Belle was a total surprise. One sunday afternoon I went to visit my dad and we were sitting around watching t.v. and I was reading the local paper and he out of the blue told me to see if there were any dogs listed. I thought he was crazy as I had only been seperated from my partner 6 r so months,living on my own for the first time barely making it. I looked to pacify him and found a listing for rat terriers.. it was close to his house so he said lets go look. I was still thinking he was nuts but what was it gonna hurt not realizing once I got there my whole life would change. The owner was a breeder and had 3 different litters for us to see. THey were the most hyper rambunkious puppies ever. Jumping up and barking and all over me. with the exception of one. There was one i caught out of the corner of my eye way smaller then the rest running away to the corner trying to get away from all the nose and excitement..I went and picked her up and it was an immediate love. So my dad paid the guy and I was a proud new mama of the runt of the litter.
On the way home she climbed up my arm and hid under my hair and shook all the way home. Once we got there though it didnt take her long to adjust. She ran and barked all excited. My son was 7 when we got her and she hardly left his side. She was very obiedent never needed to be on a leash when we went out. Really I think she just didnt want to wander off too far from us as she always thought she was our lil bitty vicious wanna be rottweilier.
She loved going for rides and venturing friends yards. She became a very spoiled little girl quick. Anytime we came home from the store she expected a treat or toy in the bag and she normally had one waiting. Birthdays consisted of steak dinner and she had her own setting at the table. She was never looked at or treated as a dog but a dogter. She wouuld go everywhere she could with me. Somedays she even went to work with me. She pulled me up when I was down. Anytime I woudl cry she woudl lick the tears until I stopped and then would just lay on me. She slept by myside every night under the covers until May.She was diagnosed in April with a mass in her stomach, liver issues as well as anal gland problems. She was 12 and with her age the Dr didnt feel comfortable in doing surgery. But there was a good chance it wouldnt grow and she would be ok. After that she stopped sleepin in bed with me and started sleeping on a comforter I had changed and left in the floor. Guess it took away some of the pain I had no clue she was having.She definately wasnt the same dog anymore. We couldnt touch her below her shoulders much without her yelping and the times she did get on the bed during the day was when I wasnt in it. Guess she thought I would touch her and it would hurt. My business partner handled thing work wise so I became a full time caregiver. It brought us so much closer then I ever imagined. If she woke up and I was not in her sight she would come and find me to only turn around and go lay back down. Her stomach started swelling and there were times I had to help her up the stairs when we went to potty and all. SHe had me up several times a night but I didnt mind at all. One night 2 weeks ago she started whining to get in bed with me I was excited!!(I have a tall bed so we had made steps out of 2 cat climbers so she could get in and out. It had worked fine for the 5 yrs we had been here until now. I had to help her up and down)She then started sleeping at the end of the bed everynight. I was thinking we were gonna pull thru this but then over the wkend she stopped eating. Noticed when I picked her up to go potty I could feel she was no longer a healthy lil girl but a bag of bones. I knew then what my choices were. As much as I hated to say goodbye if the Doctor suggested it then I had no choice. Vet couldnt see her until Monday at 415 i was thinking my lil girl hasnt ate in 2 days and you cant see us sooner?? but we had been mixing pedalyte in her water and she was still walking a lil on her own. She always had to know where I was at all times... funny even in her suffering I was her main concern. SHe would twist her head around to see me if she realized I wasnt in the room. Then once she saw me lay back down and doze.
Once the vet saw her she suggested sticking a syringe in her ribs and draining the fluid of hte swelling. If it was clear it was water if it was red she was hemmoraging-sp then we woudl have to discuss her quality of life. I knew right then I did not want her suffering anymore on my selfish account. So me and Mom #2 decided it was best to let her go. I had already prepared myslef for this over the wkend. Cried all wkend and all day Monday before the visit- not around Belle of course as she hated whn I cried- and where I thought I was ready I had no idea what the days after were gonna be like for me. For us.For our family.
