Axel you were my life,my everything,my heart went with you when you died.I love you so very much & I miss you So badly.
You were a mummy's boy from day one,never wanted to be parted from me.
You filled a huge gap in our lives that had been there from the day we lost Kasmo,
although you never took her place,you soon made your very own place deep in our hearts.
Everyone misses you so badly,baby boy.Mummy can't stop crying for you,I want you back so very much,it hurts.
I remember the day we got you,you were 9 1/2 weeks old,just a big bundle of fluff,with ears that flopped all over the place.Enormous paws & big beautiful eyes,that were a light shade of gold.
You sat on my knee all the way home & never left my side.
I couldn't leave you downstairs that night,so you slept across our bedroom door,
which you did every day of your life,until these last few months.
You were the gentlest dog ever,you loved children & loved to give them big kisses.
You loved your ball,but always popped it within minutes.
You loved squeaky toys,the more noise they made the better.
You loved your ears stroking,would even go to sleep if someone stroked them long enough.
The way you sat on the step looking up at the sky,watching the clouds go by.
The way you always drank anyone's tea or coffee if they were to put it down.
Daddy always saved you some of his cornflakes in a morning & you couldn't wait to eat them.
Your favourite position was sleeping on your back with all four paws in the air.
You loved being out in the garden,sat on the top step of the patio door,BUT always with your tail inside,so no-one could shut the door.
You hated doors being shut,especially if I was at the other side.
I remember planting bulbs in the garden,the first year we had you,when I turned round,
you'd dug them up again & you were sat there with a happy grin on your face.
The first time you saw snow,you didn't know what it was,but spent all day playing in it,
you looked like a white dog by the end of the day.
At 18 months old you were diagnosed with hip dysplacia & we were told that as you got older they could operate on your hips,
but for now you could have tablets & the operation was the last resort.
You never let it bother you & you were so full of energy,you could run & play like any other dog,
although we had to limit your excercise.
Little did we know that it would be your hips that parted us in the end.
You fought so hard to stay with us these last 16 months,ever since you had a bleed on your brain.
That left you with epilepsy,high blood pressure & your metabolism way out.
You spent a lot of time at the neurosurgical hospital,90 miles away from home.
Every time you had a seizure your back legs went on you,but they always came back normal after a few hours.
At the hospital the staff were wonderful with you & pulled you through it all,
but christmas 2007 you were back in again & when you came home in January,you were a changed dog.
You hated being parted from us & though they gave you loads of love & attention,that time you got depressed,you had been in there 3 weeks.
I swore you would not go in again & I would look after you.
You couldn't get upstairs,so I slept downstairs with you.
You had a feather quilt on the floor of the lounge,I slept on the chair.
You were never alone in those 9 1/2 weeks,but you were either sleeping from the drugs or whining & your beautiful eyes were dull.
Then on the 25 march,your legs were really bad,we had to lift you up with a sling under your tummy,your eyes were rapidly blinking & your head was turning from side to side.
I had to break my promise to you & take you back again,so they could help you.
You stayed in there for 12 days & we visited you on the Sunday,but your co-ordination was no better & you couldn't stand up,even with help.
I knew then what was going to happen,but they wanted to do another scan the next day.
The results were devastating,your hips had gone,also your spinal cord was damaged & they thought you had CDRM.
Very soon you would be paralysed.
You would never walk again my baby & I couldn't let you go on that way,I loved you too much.
You were always a strong,proud dog,I couldn't let you suffer,you had to keep your dignity.
On that last day,I was hoping for a miracle but it was not meant to be,my baby.
I would have done anything in the world to keep you with me,my baby dog.
For a few minutes your eyes were just as they always had been,so alert & beautiful,I nearly changed my mind,but knew I couldn't put you through anymore.
I know you would have stayed for me but I couldn't ask that of you.
I held you in my arms & you gave me a big kiss,then they injected you & you died in mummy's arms,where you belonged.
The next day you came home in a beautiful little wooden box & my tears wouldn't stop.
Oh acky babe,I miss you so much,my heart is broken.
We all love you & miss you big boy,the house is empty without you,so very empty.
Just remember how much you are loved & always will be.
Love. mummy & Daddy & all the family xxxxxxxxxx.A million times I needed you,
A million times I cried.
If love alone could save you,
You never would have died.
In my heart you hold a place,
No-one else can ever fill.
