My parents left for Florida 2-days ago which means this would normally be my turn to take care of you. This is usually the highlight of my winter but now I'm just sitting in an empty house with not much to do. I wish I could've known last winter would be our last time together. It's still hard for me to process how quickly you left us. Sometimes I forget you're no longer here. I'll find myself pulling into the driveway still expecting to see you pop up in the window when the garage door opens. Those days are the worst.

I donated your kidney food to the local animal shelter, hopefully it'll help others with CKD. It was sad putting your treats on the cart and seeing two opened bags, which were the ones we were currently using. I'll miss giving you those treats. I always liked to hide them in my fist to see how long it took your nose to sniff it out, it was never long. You always had to paw my hand to get those tasty treats.

We got our first snowfall of the season today and I couldn't help but think about all the fun times we had playing in the snow. I remember last year I took you to Foreside field when all the kids were sledding and you would chase after them downhill and then run back up

I regret that I never used my expensive camera to take pictures of you during your good years. Instead I waited until your last couple weeks to take high quality pictures of you. I have since printed out two pictures that cost around $350. One of them is hanging in the living room and the other I will give to my sister. I will probably get one more printed out. I often find myself looking through all the pictures/videos I have of you on my phone. I see the dates and little did I know you had X amount of days left when they were taken. It gives me a ton of mixed emotions

Everyday I see your ashes and paw-print sitting in the window and it sucks to know that you're in there. But I guess it could've been worse, I would've been mad if you passed while I was across the country working. It would've bothered me the rest of my life if I couldn't have said goodbye. I take solace knowing the whole family was together for your last days

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12 Mar 2023
We got a new dog today, Peppers. She's a golden-doodle just like you, she's also around the same size. I think we'll name her Ginger. She was a puppy mill mama in Ohio and was saved by a rescue organization. She's only 2. We're going to give her the same life we gave you, I promise. Don't worry though, we will never forget you. I still think about you everyday and I'm tearing up as I type this. It's so unfair you left us so early. I see your ashes everyday and it's hard to know that's all that's left of you. We will never wash your two favorite toys, they still have your hair and smell all over them. You and I missed out on a lot of fun this winter. I had grand plans for us. I'll be leaving again next month for my last fire season so I don't have much time to spend with the new dog, better get to it

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17 Nov 2023
Hello Peppers, today marks one year since you left us. You would have only been 7yrs old, it's so unfair you had to leave us so early. I have three large pictures of you in the house and I look at them everyday. It gives me mixed emotions knowing they were taken just days before you passed. Our new dog Ginger is doing well. Her personality is probably the opposite of yours though. While you were very outgoing and friendly, she is very shy and timid. I don't think she had a very good life where she came from. Her past owners used her for breeding and after that they dumped her. It's sad that people like that exist. She has slowly started to play with your old toys, I doubt she had any of those at the mill. My parents take her to the bike path almost everyday just like they did with you. We will slowly bring her to all your old stomping grounds. I'm not sure what else to say. I just wish you could've lived a normal life.