We dropped her off Monday afterwards to be cremated and got her back yesterday. I have never been so happy to see a small tin can. SHe is back on her bed in front of mine where she belongs and where most will think im crazy but where she will be talked to daily. Until she is laid to rest with me.Belle- thank you for being strong for us, thank you for being my bestest friend, my confidant, my protector, one of the reasons I got up every day. Thank you for all the barks and kisses. Thank you for loving me, us unconditionally. Thank you for caring and looking after me and making me feel I was never alone. thank you for all the laughs and silly games we played. Thank you for having new years eve cheap champagne with me and us. Thank you for always allowing the new cats in and treating them like family from the start.Please dont be scared lil girl on your own.. make new friends, explore, and play..watch for me as our time together again will come sooner then later. You will never be not thought of..You indeed were and still are my SOULMATE...I love you pretty lil girl.- Mom
6-5-09 hey pretty girl!! hope ur settling in and making all kinda friends. I miss u so much and nights are so long without u..but I know your no longer suffering and are have so much fun. Remember to catch up with Spuddy and Pablo and you 3 don't get so wrapped up in playing that you 4get to come visit us. I love u baby girl-Mom
6-6-09 Belley Belley!!! Today is a little bit easier.. woke up feelin you with me more today then even when you were here with me. Mama M~ is having a hard time today. This is the 1st wkend without you and she is missing you alot. Don't worry I will do my best to cheer her up.. We were talking about the last time you went and had you nails clipped.(she had anxiety going to hte vet so we had to give her valium b4 takin her in lol) You were so much more like the lil girl we knew. Giving tons of kisses and wanting to play and giving me more love then ever..when I was sittin on the stairs and u came up and put ur 4head against mine touched me in such away I will NEVER 4get. Havent felt that much love from you in a long time. Widow is talking more since you've been gone.. think she misses you too lol and Cody..well he is a 19 yr wanting to be so tuff and manly but yaknow what Widow was drinking out of your water bowl- that bowl will stay in that spot 4 you- he called her you yesteday..So where he doesnt show it he misses you. We all do...I love u belley belley dont ever doubt that.. and i know your not sitting r laying around..u better be playing and showing everybody how to hold 2 toys in your lil bity mouth at once lol
kisses to you- Mom
6-7-09 Good Morning pretty girl! About to start gettin ready for Mass just wanted to come see you before hand. Haven't been to Mass since you got really sick..guess mayb I shoulda went and your outcome wouldve been different but u know I didnt hardly ever leave your side or site. Everything happens for a reason...just so hard losing Spuddy,Pablo and especially you all in under a year..GOD must have something in mind huh? I miss you belly belley... so much. I cry at the most craziest of times and Im sure if outsiders see they think Im crazy lol. Took your ashes and we went riding around some yesterday. You loved those drives especially when the window was down and you can hang out. Girl you had me rrolling the window down when there was snow on teh ground..you were spoiled thats for sure but atleast you and everybody knew you were loved and that you came FIRST! lol ok you...time to get ready.. I know you miss me as we were inseperable.. and the rest of the clan.. but come visit us when you feel you can handle it.. I love you baby girl..so much- XOXO Mom
6-8-09 Morning pretty girl! Went to M~'s yesterday evening and hung out with Lilly,Pretty & Smokey. Seems like as much as I enjoyed being home with u, it just not the same with you not here.. so I gotta keep myself busy or all I do is cry. I know thats not what you would want cuz it would bother u so much whn i did cry..you always looked after me like that yaknow..Thats y I went to get my allergies attacked with all tht cat hair. lol. Smokey is kinda down think he senses my sadness and Widow hasnt been acting herself.. she will not come in our bedroom at all. (how about lettin her know its cool? =0) Today is a week since we said goodbye..thot it would start gettin easier but instead its like its worse..we've been hearing a few noises lately during the day and evening.. M~ thinks it may be you r Pablo r heck even Spuddy..if it is you don't worry about me.. go to the Bridge boo. Meet new friends for us to play with when I get there..if its not you r the others mayb the house is starting to settle in closets r mayb we have a little visitor..(a mouse r something!! O NO!!) remember that time Pablo chased the mouse in the garage..M~ came over and we chased that poor thing all around the weights and weight bench..I didnt want to kill but just to get it out and you were the one to finally catch it...You were definately the hero. (hated that it died but you got your hunt in) Im sure the neighbors thot we were nuts lol
The Closer starts back up tonight..Lord all these things that we use to do r watch together r NOW comig back on.. Guess the world doesnt stop like i wish it would huh?? Gonna run your pic up to the crematory today and get your Urn started so we can get you outta that ugly blue tin box lol. Had 2 dogs come visit my dreams last nite.. a brown lab/pit mix and then a beagle/rat terrier mix..hoping these are your new friends?? Girl I miss u...and where I am trying I am so lost without you....anyway... gonna make some eggs and start my protein intake for the day then hit the gym so I can come home and finish up the trainers exam this wk ..think me gettin a job outside the house will do me good yaknow..