If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again....author unknown. 26/04/2008;Hello my Acky Babe.As you can see my baby,you now have your own special place,where mummy can come & talk to you.It still so hard to know that you are not with us & I can't hug & kiss you again.I don't want to go out of the house,because if I do I have to come in knowing your not here to greet me.Oh Acky it hurts so much.
Love & miss you,baby dog.Mummy & Daddy.xxxxx
28/04/2008;Hello my baby dog,hope you have met up with all the other furbabies and are playing and having fun,just remember to send us some kisses.Oh I miss you so much big boy & I'm sorry for crying all the time,but it hurts so badly.Give my love to Rebel,Tessa,Kasmo,Scampy & Ginge won't you.Watch out for Ginge,he always boxed Kasmo's ears for her,he'll keep you all in line.Love & miss you all,Mummy & Daddy.xxxxx
30/04/2008;Hello,my baby boy,it's three weeks today since I last held you & kissed you & told you how much you were loved & wanted,those three weeks seem like an eternity to me.
I can still see your eyes,they were like they had been before your illness,why acky?
Did you think I was bringing you home with me,did you want to come home.?
You tried to get up when I came into the room,but laid down again,& as I held you I felt you tremble,why Acky?
I hope you weren't scared,my baby.that's why I didn't cry in front of you,I didn't want to upset you.You turned & gave me a kiss,then turned your head away & the nurse held your head in her hands,I held you so tight,I didn't want you to go,but I couldn't let you stay with me,you would
have suffered badly,my baby boy.
Those thoughts keep going through my head all the time,maybe I was wrong,maybe you weren't ready to leave us & did want to come home.
Oh Acky,if that is the case,I'm so,so sorry but I did it to save you more distress,not because I wanted to.
I would give anything & everything to have you back with me where you belong,but I can't get you back now.
It hurts so much my big boy that your not with me,I want you so badly baby,but that is me being selfish.Oh Acky,your free from pain now & for that I am truly happy,but I can't help crying for my loss of you.We all love you so much Acky babe,go now & play with your new friends,but remember to stop & think about us from time to time.Love you big boy,Mummy & Daddy & all your family.xxxxxx
01/05/2008;Hello my baby;It's the first day of a new month acky & your not with me.Axel I miss you helping me in the garden,there's no-one to run away with the empty plantpots & throw them up in the air,like you used to do.Why does it have to be so hard?Why did you have to leave us so soon?
Oh how we miss you baby,your dishes are where they have always been,I can't move them,so that's where they'll stay.I like to think you can hear me when I talk to you,can you baby,oh I hope so.
Love you to bits,acky babe,forever & eternity, Mummy & Daddy xxxxx
02/05/2008;Hello baby boy.Today I have started on your garden,I have put the german shepherd figure at one side,under the lilac tree & you have a Shasta Daisy bush just in front.I got some new windchimes,you always liked the sound of them,used to look where the noise came from.It will be beautiful when it's finished,your fountains next to it,remember how you drank all the water out of it & I had to refill it every day.Oh acky,I miss you so very much,life is not worth anything now.I miss the smell of your fur,the little kisses you gave me & those big brown eyes that used to follow me everywhere.I'm finding it so hard without you babe,but the one consolation I have is that your not in pain anymore.Love you forever & eternity.Give my love to Scampy,Rebel,Tessa,Kasmo & Ginge,tell them I love them all very much. Mummy xxxxxxx
04/05/2008;Hello my babe.I hope your running & playing as you should be,enjoy yourself with your new friends,Acky.I have added lights to your garden & some more plants,I hope you like it baby.It is still so very hard to be left here without you by my side,it's not right,Acky,how I wishI could be with you again.I took all your tablets back to the vet,to see if they could maybe help another animal,I do hope so.Oh Acky,how do I get over losing you,I can never be the same again,I don't feel right without you next to me.Please send me a sign that you are young & healthy again,that's all that matters to me,is that you are free from pain & like you were before your illness.I love you to bits babe,love,hugs & kisses, Mummy.xxxxxx
06/05/2008;Hello my little babe.Tomorrow it is 4 weeks since I last held you & told you how much we all loved you & didn't want you to leave us,but we loved you too much to let you stay.How we all miss you big boy,life is nothing now without you by my side.Why does it have to hurt so very much?Are you happy,acky?I hope so baby & then my pain isn't for nothing.I always promised you that we would never be parted,but I had to let you go baby,I couldn't let you carry on in that way.I know you would never have left me if you had the choice,that's why I had to make it for you.Go & play my baby,have fun & run like you never could do here,your legs are healthy now.Tell the others how much I love & miss them as well,babe.Love you all to bits.Mummy.xxxxxx
07/05/2008;Hello my precious baby.It is now 4 weeks today since we were parted & how I miss you,so badly Axel.It's not getting any easier here without you,I still cry every day,I want you back so much,but I know that can never be,my love.We will be together again,all of us,one day,so you watch out for mummy coming to join you & then we will never be parted again.I love you baby dog.mummy.xxxxxx