we have your candle lite vigil tonite so will visit u then.,. I love you- Mom
6-9-09 GM pretty girl..Woke up much better today...think its because I felt like you came to visit last night during the Closer..when the pregnant lady said she was naming her baby Izzabella it was like hey Belle lol and then when Brenda's cat went to vet at the end cause she wasnt eating anymore and Fritz said she wasnt doing good...I know it was taped months before this all went down with you but felt like God was saying she is good now. Maybe now my eye will quit twitching..it has been twitching since you left. Widow went into our bedroom yesterday so thank you for letting her know its ok.. she didnt get on the bed just walked in the bathrm and the closet..but thats better then nothing..Didnt get your pic up to the place yesterday (it was a hard day) but since im feeling better today gonna take it before I mow the lawn...dont worry i will still make sure i cut it b4 it gets above my ankle i know you dont like it high at all. you would go out of your way to get on the sidewalk after you morning business highstepping all the way lol You are too cute and o so much high maintence..thats just one of the reasons I fell for you huh? Play play play pretty girl mama's off to start her day. I love you- Mom
6-9-09 10:25pm Today was going good, took Laurie your pic(the same one up on here) and ordered your urn. Actually hung out with her a minute, talking about you,and Widow as well as SPuddy and Pablo. It was actually nice to have an adult conversation with someone different that didnt wanna focus on sympathy words and acting as if they had to be on egg shells around me. Came on in good spirits and then went to Golds. Had a ok work out and followed M~ to feed Punchie..then when I got out to look for a old water bottle I saw your leash/coller. Then I saw all your hair still entwined in the fabric of the seats..It hit me like a ton of bricks that you would never wear that collar again r go for rides with me anymore...I miss you so dang much Belle..words can not even begin to describe it..Here I thought today was gonna be different..Guess all in time.
One thing I have done tho is volunteer us here on Rainbow Bridge to help the new residents and their parents deal when it is their time to cross..I like to think that while I attempt to console the parents here you can help the new furbabies there =0) Together we are making something positive out of this and it will help me with my grieving.. you know how i always have to throw on that invisible red cape for people. Ok you its almost 11 and I still need to finish a essay and jump in the tub.. just having a moment and wanted to be close to you.. sleep sweet pretty girl..will visit u in the morning..i love you- Mom
6-10-09 Hey pretty girl...been a busy morning so far...the mobile vet is coming out to see Widow tomorrow so i gotta make sure the place is clean lol she is shedding so bad from continously cleaning herself you'd think our carpet was black instead of beige...Just wanted to drop in and connect with you for a quick minute before I head out to my assessment at the gym..I keep eagerly waiting for you to come n visit me.. but its whenever you are ready I know...I miss u every second of everyday..hope your playing and sharing with all your new friends.. you are sharing right?? lol
love u boo - Mom
6-11-09 Morning Belly Belley! started cleaning up a little this a.m. b4 Dr. Griffin gets here and u know that meant vaccuming..for a second I thought I saw you get up and go down the stairs since you wanted to no part to do with that loudass thing lol. It is so hard to believe that you are truely gone. I talk to your ashes everyday and still find myself coming to check on you b4 I leave and when I get back..SOmetimes I think I'm going crazy but yaknow it helps to feel you with me. Toward the end you didnt let me pet you much r you didnt show much affection or even feel up to playing..but you still managed to to greet me whn I got in =0) so think that was your way of preparing me for the goodbye and to get me adjusted to what it would be like without you. Thank you for that otherwise girl I think I'd still be in bed after a wk stinky living off diet ginger ale r powerade. Hope your making tons of new friends and mostly playing nice..tell Pablo and Spuddy hello and Im gonna make them a page soon..gonna get back to cleaning and need to fuel up on protein..I miss you baby girl so dang much..but what keeps me going is knowing today is one day closer to us being together again..=0) Love you- Mom
6-13-09 Hey pretty girl.. gettin ready to head to gym in a min and wanted to say hello before I left and started my day. We went shoppin last night for Cody's bday. Hard to believe he will be 20. He still on this kick about moving out..Guess its gonna be sooner then later b4 I have to cut that cord too huh? I miss you girl.. nights are the worse..but Widow did come and get in bed with me a few times during the night.Even got on your top step to the bed (nope havnent moved them havnet moved anything.. its still the way you left it) but she still looks around when she comes in the room like your gonna take off after her or give her that eye like I c u...
the main trainer at the gym thinks if I stick to it and dive in heavier there will be a good chance I could compete in Oct and possibly even go Pro..that was exciting to hear..just hard to get too excited over anything right now.. but I am trying. anyhow..Hope ur playing sweet and enjoying your new home..please come and see me soon girly girl...I love you- Mom
6-15 Hey pretty girl!! i went back to work today with Jamie.. was definately strange coming home to tell you about my day and you not greeting me r being here physically. I feel you more in the mornings and funny but Widow is acting more like the old you.. begging for food and coming in kitchen everytime frige is open..she even laid at end of bed saturdy for a min..I so miss you and waking up in middle of night with you sprawled out hogging the whole bed..but last night I actually went to sleep without the light r t.v on..its been what 2 months since I slept in total dark.. always had to make sure you were in my sight yaknow.. but felt peace and felt you close..so lit a candle for you durinf the vigil tonight to hopefully let you know your still my heart and your still princess..Jamie mentioned that the reason y you havent came to see me is maybe your still here making sure im gonna be ok before you actually cross over..baby girl if thats the case please feel free to go to the light to the bridge... I will never be totally alright but I am stronger then I was when you 1st left and yaknow i want you to start having fun and being the fun loving dogter you were b4 u got sick.. so goooo... just come n visit me from time to time.. please dont hang around on my account ok...we will always have that connection.. that golden cord from my heart to yours....i love you baby girl..sleep sweet
6-17 Hey pretty girl...went and picked up your urn today..has your name and all on it with one of the last photos you posed for..it looks really good..afterwards you went with me to a job in atlanta..Im sure anybody looking over thought i was losing it with you buckled up in the seatbelt lol O well...they shouldnt be being nosey huh..
Thank you for finally coming to see me in my dreams this a.m...ive told everybody about it.. made me miss you even more but I know your ok and still with me. take it u've made a new friend and he came with u..awww im glad your well. ok you its late and my sleeping pills gonna kick in soon..not a second goes by that your not thought of.. sleep sweet pretty girl..
6-19 Hey buga boo...all is good here..we all still miss you terribly. Just taking the steps to get through yaknow. THink you came again to see me in my dreams this a.m...you and those big dogs your bringing with you lol..glad your being a social butterfly and sharing your new friends with me. Good to see your finally eating again per my dream... Widow is sleeping with me now. Don't think of it as her trying to replace u cuz thats impossible she started after I told u to let her know it was ok.. sooo thank you. guess you knew I get scared some nights and needed anohter soul to keep me company and make me feel safe. I feel you with me alot..just not the same as when u were where with me..still feels like a nightmare somedays.. but guess it will for awhile.
its almost 1 a.m so gonna go hit the hay...see u soon baby girl.. i sure do miss you and us.