07/05/2008;Hello my baby dog,mummy can't keep away from your page today.Axel,you know how much I love you & on your last day with me I told you that I would never leave you.Please,my baby,I didn't lie to you,you are in my heart & with me for eternity,but I had to ease your pain & confusion,you were so ill my love & you would never have walked again.That is no life for any furbaby,you needed to be able to enjoy your life again & god,I hope you now can do so.I miss you so very much,you were always next to me,I keep putting out my hand to stroke you,but of course,your not there anymore.Axel,we all love you so much & miss you badly.I don't even have one picture of us together,I always took the pictures,that really hurts me.Love you,baby dog,Mummy.xxxxxx
10/05/2008;Hello my baby Acky,it is still so very hard without you here besides me,I can't seem to do anything but cry,I miss you so & need you,my baby.I know your running & playing,free from pain,but I want to be able to see you & I can't & that's what hurts.Love you forever & ever, Mummy.xxxxxx
11/05/2008;Hello my baby boy,I do hope your running free & playing & that your legs are as they should be,strong & painfree. If that is true, I can take all the heartache & pain for the rest of my life.How i miss & love you my baby,but I don't want you to be upset with my crying,I just can't help it,I am trying though.The house is so very empty now & I am so lonely because I don't have my Acky babe anymore.Your garden is nearly finished now,please,when I'm sat there come & sit with me.I have changed your flowers today,now you have daisies,just like in your garden.I love you big boy forever & eternity. Mummy.xxxxx
12/05/2008;Hello my Acky babe,I have been looking at your baby photo's this morning,you were such a handsome baby,oh Acky,I miss you so very much,but I don't have to tell you that do I?You know what I'm feeling,you always knew what I was thinking,as I did with you,that's why it's so bad without you here.No-one to share my thoughts with,or my cup of coffee,remember how when I put my coffee cup down for a minute,you used to drink it,when I came back the cup was always empty.How I miss that.Have fun my baby & remember that mummy loves you forever & eternity.Mummy.xxxxxx
13/05/2008;Hello baby dog,you have got a new song playing now,Ginny very kindly got it for me.It's called "There goes my Everything" it was sung by Elvis Presley & you know it,cause mummy used to sing it to you.I hope you like it my baby.I love & miss you baby,for ever & eternity.Will write to you tomorrow,you know it will be 5 weeks tomorrow since I last held you in my arms.Love you babe. Mummy.xxxxxx
14/05/2008;Hello my precious baby boy.Today it is 5 weeks since I last held you in my arms & told you I loved you,& how I miss you.In some ways it seems like yesterday & in other's a lifetime.Oh, if only I could stroke your beautiful ears & kiss your sweet face,just one more time,I would give anything & everything to be able to do that.It's not getting any easier Acky,but I knew it wouldn't,how can it do when I have lost my baby dog.Love you forever & eternity.Mummy.xxxxxx
15/05/2008;Hello my baby,I hope you are having a good time at R.B.,sunning yourself like you did here,do you remember how every time I put the sun loungers out,you would be on them before I could turn round,never had the heart to get you off,they were yours all day.Now,I have the lounger to myself,but can't find the heart to go out there,not the same without you next to me.I love you my Acky babe,forever & eternity. Mummy.xxxxxx
16/05/2008;Hello baby dog,my acky babe,how I miss you,so very much,it hurts.I can't stop thinking about you & wanting you here with me,to sit on the step with my arms around you ,like we used to do.There is no one to drink my coffee when I put it down,you love to do that,don't you.Love you forever & eternity my baby dog.Mummy.xxxxxx
19/05/2008;Hello my baby boy;Mummy is having a really hard time Acky,I miss you so much.The house is so empty now,the life went out of it the day you died.I can't believe your gone my baby,I still look for you,I still miss being woken up by your cold wet nose in my face.Acky babe,I hope your running around & playing,if so,this makes my hurt worthwhile.Love you forever & eternity,my baby dog.Mummy.xxxx
21/05/2008;Hello my baby boy,how I love & miss you.Today it is 6 weeks since you left me & I still cry every day,I miss all the things we did together.You lying on your back for your tummy rubbing,sitting on the step together,running to meet me when I came home,now there is no-one to do those things with & it hurts so much.This is my pain baby,you are free from pain now & that is as it should be,I gladly take all the pain just to have had you in my life.I would do it all again,willingly.Run free my darling.I have added some more photo's of you today my baby,so everytime I come to see you,I can look at your handsome face.Love you forever & eternity.Mummy.xxxxxx
24/05/2008;Hello my baby dog,how I love & miss you Axel,it just isn't getting any easier for me big boy,I so want to be with you again,it hurts so much that we're apart.The sun is out & we would have been in the garden,just the two of us,together as always,but now there is only me,on my own.