sleep sweet pretty girl.. mama loves u
6-20 Hey belly belle..well today Cody turns 20 and for one of his presents he wants me to detail his car inside and out... on one of the hottest days of the week lol typical huh
Just wanted to drop by b4 the day got started and bring u something new..I look at your pics on my phone every night sometimes 2 -3 times. Jamie had a few that she took on her phone and just sent them so its like ur here..Hope your njoyn the lake and adventures...come see me again soon okay.. tell pablo, spuddy,eytalitz and spazz we said hello.. I miss you so much lil girl so much
love you- mom
6-23- Hey pretty girl!!! So your meeting all new friends and good to know your playing nice with the bigger dogs. Not sure you jumping off the back porch in my dream was to show me you can fly now or to let me know its time to cut the grass. Im thinking it was both cause you wantd me to see your new trick and we all knwo you dont like high grass.. there would be days that if I let it get too high you insisted that I carried you lol and I did...I miss you lil girl... Last night on the closer they had to put Kitty down. It opened up the wound like it was fresh.. think im playing a game of charades somedays cause I am still so heavily broken. Just know that when I dont visit everyday like I was its not that I dont think about you cuz honestly girl you never leave my mind. Just focusing my attention on widow and training and such. M~ is looking after me and making sure im ok..Cody is cody, just 20 yrs old now! He asked for some of your hair in a keychain for his bday so I got him something yesterday. He misses you too but u know him he is like his dad no emotion shower at all. one thing i regret girl is saying goodbye in a examination rm. shoulda done it here at home but everyone told me it was best to take you. Im sorry your nerves were shot sincve you hated going to the dr..and Im sorry u left us in a cold exam rm..I just wnted to be with you and thot that was best I AM SO DAMN SORRY!! ..........ook b4 I start bawling again.. im gonna go cut the back lol glad your making tons of new friends and u know i am one day closer to seeing u and meeting all your new buddies.
I love you mom
*6-29 Hey there bugga boo!! Hope ur having so much fun!! Im so glad you came to visit me again yesterday! You have no idea how much I dread going to bed since your gone but love to go to sleep cuz there is a chance your gonna visit. Im still on "your not well" sleep schedule and wake up every 2-3 hours. sometimes not able to go back to sleep for a min so the times you do catch me sleeping make it even mroe special. I love you and miss you so much. somedays its harder then most to carry a smile and not cry but i know how much it upset you when i did cry so im trying to stay strong. but girly girl it is sooo hard. Widow quit sleepin with me again?? please remind her its ok. seems i do sleep better whn she is in the bed. Your ashes are still on your bed at the foot of mine and I hope im not interrupting an adventure when I yell to tell you good nite & I love you(ok not yell but you knwo what i mean) Feel me baby girl I am always with you just like your always with me. Forgot to tell you Mama m~ got me a star urn necklace - remember when we 1st moved out on our own here how you & I would lay on the back deck and watch 4 shooting stars- so I didnt seperate your ashes but did put some of your hair in it from the time we had your ultrasound done. so your with me everywhere I go...
well you working from home today so let me get busy.... just wanted to be close to u a min
PLAY PLAY PLAY baby girl.. I love you - Mom
6/1/2010
Hey Belly Bell...well its been a year since you have been gone and yaknow I am just as lost as I was the day you left. There is not a day that goes by that I dont think of u, miss u, and just remember. you are still the best present buddy could have given me and better yet the next best thing to Cody.. I love you lil girl.. and hope your having fun and lookuig out 4 pablo,smokey, spuddy and spazz. I will see you again... sooner then later. i promise. I love you - Mom
come visit me when you can..but hope your taking care of pablo,smokey, spuddy and spazz
11/13/11
Hey Bellybell!!! I know i talk to you daily and we still have our time but wanted to come by here and bring you some new goodies. It has been way too long. and Im sorry for that.. It just hurts alot coming here..but I dont want people to think I have forgot you.. AS THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN..I love you bellewelly.. njoy your new goodies here.. MOm
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