Why Axel,why did it happen,you were so strong in every way,you should still be here with me.Acky,run & play like you never could here,have fun my baby & remember that mummy loves you for ever & eternity.Mummy.xxxxxx
There Goes My Everything
------------------------
There goes my only possession
There goes my everything
I hear footsteps slowly walking
As they gently walk across the lonely floor
And a voice is softly saying
Darling this will be goodbye for evermore. There goes my reason for living
There goes the one of my dreams
There goes my only possession
There goes my everything As my memory turns back the pages
I can see the happy years we've had before
Now the love that kept this heart beating
Has been shattered by the closing of the door. 28/05/2008;Hello Acky babe,well it's 7 weeks today since we said goodbye,my baby,& how I miss you.It seems to get harder each passing day,
I can't believe your not here with me.My head tell's me it's true,but my heart doesn't want to believe it.Please Acky,let me know your here with me,I need to feel you around me,my baby.It hurts seeing photo's of you & I can't touch you anymore,how I wish I could.Love you forever & eternity,my baby boy.Mummy.xxxxxx
31/05/2008;Hello my big boy,mummy misses you so very much,I miss your soft ears,your sweet kisses,your big paws & that cold wet nose.I miss being woken up with your cold nose or a paw in my face.I miss tripping over you or climbing over you to get through the door but most of all I miss the sweet smell of your soft warm body,when we used to cuddle.A very dear friend who I met on this site,has explained to me why your eyes changed that last day,she told me that you would have been able to see your angel that had come to guide you to Rainbows Bridge & you were telling me this is how you would be,oh,Acky,I hope so.I would never have done anything to hurt you my baby,you were my life,my everything.Love you forever & eternity.Mummy.xxxxxx
03/06/2008;Hello Acky babe,I am trying to think of you having fun,running like the wind,how you will enjoy that,just like the big pup you really are,you never grew old,did you,still had your puppy ways,even at 9 years old.I love & miss you so much my baby,the days seem so long without you next to me,I miss the things we did together & most of all I miss your presence.Have fun baby boy,Love you forever & eternity.Mummy.xxxxxx
04/06/2008;Hello my baby,today it is eight weeks since you went to Rainbows Bridge,in some ways it seems like yesterday & in others,like eternity.The days just drift into each other,always the same,no Acky babe to cuddle,stroke or kiss.I love you so much,my heart is broken in pieces & can never be mended until we're together again.Be happy my babe,run free,free as the wind.
YOU are my life,my love,my everything for ever & eternity.Mummy.xxxxxx
06/06/2008;Hello Acky babe,I have been remembering the things you used to do,like bringing mouthfuls of your food into the lounge to eat,then running back for another mouthful,you never would eat in the kitchen,would you.Everytime I got the hose out to water the garden,you ran in the house,you hated getting wet,used to dry yourself on my skirt,how I miss those fun days.How you always sat at the window when I went out & was still there when I came up the path,then you would run to the door to meet me.It hurts baby,it hurts so bad.Love you forever & eternity,my babe.Mummy.xxxxxx
11/06/2008;Hello my baby dog,today it is 9 weeks since you made your first & last journey on your own.You loved everyone,so eager to please,loyal,true & so protective,we miss you big boy.Love you forever & eternity.Mummy.xxxx.
I will continue in your guest book,Acky Babe.xxx Please also visit Rebel.
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